*James*

I don't go up to Julia's room like Nate thought I would. No, I head to the lounge and sit back at the bar. Charlene is wiping down the counter and the minute she looks at me she stops and walks over.

"What happened sweetheart??" She asks genuinely concerned. Charlene has watched me grow up. I don't care if she sees me distraught. I don't answer as she pours me a glass of whiskey. But I shake my head.

"Leave the bottle." I hand her my room key. The room key that will charge to the room that is under Nate Hollan's name. He can pay for my whiskey tonight. Charlene takes a deep breath but also takes the key card and swipes it. I give her a damn good tip and forge Nate's signature. She catches on quick and looks up at me. Then she laughs. 

"You're a smart man, Mr. Gallo. A fucking genius." She hands me the bottle and I take a few swigs before pulling out my phone.

[Trish.. you awake?]

It takes about five minutes of me drinking for her to answer. 

[I am now. What's up James The Receptionist? You ok?"

[Not really] I confess. 

[ Yeah... same. Where are you??]

I'm literally gulping down the whiskey now like Julia did the other night. Fucking gulping it down on an empty stomach.

[Getting drunk at the Marriott Lounge. Classy right?] I chuckle at my own joke and start to feel the effects of the alcohol. Yet I keep drinking. This is not like me. At all.

[I'll join you. Give me 20 minutes.]

I don't bother responding and keep drinking. Drinking too much way too fast. Doing exactly what I told Julia not to do. 

When I'm good and drunk, I look around the corner and see Nate Fucking Hollan walk through the lobby and wait near the elevator. He doesn't see me. What the hell is he doing here now??

"James... Be careful honey." Charlene puts her hand on mine. She notices I'm drunk and still drinking. I nod and get off the stool, but I take the bottle of whiskey with me as I leave the lounge.

My vision is getting a little blurry as I head to the elevator. I punch what I think is the number 4 and head up to Julia's. Once inside, I lean on the back wall and close my eyes, still taking swigs of the booze.

I see Nate swipe his card and enter Julia's room. God damn sonofabitch. I pull out my wallet, dropping receipts and shit and find my card. It takes me a few tries to swipe it but couldn't. I give up and lean on the hallway wall to pull myself together. I take another gulp from the bottle and slide down the wall so I'm sitting on the ground.

 I must have been making a bit of noise because the door opens and Nate Hollan is standing in front of me, looking down at my sorry existence.

"Why are you fucking here, Hollan." I look up at Nate while taking a swig of his addiction and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. I struggle to stand up but figure it out after a few seconds. "Go home, Nate. You've done enough damage to my life."  I slur, waving the bottle around while I talk.

"James." Nate starts but I get in his face.

"No. You don't get to fucking say my name. Go home...." I repeat. I walk past Nate and shove the bottle of whiskey in his chest, letting it go while entering Julia's room.

 "All yours. Enjoy asshole."  I say and sway myself into the room, collapsing on Julia's bed facing her. She's cried herself to sleep. Because of me. 

I scoot over so I'm flush up against her and our foreheads are touching. I tuck her hair behind her ear and close my eyes, leaving my hand on her cheek.

"Why am I not good enough for you, baby? What can I change so you'll love me? "

*****

*Trisha*

I stand in the empty lounge, confused. The light is off, the lounge is closed. This is where James told me to go, right?? Where the hell is he?

A woman walks out and locks the door behind her.

"Sorry sweetie, we'll open at five tomorrow." The bartender says.

"Was a man here by any chance?? Tall...dark hair... blue eyes.... looks like the actor Zac Efron?" I ask, hoping the woman can tell me where James is.

"Aww James. Of course. Yeah, honey. He's in rough shape. He went upstairs with a bottle of whiskey. Poor kid is pretty drunk. You may want to check on him." 

I nod and don't bother waiting for the elevator. I rush up the four flights of stairs and bust through the door. 

That's when I see Nate. 

Fuck!!!!

He's in front of Julia's door. Holding a bottle of whiskey. He's staring down at it like it's a bomb. I run over to him quickly.

"Nate!" I yell and I don't care that it's too loud to do that here. "Put it down!" I catch up to him but he backs away and looks up at me. His eyes look so sad right now. So distraught. Scared.

"Nate, please... give it to me." I reach my hand out, crying already in the matter of seconds. He can't do this. Oh my God, he can't do this! His sad eyes look at me

"It's not mine. I didn't drink any. James..."

"I know."  I cut him off. He doesn't need to explain. I know it's not his. I'm relieved to hear he hasn't taken a drink. But he's so fucking close. "Can I have it though?"  I reach out my hand, but he pulls the bottle away and shakes his head.

"I.... I can't." He says softly while looking at the alcohol.  He's breathing heavily, sweating and I can he is on the verge of breaking his sobriety. He's worked so damn hard!

"Nate. PLEASE!!!!" I plead, crying harder than I've cried in a while. "Please don't do this! Don't do this to yourself. Don't do this to ME!"

*****

*James*

"I'm so sorry." 

It's the first thing I hear when I come to.

"I'm so sorry! You've done nothing wrong but be there for me and love me."

I open my eyes and Julia is awake, holding my hand to her cheek, crying. I don't have time to comprehend what's happening before the nausea hits me. No. I can't get sick. I can't handle it. "I'm gonna puke."

I run to the bathroom and throw up. The second I do I feel like I'm back in my childhood bathroom. I can hear my father's voice. He's disappointed. No, he's mad. No, he's furious. I can't help it but he thinks I should be able to hold it in. I try so hard. But the stomach bug takes over my body and I get sick. I cry so hard.

It hurts so bad.

*****

*Trisha*

"What the hell is going on tonight?" Jonah looks at me, then Nate. 

My left arm throbs from the way I hit the floor. I didn't have a choice. The bottle was on his lips. I didn't know what else to do. I lunged forward and knocked Nate down, falling on the floor myself. 

The whiskey spills everywhere and Nate scrambles to reach the bottle, but I kick it away and grab his face, reminding him he doesn't need it.

My arm hurts so fucking bad.

"I'm gonna kill him." Nate grumbles and sits on the couch. "I'm gonna fucking kill that bastard."

"No, you're not."  I scold him. I don't know if James even know whether he was coming or go he was so drunk. He was mad, he probably DID want Nate to drink but can you blame him? Nate and Julia have done nothing but give James a hard time.

"Someone please tell me what happened?" Jonah needs to know what the hell we are talking about.

"You weren't ready. That's all." I rub my back. He's not near ready to be around alcohol. Not even close. Tonight proved that, unfortunately.

"Weren't ready for what??" Jonah is getting irritated.

"He just shoved the bottle in my hands when he pushed by me. Trish he was so drunk."

Jonah's eyes widen and he catches on that this was something addiction related.

"He knew what he was doing. He even said 'All yours. Enjoy asshole.' He knew."

"No, Nate. He was drunk. James was soo drunk he could barely walk. I don't think he will even remember seeing you at all."

"James??? What about James?" Jonah becomes very concerned now, trying to put the pieces together. "Nate, did you drink tonight?"

Nate keeps his head down and cries.

*****

*James*

I throw up in the toilet and cry. I haven't thrown up as a grown adult. The last time I got sick I got beaten. I feel a hand on my back and immediately stiffen up, forgetting where I am for a moment.

"Please. Don't touch me." I sudden cry and throw up again. I hear Julia's voice. I'm safe. I'm not in that house. I'm in the hotel. Remember... I'm safe.

"Oh my God... James. I'm so sorry." 

"I'm fine. Just. Please... Don't touch me." I can't explain it to her right now. I just can't be touched. It hurts too much. The fucking memories hurt too much.

*****

*Trisha*

"Nate. I need to know. Did you drink tonight?" The concern in Jonah's voice is alarming. His concern is valid.

 "No." I sigh. "Trisha stopped me." Nate hides his face in his hands and cries. He would have drunk the whole bottle. He was ready to. If I didn't show up at that exact moment, Nate would have swallowed the alcohol and kept going until the bottle was empty.

"Oh, thank God."

"I had the bottle up to my mouth. I could taste it. I was so fucking close."

"You're just not ready to be around that shit yet. That's all."  I look to Jonah hoping he understands how serious this was for Nate.

"I'm so fucking weak." Nate's hands fall down from his face and he leans back on the couch. Jonah exhales like he's been holding his breath for days.

" What happened...."

"I practically tackled him." I laugh a little to lighten the room a bit. "But I got the bottle away from you, right??"

Nate nods.

"How the hell am I gonna live life? I'm not strong enough."

"You'll get there. No, you may never get to the point you can sit in a bar and order a club soda, some people just can't handle that." Jonah explains. "I sure as hell can't."

Wait... what? I don't remember if this is information I should have known. Maybe they did and I forgot but it feels like new news to me. 

"So what, I can't leave this fucking apartment without Trisha behind me ready to tackle me??"

"For a while." Jonah sighs. "You may need to go public with your addiction. You're not gonna be able to live the life you had before, Nate. You can't just go to parties and premieres with the booze all around you and think you'll do fine. You won't. That temptation is always gonna be there."

"So... I quit my job? What the hell am I supposed to do here?" Nate asks desperate for someone to give him an answer.

"No. You're gonna continue making music, writing songs, performing. You're gonna go on tour and go on stage and play your guitar and fucking sing your heart out. That's what you're gonna do. You're fucking Nate Hollan. Don't you ever forget who you are and how far you've come. The only thing you're NOT gonna do is drink."  I remind Nate.

"I couldn't have said it better myself." Jonah adds. "You should be a motivational speaker, Trisha."

  "No, I'm too busy babysitting this fool." I nudge Nate and smirk.

"By the way, Hollan. I'm getting a raise."

*****

*James*

I don't need Julia's help... but I DO need her toothbrush. Not like she even lives here anymore anyways. I don't ask. I just take it and start brushing my teeth, not caring. When I'm done, I head to the couch and Julia sis next to me. She holds my hand, and I start to feel back to myself again. I'm never drinking like that again. Ever. It's so not worth it.

"Sorry. It's been a while since I've gotten sick like that. I can't..." I shake my head an begin to ry just thinking about it. 

"I understand." Julia nods.

"I don't know how to be just friends with you, Julia." I confess. "I don't know how to be near you without wanting to kiss you." 

"Same." Julia admits. She rests her forehead on mine, and I take her jaw in my hand. All I want is her lips on mine.

"So what do we do about it?" I whisper knowing she is feeling the same tension I feel when her breath hitches the second my lips brush against hers. God, I want her to want this as bad as I do.

"I'm... I'm not sure..."

I kiss her and she closes her eyes. She lets me. My body is on fire, and I can't stop. I can never stop.

One hand holds on to the back of her head as I pull her in while the other wraps around her waist. I lean into her more and lift her up so she's on my lap. I feel her hands in my hair and groan when she sits down on me. She's straddling me and I'm not letting her go.  I can't.

Both of us pull away at the same time in need to catch our breath.  My hands travel down to her ass, and I push her in against me. She feels me. She can feel how much I need this.

Before we know it, our clothes are in a pile on the floor again and I'm on top of Julia making love to her on the bed. Everything feels so perfect. How can she deny that? She can feel what I feel. I can tell.  We don't end in tears. We end with her having three orgasms before I finally let go inside her. Then, I lay on top of her, and she rubs my back while we recover. How can she go without this? She's fooling herself if she thinks she can. We are perfect together. We fit perfect together. Everything about this is damn perfect. She's lying to herself if she says otherwise. 

"I don't know what to do." Julia whispers close to my ear after I finish. While still inside her I softly kiss up her neck and all over her face until I reach my final destination - her lips. I'm not aroused anymore but still inside her and she lets me continue to kiss her. We lay like this for a while before I finally say something.

"Please. Hear me out." I have to try one last time.

"One month. Julia, that's all I'm asking. Give me one month. Then decide." I keep kissing her lightly and feel her shift her hips a little. "Give me the chance. I deserve that much. If I can't take care of you after one month then you can choose Nate." I kiss her skin in between sentences. "If I can't help you, I'll let you go. We'll still be friends. I'll know I tried my best and it didn't work."

Julia sighs and closes her eyes. "James..."

"If it doesn't work, I'll be able to sleep at night knowing I at least got the chance to try." I start to harden while still inside her and push in and out of her slowly. The new sensation makes Julia gasp, and I harden fully from her reaction. Jesus Christ, I can't go without this feeling. Without her. 

"Baby, please. One month." I kiss her with everything I have. All emotion. Everything. Then I feel her hips tick up into me, wanting more and I quicken the pace while gazing into her eyes.

"Oh God..." She closes her eyes. No. I need to see her while we do this. 

"Uuh-uhh, no. Julia look at me." I demand, and she forces her eyes open.  "Keep your eyes on me." 

I make love to her like it's going to be out very last time. Because it very well may be. I give her all of me, desperate for her to give me a chance. I've never done anything wrong. I deserve the chance. I move faster and Julia's body trembles.  The minute her orgasm hits she closes her eyes and lets out this moan that throws me over the edge. I want to record it and keep it forever.

"Yeah." I'm right there now. "Fuck. You feel so good."  I say and feel her smile against my shoulder.  

"One month. Then I'll let you go."