*James*

"You can keep the bandages off now, and your stitches will dissolve on their own." Jonah removes the last piece of gauze stuck to Julia's arm. He doesn't say much to her anymore. Just the bare minimum while he treats her, and when he's done, he usually walks away.

"This is all gonna scar, isn't it?" Julia inspects  her self-inflicted cuts on her arms while I sit on the couch next to her. The nurse is on the other side of her.

"It won't look like this. Everything is still healing. But, yes, Julia. You smashed your arms into a mirror. There will be some scarring." Jonah never ceases to remind me of my awful behavior. I swallow hard and stare down at the floor.

"The scars won't be bad." I rub her back and give Jonah a sarcastic look like 'what the hell, man.' 'They'll fade over time. I have plenty that have faded."

"I gotta go check on Mr. Celebrity in the other room." Jonah cleans up the supplies and leaves.

"He's still pissed I'm here."

"He'll get over it. Come on, take your coffee outside with me." I get up and open the sliders. to the balcony. We both head out and feel the sun on our faces.

"I miss my runs."

"You'll get back to it in no time. We can go running together." I sit in one of the chairs and pull Julia to sit on my lap.  When she puts her coffee cup down on the end table, I notice her trembling hands.  Her withdrawals are starting.

"That just start today?"

"Yeah, I think so." She clasps her hands together. "I don't know if I can go through this again."

"You kinda have to, babe. Don't start thinking like that." I hold her shaky hand in mine. "Think of the positive outcome. Once it's done, it's done. The same goes with this trial and error shit with prescriptions. Once they find the right med that works for you, you'll feel yourself again."

Julia stares out into the distance. She's far away now.

"I don't know what myself feels like..."

I don't respond because I don't know what to say to her. All I can do is keep my arms wrapped around her to let her know I'm here.

"I had my church add you to their prayer list, anonymously, of course." I say softly near her ear.

"I think it's a little late for that."

"Why do you think that?" I turn my head to make eye contact.

"Never mind."

"No, I want to know what you mean."

"Just... If there really is a God, where was He when everything was falling apart? Why would He show up for me now when He let me go through so much shit? When I needed Him the most? He's a little late."

I furrow my brows at her and look away. There's this awful moment of silence between us. Not a pleasant one.

"I don't have an answer for that. I think about it often. But then," I pause/"I think about how worse things could have been. I don't think He controls the bad shit that happens, but maybe if I didn't trust in Him, it would have been worse. Like, what if Joe went too far and -" I don't finish my sentence and shake my head. "Maybe God let certain things happen because it was the better alternative, that's all." He leans his chin on my shoulder and looks into the distance instead of at me.

"I think maybe He took Carter and Danny to save them from something worse. They are in their perfect place right now... maybe together. Maybe, I don't know, maybe if Carter lived, his cancer would have been too painful for him. He's not in pain right now. Or.. maybe God took Danny away to save him from something worse. What if that car accident killed someone else. Never mind breaking the law and the consequences, that guilt would follow him the rest of his life."

Julia begins to cry. "I just miss him."

"I know you do, sweetie."

"It still hurts so bad." She buries her face in my chest and lets out a gut-wrenching sob. "It's been five years, and it still hurts so bad."

"I know. I'm not gonna say that goes away because that's a load of shit. But when you are better, you should keep coming to the grief meetings with me. It DOES help."

She nods, but I'm not convinced she really wants to get help.

*****

*Trisha*

"Get up, Playboy. You're a bore." I sit at the edge of Nate's bed after coming up from using gym. He's in a funk and starting to get depressed.

"And you're annoying." He pulls the covers over his head.

"C'mon. You're falling into a depression. You can probably walk on the treadmill or something... or at least be the one to keep up with all your social media platforms for your fans. Me and Elliot have been doing everything for you lately."

"I could also probably throw up right now." Nate sits up, and Jonah notices he's a little green in the face.

"Let me get you some more Zofran to help." He walks out to get his black bag with meds.

"Jesus Christ, how long is this detox stage gonna take?" I tease, but he only shrugs, not having an answer.

"Where's your boyfriend?" Nate changes the topic and sits up more in bed.

"What??"  Does he know something about Dave? Oh my God. Was he really awake when I used him for therapy and started blabbing my mouth??

"You heard me. Where's Paul?"  Paul? What? Now I'm really confused. Not that I wouldn't take Paul in a heartbeat.. he's hot.

"One, you're wrong. Two, he had to go do something at the hotel. I don't know... I don't ask questions."

"Lose the act, Trisha. I know you guys are together, or at least hooked up. There's something going on."

"You're delusional, you know that? You don't know what you're talking about." I huff and lay flat on my back, putting my arms under my head as a pillow.

"Yeah, ok. You're gonna tell me you don't suddenly have a thing for him?"

"Why would I 'suddenly' have a thing for him after all these years, Nate? That doesn't even make sense."  I close my eyes and ignore his presence.

"Because you grew up. And he's around a lot more often these days. More than he's ever been."

"So what?"

"So, he has a thing for you."  Nate lays back on the pillow and looks up at the ceiling. He really thinks me and Paul have something going on?

"Ok, sure."

"He does. And you haven't seen anyone since -"

"Nate. Stop." I cut him off sharply. "I CHOOSE to be single after that." God, Nate would have my head if he found out about Dave.

"I know you do, Trish."

"And what makes you think he's even my type??"

"Oh, he's your type. He's a protector. You'd feel safe with him. That's how I know he's your type." He goes on, but I brush him off.

"We don't have a thing for each other."

"Then take a shower with me." He boldly demands, arching an eyebrow.

"Why, so I can watch you puke in the shower or something? You look like you're about to right now."

"I'm fine. C'mon."

"No, I'm going home. I have shit to do. Have Julia help you or something if you want it so bad."

"Ah-HAH! You're with Paul. I knew it."  He blurts out. He has it all wrong. I roll my eyes and get off his bed.

"Enjoy your detox, Nate." I throw a pillow at him and leave the room shutting the door.

"Hey, Paulie." I mimic Nate and plop down on the couch next to the bodyguard. "I need to have a serious chat with you, but you can't tell Nate. Can you handle that?" I know he can, and he nods, but with a bit of concern to him.

"So I know you're here on the job and all, but there are times when you're able to leave, right? If James is around or something?"

"Yeah, of course. All the time, why?"

I shift in my seat a little. "I know I'm just overthinking shit and being overly cautious, but I have every reason to be. You know this." I pause. "I know you're not a big drinker, but you hang out at Sullivan's every once in a while."  

Paul gives me an odd look, not knowing where I'm going with this whole conversation. I take a deep breath.

"Ok, listen. Dave is in town for a good six months with work." I say fast and watch Paul raise his eyebrows hearing this information.  "He says he quit drinking. If you're ever at Sully's and you see him drinking, would you let me know?"

"You're not with him, right???"

"Thanks, Paul. I knew I could count on you." I ignore his question and leave the apartment.

*****

*James*

Julia has back-to-back virtual appointments this afternoon, but I didn't think she'd be in the office THIS long.  Nate is pacing back and forth, driving everyone crazy and Jonah brings me into the spare room to have a private conversation. 

It was pretty much him reaming me out  about not following through with getting Julia admitted and shit and what the plan was to help her. I knew it was gonna come up. We don't have a plan. Yet, so I blow him off and pretty much just tell Jonah we are working on it, to shut him up. I walk out of the room, but Julia is still in her session. Nate and Paul are the only ones in the living room, so I plop down in the middle of the sectional and put my head in my hands tiredly.

It's been over an hour now, and still no Julia and Jonah has yet to come out as well.

"Did he ream into you?" Nate asks the ceiling while laying his  head back again.

"Well, he's not happy with me, that's for sure." I draw my hands down my face and lay my head back like Nate and Paul. The three of us look pathetic right now.

"You did the right thing." Nate starts. None of us look at each other while talking.

"Did he? You talking with your brain or your dick." Paul blurts out completely out of character, making me laugh a little.

"Does it even matter anymore?" Nate huffs and I do at the same time in agreement.

"We gotta make this work, Hollan. It's our last chance." I say  to the ceiling.

"I know."

"It's HER last chance."

"Well aware..." Nate pinches the tension in between his eyes.

"You both are in over your head." Paul chimes in.

"Well aware..." Both me and Nate say in unison without looking at anything but the ceiling. The door opens, but Julia goes right to Nate's room with Jonah and shuts the door.

"Ok. This is fucking ridiculous." Nate says to the ceiling that the three of us stare at. "It's been too long. If he's reaming into her because-" Nate stops short when we hear the bedroom door open.

 Jonah is the one to come out first and then Julia. Usually after a session she will plop down on the couch and depending on whether it's me or Nate sitting next to her, she will rest her head on our shoulder or in our lap and say nothing out of exhaustion. Today, she plops down right in between the two of us, lays her head back and looks at the ceiling like the rest of us. Seems fitting.

"Aren't you all a sight for sore eyes." Jonah's focuses on all of us at once and walks in to the kitchen for more coffee. "All you need is Trisha to see this sorry bunch.. Where is she today?"

"Who knows... Hey, can I take some Advil? My headache is getting worse." Nate says.

"Same" Julia chimes in.

Jonah takes a sip of his coffee and nods, walking back to the bedroom to retrieve the ibuprofen for them.

"How'd it go?" I whisper once Jonah and Paul are out of the room.

"He said he's proud of me??"

Both Nate and I turn our heads to stare at her. She just shrugs. "I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I was just trying to make life easier for you guys if I removed myself out of your existence. I wasn't doing it for myself." She responds to the ceiling. "But I am now."

Both Nate and I simultaneously pat her thighs without thinking. We both freeze the minute our hands are on her legs and look down.

Julia looks down at her lap and also freezes, then her eyes dart from me to Nate. 

Well, this is awkward.

*****

*Trisha*

"Groceries. You were getting low."  I let myself in with a cart fill of bags. I have to keep busy, or I'll drive myself crazy. Both Nate and James and jump up, both weirded out by whatever awkward moment that was a few minutes ago.

"I need to lay down." Julia quickly removes herself, like always, feeling uncomfortable around me and James head to the bathroom with a fucking semi. Like I wouldn't notice. I don't know what was going on, on that couch with Julia but I roll my eyes at Nate who is also sporting one.

"Put that thing away and help me with the groceries." 

"Sorry. You get me all hot and bothered when you act all domesticated in the kitchen." He grabs on to my hips while I put groceries away and leans against me to tease me. He slaps my ass and walks away and I shake my head at him.

"How is the princess anyway?" I look back and watch Nate unload the groceries.

"Wow. Look at you. You never ask about her."

"Hey, I just wanna know when she's gonna pull it together and go wherever she came from so your house can stop being a fucking commune." I retort.

"I happen to not mind having people here..."

Wow. Look at YOU." I mimic his British accent.

"Never do that again. That was awful."

"You never like to have people in your palace. You are so fucking OCD. You're telling me these dishes in the sink and people sleeping in every spare room you have isn't bothering you?? We all know having her in your bed isn't bothering you."

"Fuck you Banks."

"Not a chance, Playboy."

"And no, I don't mind it anymore I guess. To be honest, I can't do this alone. I'm afraid the minute everyone leaves and things go back to normal I'm gonna end up back at Sullivan's. I'm afraid to be alone. I don't trust myself yet."

He's being serious now so I turn around. "I know, Nate." I nod and give him a quick side hug, rubbing both his arms at the same time before saying anything more. He watches me walk to the other side of the kitchen island and sit down. I don't care about putting away the rest of he food. All the cold stuff is already done anyway.

"I thought about that already. I can keep you busy with work...but you need to come up with a plan. Hanging out with fucking Leo and Harrison isn't gonna work for you anymore. Do they even know???"

"No one knows but the people in this apartment. I'd like to keep it that way."

"I get it. But they're also your friends. You have a lot of quote unquote friends in the industry. Everyone drinks except the people who publicly announce their sobriety. There will be promo's. Events. Parties. Even just hanging with the band after shows... You need to stay sober."

"I'll talk to Elliott about it once I'm over this stage." He lifts his shaky hands.

"And what about when you're home? Alone?"

"I'm still trying to figure shit out, ok?" Nate sits down and rubs his temples, clearly with a headache.

"What about getting a roommate for a while until you're confident you can be alone? I'm sure as hell not gonna be in charge babysitting you. I do enough of that as it is."

"You know I don't trust anyone."

"You trust the people living here right now..."

"They're here by default. They don't have a choice."

"True, but you trust Jonah, don't you? What's his situation? He must not have a wife or husband or whatever. He dropped everything to come cater to your sorry ass. And hers. Crazy nurse that he is." I roll my eyes as Jonah walks by and hands Nate some Advil.

"What are you gossiping about over here? I heard my name." Jonah starts putting the rest of the groceries away without either of us asking and I give a look of approval and smile.

"I think you should be Nate's room mate when this is all over. That's what. What's your deal anyways? Where do you live?" I ask bluntly.

"It's complicated." Jonah turns his back and focuses on putting the boxes of pasta in the cabinet. I furrow my brow, not getting what I want out of him. 

"How is it complicated??"

"I don't feel comfortable discussing this." Jonah honestly says without looking at either of us.

"You're living in Nate fucking Hollan's apartment, eating his food, practically wiping his ass and getting paid well to do so and you're not comfortable? Bullshit."

"I really don't like to talk about personal stuff with my patients."

"Nate, leave the fucking room."

Nate shakes his head and gets up.

"Whatever, I'm gonna go lay down anyways. Enjoy your gossip."

Once he's outta the room I hound Jonah. 

"Spill it."  I signal for Jonah to sit down in Nate's place.

"There's really nothing to spill. I don't know..." He sighs and then makes eye contact with me. "Fine. So I was in a long-term relationship, and she fucked up so I left. Now... I'm here. That's it." He says, catching me off guard with his own bluntness with no desire to sugar coat it or go into detail.

I raise an eyebrow. "Fucked up as in.."

"Caught in the act." 

"Shit."