*Trisha*

Dave walks my back to my car after we finish out coffee and looks down at me. I forgot just how tall he is, and I'm pretty tall myself. We stand at the driver's side of my car, facing each other. It's probably a little too close. He puts both hands on my shoulders, and his mouth curves into a slight smile, making me melt.  My whole body feels a tingling sensation when his fingertips slide slowly down my shoulders, down my arms, down  my hands to the very tips of my fingers before holding both my hands in his. 

He leans in close, and I find myself holding my breath, then relieved and disappointed at the same time when he kisses my cheek and backs away. I exhale and then do something really fucking stupid. My hand settles at the nape of his neck, and I pull him down and kiss him. I fucking kiss him. The second his lips respond to mine I step back.

"Sorry. I wasn't thinking." I shake my head.

"I like it when you don't think." Dave smirks and opens my car door for me. "I'll text ya later?" He says as a question and I nod, quickly getting into my car and driving off. 

Holy shit. What the hell did I start?

*****

*James*

After we are dressed and calmed down from the sex, I text Paul to let him know we are done "Conversing", and we head back to the hotel. Julia has that Just got fucked glow to her which will be hard to mask  but I don't care. Let Hollan be mad.  He's already in a pissy mood. The  minute we get back, Julia heads to the bedroom to put her backpack away.

I steal a water bottle from Nate's stocked fridge and gulp it down, feeling a little depleted from our excursion. I head to the bedroom and stop in the doorway.

Julia is sitting on the bed, gently combing Hollan's hair away from his forehead and comforting him. He really doesn't look good. This detox is taking a toll on him.

"There's gotta be something that can help." She rests her hand on Nate's cheek.

"Yeah. A drink."

"No, don't say that, Nate. Look how far you've come." 

"I really need a fucking drink Jules... Just one." He pleads desperately. "I don't feel like myself right now. Look at me, doll. Everything hurts."

"Hey, you don't want to give up now. I'm gonna need you when it's my turn. You'd be done with the hard part by then, right?"

"You said you'd help me and take care of me, right? I'm gonna need you."

My heart feels heavy hearing this. I should be the one she thinks of to take care of her. Not Nate. Does she not even see me standing in the doorway?

"Hey." I make myself known.

"He's not doing well." Julia looks at me with her sad eyes. She doesn't move away or stop stroking Nate's hair, which doesn't surprise me. She really cares for him and her sad eyes make me melt. I sit on one of the chairs near the window and look at Nate.

"Do you need anything?" I ask, sincerely. I hope he needs a push off the balcony. But truth be told, he's a person and is in pain...and seeing Julia hurt for him breaks my heart.

"Yeah, a fucking drink." Nate snaps.

"Besides that. Are you hungry? I can get one of your Ensure drinks for-"

"A fucking DRINK, Gallo. That's all I need." He tries to get a rise out of me but he has no clue about my life. Snapping at me sure as hell won't get me upset.

"Don't you have church or therapy to go to or something?"  Nate growls through clenched teeth and glares at me

"Heyyy. Nate...." Julia furrows her brow and shakes her head at Nate but still continues to rub his back to comfort him. I nod and stand up.

"I'll give you some space." I have a feeling Nate needs me to mad and because I'm not he's getting pissed off. Which makes me laugh internally. 

"You fucking do that." Nate watches me leave the room and I keep the door open, for obvious reasons. Julia says nothing to either of us.

She spends a good hour trying to comfort him and I'm relieved the door stays open. In the meantime, my phone goes off and the group chat with my sisters becomes active.

[Ma's giving me a hard time. she wants to see you, James.] Kendall texts.

[Me?? I don't think that's a good idea Ken. When she sees me, she thinks I'm the prickhead and hates me]

[well, I don't know what else to do because she's insisting on "Jamie" being the one to watch tv with her. not me.]

[Christ. I know what she is doing. I'll be there asap. Tell her I'm on my way]

I sigh and Julia comes out letting me know Nate is sleeping. Unfortunately, I can't stay and spend time with her.

"I need to go to my mom's for a bit and help Kendall with her. It's gonna take awhile, so I may head home to sleep a little after. Is that ok?" I wrap my arms around her waist and lean back to look down at Julia.

"Of course it is. I don't expect you to sleep here on a recliner. I wish I was going with you."

"I told ya. I want your clothes in my dresser and your toothbrush next to mine. Whenever you are ready." I grin  and kiss her, which of course, turns into multiple kisses. Julia finally pulls away knowing I won't

"Hey. No foolin' around with Hollan while I'm gone." I take a deep breath in, making it sound like a joke but being dead serious.

"No promises." 

"What am I gonna do with you?" I kiss her forehead and head out

*****

*Trisha*

I buzz myself into Nate's place and Julia gives me a little complex by looking me over. Right. I'm usually dressed professionally but today I wear black yoga pants and a band T-shirt with no make-up.  Whatever. I don't really care about her opinion of how I look, to be honest.

"Maintenance will be here in a half hour." I remind everyone so that Julia knows she needs to find a place a disappear. "How is he?" I ask the nurse. I pay no attention to Julia. She is too stressful for Nate and I'm a little pissed that she pulled the stunt she pulled knowing he had a damn heart attack and can't handle stress.

"Today's a rough one. Don't take it personally if he's extra moody. He's not having a great day." Jonah answers. I frown and head right to his bedroom. Nate is sleeping. He looks so pale. He also looks so calm. Much different from last night. I lay on the edge of the bed, facing him, and close my eyes.

"What the hell am I doing, Nate?" I whisper. Knowing he's asleep, I use him as my therapist. "I fucking kissed Dave." I admit to the sleeping man. "Can you believe that? And I don't even know why I did it. The minute our lips touched the memory of the last time he kissed me came up. I don't even think I told YOU about that." I sigh and lay on my back, now looking up at the ceiling. "He was so fucking drunk and I wasn't in the mood. Jesus Christ.." I pause and wipe the streaming tears away from my face. " I told him 'no' a million times...."

Maintenance buzzes in and I wipe my face and barrel out of the bedroom to answer the door.

"Figure out where you're going and stay there." I say. Jonah heads to his room and of course, Julia fucking goes into Nates. room.

*****

*James*

"Jamie!" Mom exclaims. Katie purposely wanted mom to sit outside on the patio with her so I could keep my sunglasses on. It just seems to work for a little while at least though I know this is not what mom wants. I know what she wants. So don't my sisters.

 "Hey Ma.  it's nice out today, huh?" I  bend down and kiss her cheek and purposely sit in the empty chair across from her, facing the sun. Katie and Kendall both sit outside with us but scroll through their phones knowing the only one mom is going to pay attention to right now is me. I don't know why she gets like this sometimes,

"How was your day?" My mom asks, seeming a little normal at the moment.

"It's ok so far. Are you having a good day today?"

"Can we go in soon and watch tv?" 

I sigh. "Of course. In a little bit, ok? I want to sit outside for a few minutes."

"Then we can go in and watch tv??"

"Yep. Then we can go in and watch tv." I give in. "What show do you want to watch today?" I feel the sting of my tears already and my voice cracked a little, making both of my sisters look up.

"How about 'Cheers'." She picks an old 80's comedy that I'm relieved is streaming on Netflix. She always picks old shows like this. "Joe likes Cheers. We can watch that one."

Yep. Friggen Joe likes Cheers. If weren't watching a show he was interested in, we'd pay for it.  I'll never forget when he smashed the only tv we had with a baseball bat because we wanted to watch Saturday morning cartoons and cried when he said we couldn't. Crying is a weakness to him. I purposely don't have a tv in my living room or bedroom for multiple reasons, all stemming from my father. The only time I watch TV if it's sports or news.

"Mom. If you wanna pick another show you like, you can. Joe's not here. You don't have to worry about him. You can pick any show you wanna watch." Kendall nods.

"No. We should watch Cheers." She looks over at Kendall nervously and it breaks our hearts.

"Ok. We can watch Cheers." I hold on to her hand which is now trembling. "It's ok, mom." I nod.

"Can we go in now?"

"Sure." I sigh and nod. We all head inside and follow mom's routine. Katie makes her a cup of tea, Kendall grabs the big comforter off the side of the couch, and mom sits down wanting me right next to her like I'm a little child. 

I sit down next to her and she holds my hand while we watch tv. Sometimes she talks, sometimes she remembers, sometimes she cries. 

This is how mom calmed me down when I was little. She'd take care of whatever wound I had, whether it be a cigarette burn, a punch in the stomach, whatever Joe felt like doing that specific day, then she'd let me curl up next to her and she'd put a funny show on to help calm me down. I think it calmed her down more than me. It's times like these for some reason, maybe it's because I make sure my eyes are focused on the TV, that they don't remind her of Joe, so I take my sunglasses off. These are the moments she doesn't hate me. At least I have that going for me. But every time she gets like this brings back memories of the abuse and her comforting me while watching TV. God I fucking hate watching TV.

 She will only watch tv with me. The girls have all tried. But I was the one who got hurt the most. I was the one who needed stitches in my head. I was the one who had a broken arm from "Baseball." Yeah right. Like Joe would spend money and sign us up for sports. The only time he played catch with me is when he threw a baseball at my back when I forgot to pick up my toys in the yard.

Kendall starts the show and Katie comes in with tea for mom. They both stay silent  and sit on the matching chairs while I sit with mom. They both keep their eyes darting from the tv, to me, and back to the tv while mom laughs at the funny parts. My face remains blank and emotionless while my tears run down my cheeks.

She rests her head on my arm like always but I accidentally flinch this time.

Shit.

Both Katie and Kendall's eyes widen and I close my eyes and shake my head. My mother immediately lifts her head off my arm and rolls up the sleeve of my shirt. She gasps at the bruising and stares at me.

"When did he do this??"

"It's ok mom, it looks worse than it is. It doesn't hurt." I lie and swallow hard, keeping my eyes on the tv screen.

"You're crying, Jamie." She takes my face into her hands and looks right at me, not caring that my eyes are the same as Joe's. When they are filled with tears, she knows they are 'Jamie's'.

"I won't let him hurt you, baby. Ok? I'm saving up money. We're gonna get outta here soon, Jamie. Ok?" The fear in her eyes is too much for me and I look down. She wipes my tears and tilts my head up again. "James. You can't cry when he comes in though, remember?? Try not to cry when he comes in."

"I'll try." I nod and we go back to watching Cheers.

*******