It's been seven days since the head on collision. We still haven't heard any news on whether Malcolm has family that will want to press charges against James. We haven't seen any police officers come around since the first day.

 Elliott had and still has, his work cut out for him. He's held two press conference so far to go over Nate's health. The band is still getting paid, so they seem to be fine but Richard. Richard sees money going out the window every day Nate is in the hospital and not working or promoting the new album.

The band was able to visit Nate yesterday and brought him his guitar.  So, he can at least continue strumming while his ribs heal. His blood pressure has really been the factor holding him there. The way it fluctuates has the physicians concerned and they won't discharge Nate until it is stable. 

The way it fluctuates scares the shit out of me.

I was discharged a few days after the accident with Paul and Jonah keeping an eye on me at Nate's. I sleep in Nate's bed. I cry in Nate's pillow.

Jonah drives me around because he thinks I was discharged too soon with my concussion, so he is being overprotective. He takes me to see James every single day.

I have met all of his sisters and his mother now. His poor mom.  She's so confused. It can be hard to watch. The oldest sister, Katie, seems to be the one who knows how to take care of her the best and she doesn't bring her to see James too often because of how worked up she gets.

 The youngest sister reminds me a little bit of Julia. She has no filter. She, I think, is also having the hardest time with this. She has yet to go in to see James.  She waits in the waiting room and cries. A lot. 

I made sure his job was ok at the Marriott so he is on a medical leave, for obvious reasons. I've also given his oldest sister a check for a thousand dollars. I said it was from him, and I help him with his finances. I lied. 

It was from me.

 I also had to postpone Nate's AA meetings until he is well enough. I think with his weak heart and the stress he is under right now, it's best to wait. 

I also cancelled his Austin Texas trip.  Not rescheduled, cancelled.

Permanently.

*****

*James*

I don't know long it's been. I watch Carter play in the sand most of the time. There are certain times when I'm back in the black and hear my sisters, Trisha, Jonah, Paul, Julia and even Nate. I have yet to hear Kendall's voice. Something tells me whatever is going on is too much. It's becoming too much for Ma as well.

And when I hear Julia's voice, it's so sad. But she will hold my hand and cry. She will hold my hand and talk to me for as long as she can. Then she fights with people. Every. Single. Time. She fights to leave me. And when she does leave me, it's not by choice.

I wonder what Nate thinks about Julia seeing me this often.

When I'm at the beach I feel content, warm. I feel no pain. I get to spend time with Carter.

When I'm in the black I hear people talking. I hear machines. I hear chaos.

  I feel everything. EVERYTHING. The pain. People's touch. The pain.  Tubes everywhere. The pain.

 But I also feel loved. I feel Julia's tears.

Right now, I'm in the black. Shit's going on. People are talking a lot. Something is happening. I feel a heaviness in my chest. I have to work harder to catch my breath. It's a struggle. It's tiring.

"You're doing such a good job, Jamie." 

Jennie. I know it's Jennie.

"They're trying to get you off the ventilator and you're doing soo good. Keep fighting, ok? You have to keep fighting."

I feel her hold my hand. One by one my sisters alternate talking. All but Kendall.

*****

*Trisha*

"Are you sure you don't want to go in first, Kendall?" I ask. We are the last two in the waiting room who haven't seen James yet. Kendall hasn't seen him at all. She can't seem to bring herself to go in and her sisters have all stopped asking her. But I still do. Every day I give her a chance to go in before me.  Today is the same as every other day though and she waits and bites her nails nervously. And she cries. She cries a lot. Maybe even MORE than Julia if that's even possible.

"Ok, Gallo. When you get better, we HAVE to go running again." I hold my friend's hand. "Enough with this 'Ventilator I'm too lazy to breathe on my own', shit. I'm eating like crazy and gonna gain a ton of weight if you don't snap out of your funk soon, pal." I joke with him. It helps me because by the end I'm always a whimpering mess, so I start off with jokes.

"I know you're strong enough to breathe on your own. That's why it may feel harder right now. But keep fighting. You're so fucking strong. For God's sakes use those muscles, Hulk." I squeeze his hand.  

" And don't worry about stuff here, ok? I've got ya covered. I gave your sister money for your mom while you're laying here being stubborn. She thinks it's from you. Whether you like it or not, I'm gonna give them money, so if you want to do anything about that, hot stuff, you have to wake up and fight me on it. You hear me? I also made sure your job was fine. You're on a medical leave."

I go a few minutes of just holding his hand. Sometimes I close my eyes and just sit silently, but never for long or I will go crazy.

"I know we never talked about it. But we should probably talk about that little kissing session we had before you decided to break the law and break your brain. Also.... If my forehead scars from you I'm kicking your ass. But seriously, James. That kiss was good. You know you're a phenomenal kisser so I'm not gonna boost your ego. But it's ok if you think maybe it wasn't meant to be. I get that. I don't regret kissing you, but I know you're in love with Moretti. So, if you're too chicken shit to wake up because you don't want to face me over that make out session, knock it off. It's ok."

"We all miss you. Julia is a fucking shit show and to be honest, I think she may jump off a bridge if you don't come back soon. I miss you. Your dog misses you. I tried to get them to let it come here but they won't allow it in the ICU so your ex is taking care of it. By the way, Gallo, how'd the hell you score THAT one? She's like a walking fucking Barbie Doll. Yeah yeah yeah, you know you're hot too but man, hell, I'd do Lindsay and I'm not even gay!" I laugh at myself.

And here comes the water works.

"But James. You gotta wake up. Ok, sweetie? You have to. It's been seven full days. People are getting nervous that you won't ever come out of your coma."

*****

*James*

Coma? Is that what this is? I'm in a damn coma??? Holy shit.

I love hearing Trisha talk, though. She's hysterical. I know she's trying to act strong but by the end of it, she's a sobbing mess.

"You can't stay like this forever. You have so much life to life, ya know?  Your sisters all miss you. Your mom needs you. Julia needs you. Hell, James. I need you. I miss our runs. I miss bringing you dinner, lunch, breakfast. I just realized... I bring you a lot of food, don't I? We really do need to start eating healthier. Please try and come back to us. Please James."

Trisha is crying.

I'm trying, Trish. Believe me...I'm trying so hard.

****