*Trisha*

I do my job, regardless that Nate is being rude to everyone under the sun lately. I pick up his prescriptions. I send out his laundry. I pay his bills. I do every fucking thing on the list EXCEPT contact Richard to postpone any meetings. I can't  seem to make that one happen.

I'm also making plans to meet Dave for lunch.

I head in to the  small but busy restaurant, My eyes scan around until they lock in on my ex fiancé. He looks good. Too good. Wearing  a peach button down dress shirt, navy pants and tie, coming straight from the office.

He heads towards me and takes my hand.

"Wanna sit outside on the patio for lunch or inside." He asks like we have been a couple for ages.

 "We can eat outside." I answer and he walks us through to the back patio, pulls my chair out for me and doesn't sit down till I do. One thing about Dave. He's always been a gentleman. When he's Sober Dave.

"Thanks for meeting me here. I have about an hour and a half before I need to get to a meeting. You look nice." He flashes his million dollar smile and  the heat rises to my face. I'm on the clock so dressed up like always, in a pink top and white skirt that falls just above my knees. My hair wavy today.

I realize he never let go of my hand. Our arms rest on the table and our hands clasp together in the middle of the table.

"How's work going for you?" I ask.

"These project they got me on are time consuming but it's ok. It keeps me busy. The hardest part are the dinner meetings at night." He sighs and looks down at his menu.

I give him a look letting him know I don't really understand what he means and he looks up and me  and sighs again.

"Everyone drinks. EVERY one. It's been a challenge to be around that shit but so far I'm pretty proud of myself. I haven't slipped up." He squeezes my hand, and I gaze into his eyes, proud of him. He really is changing. 

I wonder how Nate will be when he goes back out to the real world. The temptation will be everywhere. I don't know if he is strong enough yet.

 How the hell am I gonna tell Richard this?

*****

*James*

"Wanna come for a ride with me later?" Nate sits down next to Julia at the kitchen island.

Trisha is out running Nate's errands - picking up prescriptions, sending out his laundry, etc. Paul is being Paul, reading the newspaper in the living room while Jonah and myself both lean against the kitchen island, babysitting Julia while she eats her breakfast.

Her eyes dart from me to Jonah to Nate. 

"What's going on?" Julia drops her fork. I look away for a second, and Nate drops a familiar folder in front of Julia. "What's this?"

She opens up the folder and stares at the brochures.

"The Avalon??"She looks up at the three  of us, and Paul stands up when he hears this as well, ready to clock in at work if need be. 

"No one is forcing you to do anything -" I start, but Jonah cuts me off.

"But if you're not willing to take your medications and follow through with therapy, this will have to be your next step." Jonah says abruptly.

"I'm gonna go visit my sister today. Will you come with me? Just to check it out and meet Cara?" Nate asks

Julia is strangely calm. She looks down at the folder and then continues eating her eggs. Now ignoring us all. We all wait patiently for Julia's reaction.

"I'll take the fucking pills if that's what your trying to do here. Whatever. I'm not hungry anymore." Julia takes a sip of her orange juice and stands up. We all watch her leave and head to my bedroom.

"She's shutting down. You should be the one to go talk to her, James." Nate looks to me. I nod and head out of the kitchen.

I head into Nate's bedroom. Julia is laying on her side in the recliner so I sit on the armrest and kiss the top of her head.

"You think I don't know how you feel right now? You know I do, Julia." 

"It's different. You don't understand."

"What I understand is, you're giving up on yourself. Sure, our situations are a little different. You're right. I've never been married. I've never been deceived the way you have. But you know damn well we've both dealt with loss. We've both dealt with heartache. Depression. Christ, if I gave up on myself after Carter died, I wouldn't have met you. I wouldn't be here for my sisters. For my mom." I tuck her hair behind her ears while I talk.

"Babe, I want you to be healthy. Remember how I told you I promised Carter I'd be the best version of myself for him? I want you to be the best version of yourself for Danny. Which means, you taking your medications, going to your counseling appointments. You can come to grief therapy sessions with me. You can come to church with me. Forget your loser of a husband and his asshole girlfriend. Divorce him. Move on, Julia."

Julia nods but stays quiet.

"Just because Danny isn't right here with you doesn't mean he's not watching over you. Show him you're ok. That you can be happy. Make him proud. Live for him. Talk to him. I don't care if it seems crazy. I do it all the time. I talk to Carter all the time. You know I want your clothes in my dresser and your toothbrush next to mine. But I want the best version of you. I can help you get there."

Julia remains silent.

"I may not understand everything you're feeling. But you can talk to me about it anyway. I'm your best friend, right? I'll always listen. I may not be able to fix everything, but I will always be here for you."

Julia sits up, and I pull her in close and hug her. 

*****

"Julia, do you think maybe confronting your husband... maybe having a conversation about what happened, would help you resolve this?" The therapist asks from Nate's computer screen. My eyes widen and I look at Julia, who is also surprised at this question. Julia wanted me to join her for this therapy session so here I am.

"Confront him? First of all, he lives in Boston. I'm in L.A. Second, I don't even think he knows I'm aware of his affair!! I can't do that!" Julia's knee bounces and I put my hand on it to calm her down.

"It may bring closure. You can then move on and start to heal. Even a phone call."

"Yeah, no. I can't. I- I can't.." Tears flood her eyes and I take over.

"Can't we do this in baby steps? What could she tackle first to help her heal? She went in shock over reliving the details so that exposure therapy did nothing but give her a panic attack.

"Well, sir. The more she revisits the trauma, the easier it will get for her to process it."

"I don't want to process it! Don't you get it?? I don't WANT to remember it! I can't do this!"

She abruptly storms out leaving me to end the meeting and make the next appointment for her. Once I sign out of the computer I sit for a minute before going back out.

"Hey. I made your next appointment for you. Hope that's ok." I say, finally coming out of the room.

"Yeah. That's fine. Thanks, James. Sorry I left you in there. You know I can't confront Luke though, right?"

"I know, sweetie. Right now she told me to tell you to work on the the journaling. Whenever you think of shit, write it down. Later on when all the puzzle pieces are written down, you can connect them, put them in order. Then she actually said when it's all said and done, and you are in a good place with everything, you can burn the shit out of the journal." I wrap my arms around her and kiss her forehead.

"Yeah. We'll see." Julia says, still being skeptical. "I need to go to the studio with Nate. Is that fine?"

"The studio?"

"Yeah. I'll explain later." 

"You don't have to ask for my permission, Julia. You know that right? What about The Avalon? Are you still gonna go see Nate's sister and check out the place with him?"

"Can we make that for another day? I have a lot going on in my head today." Julia admits.

"We can. We can wait until Cara is settled in more. She just got there and may need a few days to adjust anyways." Nate chimes in. "Let me know whenever you want to leave. I'm gonna go make lunch." 

And just like that. I lose Julia to Nate again. He's gonna bring her to the studio. To be alone with her. 

****

*Trisha*

I look around the café and then at Nate. But all I can think about is Dave because this is where we usually spend most of our time lately.

"This feels weird." Nate admits.

The coffee shop is dead today with the pouring rain we are having, but the owners were happy to see Nate, which was nice. It can sometimes bring in more customers.

"Just like old times, right? It's good for you to get back into routine, Nate." I don't look up from my laptop, typing while I talk.

Nate gets noticed by a few teenage girls who come in asking for autographs and selfies. I smile  while watching him pull out his charm for his fans. The giddy girls order a few drinks to give this old café some business and then head out, giving us privacy once again. Very respectful.  Nate looks like he finally is starting to feel himself after that and I hold  proud look on my face to see him back in action.

"Ok, so you conquered getting into the studio. Let's look at the planned agenda so you're not surprised when Richard brings shit up. The band is ready to work, so it's up to you how much you want to throw yourself out there. I know Jonah wants you to go slow, but you know Richard is seeing dollar bills whenever you walk into a room."

"Well aware." 

I notice Nate's hand still shakes when he brings the coffee up  to his mouth.

"Hey. Let me know if this is too much. We can do a little each day until the meeting with Richard."

"Please don't fucking feel sorry for me, Trish. I did this to myself." He warns.

"I don't feel sorry for you. I'm proud of you. You fucked up, but you're getting back on track. But you do know Richard is gonna notice your tremors. We need to be prepared on what to say if shit comes up. And you need to get back to playing your guitar. Get back to writing songs. Get back to the studio with the band. They've been patient...but-"

"I know all this. Christ, Trish. I'm trying."

"Next subject. Austin. Richard is most likely going to bring that up and want that rescheduled. That was a huge deal. It took a year to plan but I can do whatever needs to be done. But I need to know you're ok to travel and be away for a week."

"I can ask Jonah. Or I can see if he's available to travel with me. I'm probably gonna need someone to keep track of my meds and shit when I'm on tour anyways."

"That's actually not a bad idea. I know the company provides doctors when needed, but it would be good to have your own personal nurse for the day to day stuff. Check your blood pressure and stuff. But doesn't he also take care of Julia too??"

Nate lets out an exaggerated breath. "She has James. She'll be fine without a nurse for the week."

"Will you hire Paul as your bodyguard?" 

"Do YOU want me to hire Paul as my bodyguard?" He raises an eyebrow getting the wrong idea once again.

"Well, I mean... You need one when you travel. You've always had one. Every celebrity does. I just wasn't sure if you planning on keeping him or using whoever they provide." I ramble.

"Relax, I'm gonna hire Paul if he's available."

"I'm just saying..."

"I know exactly what you're saying."

"Sooo. A few more things...Ever text Macy back?" I change the topic.

"Trish. Stop. You're ticking me off today." He throws his head back and sighs.

"As opposed to any other day? Please.... Everyone's ticking you off today. You're moody as hell. Get over yourself and answer my question."

I close my laptop and lean forward waiting for me to talk but the only thing he is fucking focused on is my cleavage. "I'm up here, Nate." 

"Yes. Ok? We texted back and forth a little. No big deal. She asked how I was. Stupid shit. That's it."

"Mmmhmm. You're in a funk. You need to stop thinking about Julia and move on."

"I'm not thinking of her right now, angel. I'm thinking of tearing that fucking blouse off you, that's what I'm thinking of."

"Ha..Ha..Ha.. very funny. In your dreams, Playboy."

*****

*James*

"You've gained three pounds. That's a good start. You can get dressed now. I'll log it in and let the nutritionist know." Jonah quickly leaves the room and I take his place.

"You're no longer allowed to wear this set when it's weigh in day, babe." I stand behind Julia and look at her reflection through the mirror. She's wearing her bright flowery bra and matching underwear.

"Please. It's Jonah. He's harmless. And he's my nurse."

"Mmhmm." I press my body against her and kiss the side of her neck. She tilts her head to give me more access.

"I think Nate will be back soon." She breathes out. "And both Jonah and Paul are here. We can't." 

"Ugh. It's been forever. I need you."  My voice lowers in frustration and with her eyes still closed I my hand travels into her underwear.

"God, James.... " She arches her back from my touch.  "We really can't."

"We can." I bite her neck a little and continue. She's invested now. I can tell. She rocks her hops against my hand a little and I groan in her ear, pressing my arousal against her ass.

"I need you ...right NOW." I demand. A moan escapes her and she bites her bottom lip. I yank her underwear down and then drop my shorts real fast before bending her over the counter in Nate's bathroom.

Knowing our time is limited, I grab her hips and line myself up, slowly pushing in to her. It HAS been a little while and takes a few seconds for her  to adjust. We both watch ourselves and each other in the mirror. 

"You always feel so good." I make eye contact with her through the mirror and let out a needy groan while slamming into her.

Everything is put to a halt when we hear talking coming from the other room. Everyone's back.

"Christ, You've gotta be kidding me." I lean in to Julia but know I'm not even close to being done. I thrust in and out a few times but then I sigh heavily and pull out, making Julia gasp from loss of contact.

"I told ya we didn't have time."

"We never have time here." I say, getting sexually frustrated now. There's always people coming and going in Nate's place. We haven't really had ANY alone time here. Julia may have had sex with Nate the other day but it's been awhile since I'VE had sex...with my girlfriend. With Julia.

"Shoot. My clothes are still in the other room." Julia hurries out of the bathroom. Awesome. "Sorry. We'll figure it out."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, go. I'm gonna need a minute..." I shake my head and admit, clearly needing a few minutes to myself now.

"Sorry, I'll make it up to you."

I hear Nate's voice about ten minutes later. I come out of the bathroom and give them a confused look. "What's the matter?"

Julia pays no attention to me, mentally checked out. 

Shit.

Nate hands me the notebook and I read it. Then throw it on the bed and rush to her. Another awful memory of her husband's infidelity. I swiftly pick her up and sits down, putting her on my lap and holding her tight as she cries. I watch her snap out of it and bury her face in my neck. 

"I don't know why things are getting worse, not better. First I have panic attacks in my sleep dreaming about Danny's death, now I have panic attacks when I'm awake thinking about Luke's affair." Nate is  sitting on the corner of his bed. I'm sitting on the other chair next to Julia.

"When's your next therapy appointment?" Nate asks.

"In two days. Not like it's even helping."

"Do you think.." Nate pauses, trying to word everything carefully. "Maybe it's time to get the ball rolling on divorcing Luke? I mean, you pretty much live here in L.A. now. How long as it been since he left you?"

"I don't know, almost two years or something? He was kinda gone before he was officially gone anyway. Traveling for work seemed to pick up towards the end... He spent multiple weeks trav- oh God. He was never traveling for work, was he? How was I so stupid?"

"Babe, you weren't stupid. You just lost your son in a freak accident. Your focus was on your grief, not who your husband was doing on the side. You were still trying to process your loss." I try to comfort her

"Jules, put him in his place. Cut him off completely. I can get you a lawyer. We can get the paperwork going. We can make him sign the divorce papers and then you can shove it in his face. Tell him what a douchebag he was for a husband. Fuck, Julia get MAD for once! Stop internalizing everything. Make HIM be the one to feel like shit. It'll go public, yeah, but that means all his co-workers, his friends, his family will know what a prick he was to you, at the worst time of your life." Nate is fuming.

"I do despise my quote unquote mother in law. She'd go through the roof if she knew this... But I can't hurt Luke like that.."

"Why the hell not?" I chime in now actually agreeing with Nate. "Julia...he had an affair. You said for years. And the lady made you aware, every chance she got. For years."

"Because, don't you get it? I'm Luke, James. We already went through this. I've been treating you awful since I came here. Going back and forth between you and Nate. I never want you to feel what I'm feeling right now. I also would be devastated if you hurt me the way I'd be hurting Luke by going public."

I lean in and take both her hands in mine. "Julia. You are NOTHING like him. Babe, you tell me everything. All the time. Every time you were with him Nate told me about it. Nothing was done in secret. You were never keeping things from me. And I'm the one who made the choice to stay. I could have left. I'm not saying it didn't fucking bother me, but Julia- that was my choice to let it go on. And it's also not like Nate was rubbing it in my face either, or leaving HIS lingerie all over my place." I look at Nate and laugh. Nate isn't amused but I can't help but smirk.

"I gotta agree with this shithead. All but the lingerie. You're creepy you know that?"

"You really think it's the right thing to do??"

"Jules. Yes. Make it official. Tie up all your loose ends. Get your fucking revenge and enjoy it." Nate stands up, ready to end the conversation now.

"Part of me wants to talk to him first. To ask him why.. Why he would do something like that. What was I doing wrong? Why would he have this whole separate life with her and still come back to me? Why wasn't I good enough?" 

*****