*Trisha*

This is the other side of Nate. London is his real home. The L.A. apartment is really just for convenience.

"Feels like home." Nate smiles.

"It looks just like your other apartment, just bigger." Julia states flatly. She's pissed at Nate for the way he talked to her. We can all tell.

"Exactly."

"This will be our home for three days until the first concert. We can order dinner soon if everyone is hungry." I begin to roll my suitcase towards the master bedroom like I always do and then stop short. Wait.. I'm not staying with Nate, am I? He's not single this time.

"Oh, right. I'm used to..." I turn around and look at Nate with embarrassment. "Um.. where do you want me?"

"There's enough bedrooms for everyone here. Pick one." Nate gives me a slight nod, knowing this feels weird to me now. I grab the first available room and close the door behind me. How fucking embarrassing!  I'm always with Nate when we tour. He's never been single. Hell, we always shared his bed and even fooled around sometimes. Everything feels weird. Everything has changed now.  He's  with his fiancé on this tour.

*****

*James*

Ok this place is insane. It's just as nice if not nicer than Nate's flat in L.A. Julia grabs the handle of my suitcase and nudges me.

"C'mon, I'll get you settled in."  She walks to  a vacant bedroom and I follow her with Maggie right behind me. The second the door closes I ask Julia  what I need to know.

"What did he say down there? Did he apologize for being a turd?" 

"Yeah, he realized it right away."

Good.  Julia begins to  go through my suitcase to find more comfortable clothes for me  and finds my sweatpants and a t-shirt. She walks up to me and grabs my tie and like always, I get turned on by it.

"You look really nice all dressed up, Mr. Bodyguard."  She loosens my tie.

"Thanks. I used to help Paul on occasion with little jobs here and there back in the day, but it feels weird now, like playing pretend."

"Oh really?" 

"Yeah, look at me. I can't even get myself dressed, never mind protect celebrities." I laugh a little.

"I don't know about that, Mr. Gallo. I've seen you punch Nate."  Julia helps me undress and then begins to fumble with unbuttoning my pants. She starts to blush .

"Sorry. Guess it's my turn to have hands that won't cooperate. I don't know what my issue is."

"I get you all hot and bothered wearing this, don't I?" I gaze down at her with a smirk.

"I liked it better when you couldn't speak." She teases. "KIDDING, kidding."

"I liked it better when you weren't engaged." 

I'm not laughing. I rest my hand on her face and look into her eyes. "You know, I'd never snap at you like that. Ever."

"I know." She frowns and drops her head on my chest. 

"Why do you torture yourself? You put yourself through hell sometimes."  I kiss the top of her head. "It's ok to change your mind, babe. You're not married yet." She must know this, right? She doesn't have to be with Nate. Julia doesn't have to marry him.

"What if you just lost your voice for a little while? Laryngitis or something?" She takes a step back and her eyes water again. She's quick to cry lately. "Sorry. It's been a long day. Besides, we are literally in Nate's multimillion dollar penthouse on an all inclusive trip- for a year. We can't talk like that."

"But he can snap at you the minute you say his girlfriend's name?" I scoff and then let out a slight laugh.

"James...."

"Julia."

"I know you're trying to be funny. It's falling flat." She helps me put on my sweatpants while talking.

"Who said I was trying to be funny? Hmmmm?" I cock a brow at her and she turns away. I pull her into my body and embrace her. "Nate is good to me. He's a very generous guy. I respect him and will never hate him as a person. But I hate the way he can get so moody. When he wa-was detoxing fine, I get that." I stutter. "But as part of his normal personality? Not cool. And you know I'm never gonna give up loving you and wanting you to be happy."

 I don't want Julia think she is forever indebted to Nate. She doesn't have to choose him just because he brought us on tour. Just because of his money. She's not "stuck." She can do whatever the hell she want.

"I know you're not. C'mon, before you get me in trouble." She pulls at my hand trying to leave the room but I don't budge.

"James..."

"You forgot to help me put my shirt on." I smirk and earn an eyeroll.

"Right." Julia throws my shirt on with a huff.

I laugh as we walk out together but Julia heads straight to Nate's room.  I sit down next to Trisha and we all look over the take out menu to order dinner. Casey is feeding my dog for me. Trisha is good.  She thought of everything. Even for Mags. Some time goes by before Nate comes out of the bedroom and he comes out alone, closing the door behind him.

"Everything ok in there?" Casey asks.

"Yeah, she's just laying down for a bit. I'll order her something now for her to heat up later."

Yeah, ok. Pal. You pissed her off again, didn't you? What is up with him lately!

"Well in an hour she has to take her night meds and that has to be taken with food so we'll have to wake her up." Jonah eyes Nate with suspicion.

"Listen, Playboy. You need to make things right with her over this Mila Giovanni thing. Paul told me how you snapped at her." Trisha pays no attention to Paul sitting right next to her on the couch and Nate glares at him now.

"Thanks Paul."

"Anytime." He smirks and grabs the menu out of Trisha's hands.

"I mean it. You get weird when it comes to talking about that shit. I know YOU weren't the one to end it and know Mila sure as hell wasn't the one to end things. Management did. But you need closure. You need to figure your shit out."

"It's over. Why are we talking about this tonight? That's the question I really want to know."

"Because people are gonna say shit and post shit. The public, your fans, don't know this was a PR stunt and started off fake, and we ALL know it didn't end fake. Fans that may not like Julia touring with you are gonna make it known they want to see Mila and you together. It's up to you to make sure Julia knows you don't still have feelings for Mila and it's done for good. Being short with Julia and getting mad isn't gonna cut it." Trisha explains.

"Alright, alright. I'll talk to Julia more about it, ok? Can we just order food already and enjoy our first night in London?"

We end the conversation there but it doesn't sit well with me.

*****

*Trisha*

We order dinner and let Julia sleep but I don't drop the conversation like Nate wants.

"I mean it, Nate." I help James hold his burger so he can eat but glare at Nate. "Just being on tour is gonna be a lot of Julia. You'll be the one to push her off the balcony with the shit you do. Especially when it's about Mila Giovanni."

Nate takes a deep breath and fills his mouth with salad so he doesn't have to talk to me.

"I have no issues booking her a flight home if she can't handle it on tour because of YOU."

"Trish. End it." Nate snaps.

"Is that the tone you used with her? Because I'm gonna deck you if you ever use that tone of voice with me again." I scold and Nate knows I'm fucking serious right now.

"We really should talk about this, Nate. We need a plan put into place for Julia. Bipolar disorder doesn't just go away now that she's on tour. Between the time change and the change in her meds, I expect the transition will not be a smooth one for her." Jonah says while feeding his face.

"She's gonna be just fine." Nate assures us but I can already envision it now. "And we're NOT sending her back home. She's not going back to the Avalon. Not alone with Jeremy, that's for sure.

"Well wherever Julia goes I go so.."  James nods for his drink and I help him hold the soda. "I mean it." He says after taking a sip. 

"Stop  guys. No one is going anywhere. She's gonna be fine." Nate furrows his brows at James and takes his salad to the balcony.

"I do mean it." James shrugs.

"I know you do. Don't worry, I'll always make sure you're taken care of, Hotstuff." I wink at my friend. He's right, though. He's not gonna tour with us if Julia goes home. He's gonna wanna be wherever she is.  I don't want James to miss out on all the fun stuff we have planned because Julia can't hack it though. He's a hard worker and this free trip is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Aside from that, I really enjoy having James around. He's a breath of fresh air, always joking and keeping things light. And he's easy on the eyes. What's not to love about James?

*****

*James*

It's been an hour and Jonah wants me to go wake Julia up for her evening medication.

"Hey. Sorry to wake you babe. Jonah said you need to eat and take your night meds." I sit on the obnoxiously large bed and rub Julia's back to wake her up. I study her face and realize she's upset.

"Julia..."

"James." She sits up and puts her hair up in a ponytail.

"Have you been crying?" I ask and put a hand on her cheek. "You haven't been sleeping at all, have you? What's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm fine. Lets go eat. I'll help you with whatever you need." She tries to get up and walk away but I grab her hand and sit her right back down. She knows she needs to talk to me.

"I heard Trisha talking earlier. How she said management was what broke Nate and Mila up not him. Not her. I'm starting to think he would still be with her if he had the choice." She begins. "I feel like he's only with me because he can't have Mila. I'm the runner up." 

I let out a sigh knowing exactly what Julia is saying.

"Yeah, hurts like hell doesn't it?" I reply. Then.... Julia bursts out in tears from what I said. Like REALLY cries.  More than she should be. She is sobbing. I quickly wrap my arms around her but can't help to think this is partly her mental illness taking over. Trisha was right. This all may be too much for Julia. Hell, it may be too much for me with the drastic time change alone.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I shouldn't have said that. I made things worse."

"No. You're absolutely right." She doesn't stop crying while trying to talk. "I don't want you to feel like that. You're my best friend! I love you! I don't want to hurt you."

Jonah comes into the room wondering what's taking so long and freezes for a second.

"I'm sorry! I don't know why I'm crying like this!" Julia bursts. I'm not really sure what to do here. Jonah gives her some time to try and calm down but she's just crying harder. I look over at him, unsure of what's happening.

"OK. Julia, try to take a deep breath. Maybe we need to tweak this new med. I'll text Jeremy. It's only 3am or something back home so when he sees it in the morning we can talk about your meds, ok?" Jonah leans against the doorway and looks at her with sympathy. "I had a feeling this may happen with the long flight and time change. It's a lot."

Jonah calls Jeremy who  facetimes him right away. Jonah leaves the room for a second to hear the doctor and Julia buries her face in my chest. 

Jonah comes back in an hands the phone to Julia. "He'd like to talk to you, Julia."

"Ok."

"Hey, Julia. Heard you're having a hard time. Hey, take deep breaths with me. Focus on me, ok?" The doctor says through the phone trying to calm her down. He eventually does and then explains what's going on. It means shit to me though. Something's not right with Julia and it's concerning.

"Good job. Listen, you have adjustment disorder with mixed anxiety along with everything else. I was on the fence with this diagnosis but wouldn't know for sure until you showed real symptoms. Adjustment disorder is a maladaptive response to a stressor. The maladaptive response usually involves otherwise normal emotional and behavioral reactions that manifest more intensely than usual, causing marked distress." Jeremy explains. "It's why you were crying so hard."

"So I have ANOTHER thing wrong with me?"

"Deep breath, Julia. Not really. It goes hand in hand with PTSD, depressive disorders, anxiety," He pauses, "Bipolar. They coexist and feed off each other. Today was probably a really long day for you, huh? Hours on a plane, then the time change and new environment. Correct?"

Julia nods and both me and Jonah listen to the doctor.  He's really smart. He deserves to rot in hell but he's really smart.

"I'm not gonna say I wish you didn't travel and were at the Avalon right now because it doesn't matter now, does it? You made your choice but I will do whatever I can to make sure to help you through it all, ok?"

"Yeah."

"See? You're already calming down. Sometimes just hearing the diagnosis helps. You're not imagining things. You're not overreacting or going crazy. You are really feeling this and it's a very real physical and mental symptom. Remember that, alright?"

She nods.

"Good. Now go get some rest and put Jonah back on for me. Call me any time day or night if you need anything."

Julia gives the phone back to Jonah who walks away while talking, closing the door behind him.

"I hate that he's so good at his job." She sniffs.

"I know, sweetie. But look. He can't hurt you over the phone. And you're calm now. That's all that matters." I remind her.

Keeping Julia calm really is all that matters.

We walk out of Nate's bedroom together and I look over at him and tick my head to the side before walking back into his room.  Nate knows I want to have a word with him. I watch him close the door and glare at him.

"You're a piece of work, you know that Hollan?"

"What'd I do now, James. Spit it out."

"Julia heard you guys talking. She heard it was Mila's management team to break things off between you two. Not you guys."

Nate drops his head back against the wall in defeat. He knows he screwed up.

"Fix it, Nate." I brush by him and slam the door behind me, hearing him yell that he is gonna text Mila right now as I walk away. He better do this. If he doesn't end shit with Mila it WILL kill Julia. I hate seeing her like this. It's not fair. Nate thinks he can just get away with this stuff. We'll he can't. I don't care how much money he has, it won't pay for the emotional scars he already has given Julia because of Mila Giovanni.

I give him a good five minutes which is plenty of time to send a text message before going back into his room.

"Happy? It's done." Nate throws his phone on the bed. 

****

*Trisha*

"Feeling a little better now that you ate?" James plops down on the couch next to Julia "Hey. I told Nate to figure his shit out. Hope you don't mind."

"Oh boy, what did you say to him? Do I need to go ice his face?"

"No. He said he texted Giovanni and made sure she knew it was over. Not just because Management pulled her away but because he is ending it."

"Thank God. For once, Nate is actually doing the right thing. His heart is always in the right place, it's his dick that gets him in trouble." I say under my breath to Paul who laughs.

"It's gonna be a long year of babysitting him." He responds and I nod in agreement.

"We have our work cut out for us this tour between the two of them, don't we?" I  huff and head to Nate's room to check in on him. 

I had a feeling this is what Nate was up to in here. He does it every time he comes home. He grabs that big box from his closet and  gets emotional while looking through shit from his dad.

"Hey..."

Nate jumps and wipes his eyes as I sit down next to him.

"It's been a while since you've been home, huh?"

"I miss him." Nate's voice is soft and it breaks my heart. He may fuck up a lot and can't keep his dick in his pants, but he's Nate. Sweet Nate...most of the time..

"I know you do. C'mere."  I pull him in and he begins to cry. I run my fingers through his hair to help calm him. Nate never had a mother to care for him. Rita is a fucking mess. Nate is always the one taking care of everyone else but who takes care of him? Julia sure as hell can't.

 Me.

 I can and Nate knows it.

*****

*James*

We spent the first full day of London sightseeing. We went to St. Paul's Cathedral, Buckingham Palace, and Nate showed us around a little. It was interesting but exhausting at the same time. Neither me nor Julia are used to being THIS busy.

"Hey, you're quiet today." Trisha sits next to me in the quaint cafe. We split up just for a few minutes. Nate wanted to take Julia into a clothing store and both Jonah and Paul wanted coffee. Casey is waiting outside with the dog.

"Just a little tired."

"Yeah, touring takes a little getting used to. But you're having fun, right??"

I don't want to hurt Trisha's feelings. I know she worked hard to coordinate everything. And, I mean, I am very grateful to experience this. But I'm a simple guy. It doesn't take much to please me. I miss my little house. I miss my little routine.

I also know Trisha is used to being on the go all the time. She thrives off of a full schedule and staying busy. I'm content living a bit more low key. Trisha is New York City during Christmas and I'm more... Venice Beach at five am to watch the sunrise quietly.

"You'd tell me if you weren't having fun... right?" She presses on.

"I'm having fun." I lie and the look of relief that washes over her makes me feel guilty.

"You think this is fun, just wait till the concert tonight. Nate sold out Wembley stadium! It's gonna be insane!!"

Yay...

*******

*Trisha*

"You ready, Playboy?" I look at Nate with excitement as we pull up.

"God yes. I think she's more excited than I am." Nate looks back at Casey who is very giddy for the concert tonight.

Nate's tour manage, Leslie, greets us once inside the venue and hands me my binder. Today was fun but now I'm back to work. It's a lot to take in, dealing with tour, and I hate to admit it but before coming here I dug through my purse to find my anxiety meds to take. I don't even think Nate knows how anxious I get about this shit sometimes. He sure as hell doesn't know I sometimes have to take a pill to help calm me.

"Welcome home, Mr. Hollan!" Leslie says to Nate and hands me a large binder. "Here you go, Trish. Everything we need for tour outlined and ready to go."

Nate introduces his manager to everyone and then she shows us around a little before we have to separate. Like me, Leslie can talk and walk fast. We head to one of the empty rooms to go over tonight's agenda.

But apparently, Leslie has other things on her mind before we work.

Don't get me wrong. Leslie is amazing. She's beautiful, kind, great at her job and very energetic. Her focus and energy is unreal actually. Like a lot of higher ups in L.A., she's also uses coke to get the energy she needs to keep up with the fast pace. Most of the people in my line of work do. I'm not one of them, though.

"You're welcome to if you need a pick- me- up." Leslie waves the tiny baggie with the white substance in it but I shake my head.

"No thanks. You do you. I'm trying to cut back." I lie. I have never in my life tried cocaine and am not interested in trying it now. Leslie knows I don't judge her and has no issues snorting right in front of me. Or anyone for that matter. I watch Leslie line it up and sniff it up.

"Ok. Lets get to work."

*****

*James*

Nate whisks Julia away to meet the band while the rest of us hang out in this enormous game room. Eventually, Trisha comes in and sits down next to me on the couch.

"Hey, hotstuff. Have you eaten anything yet?" Trisha asks and I shake my head. Jonah and Casey are walking the dog outside around the building and Julia is with Nate. I have no idea where Paul is at the moment but I had no one to ask for help getting the food. I'm not about to tell Trisha this though.

"Want me to make you a plate?" She asks.

"Sure." I answer, feeling a little relieved she's back in here with me now.

Eventually Casey and Jonah come back with Maggie and Paul reenters the room as well too. We all eat together and Casey takes care of Maggie for me. She even packed a ziplock bag of food and the dogs bowls for her to eat and have water. She's great with Maggie and I'm always very appreciative.

Julia and Nate come into the room shortly after. I watch them walk over to the catering table and can't help but listen in a little.

"You good, doll? You're very quiet." Nate hands Julia a plate as he greets the caterers.

"Yeah. It's just ..a lot." Julia looks back at me and I give her a little nod. She knows we are on the same page. We are both a little overwhelmed with everything today. Once her plate is filled she comes and sits next to me on the couch to eat.

"Hey." I nudge Julia a little. "This is surreal, huh?"

Julia nods and looks down at her full plate of food. She's struggling.

"Take a bite or I'm going on strike, babe." I raise a brow at her.

"I'm trying. He gave me way too much."

"Then don't finish it, but at least start it." I watch Julia take a few bites before I start eating again.

"You're such a gameplayer you know that?"

"I do." I laugh. "But you're eating, are you not?"

"Yeah yeah."

Once done eating we all go into the theatre for Nate's soundcheck. Julia and Casey seem to know all the songs whereas me and Jonah only know a few from the girls playing them. But we sit and watch Nate do his thing. I sometimes forget who he is and what he does. Tonight I watch Julia fall back in love with Nate as he performs. It's hard for me to watch. She even begins to cry during one of his slower songs. But I take note at how often Julia has been crying lately because something seems a little off with her. Maybe it's her meds not working as well or maybe she's just tired.

While Nate sings he looks directly at Julia. He wrote this song for her, didn't he? My stomach drops as I watch my competition win Julia over in a way I never could.

"You're crying." I look down at Julia who wipes her cheek.

"I don't know what my issue is." She laughs a bit, feeling overwhelmed. Hell, even Casey is crying after that song.

"My God, woman. You ARE a mini- Julia." Jonah laughs and pulls Casey in for an embrace.

"THANK YOU WEMBLEY!" Nate shouts out to the imaginary crowd and him and the entire band stand in a line together and bow. Everyone in the room, the production team, the set up crew, hell even the caterers, all stand up to clap and cheer Nate at the end of the soundcheck. Then I lose Julia to Nate again when they disappear off somewhere together so I follow Paul, Casey and Jonah back into the other room.

"The life of Nate Hollan." Paul grunts, heading to the catering table for coffee. I sit on the couch with Maggie and look around the room, unsure of what to do with myself now.

"Here." Paul carefully hands my a to-go cup with coffee in it, making sure my grip is good before letting go. "Your hands are unsteady tonight." He notices I have a more than usual hard time holding in to my cup and helps me take a sip.

"Thanks. And yeah, I know. I'm really tired with the time change. So is this pretty much what happens on tour?" I change to topics and look around the room.

"Yup." Paul mutters. "Wake up, eat, sightsee, soundcheck, concert, travel. This is what the next hundred or so days will look like."

I look down at my cup of coffee while I think about that.

"It's a lot but you get used to it." Paul can read my mind. "Well," He pauses. "We do. I don't know if Moretti will get used to it." He turns and makes eye contact with Julia as she comes in the room. She looks a little flustered and upset.

"Just in time. I was about to go find you. You didn't forget your session with Jeremy, did you?" Jonah asks.

"How could I forget." Julia mumbles and Jonah loads up the laptop for her session. "Is there somewhere I can go to do this?"

"Let's find somewhere." Jonah and Julia walk out of the room right as Nate walks in. He grabs a cup of tea and tiredly sits down across from me and Paul.

"She seemed on edge." Jonah begins.

"Probably because she has to have a therapy session with her rapist." Trisha snorts.

"You looked good up there tonight." She smiles over at Nate. "Everything is falling into place, playboy."

Is it though?

******

*Trisha*

Tonight was a huge success! He should be proud. But he doesn't seem too happy. Maybe he's just getting tired. I look over to James. He's exhausted and starting to fall asleep. Casey also looks like she's done. They're not used to being this busy.

It's been less than five minutes when Julia storms in with the closed laptop.

"All yours." She shoves it in Jonah's chest and walks over to the couch, curling up next to James. Oh shit. She's pissed. Everyone guard your bathrooms. Tornado Julia is in town.

"That was fast?" Jonah opens the laptop and unlocks it. Apparently closing the laptop doesn't close down the virtual meeting. Jeremy is still logged on and anything but happy.

"A word with you in private, Jonah." He says sternly but Julia keeps her eyes closed, hearing Jonah get up and walk out of the room. James and Casey both wake up a little

"You good?" James whispers and Julia nods with her eyes still closed.

"Just tired."

"We can head home right when Jonah is done." Nate says and leaves the room. I look over at Paul and then back at Julia a little confused. Did something happen tonight while I was working? Julia seemed to enjoy the concert. I get up and head over to Paul who is leaning against the wall studying Julia.

"What's going on??" I ask, thoroughly confused.

"I'm not sure. This may be too much for her...and James." Paul huffs under his breath.

"James? Why do you say that? This is no different than going on a vacation where to sightsee during the day and go clubbing at night. C'mon, you can't tell me neither of them have had a night out, Paulie."

"But this is more than a night out. This is a year out. Constant. They're not used to it like we are Banks. We're a different breed. This is nothing for us." He keeps his eyes on Julia almost like he's a watch dog waiting for her to do something. But it's like he an sense it with her from being around her for so long. I watch Paul shake his head and I turn to look at Julia. She bursts into tears and buries her face into James's chest.

"I'm just really tired." Julia cries.

This is more than just being tired. Either her meds aren't working right or Paul is right and this will be too much for her. If that's the case then Nate needs to let her go home.

"I'm gonna go tell Nate and Jonah to wrap it up." Paul grumbles and leaves the room.

Everyone will just need time to adjust. That's all. That's what I keep telling myself over and over again at least.

*****

*James*

Paul and I escort everyone out of the arena and into the suburban.

"I'll take Maggie out for a short walk before heading up." Casey tells me as the dog jumps into the SUV.

"I'll go with you. I don't want you walking alone. It's unfamiliar territory." Jonah says, gaining a nod from Paul.

"I can help you get ready for bed." Julia whispers to me and I nod. I sense she's irritated with Nate but don't know for what. She'll tell me when she's ready.

Once home, Julia completely ignores Nate and follows me into my room. I take my earpiece out and loosen my tie a little..

"You sure you're ok, sweetie?"

"It was just a long day. Last thing I wanted to do was end it seeing Jeremy's face on that screen, that's all." She begins to undress me. Something more is bothering Julia. She knows I can see right through her.

"C'mon. I'll help you fall asleep."

Ok, so something is REALLY up. It's been awhile since Julia has offered to help me fall asleep. I don't protest but wondering if it's Julia that needs help falling asleep tonight, not me. Whatever is on her mind is really bugging her. She curls right up against me and I pull her into my arms. It's been so long since I've been able to hold her like this. I close my eyes and pray over Julia.

I pray that God will calm her mind, help us both to adjust to this new life, as well as help Julia with whatever she is struggling with tonight. Like always, I pray for everyone else's healthy and safety while traveling and on tour.

But my focus tonight is on Julia.