*James*

These Grief Therapy sessions are really doing a number on Julia. Today was no different. At the end of the class the counselor went around the room and asked everyone to think of one of their favorite memories of the loved one they lost. Of course one of my favorites was when Carter said "Dada" for the first time. I can still hear his little voice now.

But when it was Julia's turn, she couldn't handle it. I know she has a ton of wonderful memories with her son but it's like she just shuts down. It's too hard for her to think about never mind talk about. She has a lot of growing to do but the way she handled it was to remove herself instead of dealing with it. The therapist was willing to help her, but Julia is Julia. When something is too much for her, she runs away or becomes closed off. 

Julia couldn't handle it. She broke down and left the room abruptly. After, the counselor tried to talk to her but there's no getting through to Julia when she's all worked up. Jeremy was paged and here we are, walking down to her apartment while hashing it out.

"Julia... that session had nothing to do with mental illness. If y-you didn't want to answer you could have just told the guy to skip you. That it was too hard to talk about. It's grief therapy. They won't push you like some of the other sessions." I explain.

"You know what?" Julia stops once we get to the private halls where the apartments are and pokes me in the chest. "Just because you can talk freely about your son doesn't mean everyone can. You had two and a half years of memories. I had seventeen!"

My jaw drops. She's not fucking serious, is she?

"Julia!" Jeremy yells at her in a harsh tone of voice I've never heard from the doctor.

"That's not fair, Julia." I furrow my brows at her. "A loss is a loss. It doesn't matter how many years. The pain is the same."

"I-" She pauses, not embarrassed, as she should be. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I was just trying to get a rise out of you." I confess.

"Mission accomplished. Feel better about yourself now?" I brush past her and continue down the hall. Once at the end of the hall, pretty far away from the two of them, I stop.

Shit. I can't leave her with that asshole. Not a shot in hell. Jeremy can never be alone with Julia. She's probably standing there in the middle of the hallway, petrified of the man. My shoulders drop and I turn around, hurrying back towards her. 

It's like Jeremy Donovan didn't waste two seconds. The moment I was gone he had to put his hand on her back. For a normal person without trauma this would be no big deal. But when you are standing next to the man who abused you, twice, this is huge. And the fact he doesn't think twice about it and was so quick to want to touch her makes my stomach turn.

I grab Julia's hand but glare at the doctor when I pull her out of his reach.

"Don't touch her." My jaw clenches and I drag Julia away from Jeremy. Once we round the corner Julia leans against the wall, clearly rattled by that small encounter.  Her body trembles like mine does when my father walks into a room. It's a terrible feeling.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to leave you with him. I wasn't thinking." I sigh. "Breathe."

Julia closes her eyes for a second and then gives me a nod before we head back to her apartment.

"I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have said that to you. James, I know all loss is loss."

"I know you do. You're jealous of me, aren't you, babe?" I smirk.

"You're such a fucking teacher's pet." She retorts and knocks on her apartment door for Paul to let us in.

When Paul swings the door open, I see Trisha sitting on the couch.

"I was just leaving." She stands up refraining from looking at me. Is she here for me or Paul? I have no idea but we DO need to talk things through a little. What better time than right now. Not like I can physically go anywhere or leave the building.

"Actually, can we talk?" I walk to the bedroom and Trisha follows, closing the door behind her. She sits down on the neatly made. I sit on the small loveseat across from her "You've been avoiding me since the trial, Trish. Why?"

"I'VE been avoiding YOU?"

"Trisha." I smirk a little at her comment. "I'm on house arrest and can't use a phone..." I lift my hands and she slouches down.

"James, what's happening?" She bites the inside of her cheek. "Why would you choose to live here verses with me?"

"Is that what this is about?" I take her hand. It's rare to see Trisha vulnerable. She has a tough exterior. I really didn't think this would be a big deal. I thought she'd understand. "Of course I'd come here. Sweetie, you're going to be going back on tour with Nate. I really don't want my sisters taking care of me. Julia knows how to as well as Paul."

"No, you chose to live with Julia because you're still in love with her. Let's be honest with each other here."

My heart sinks.  Because Trisha is 100% right. 

"I mean, you're in love with Nate. You've told me this before. You've told HIM this before." I say softer. 

"James. Don't you get it? I was trying to move on. I thought.... with you. But I guess I was wrong."

"But if you were in my shoes, you'd choose to live with Nate. We both know this."

******

*Trisha*

I don't know what I was thinking going to the Avalon. I DID go to see James, but then once I saw him, chickened out. I wasn't there for Paul. But then Paul and I started talking and I realized maybe I WAS there for Paul- for a friend- to vent to. Which I did.

James and I got into it a little. Not so much a fight, not even a heated conversation. Just...the honest truth. We are both in love with people who don't love us back. It hurts like hell. But using James as my rebounder isn't right. He deserves more. I deserve more. Am I pissed that he chose to live at the Avalon? Damn right I am. But James knows I'd do the exact same friggen thing if I was put in his shoes. I can't be mad at him for that.

So now, while everyone is asleep, I stand here in the middle of Nate's kitchen at almost midnight, wondering what the hell to do with my life. 

Of course Nate hears me making a cup of tea and decides to join me. 

"So are we going to talk about why you were at the Avalon this afternoon or am I supposed to pretend I didn't see you get into Ren's car and leave?" Nater leans against the counter and crosses his arms over his bare chest.

 Shit. I had no idea he saw me this afternoon. I look down at my cup of tea and shrug. Do I want to keep having the same conversation over and over again with Nate? Not really.

"Did you hash it out with Gallo, yet?" 

"Sure did." I huff and continue to stare at my cup.

"And....??" Nate nudges me with his shoulder.

"I think we broke up. I'm not sure."

"You're not sure ? What does that even mean?"

"He's always going to be in love with Julia, Nate. That's why he chose to stay with her." I finally look up at my best friend.

"And I'm always going to be in love with you."

******

*James*

Julia is calm now and willing to talk to me. Earlier when she was battling some detox symptoms, she wanted nothing to do with me. Now that Nate is gone, she lays in bed with me. This is how it always goes. I'm always second best. It's so frustrating to be so in love with someone who chose someone else. I know Julia loves me. I know she has feelings for me. But the truth is, I will never be able to take care of her the way Nate can. Just like no one can ever take care of me the way Julia can. 

"I'm sorry for what I said, today. Again." Julia tucks my hair up off my forehead.

"I know you are. Let's just forget about it." I sigh, really just wanting to drop it all together.

"James, why was Trisha here today?" 

"Not sure, but I think we broke up." I roll on my back and cover my eyes with my arm.

"Oh." An awkward silence fills the room. "I'm sorry. Why?"

I huff and shake my head before turning back to Julia.

"Because I'm always going to love you."

*******