*Trisha*

"Where is everyone? Still at the Avalon?" Casey walks out into the kitchen and yawns.

"Yeah, I think they are on their way home though." I flip a pancake and look over at Casey. "Hungry?"

"Always."

"You and Jonah were meant for each other." I laugh.

The elevator opens and the rest of the gang comes in. Nate seems rushed though.

"Hey. Pancakes?" I ask as he whizzes by me.

"No time. I'm late. Sorry, love."

"Late for what?" I cancelled everything on the calendar for Nate today. He doesn't have anything scheduled. "Late for what?" I yell a little louder but hear the shower turn on. "What is he late for?" I look over at Paul.

"Coffee. I need coffee." The bodyguard grunts and heads to the coffee pot already brewing.

I look over at James and try to fake a slight smile for him, but it falls flat. He has already been crying today. I put the spatula down and turn off the stove so I can greet him.

"Hi." I say softly and give him a hug.

"Hi." James answers dryly.

"You should eat something, James. Sit down. I'll get you set up." I kiss his lips and rest my forehead on his with my eyes closed. "You ok?" 

James doesn't answer. Instead, he hugs me again and hides his face in my hair.

"Mornin." Jonah says in a solemn way, already feeling the vibe for the day. "Hey James. Your sister Ashley called. She said your mom is doing that "thing" again and wanted to know if someone could bring you by. What's that thing?"

"Shit." James apparently knows exactly what "that thing" is. "How long has it been?"

"She called about an hour ago. The girls gave the nurse, Claudia, a day off. What's that thing?" He asks again.

"Shit." James repeats. "I wasn't planning on going there today. Can you bring me? Like right now? My mom is only going to get worse until I show up."

Now I get what is going on. James's mom has dementia, and I have a feeling she overheard the news about her son. She only wants James and must be giving everyone else a hard time.

"I can go with you if you like." I offer but James shakes his head. 

"No. I gotta go alone. She's in one of her moods. Sorry, Trisha."

I swallow hard and nod. It seems like James never wants me to join him when he has something going on with his family. He'd bring Julia in a heartbeat. That's why she's so close with his sisters. But James is different with me and I'm not sure why.

*******

"Do you want to go in alone still? I can wait in the car." Jonah pulls up at my mother's house.

"No, you can come in. I'm sure you understand a little about dementia. I really ju-just didn't want Trisha to have to deal with this." I explain how when my mom looks into my eyes, she sees her deadbeat prickhead of a husband though I think Jonah already knew this story. "The only time she can look in my eyes and know it's me is if I've been crying. Because Joe never cried. He would beat us if we cried because it's a sign of weakness."

"Geez, seriously?" 

I guess Jonah wasn't aware of that part. 

"Well, your mother is in luck because you've been crying your eyes out night and day lately."

I wait for him to unbuckle me, and we get out of the SUV. Maggie hops over the seat and follows us into the house.

"What's taking him so long? And why do you girls look like you've been crying all night? Did your father do something?" Mom is yelling through the house from the kitchen. Jonah stays a few feet behind me and observes the situation. I haven't been to my mom's house in a while. Certainly, wasn't planning on going today. I have no clue what my sisters have told her yet or if they told her anything at all.

"Ma, stop yelling. Please. Jamie will be here in a... Maggie!" Kendall sees the dog and knows I'm here. Maggie stands right next to my mom who is definitely not doing too hot today. She's still in her pink plaid pajamas and her long dark hair is a ponytail. My mom is a beautiful woman, even when she's not herself. But today her eyes are filled with tears.

"Jamie!" She looks right at me and knows it is me. My mom throws her arms around my neck and hugs me, then gives me a bunch of kisses on my cheek. "Jamie, something's wrong. The girls are upset. What did he do?"

I close my eyes and drop my head on mom's shoulder.

"I love you mom." I feel a hard lump forming in my throat. I just need my mom to keep hugging me. I need her to tell me everything is going to be ok. When I finally lift my head, both Kendall and Katie are teary eyed.

"Mom this is my nurse, Jonah." I introduce the man leaning against the entrance to the kitchen.

"Your nurse?" She puts her hand out and Jonah shakes it gently with a nod.

"You have a lovely home, Mrs. Gallo." He puts on the charm. 

"Why do you need a nurse? You're so healthy, Jamie. C'mon. I've been waiting for you. Our show is coming on."

I drop my shoulders and take a deep breath in. Here we go.

I sigh. "Of course. In a little bit, ok? I want to visit with the girls for a few minutes."

"Then we can go and watch tv??"

"Yep. Then we can go and watch tv." I choke up. "What show do you want to watch today?" I feel the sting of my tears already and my voice cracked a little, making both of my sisters look away.

"How about 'Cheers'? Joe likes Cheers. We can watch that one."

Yep. Friggen Joe likes Cheers. We do this every time.

"Mom. You can pick any show you like." Kendal recites. "Joe's not here. You don't have to worry about him."

"No. We should watch Cheers." She looks over at Kendall nervously and it breaks our hearts. She does this all the time. We play the game and give in.

"Ok. We can watch Cheers." I hold on to her hand which is now trembling. "It's ok, mom." I nod.

"Can we go now?"

"Sure." I sigh and nod. We all follow mom's routine. Katie makes her a cup of tea, Kendall grabs the big comforter off the side of the couch, and mom sits down wanting me right next to her like I'm a little child. Jonah sits in the recliner off to the side and clasps his hands together. His eyes are filled with empathy for us all right now.

I sit down next to my mom, and she holds my hand while we watch tv.  She only watches TV with me.  She doesn't look at me like I have any disabilities because she never remembers so it throws her off when it's Kendall who puts Netflix on instead of me.

"He's got it, Ken." She shakes her head at her daughter.

"No, ma. I can't. My coordination doesn't work well anymore remember?"

A vacant look in my mom's eyes tells me she doesn't remember the coma or any of that. She's stuck in the past.

"Don't be silly. You guys are funny. Give James the remote."

"Oooh-kaaayy..." Kendall raises her eyebrows and extends her hand with the remote.

"Seriously? We have to show her??"  I squint my eyes at my sister.

"It's ok, James. You should. It will help her remember." Jonah gives me a slight nod.

I hold out my hand and try to wrap my fingers around the remote. My hand is trembling, my grip is weak, and the remote control drops to the floor right away. Jonah knew what he was talking about. The minute my mom sees me struggling her eyes come alive again.

"It's ok sweetie... You're doing so well. It will all come back to you." She rests her head on my shoulder, and I feel my own tears streaming down my face. Not even because she remembers now..but because it may not all come back to me. This maybe it for my recovery. And if so and I go to jail, how am I going to take care of myself?

Kendall starts the show and Katie comes in with tea for mom. They both stay silent and sit on the matching chairs while I sit with mom. They both keep their eyes darting from the tv, to me, and back to the tv while mom laughs at the funny parts like she always does. My face remains blank and emotionless while my tears run down my cheeks.

She rests her head on my arm like always and I cry harder.

"Did he hurt you again?" She whispers and pulls my head down to rest on her lap. She combs her fingers through my hair like she did when I was little. Like Julia does now.

"I'm just scared, mom." I croak out, making both Katie and Kendall need to leave the room until they can compose themselves.

"Don't worry, Jamie. I'm saving up money, remember? I'm going to get us out of this dump. We're gonna be happy again, ok? I promise." She still thinks I'm crying over something my father did, but it doesn't even matter. I close my eyes and cry while my mother watches TV.

******

*Trisha*

"Nate, seriously. What's going on? You rush in this morning, don't bother eating breakfast and leave in a suit and tie? Were you meeting with the lawyer again?" I ask, thoroughly confused when Nate returns hours later.

"Yeah, I'm staying out of this one, Hollan. Good luck." Paul hightails it to his room while Nate loosens his tie and sits on the couch.

"Where's Gallo?"

"Visiting his mom Where were YOU?" I sit down next to him and curl my legs to get comfortable.

"Listen, Trish. Don't flip out, ok."

Ok you can't start a conversation with "don't flip out", unless you want the person to flip out. I sit up a little straighter and look Nate in the eyes.

"What did you do?"

"I had a meeting to go to today...."

"No you didn't. I cancelled your agenda for the entire day. What the hell are you talking about?"

"A meeting without you. For a reason, ok? I needed to do this one alone."

"Do what alone?"

"Trish, look at me." He takes both my hands in his and turns a little so he can face me. He did something. Something big. Something he knows I'm going to be upset over. "There's so much going on right now. I scheduled the meeting today."

"What meeting??" Why the fuck is he beating around the bush?!

"I had a meeting with my lawyer. And then a meeting with Leslie and Richard."

No.

"I'm cancelling my tour." He begins and my eyes bug out of my head before he starts talking faster to get it out before I bite his fucking head off. "Just a partial cancellation, ok? I'm going to continue to perform the final leg of the tour. All of the U.S. I'm just not going to travel out of the country right now. That's all. We need to take a few months off." He speed talks now.

"You WHAT?!"

******

When I say I lost my shit... I really lost my shit. I reamed into Nate for a good ten minutes before catching my breath. I screamed at him. Told him it was a bad idea. But then I began to cry. I cried and couldn't stop crying. Everything is happening all at once and it caught up to me. I've wanted this tour for so long. I've planned so hard. Even when things were falling apart, I worked around it to keep us afloat.

And I get it. I know he's right for doing this. We need to be here for James. But I've just wanted this so bad. I wanted everything to go back to how it used to be and that's just not going to happen.

I pulled a Julia.

I cried and cried....and cried. I cried for SO long. For SO many reasons. I cried and it was Paul to pluck me up off the couch and carry me to my room before James comes home to witness anything more stressful. Paul lays me in my bed, kicks off his boots and lays with me. He pulls me right against his big bodyguard body and lets me cry without saying a word.

Everything is falling to pieces. All our plans. Everything. It's all changing too fast.

******