*Trisha*

I can't breathe.

Nate collapsed right in the middle of the room at the New Years Eve party. It took me all of 2.2 seconds to get to him and less than five minutes for rescue to swoop him away. I imagine numerous people called 911 at the same time prompting the ENTs to arrive quickly. I mean, this IS Nate Hollan.

Both James and I rode in the ambulance with Nate. At first the team was only going to let one person ride with him but then saw the need for a bodyguard so let James come with us. 
There is NO WAY I would leave James behind. Not a chance. Outwardly to others he resembles a completely healthy man, and his physical disabilities are easy to hide...until he needs to do something, like, turn a doorknob. You can't just leave him to fend for himself like that. 

I'm still a little pissed a Julia for that time she got high in his house and left James all alone awhile back. That shit is traumatizing and she was only thinking about herself and getting her fix. When you have an addiction, you become a very selfish individual. Anything to get your hands on what you need. Nate was the same way.

The whole ride to the emergency room Nate seemed in and out of it. Confused and disoriented. His blood pressure was through the roof which set me off to spiral in hysterical tears thinking he was having a heart attack. Once we pull up to the hospital, they whisk Nate away and someone leads me and James to the waiting room which is packed! 

Evan rushes in through the lobby doors, shows the staff his Hollan Security Badge and grabs my hand. "Let's go. I already called and they have a separate waiting room ready for you."

Evan is like Paul, right on top of things. A hospital security guard leads us to a small empty room. It's the same exact room we waited in the very first time Nate had a heart attack, which triggers me even more and I burst into tears again.

"Sit her down and try to calm her." Evan looks over to James. "I'll notify Paul to get security in place here." The bodyguard rushes out of the room. 

"I'm sure he is fine." James wraps his arms around me and hugs me before sitting me down in one of the folding chairs.

I nod and try to catch my breath.

A full hour goes by before we see another person. A full hour goes by of me thinking the worst. A full hour of crying, pacing the small room and waiting for someone to update us. Neither me nor James talk. We just wait. And wait. And wait. Evan is the first one to enter the room.

"Security is in place. I told the nurse your name and to come find you the second they have any updates, ok?" Evan sits down next to James and they both watch me pace. Right as he says that the door opens, and he jumps back up into bodyguard mode.

"Miss Banks?"  An older man, presumably the doctor on call, walks into the room. "Hi, I'm Dr. Aruda. Mr. Hollan is fine."

"Oh, thank God!" I burst. "We are running some tests but did have to give him an anxiety med to help calm him so he is sleeping, but you can go in and stay with him."

I look back towards James. I can't leave James.

"I'll be fine." James reads my mind.

"I'll stay with him, Trisha. Paul is on his way. You go back there and stay with Nate." And Evan reads my mind. He knows about James and his story from being Nate's bodyguard on tour.

I follow the doctor to be with Nate.

******

*James*

I feel a bit useless here as I sit with Evan in the small room.

"You think it was a heart attack?" Evan looks at me with concern.

"I don't think so. They wouldn't have told Trisha he was fine if it was another heart attack. Probably more of a panic attack I bet."

"Mila Giovanni got his heart rate going." Evan shakes his head, and I smirk at the man trying to make light of the situation.

"I mean, look at her." I laugh.

"You don't think he drank, do you? I didn't see him drink anything."  The kid asks, more seriously now.

"No. I don't think so. But I'm sure they will do a tox screen on him and find out for sure." I say as the door swings open. Paul comes in and shakes his head.

"It's a fucking zoo out there now." The bodyguard huffs. "Hey Gallo. You good? Do you need anything?"

"Nope." I answer, grateful for our village of people that know me. It was the first thing Paul did. Make sure I'm ok.

"Do you guys know anything yet?" He sits down on the other side of Evan and we both shake our head.

"God, Julia is going to be a mess when she finds out." I say.

"She already knows. I was with her." Paul keeps his eyes down on his phone, but he can feel my eyes on him.

"You were with Julia??"

"Yep."

I stare at the man until he finally looks up and his shoulders drop.

 "Listen, I didn't want her to spend New Year's Eve alone, ok? That's all it was. I brought her dinner, and we watched the ball drop on my phone. That's how she found out about Hollan. It's already all over the news. She'll be fine."

I believe Paul. I don't believe it was anything more than just him feeling bad for her. But I also feel guilty now. I should have made the effort to be with Julia tonight. I should have at least had someone bring me there at some point today. I was too busy being depressed and feeling sorry for myself. New Year's resolution. Stop doing that shit. No more being depressed. No more feeling sorry for myself. It doesn't change anything. It doesn't bring Carter back, that's for sure.

"Paul..." Max, another one of Nate's bodyguards, stands in the doorway. "We're going to need more security. Word got out fast and more reporters and fans are showing up here."

"Shit. Ok." Paul grabs his phone and leaves the room with Max.

It's going to be a hell of a long night. What a way to bring in the New Year.

******

*Trisha*

I don't know which anxiety med they gave Nate but it knocked him out for a little while. I sit in the small room and watch the numbers fluctuate on the monitor. They tore Nate's shirt right down the middle in order to get an emergency EKG reading and he has sticky pads all over his chest and stomach with wires going to the machine to monitor him.

He starts to stir and then opens his eyes.

"You're ok, Playboy."  I squeeze his hand that I have held since the moment I sat down next to him.

Dr. Aruda has to get through a set of bodyguards before he's able to get into the room.

"Mr. Hollan. What a way to bring in the New Year. And quite the fanbase you have outside the hospital. I'm Dr. Gregory Aruda."

"What happened?" Nate asks. I prop his pillow so he can sit up a little and grab the water the nurse left for him, putting the straw to his lips.

"Well, sir. It looks like two things happened at once. Were you in a stressful situation by any chance? Maybe uncomfortable being at the party or feeling overwhelmed in any way?"

"Tox screen came back clear, Dr. Aruda." A nurse interrupts, hands the doctor a slip and hurries away to another patient.

"Well, we can rule out drinking and drugs. Good job on that one." The old man gives Nate a thumbs up. "As I was saying..."

"No, he didn't want to be at that party." I answer for Nate. He was so stressed out over Richard forcing him to attend this event knowing he'd be near booze. Then to see Mila was there. I think that's what set him off.

"So, your bloodwork is great and your EKG normal... well as normal as it can be for someone with heart disease and an arrythmia. Here's what I think happed." The old man adjusts his glasses and looks up from his chart to Nate. "You may have had a panic attack which then raised your blood pressure into a hypertensive crisis. It can lead to complications like hypertensive encephalopathy which can result in confusion, vision changes as well as loss of consciousness."

"So I didn't have a heart attack??"

"So, you didn't have a heart attack." Dr. Aruda smiles. "We're going to keep you here for a few hours to monitor you and keep track of that blood pressure of yours. Extra security has already been put into effect, but we'd like to get you moving along and out of here as soon as possible- for obvious reasons." The doctor leaves the room to be with other patients.

"See? You're ok." I sigh like a huge weight has been lifted off me.

"This made the news, didn't it?" 

"It did." I frown, still holding his hand.

"Julia..."

"Paul is with her. Apparently, he was already there." 

"Already where? At the Avalon?" Nate looks as confused as I did when Paul texted me.

"Yeah. He didn't want Moretti to spend New Year's Eve alone. He talked Donovan into letting him stay and brought Chinese food to the nurses and an order to Julia's room. They were watching the live Ryan Seacrest party on his phone when the local news interrupted the show." 

"Wow. Tin man does have a heart." Nate jokes. Something we always tease Paul about whenever he does do something abnormally kind.

"And a healthy one, unlike some of us. Listen, I know you didn't want to chance anything with Mila but we could have just left the normal way. You didn't have to fake a heart attack and go out with a bang ya know." I earn an eye roll out of Nate from that. "You need to stop scaring the shit out of me." I begin to cry again.

"Hey. I'm fine. See? I'm completely fine." He tries to console me while in a fucking hospital bed with wires all over him.

"Yeah." I wipe my tears away. 

"Cmere love." Nate gives me his puppy dog eyes as he puts the empty space in the bed. I climb in next to him and cry harder when he wraps his free arm around me.

"You really scared the shit out of me." I repeat and rest my head on his shoulder where there are no wires. He pulls my chin up and wipes my eyes. 

"I know. I'm sorry. It was a minor thing." He pecks my lips like he's done a million times. "I'm ok."

****

By 5:00am Nate gets the ok to leave and Paul calls Ren to pick us all up. Everyone looks exhausted. Especially Paul. He looks like he's been through the ringer between dealing with Moretti, worrying about Nate and coordinating the security for the hospital. Poor James falls asleep on the car ride home and Evan can barely keep his eyes open.

"Jonah and Casey already know." I let Nate know he doesn't have to rehash anything and can go straight to bed once we get home. 

"Evan, you can crash on the couch at my place if you like. I know you live 45 minutes away." Nate offers. He has always been very open about letting people stay at his place. People he trusts at least. I think Nate likes having people around him. The more the merrier. Funny how he has changed over the last year. From living alone in that enourmous apartment to now living with all of us and even making another room for James.

Once home I set up the couch for the bodyguard while Nate helps James to bed.  Paul heads straight to his room.

When I walk into James's room, I see Maggie in his bed with him. It's seriously the cutest sight.

"Looks like someone took your spot."  Nate whispers and ticks his head to the dog.

"It's fine. He likes her more than me." I laugh but Nate raises a brow at me, knowing how James has been acting down and out lately.

"If you don't want to sleep in here, I can sleep on the couch." 

"No, it's fine. You need to sleep in bed. I'm just gonna go get changed outta this and then will take the couch in here so he's not alone. Just in case he has a seizure.

Nate wraps his arms around me for a hug. "Sorry about tonight."

"You really scared the shit out of me, playboy."  I bury my head in his chest, trying to hold in my tears but failing miserably.

"Hey, look at me. I'm ok. I'm gonna stay in bed all day tomorrow and make everyone wait on me, ok?" He smirks and wipes more of my tears away. "Thanks for keeping the booze, and Mila away from me tonight. You look really nice by the way."

"Aww thanks. You bought this dress for me."

"I did?" He takes a step back and looks at the unfamiliar dress.

"Yep. Yesterday. I swiped your card. It was $300." I admit and he rolls his eyes, bringing me back in.

"It was well worth the money."

*****

*James*

When I wake up, I see Trisha laying on the couch in my room and Maggie is gone which means Casey took her out for a walk.

"Morning sexy." Trisha puts her phone down.

"You slept on the couch??" I scoot over and pat on the bed. She knows what I want and comes over to lay down with me, pulling the covers over us both. We both lay on our sides and face each other.

"Maggie stole my spot last night. Plus, I thought you may want the bed to yourself." Trisha's smile fades and she looks away. 

"I'm sorry I haven't been acting myself lately. It has nothing to do with you." I assure her but I don't think Trisha believes me. 

I cup her face and stare down at her for a moment. We both drop our eyes to each other's lips. I brush my lips against hers and she places her hand behind my head to draw me in more.

I kiss Trisha and don't stop. Kissing her makes me feel alive again. Like all my depression just melts away. I've been avoiding everyone lately and no one deserves that. Especially Trisha.  My body comes alive, and I feel that familiar twinge in my stomach when she presses her body against mine, deepening our kiss.

"Show me how sorry you are." Trisha demands.

And I do. 

I show her how sorry I am over and over again until she can't take anymore.

It's the perfect way to start the new year.

******