*James*

Christmas came and went. I try to stay positive, but this is the time of year I'm at my worst. Everyone has been very understanding, but the only person who would truly get it is Julia. I think of her often and wonder how she coped with the holiday on top of detox. I wonder what she did previous years around this time of year. Did she visit her son's grave? Did she celebrate the holiday? Unlike me, Julia has no siblings and no parents alive. It was just her, Luke, and..... Danny.

On Christmas Eve, my sisters took me to a candlelight service at my church. They had a small dedication in memory of Carter, where we lit candles in his honor. We do this every year, but this was the first year I wasn't able to hold a candle. I couldn't hold a damn candle to honor my son. It was Lindsay who helped me. Even though we are not together, she makes it a point to come to these things to support me.

Unfortunately, Trisha wasn't able to join us because of Nate's work schedule. They had some event to go to, but we did spend Christmas morning together. I haven't been very intimate with Trisha lately, and Christmas was no different. I haven't been feeling myself these days. 

After breakfast on Christmas morning, we went with my sisters to the cemetery. Trisha cleaned off her mother's plot and spent a few moments there, then met me at Carter's grave. I know the holidays are supposed to be joyous times, but they just aren't for me and my family. We have our traditions, as sad as they may be, and I know Trisha felt a little uncomfortable visiting a cemetery on Christmas. Julia would have gotten it, though. She'd understand how I feel.

******

*Trisha*

"Is 31 the age you officially start feeling old?" Nate asks. He slows down the speed on his treadmill. James has, once again, outrun Nate. That's the thing about James. When he puts his mind to something, he doesn't give up. Right from the very start, he was determined to remain physically active. He takes care of his body. Always has. Probably always will. Even when he is depressed, he still makes it a point to work out. He's just .... James.

"Aww, Playboy. Did Mr. Gallo beat you again??" I hop off the elliptical and stop the treadmill for James at the 45-minute mark. Once it stops, I lean up and kiss him. I realize we aren't really affectionate in front of Nate, so I think me doing this one little thing caught Nate by surprise. I don't think he is used to seeing James and I as a couple.

I look at my phone and realize we are running short on time.

"Oh shit. It's almost two. You have to be in the studio in an hour." I look over at Nate, who wipes his brow with his towel and opens a water bottle for James, helping him take a sip. It's really sweet the way Nate takes care of James. Even though they were once enemies fighting over the same girl. I'm glad those days are over.

"I was kind of hoping to visit Julia."

"Yeah, I don't think that will be happening today, Nate. After your studio session, Ren will drop you off at the tailors to have your suit fitted for the New Years Eve party. And youuu, hotstuff, have PT with Ryan, and Lindsay wants to see the dog before she travels for work."

Once upstairs in the apartment, Jonah and Casey are clocked back in to care for James. I smirk at Casey as they come out of the bedroom together. We did our own little Christmas shopping at the lingerie boutique, and I have a feeling she just gave Jonah his Christmas "gift."

"Have fun, kids?" Nate says in a rude manner, walking past them towards the fridge.

"He's in a mood." Jonah responds.

"He's just being a baby because he doesn't have time to see Moretti." I roll my eyes at Nate. "C'mon, James. I'll help you in the shower before I head out."

"Yeah, you do that. No sex in my shower, either." Nate sneers.

For some reason, I don't think that will be a problem. James hasn't really been in the mood for sex lately, and with our relationship so new, I feel weird bringing it up. I hate to admit it, but he is different without Julia here. He no longer cracks jokes or laughs and seems pretty down. Certainly not the carefree, humorous James I met months ago.

Actually, ever since he had that seizure in his sleep, James has been very quiet altogether.

"Hey. Are we ok?" I ask once we are in the shower. James turns around while scrubbing his hair to look at me.

"Yeah, why?"

"I don't know. Just asking." I shrug and begin washing his chest. "We used to laugh together a lot more when we weren't dating. I wanted to make sure I didn't do something wrong to upset you."

"Nope." He says curtly.

"I'm starting to think it's me." I study his face. His eyes are closed with his head under the water to rinse his hair. "I'm starting to think every time I date someone everything changes."

I think of Paul and I. We were fine together but that's it. Just fine. We didn't fight and no one did anything wrong, but aside from the sex we were kinda boring together. But nobody else could have taken care of me as well as Paul took care of me when I had my miscarriage and I'm beyond grateful for that.

"It's just the season, that's all." James leans down and pecks my lips but then turns back around.

I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm just not compatible with anyone.

******

*James*

"You did really well at PT today." Lindsay praises me for a job well done after taking me to my appointment. We sit at a picnic table in Griffith Park and she helps me with my lunch. We were both starving and did a quick fast food run for some burgers and fries. Fries have to be one of the hardest things for me to pick up, so I push them aside.

"Hey, no french fries? You on a diet, Gallo?" She teases me, catching on right away, and putting a few into my hand for me.

"It's just a pain for whoever is helping me, that's all." I explain.

"What's going on with you lately? You know I never mind helping you. You seem a little off. Is it because of that scary seizure you had or...you know...because of Christmas."

Like Julia, Lindsay can read me like a book sometimes. I don't even have to answer the question. Her eyes are full of empathy, and she nods her head.

"Yeah...." She leans her head on me. "I'm sorry, James. The holidays suck."

"They sure do." I sigh and watch Lindsay throw a french fry down to Maggie who grabs it quick like the fry is going to run away from her. "You're getting fat, Mags."

"Hey! No body shaming our dog!" Lindsay laughs and throws a few more fries down. "Daddy is just jealous because he can't pick the fries up himself." She throws one at my mouth, but I catch it and raise my brows at her as I chew.

"Oh yeah? How's THAT for coordination, brat." I give her a little wink.

"How are things going with you and Trisha?" 

 I had a feeling Lindsay would bring this up. She loves talking about our relationship statuses. She's had some winners after we broke up and is now single yet again. I've only been with Julia and now Trisha since Lindsay and I called it quits.

"It's fine."

"Fine? Just fine? You're boring me, Mr. Gallo. C'mon." She crumbles our hamburger wrappers and puts all our trash in the paper bag. "You're still hung up on Julia, aren't you?"

"Yeah, well that ship has sailed. She is wearing that damn engagement ring and living at the Avalon. I hate going there so I haven't seen her lately."

"Can't say I blame you. I wouldn't want to go to the Avalon either."

I think the last time I saw Julia was when the facility had the lockdown. We've never gone this long without talking. Ever.

******

*Trisha*

"You don't have to stay until midnight, Trish. You should be with James." Nate tucks his dress shirt in while I touch up my make up. It's New Year's Eve and of course, Richard signed Hollan up to appear at some celebrity party. These things are the worst. Mainly because of all the booze and shit that will be there to temp Nate.

"Are you sure? You're not going to need a babysitter??"

"Evan will babysit me. Unless you want to bring James with us. He can be a bodyguard alongside Evan. He still has his suit."

That could be a good idea. I would love to ring in the New Year with my boyfriend and it would be good for James to get out a little. He is in a funk big time.

"Let me go ask!" I throw on my robe and head out to the living room. James is laying down on the couch being a lump on a log.

"Hey, hot stuff. Do you have any big plans for tonight?" I plop down next to him. He's watching some lame sports thing on TV but I don't know if it's because he is interested or by default because he can't use the remote. I shut the TV off.

"Hey! I was watching that."

Ok. Not by default. Noted.

"Come to the event with us."

"Not a shot in hell." James says instantly.

"You can play dress up and be a bodyguard..." I say in an enticing tone, but James doesn't bite.

"Not happening." He crosses his arms over his chest. "Now can you put the TV back on?"

"C'mon. It'll be fun! You don't REALLY have to work as a bodyguard. It's just so you can get in." I get up and pull his arm but he shakes his head.

"Not my scene, Trish. You know that." James grumbles.

Jonah looks over from the dining room table and I pout. He catches on quick.

"You're really gonna stay home on New Years Eve?? If you go with Trish that means Casey and I can go out to dinner." Jonah gives me a little wink because he knows we are all playing the game to get James out of this funk.

"Fine." James huffs. "I don't want to be the one to hold you and Casey back from making plans tonight."

"Yay!" I exclaim. "C'mon sexy. I'll help you get ready." I drag him into his room to help him get ready for the night.

*****

Ren pulls up to the venue this time in a limo. It's a red-carpet event so the limo is a must. Evan and James get out first. James puts his hand out for me, and I climb out of the limo. I'm in a new little red dress and strappy heels for tonight that very well with be the death of me. My feet are already hurting.

"If you feel like being around all the alcohol is too much just let me know, ok?" I link my arm in Nate's because James is "technically" our bodyguard, even though he is my date. Nate gives me a slight nod of appreciation. Cameras are everywhere as we walk down to the entrance. Evan in front and James behind.

The venue is dark and crowded, crawling with celebrities. It's where to be tonight and everybody who is somebody is here tonight.

"You've gotta be shitting me." Nate nudges me. I follow his eyes to see Mila Giovanni in the corner of the room. Christ. Now I'm REALLY on babysitting duty, aren't I?!

"Christ. Ok. Just stay close to us alright?"

James notices Mila and looks back to give Nate a nasty look.

"I swear to God, Hollan... if you do something to hurt Julia tonight, I will deck you right in front of everyone." By the look in James's eyes, he's not joking. "I'll willingly get arrested for it."

"I'm not going to do anything." Nate walks away with his bodyguard Evan.

******

*James*

Why did I let Trisha talk me into going to this event?! This is so not my thing, and I can't even drink because I'm pretending to be a bodyguard. But Hollan is going to have his work cut out for him. Not only is the gorgeous model Mila Giovanni present in the room but there are waitresses walking around with trays of drinks everywhere. Whiskey, wine, scotch, you name it and it's on the trays. I actually feel bad for the guy. I can't imagine how hard this must be for him with his alcohol addiction. Could you imagine Julia being in a room with people walking around with prescription bottles of Ativan and her not touching them?

As I think of that scene in my head, I laugh a little. People walking around with prescriptions bottles. That's pretty funny.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Trisha sees my slight smirk but I just shrug.

"You look really beautiful tonight, Trish." And she does. But being in my weird funk lately I never even complimented her when I first saw her in that dress.

"Aww, thanks James." She smiles up at me.

 I need to snap out of it and be a better boyfriend.

******

We spend the night pretty much babysitting Hollan. Trisha has to steer Mila away from him multiple times. The woman is really nice but ... 1- I have no clue what she's saying because she speaks Italian and 2- she is obsessed with Nate. Every chance she gets she's by his side. I mean, she is hot as hell but relentless.

I stand next to Evan while we watch Trisha, once again, grab Mila away from Nate to go dance. You can tell Nate is relieved and begins to walk away.

"Must be amazing to be Nate Hollan. Do you see her? Mila Giovanni has been all over him all night." Evan stands with his arms crossed in bodyguard mode.

"Seriously." I laugh.

Then both Evan and I see it at the very same time. As Nate is walking in our direction, he stops, grabs his chest and closes his eyes tight. Then he drops to his knees.

"Shit!" I run towards him. It's like everything and everyone stops what they are doing and gasps. Even the music is off now. They all just witnessed THE Nate Hollan collapse in the middle of the room. Evan and I have to push through the crowd to get to him as someone yells out to call 911. By the time we get to Nate, Trisha is on the ground holding him in her lap, crying. 

The petrified expression on Trisha's face is something I never want to see again in my life.

******