*Trisha*

"Ok, since talking is not an option right now, let's go over the itinerary." I hand everyone  a printed paper as we sit in the living room together. Leslie, the Tour Manager, and I worked hard to coordinate this agenda. Right now, we are working on month one, but I broke it down and printed up day one for everyone here to look over. Just to get an idea of what to expect as well as not to overwhelm them. 

"Now we had planned on going a week early to sight see it that all depends on a clean bill of health for Nate. So I'm not going to go over that packet yet. Not until we know for sure we can go early. Let's flip to page three, 'Day 1 Night 1 London'. The flight is roughly ten hours and thirty minutes. But we will be taking Nate's private jet."

"Wow. A private jet?!" Casey's can barely contain her excitement, making Nate laugh a little and nod. He knows he needs to refrain from using his vocal chords until his throat heals. Nate grabs his phone and types away and then hands it to me.

"He said we can all go see it tomorrow after their Avalon session if you guys like." They are all gonna love the plane. It's amazing! I still can't believe Nate put my name on the title under his. It's bittersweet. I know what he's doing, too, which saddens me. Nate is planning ahead, isn't he? He doesn't think his heart is gonna make it as long as his dad's did, does he? 

I hope he's not giving up.

I snap myself out of my thoughts and continue reading the itinerary. Then I notice James start to become nervous. No one else seems to notice. Everyone is just reading along. 

But I notice. I can see it right away.

*****

*James*

A wave of apprehension overcomes me. I'll be in a hotel room .... alone? What if something happens? What if I have a seizure? I haven't been alone since the accident and I'm suddenly very nervous and uneasy. 

Everyone's gonna go off and do their own thing. Julia will be sightseeing with Nate.  I'll be alone. I can't go out alone. I can barely twist a door knob. I look around the room at all the excited faces and feel a pit in my stomach. What was I thinking? I can't do this.

 Trisha is excited about the tour. This is right up her all alley. But it's unlike anything I'm used to. Especially being disabled now.

We finish up the meeting, and everyone gets ready for bed. Julia and Nate both still have to show up at the Avalon every day they can until tour. I head out to the balcony for some fresh air.  I plop down on the patio couch and look out at the city lights. I'm  too nervous to travel.  I don't know what I was thinking.

"We're going on tour." Julia comes out to join me on the balcony. She seems excited about this adventure.

"Are you excited?" She asks.

"I am. I'm just a little nervous, too. I don't travel much." I admit and look down at my hands. "And..." I pause, trying to come up with the right phrase without sounding like a fucking five year old who's scared to be alone.

"What?" 

"I ju- just.." I drop my head in defeat. "I'm not used to being alone anymore."

Nate walks out to the balcony and gives us both a nod, still not supposed to talk. He texts something and hands Julia his phone. She reads the text and smiles, looks up at Nate and back down again.

"You won't be alone, James." Julia sits down and tucks my hair away from my  forehead like she always does. She puts the phone in my hand the right way so I can get a good grasp on it and I read the message. I swallow the hard lump of emotion in my throat and my eyes water. Nate knew. He knew exactly what I was nervous about.

[James you will never be alone. When we are in hotel rooms, you and Maggie will be with me and Jules so she can take care of you. Aside from that, we are all together in one unit whether that be the plane or tour bus. You will never be alone.]

I read the message, overcome with emotion and nod. Then I do something I'm not used to doing. Not to Nate at least. I'm used to punching him in the face. Tonight, after reading the message that Nate will make sure I'm ok and never alone, I stand up and hug the man. And he hugs me right back.

"Thank you." I sniff and back away. Nate nods a 'you're welcome' knowing he can't use his voice.

"C'mon, James. I'll help you get ready for bed." 

As I walk back into the apartment I am more aware now than ever- Nate is putting all our grudges aside. Which has me questioning even more about his health. He already has Julia- I lost that battle- so why is he still taking care of me? This act of kindness... Making sure everyone around him is happy and well taken care of..... He's planning ahead, isn't he?

 Nate knows his days are more limited than he's letting on...

*****

Obviously I caught on to why Paul would go to the Avalon with Julia instead of Jonah this morning, but was told not to say anything to Trisha. Nate doesn't want to worry her. I guess she's already pretty wound up  and nervous about Nate's health.

So I sit here and lie like they told me to. Jonah knows how we saw Dave and Jeremy together so he is in on the lie as to why Paul had to be the one to escort Julia to The Avalon.

"Your physician just called. He had a family emergency to attend to so will need to reschedule your doctor appointment today." Jonah lies well as Trisha helps me with my breakfast. Some days are good, some days not so much.  Days when I'm tired, like today, my body doesn't want to cooperate. 

"Did you sleep ok last night?" Trisha catches on quick when I drop my fork for the second time.

"Sorry. I'm making a mess." Heat of embarrassment rise up to my cheeks as eggs splatter on the table again.

"Don't apologize. You can't help it." Trisha decides to just take over and feed me. I'm too hungry to fight her but also humiliated we are back to this stage today. Trisha can tell.

 "Hey.. look at me hotstuff. It's fine. You're fine. I don't mind doing this stuff. I had to care for my mom right until her last day." Her lips curve down into a slight frown thinking of her mom as she feeds me the scrambled eggs. "Plus, everyone has their good days and bad days. Today is so much better than a few months ago when I was talking to a fucking vegetable."

I laugh at that. Trisha has a way with her words.

"Did you not sleep well?" She repeats and I shake my head. 

"Not really. Just couldn't shut my brain off I guess."

"Yeah. I get that."

"Shit." Jonah looks down at his phone. "I forgot to get Julia's new prescription. Do you mind waiting till I get back for your shower, James?" Jonah knows if Casey is the one to give James a shower, by law another person has to be with her. He doesn't want to put Trisha on the spot like that.

"Yeah, that's fine." I reply.

"I'm capable of giving him a shower. Don't you recall all the times I had to help Nate in the hospital? Even with his stitches?" Trisha raises a brow at Jonah. Trisha isn't a nurse, her giving me a shower doesn't legally affect her in any way. But do I really want Trisha to have to give me a shower?

"Oh. Well. That's up to you, James. Whatever you want. I gotta get this before Julia returns. She has to start it today. Case, you good?"

"Yep." Casey looks and smiles while loading the dishwasher.

"Trish. You don't have to give me a shower. I can wait." I say under my breath.

"I really don't mind. Like I said. I helped Nate all the time. I can be a good caretaker too, ya know." She says, taking a little offense. It's not that, I'm sure she can. I know she's a good caretaker. I also know I'm physically attracted to her and my body will not be able to hide that.

*****

*Trisha*

Of course I can care for James. He's gonna need to get used to others helping him. There will be days Nate will want Julia to go to a signing event while on tour or take her sight seeing. And God, Once they get married...then what?? I want James to be comfortable with me too.

"Trish. This is is weird." James watches me turn the knob for the hot water before beginning to undress him.

"You're not serious, are you Mr. Gallo? How old are we?"  I scoff. "Would it make you feel better if I get naked too? My goodness." I tease.

"Well, I mean. You do that you're asking for trouble." He raises a brow while I help him step out of his sweatpants.

"You think you're so irresistible, don't you? Like I won't be able to take my hands off you. This stuff doesn't faze me. I walk around my house half  naked all the time. Ask poor Paul. He had to live with me doing that shit." I laugh. I have no issues or insecurities with my body. It's just a body. I've taken plenty of showers with the opposite sex without having sex. Mostly Nate. Mostly having sex. But that's besides the point.

I pull my tank top off. Like a normal human I don't wear a bra to bed so when my tank top is off James swallows hard. 

"Trish.." 

Oh my gosh, it's like he's a fourteen year old boy.  He's so uncomfortable with the human body it's comical. I didn't think he'd react like this. Maybe he's just uncomfortable around ME. Or maybe I AM weird for not having an issue with naked people or taking showers with someone. Maybe  I'm not right in the head.  But it's still funny to see his reactions.

"They're just boobs." I roll my eyes and get undressed completely. James inhales sharply. "Who's having a hard time now?" I look down at the naked man's erection with a laugh.

"This is so wrong on so many levels." He huffs as I take his hand and walk into the shower. It probably is. Again, don't care.

"Lets see who can keep their hands off who now....hotstuff..... Mr. Irresistible. I always win this game." I steal one of the shower heads since there's like ..a million in this ridiculous luxury shower of Nate's, and lean back to get my hair wet. James is standing here like a fucking deer in headlights.

"You... you shave everything." He stutters and I shrug. A lot of women do. I happen to be one of them.

"What. I don't like hair. And for your information. When you are Nate Hollan's personal assistant you have enough money to have someone else do it for you. I go to the waxing salon." I feel like I'm having a normal conversation with a best friend or something. Not a guy. James makes you feel comfortable like that. He just talks. Says what's on his mind. Asks questions like a kid sometimes. It's kinda cute actually.

"Damn. Doesn't that hurt?!" 

"You get used to it. Ok. So you've seen me naked. No big deal, right? Focus. What do you need help with. If I put shampoo in your hands can you wash your hair or do you want me to?" I ask genuinely.

"Right now? Right now I want you to do everything." James's voice lowers when he flirts which catches me off guard. He's getting comfortable now.

"Men. C'mere." I can do this. I can help the man shower without jumping his bones. I can feel my heart begin to beat faster, though, which isn't helping matters. I'm very attracted to him.

 I pour some shampoo in my hands and begin to wash James's hair while he's facing me. He closes his eyes so it's not awkward, but it only gives me a chance to study his features more while I'm scrubbing his hair. He has perfect lips. Faint freckles across his cheeks and nose from always being so outdoorsy and in the sun. A little stubble, just like Nate does.

My hands fall to the nape of his neck while washing, and I look down. I feel so far away, yet he is mere inches from touching me.

"Like what you see, Banks?" James whispers with a smirk. He had opened his eyes while I was checking him out!

"You caught me." I whisper back with my hands still at the nape of his neck.

"So now you've seen me naked. No big deal, right?" James says with cockiness in that deep voice and takes a step back  to rinse his hair. He closes his eyes again, and I finally let out a breath I was apparently holding.

"No big deal..." My words suddenly come out in the most unconvincing way ever. He won and he knows it. I'm fully turned on just by watching him rinse his hair. Shit. He really won this game. I always win. If it were Nate, he'd be all over me by now.

I hand James the bar of soap, carefully making sure he has a good grip before letting go. Unfortunately, his hands aren't cooperating just like at breakfast, and he fumbles with the bar of soap. It slips out of his hands and embarrassment sets in again.

"Dammit. Sorry. I don't know what my issue is today."

"Will you stop apologizing already and just let me help you? I'm sure you'd do the same for me if I ever needed help." I pick up the bar of soap and turn James around to wash his back.

"You know I would." He sighs in defeat and lets me wash him.

" Ok you're tattoo on your chest is a given. Your son. But tell me about this tattoo." I quickly change topics while washing James. ALL of James. I wash him and he tells me some details on the huge intricate cross tattoo that takes up his entire back.

He describes some of the details and the meanings behind them but what really catches my eye is the beautiful shaded-in rose that wraps around the cross. The thorns are dark and prominent. Almost like they are trying to cover something up.

Because they are.

*****
*James*

People don't usually ask too many questions about my tattoo. Most think it's just a work of art. A piece of ink. But it's more than that. It's a work in progress and it also camouflages a great deal of my past.

Trisha glides her fingers over the stem of the rose and stops when she feels one of the thorns.

"James. Did your father do this to you?" She gently feels the small  circle cigarette burn of a scar that the thorn hides.

"Yeah. He's a hell of a guy when he's drunk. And he's always drunk." I close my eyes remembering each and every "thorn" and how I got them.  Usually, something stupid that pissed my drunken father off.

"There's so many thorns." Trisha feels each and every thorn now feeling the scars under them.

"Yeah." I don't know what else to say to that. Nothing, really. My dad was never a dad to me.

I got the brunt of it, but I sometimes volunteered myself so my sisters wouldn't get hurt. I'd  take the blame. The girls hated that, but there was no changing my mind. I would rather be the one to get hurt over my sisters getting abused.

Don't get me wrong, he abused them all right. But in a different way. Piece of shit.

I feel Trisha drop her forehead on my back and sniff. Is she crying? That's not like Trisha.

"It's amazing how people change when they drink."

 I know she's talking about Dave. I have a feeling he was pretty abusive to Trisha, though she never talks about it. I feel Trisha kiss each and every thorn on my back. Nobody has ever done that before. That one simple act breaks me down. I pinch between my eyes and begin to choke up with tears. What the hell is my issue today? This is more than just overtired. I feel overwhelmed.

"Hey." Trisha turns me back around and throws her arms around my waist. "It's ok. I'm sorry. I never should have pried."

I bury my face in her shoulder, and she lets me hold her. Here we are, both naked in the shower and I'm crying instead of making a move on her.

"He doesn't deserve to exist." She rubs my back while we stand under the hot water until I'm calm.

I've never felt so vulnerable. But in a good way.  Trisha has this hard outer shell but she's not like that inside. Not at all and she's letting me see that a little today. She's been through abuse. Mental and physical and can relate. We have more in common than I thought.

"C'mon hotstuff. Let's finish up before Casey starts wondering what's going on." She laughs and I nod, letting her wash me and help me get dressed.  She even helps me with the toothpaste, the deodorant, everything.

  Like Julia, Trisha is an excellent caregiver.