*James*

Jeremy Donovan is a dangerous man with a dangerous mind.  But more and more I see Julia start to trust him. I just don't understand! After all he's done to her. It's like he hypnotized her to forget everything. So when Julia broke down in the garden hearing about me and Trisha, it was Jeremy she ran to. Not me. Not Nate. She ran into her bedroom and pushed her bed against the door in the middle of one of her manic episodes. Because of me.  Maybe being with Trisha isn't worth what it's doing to Julia. But she CHOSE Nate. I'm not going to stay single just to be the runner up.

"She barricaded the door with her bed?!" Nate can't believe the strength Julia has when she is in the moment.

"Her adrenaline is full force. What happened outside, James?" Jeremy questions and I now feel responsible for Julia's meltdown.

"She's not too happy hearing I am moving on and the fact that it's with Trisha really upset her." I explain.

"Well, it's a safety hazard to block this door. I'm gonna need everyone's help getting through."

"Casey, can you take Maggie?" I hand Casey the dog's leash and she walks down the hall away from the disruption. You can hear Julia crying inside her room. It's awful.

It took a good fifteen minutes of me, Jeremy and Nate together to push the door open enough for Jeremy to slide in to move the bed away. And once he did, Julia went to him. She unleashed it all on him.  Julia went to Jeremy instead of Nate. Instead of me.

"I think she's had enough visitors for today." Jeremy looks down at now sleeping Julia who cried herself to exhaustion.

"C'mon James. We'll come back another time when things are calm." Casey looks up at me, but I can't take my eyes off Jeremy holding Julia. I just can't believe this!

********

*Trisha*

The car ride home was quiet. James looked out his window and didn't speak once. He is still very much in love with Julia but trying to move on. Which is the right thing to do. She didn't choose him. He should be able to live his own life without getting backlash from Moretti. But I get it. I would feel terrible if Nate was upset at me like that. 

Once home we fill Jonah in, and I spend the day trying to cheer James up the best I can. We watch movies, we facetimed his sisters for a little bit even though I didn't think it was a good idea. If they hear James doesn't have a good day, they want him home and away from all of us. They are very protective of their brother.

I gave James his privacy while facetiming Gwen and did little things here and there to straighten up the apartment. But I could still hear their conversation. I think Gwen really liked Julia because when she heard James was dating me, she didn't sound very enthusiastic.

"But it's JULIA. Everyone loves Julia." That was one of the things Gwen said, making me think Julia has been to James's mother's house, or hung out with the Gallo girls and became friends with them. I barely know them. I'm just another woman in their eyes. I'm not Lindsay. I'm not Julia. But then I smiled a little when James stuck up for me.

"You haven't even given Trisha a chance, Gwen. She's so nice and caring and funny. And she helps me out a lot just like Julia does. I really like Trisha. Like REALLY like her. And I need to move on. I deserve to be happy, too, right?"

That shut his sister up. At least for now.

I plop down on my bed that used to be Casey's room until she moved into Jonah's. A bed that hasn't been slept in much later. I end up in James's arms in his room by the end of the night.

 Paul decides to call me to give me an update of everything currently going on at the Avalon.

"I flipped out on Moretti." He says quietly. Paul?  The man that has all the composure in the world? The man who is very hard to anger or show emotions? I can tell whatever was said he regrets by his somber tone of voice right now.

"Why? What happened?" 

"She's letting her guard down. She's starting to trust Donovan more and more the more she spends time there. It's like she has forgotten what he did to her."

"I'm surprised. Nate always told me the second Jeremy would even walk into a room, Julia would freak. So what did you say to her?"

"I kind of got in her face. I told said 'Don't you DARE let your guard down. Don't you DARE forget how he hurt you! The bruises....' I triggered shit in her. I didn't mean to. But I can't forget what I saw that man do to her. I was there, Trish. I saw the bruises and then blood. I saw her face. I saw it all. That man should be rotting in a prison cell right now."

Paul is really pissed over this.

"Then I stormed out of the room." He ends with a sigh.

"You have every right to be angry, Paul. That doctor cannot be trusted. Maybe Julia is just getting used to being around him, but I don't think she forgot what he did. You don't forget that stuff. You just don't."

"Yeah, but I think by getting so mad at her I brought it all back up. Now she's back to her shut-down mode. Like she's reliving it. I should have never said anything." He goes on.

"Don't beat yourself up. No one really knows how to navigate through any of this shit. She's a mess."

"Even more reason for me to be her permanent bodyguard. She can't rely on Mike forever. He is going to go through his detox and then leave. Hell, even you should have a permanent bodyguard still with Dave roaming around."

"Actually. He's getting clean." I blurt out then regret it instantly.

"And HOW would you know this?" The tone in Paul's voice changes making it know he is pissed at me now. I pause, maybe a little too long.

"Trisha."

"I was waiting outside in the car while James went to see Julia at the Avalon. Dave's sponsor was parked next to me. I think he's finally serious about getting the help he needs."

"You're just as bad as Moretti. Too trusting. You didn't talk to him, did you?" Paul grunts when I don't answer right away. "Yep, that's it. I'm telling Nate and you are back to getting a bodyguard 24/7"

*******

*James*

I stand in Trisha's doorway unnoticed while she talks on the phone to Paul. Invasion of privacy, I know, but she just said she was in contact with Dave Brennan.

Trisha ends her call with Paul and turns in her bed, flinching when she sees me standing there. By the look on my face she can tell I heard what was said.

"Why would you be talking to Dave?" I invite myself in and sit on her bed next to her.

"It was just a quick two sentence conversation. He just told me how sorry he was and how he was getting help. I'm glad he is. He needs it. That's it all was."

God, Trisha is JUST like Julia in so many ways. She will never admit the similarities, but they are there.  Dave is to Trisha like Nate is to Julia. No matter how many times they fuck up, no matter how many times they hurt the other person, these two women always take them back. Nate has cheated on Julia with Mila, humiliating her to the point she fell into a deep depression yet, Julia took him back. Dave physically abused Trisha yet here she is, even after a restraining order, talking to Dave. Obviously, I'm not comparing Nate to Dave. Nave would NEVER hit a woman. Hell, I don't think he would ever hit a man. I think he leaves that shit to me. But I AM comparing Trish and Julia

I will never, for the life of me, understand how these two can be so trusting towards the men that hurt them.

"Can we talk about something else?" Trisha wants to move on. "What are your thoughts about coming on tour with us in a few weeks?"

I shift on her bed. I knew this topic would come up sooner or later.

"Without Julia?"

"Well, I don't think she will be ready to travel, I can tell ya that much." Trisha busies herself with picking up clothes strewn around her room while keeping the conversation casual.

"I'm not sure.  It would feel weird leaving her behind. And Julia is the one to take care of me."

"Hate to break it to you, Hotstuff. She's at the Avalon and not taking care of you now. She needs to take care of herself. And she signed up for the full residency, remember?"

I frown. It's been a team effort for everyone here to make sure I'm cared for.  I know they don't mind but it was usually just Julia for the most part before. It was good for her too. It gave her a purpose. She felt needed. Now, she's in a rut and I feel like if I go off without her, she won't have a purpose, which will make things that much worse.

"She will get better and then realize the full residency program was a mistake. She'll want to leave that place once she's healthy again."

"James.." Trisha looks at me with sympathy. "You don't just 'get better' when you have mental illness. You go through seasons when everything is under control and seasons when everything is pure chaos. There's no cure for bipolar. It's about maintenance not getting better."

Sometimes having a conversation with Trisha can be so frustrating.

"God, you don't think I know that?!! Jesus, Trisha!" I yell and get off her bed, leaving the room and slamming the door behind me.

 I surprise even myself with my outburst. I stand in the hall wondering what the hell just happened. I never snap like that. Ever. It was like my mood just switched in the matter of seconds. It was so out of character for me. I take a deep inhale and open Trisha's door again.

Trisha is standing in the middle of her room looking at me in shock.

"Sorry." I say softer.

"What the hell was that, James?" She looks at me with confusion with my sudden mood swing.

"Sorry. I don't know. I overreacted. I didn't mean to lash out at you like that. I don't know why I did that." I apologize but my outbursts have become a frequent thing the last few days and I'm not sure why.

******

*Trisha*

I let it go and try not to think about James's mood changes but it's not the first time this week he has shown these little outbursts. He did it the other day when he pushed himself too hard in the weight room downstairs. He couldn't do something and was so frustrated he snapped and stormed away. Then today during breakfast James got frustrated over something little and flipped out. I hate to say it, but it's like he is regressing a little with his brain functions and controlling his moods.

I wait till after James is in bed for the night to address the issue. I know Jonah will be up for a while. He's a night owl.

"Hey." I sit down on the couch next to Jonah while he watches TV. Casey fell asleep on him and he just carried her to bed. I got James to sleep well over an hour ago. Nate and Paul called it a night fairly early as well.

"You're up late. For you, that is." Jonah shoves some popcorn in his mouth and hands the bowl over to me, knowing popcorn is my weakness.

"Yeah. Listen, I have something on my mind. Medical related. I wanted your opinion on it."

"Sure."

"Have you noticed anything different about James the last day or so?" I ask while keeping my eyes on the tv show. "Like his moods?"

"Different? I mean. We're all pretty stressed out with this while Julia/Avalon deal. Why?"

"Maybe I'm overthinking. I don't know. He snapped at me earlier when I brought up Julia not going on tour because she's at the Avalon and this morning he had another moment when he was easily angered or frustrated over something little. It's just not like him." I turn to Jonah now.

"I did notice that this morning. You're right. Of all of us..aside from me of course," He winks. "James is pretty even keeled and calm. He snapped at Casey over something dumb yesterday as well. I didn't think much of it until right now. We'll have to keep an eye on his moods. If these outbursts become frequent, he may need to up his dose on his antidepressant."

I had forgotten James was on a low dose antidepressant. Once he came out of his coma and could finally let us know he was falling into a slight depression, Jonah had him go on something. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Jonah is right. We are all on edge lately.

I'm sure that's all it is...

******