*Trisha*

"You're all sorts of fucked up." Elliott rubs his bald head on our very unproductive zoom meeting. Did he really think today would be productive? Nate has barely been home 24 hours.  Give the guy a break. 

But that's not really Elliott's doing. He's just the messenger trying to get Richard off his back.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the last thing Nate wants to hear right now, given the circumstances, Elliott." I retort. This is overwhelming and for the first time in a long time, I'm starting to get emotional in the middle of our call.

"Show some compassion, Elliott! The only reason you are a millionaire is for this man right here. Don't you ever fucking forget it." I mean, this is ridiculous.

"It's not me. Miss Banks..."

"I know it's not you, but you have pull. You know that. This is out of our hands. Nate is not well. He did nothing wrong. He wasn't binge drinking. He was making fucking low calorie fish on the grille with vegetables. He's been taking care of himself and doing everything right. Even the doctors said so. So why don't you-"

Nate saves me the embarrassment and grabs the phone, shaking his head at me. He sees I'm all worked up and for his reason. But we both know I can't show that in a meeting like this.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. Nate texts me what to say and I do. I say what needs to be said and put Elliott in his place. Then we end the call.

[Good job. Thanks angel.]

Nate texts since he's not allowed to use his voice. I plop down on the bed next to him and lay flat on by back and text Nate to talk.

[Who knew being Nate Hollan's personal assistant would be so fucking stressful.]

I send my message and watch Nate read it and begin to reply.

[Management can suck it. Don't let em get to you.  We will be on our private jet in no time. Doing what we love.]

[I hope we still have fun on tour.... even with everything going on and all the extra people]

[You mean Julia]
Nate rolls to his side and watches me text, then delete, then text again.

Then delete.

I face Nate and shrug.

"I just want you to have a good time on tour. You've been looking forward to this for so long. I know a lot has happened these last few months, I just wanna make sure you enjoy this.  It should be fun not stressful." I push his hair off his forehead and then kiss it. Just once. Nothing sexual about it.

He nods and puts his phone down, closing his eyes for a few minutes.  He must be exhausted. Being Nate Hollan is extremely hard sometimes. Now all this medical stuff to boot. It's all overwhelming. I'm gonna do whatever I can to make the next year amazing for Nate. He deserves it more than anyone else I know. I want to see him happy. Because I love him.

****
*James*

"They gave you a free pass to skip your Avalon sessions today, but to rest, Julia. What's going on? He has cleaners to do all that shit." Jonah watches Julia clean out the fridge. She spirals out but keeps her back turned to everyone. My dog is sitting right next to her and begins to lick the side of Julia's face. That means she's crying. I kneel down next to Maggie and pet her for a moment while talking softly to Julia.

"You ok, babe?" I watch Julia frantically wipe down a jar of pickles, and I look up to Jonah to let him know she's not ok right now. Her hands are shaking, and tears are running down her cheeks.

"Hey, Julia. C'mere."  I put down the jar of pickles and take the cloth out of Julia's hand. I scoop Julia up into my arms and sit back, leaning against the counter. 

Julia breaks down in my arms. "Awww. Sweetie. It's ok." I hate seeing her struggle like this. I carry her to the couch, and Paul hands us the blanket next to him. Once I'm sitting, Julia curls up on my lap and pulls the blanket up. Casey snags the remote to turn off the news. Of course, it's all over the news. All over the internet. 

"It's gonna be ok." I whisper to Julia as she cries herself to sleep. I have a feeling the new meds the Avalon put her on aren't working. I remember that feeling. Before I could talk, I was really depressed and had no way of telling anyone. It was hell. Pure hell.  Eventually, it was noticed, and I was put on an antidepressant but it still took a good amount of time to feel the positive effects from it.

Julia isn't there yet. Right now, she's feeling the side effects of changing medications. The headaches, fatigue, depression, anxiety, all of it. And I have a feeling it was Jeremy that helped her get through these things before he messed everything up. Now Julia has no one. I don't think she is getting the help she needs at The Avalon. She doesn't have coping skills. I really don't see her doing well while traveling on tour. I hate that  it keeps popping up in my head. But I'm worried about Julia. Julia's worried about Nate, I'm worried about Julia, and my sisters are all worried about me.

It's never-ending.

******

*Trisha*

"Hey, Paulie. I need to run home and get a few things in order. Sorry to interrupt you're.... whatever your doing...."  I walk into the living room and see Julia asleep on James and Nate looking very stressed out. I can't handle seeing him so stressed over things out of his control. Julia is out of his control. I pull Paul up off the couch, ready to leave this place.

"That's fine. I also have to go to the Marriott to get some things in order before our tour."

"Who will take over? It was always me." James asks. I sometimes forget he had this inside job with Paul and the 4th floor. 

"Will. He's good. He's been helping out while you recover. Your job will still be waiting for you when you're ready." Paul answers and can tell I'm in a rush to leave before Julia wakes up and all hell breaks loose. We don't say anything until we're in the car.

Paul quickly takes the passenger side before I can. 

"No. You know I can't." I suddenly become very anxious.

"You can and you will. You're gonna at least try. Every time we have to drive somewhere together you're gonna try. It's the only way you're gonna get over your fear, Banks." Paul is already in the car and buckled in while I'm frozen outside the drivers side. I swallow hard and sit in the seat. I buckle my seatbelt and look over to make sure Paul has done the same. When I tilt the mirror in place my hand shakes and Paul notices.

"Look at me, Trisha." He takes my  shaking hand. "Take a deep breath and just try."

I do as Paul says and pull out of the parking garage, slow as molasses. I feel like a teenager just learning to drive and I don't know why the accident is still affecting me to this level. Sweat forms on theback of my neck and my heart feels like it may very well pound right out of my chest while I'm driving down the road. My eyes dart everywhere. Watching everyone. The man next to me driving while texting, slightly swerving every once in awhile. The elderly woman in front of me who clearly shouldn't have her license renewed any more. And the group of kids in the sedan behind me chatting away and eating fast food, barely paying attention to the road.

My two hands grip the steering wheel so tight I may pull the whole thing right off the dashboard. Then it happens and Paul can see it happen right away. The sounds of a siren are heard by both of us and i'm unsure what direction it's coming from, not being able to see it yet. Panic makes bile rise right up to burn my throat as my eyes continue to dart everywhere to see where the firetruck is coming. Everyone pulls off to the side like you're legally supposed to. Everyone but me. I freeze the minute I see the Rescue coming directly my way.

"Trish. Pull over." Paul looks at me but I stare at the Rescue speeding in my direction. The lights hypnotise me and I'm right back to our accident. "Trisha. Pull the fuck over."

Tears stream down my face. I think I'm in shock. Or this is one hell of a panic attack. I can't move. I stare at the lights coming my way. The noise of the siren is the exact same noise from the accident. A firetruck follows behind and then there's me. Smack dab in the middle of the road.

Until I'm not.

Paul struggles being as big and tall as he is but manages to lean over and  pull his own leg over the console to step on the gas. He grabs the steering wheel and maneuvers  the car to the side of the road, just in time for the rescue and fire truck to whiz by.

"Get out."

I'm now crying. No. I'm sobbing. Hyperventilating. 

"I'm sorrry!" I look over at Paul, my eyes so wide with fear, unable to control my emotions. Is this what Julia feels every day?? Every time she sees Jeremy? This is what she goes through? It's terrifying.

The next thing I know Paul pulls me out of the drivers seat and walks me around the car to the passengers side, taking my place to drive. I'm shaking, I'm crying, I'm a mess. I watch Paul  pull over into the nearest plaza and park the vehicle. The second the engine is off I throw open the door and throw up on the pavement, barely out of the car.

"Shit.  Ok. Ok." Paul scrambles to get out again and rushes over to my side, pulling me out of the car.

"I'm getting worse not better! What the fuck is happening?" I look up to with pleading eyes. Please have an answer for me because I can't handle not being in control of my emotions like this

I have never felt such panic in my life. Not like this. Whatever PTSD shit that was...it brought me right back to the car accident. It's very rare for me to have compassion for Julia Moretti, but if this is anything like what she goes through in that little body of hers, my heart goes out to her.

 Because I just fucking lost it.