*Trisha*

The flight was long. Too long. Nate was anxious most of the time, and when he wasn't pacing, he was trying to sleep. He didn't talk much because there was nothing to say. I didn't talk to him because there was nothing to say.

He made his decision. Time to go home. I will clean up the mess he leaves behind like I always do. And while I'm cleaning up his mess, he will be tending to Julia. His focus will be on Julia and no one else. I had my brief time with him. I knew it was temporary. 

But it still hurts.

 There is nothing more I can do to make Nate love me more, I know this.

 But it still hurts.

 There's nothing I could have changed to make him want me; I know this, too. 

But it still hurts.

So now we go back to Best Friend Mode. And that fucking hurts.

So I do all the things. Tie all the loose ends. Keep myself busy. Make sure food will be delivered to the house for when we return. Make sure the cleaners come and make Nate's place perfect for him. Call and check on James. Call and check on Paul. Call Ren, Nate's driver, to make sure he knows the itinerary. Call Richard to let him know Nate is coming home early. Call the Avalon to make sure they know Nate will be in to resume his AA meetings and partial program required from his DUI. Call security to make sure they are where they need to be once our flight lands. Call the Around The World tour travel crew to make sure all our luggage is shipped to Nate's apartment. Call the catering company to let them know not to set up for two more days of meals. Call the production team to let them know they can pack up and head home early. Let holly know she's not needed for the interview and event hair and make-up prep. The list goes on and on. 

That's what I do. I do things.

But it all hurts like hell.

*******

*James*

I didn't go to the Avalon today. I knew Nate was coming back so knew he would want to see Julia. I'd just be in the way. Nate and I no longer fight over Julia. We fight FOR Julia but not over her. I'll never stop fighting FOR her. But fighting Nate is useless. Julia wants what she wants when she wants it, yet Julia never knows what she wants. I've learned to go with it. I've accepted that.

Who knows? Maybe there will be a day someone else comes into my life and take over for Julia. But until that happens, I will stay in love with her.

And today. Today I spend the day with my ex-girlfriend. Today I spend the day having sex with Lindsay so I can try to forget life for a little while. Is it healthy? No. Probably not. Is it a good distraction? Most definitely. 

"You can sleep here tonight if you want. I can take care of you, James." Lindsay rests her head on my chest. "You still have clothes here and all. You still have a toothbrush next to mine."

I kiss the top of the beautiful blonde's head and give her a little smile.

"Yeah, ok. But I need help with-"

"Everything. I know James. This can give your sisters a break from sleeping at your house too. I can call them later. Sound good?" She looks up at me with her big blue eyes, trying to help me with my emotional distress.

"Thanks, Linds." I take her up on her offer. Mags obviously has everything she needs here and is content. And to be honest, I could use the company......company that ISN'T my family. Me and Lindsay may never be a thing. We tried that and it just didn't work out. But she's a good friend. A real good friend.

"Shower with me." She rolls on top of me and begins to kiss down my throat. Another wave of desire flows through me.

"You want more??" I cock a brow at the blonde bombshell on top of me.

"Of James Gallo? Yes, sir. I always want more." Lindsay sits up on my lap and I grab her hips.

"You're insatiable do you know that?"

"So are you going to help me with that problem or...." She drops her hand between her legs, and I groan at the sight of her.

"Never a problem...."

******

*Trisha*

Nate never came home last night. I waited for him. But he never came home. Eventually Paul came out of his bedroom saw me on the couch.

"He's spending the night at the Avalon." The man grumbles while grabbing a cold-water bottle from the fridge. "Go to bed, Banks."

"Yeah? Whose bed?" I ask, feeling a little ticked off Nate didn't even bother to text me to let me know he wasn't coming back to his apartment. Instead, he texted Paul? Probably Jonah too. But not me. Paul also knows I fooled around with Nate when we were on tour. He's not an idiot. He knows what we do on tour and has for years.

"Mine is always open...."

What are my options? Sit on the couch thinking about Nate all night long or follow Paul into his room and do what Jonah and Casey have probably been doing all night long? I choose the latter. With a slight nod, I get up off the couch and take Paul's hand.

But the whole time I have sex with Paul, my mind is on Nate. Paul feels amazing, don't get me wrong. God, he feels amazing. But when you're not in love with someone, that's all you feel... the physical part. I wonder if Paul felt the same thing. He was into it tonight. I know it's probably been a while for him unless he had sex with Julia. I highly doubt that, though. He doesn't think of Julia in that way. At least not that I know. Who am I kidding? Everyone thinks of Julia in that way. But Paul is a very disciplined man. If he knows it's off limits, he doesn't do it. Julia is off limits. Me. I'm not off limits, and I show I'm that tonight. Quietly, of course, since we are back to an apartment full of other people. The last thing I need is Jonah and Casey knowing what's going on in here.

At one point, though, I surprised myself. At one point, when Paul was on top of me with his head buried in my shoulder, ready to lose all control, I didn't think of Nate. I didn't think of Paul or even Noah.

I thought of James.

I thought of what it would be to feel like with James. I bet he feels good. I bet he feels real good. From what I remember, he was a damn good kisser. And he must be good in bed if Julia keeps going back to him all the time. I mean, I've seen the man naked. I know what he's been blessed with.  I'm sure he knows how to use his blessing.

So yeah, while having sex with Paul....

I thought of James.