*James*

It may sound weird to some, but I don't care. To be honest,  that stuff never did bother me. I sleep in Nate's bed. The bed he shares with Julia. I sleep in his bed and hold Julia all night long while he recovers in the hospital.

Julia lets me hold her. She lets me pull her into my chest. She lets me run my fingers through her hair to help calm her down. She lets me care for her.

It has been a long time since we have been close to each other. I know Julia is trying to do right by Nate. I know that's the reason she has been refraining from physical contact with me. But tonight she lets me hold her and take care of her.

It's not often it's me taking care of Julia. Everyone knows it's usually the other way around. But tonight I do. I kiss her forehead, I help her fall asleep, and in the morning, I don't budge on breakfast until I see her eating first. She knows the rules. She knows the game I will play. I will go all day without eating if need be. And Julia doesn't want that to happen.

"You drive me nuts, you know that James?" Julia puts the fork back in my hand when I drop it during my eating strike.

"You eat first, then I will. You know the rules...."  I remind her, and Casey laughs a little while getting ready to take Maggie out.

"Ugh. Fine." Julia takes a bite of her scrambled eggs and raises her eyebrows at me. After I see that those first few bites-the hardest ones for her to overcome - have been taken, I begin to eat.

"After this, can you help me take a shower?" I ask genuinely, not trying to flirt, I really do need a shower and really do need help.

"Of course." Julia never makes me feel bad for not being able to do normal things like everyone else. She is good like that.

We continue eating breakfast, and she helps me when I fumble with my coffee. She can tell I'm stressed out. My body isn't working the way I want it to today. I think it's from lack of sleep. I spent the night worrying and praying over Nate and Julia. Nate is not my enemy. He should be. But he's not. He has helped me and my family out so much. More than anyone has ever helped us before. 

Do I hate it that Nate has won the contest? That he has Julia's heart? That she wears his engagement ring? Of course. Do I hate Nate as a human? Of course not. So it's only natural I'd worry about him and his health.

I miss my mouth a little and spill the coffee.

"Shit." I look away in embarrassment. "Sorry."

"Don't be James. Are you ok? Did it burn you?" Julia quickly wipes the hot coffee off my hand and off the table as I shake my head no.

"I don't know what's going on today. My hands aren't cooperating."

"You're stressed. We all are." She picks up the mug and gently puts it to my lips. "Here. I'll help."

I take a sip of my coffee and feel my eyes water. "Sorry. I'm pathetic."

"James, stop." Julia furrows her brows at me being embarrassed of my shortcomings.

"Look how far you've come. Do you know it was just a few months ago that I was holding your hand praying you would come out of your coma?  It was just a few months ago that you were completely unresponsive, and the doctors were losing hope, prepping us  that you were most likely brain dead and in a permanent vegetative state. Now look at you! You're talking and walking and doing all the things. You're healing, James. I'm so proud of you. I'm so grateful you're here right now with me. You know that?" Julia's eyes tear up. 

I put her through a lot after that car accident. All from being overly tired. Working too hard trying to make ends meet to pay the bills for my family. Five seconds. One red light. I not only fucked up my brain but broke Julia's leg, gave Trisha a concussion and a fear of driving she has yet to overcome, and Nate friggen broken ribs.

"C'mon. Lets go take a shower. I need one too." 

Julia takes my hand and  brings me into Nate's bedroom. She then begins to undress herself. This is Julia. The many moods of Julia. She has been steering clear of me for so long and now she's about to take a shower with me?

"No funny business though. I mean. It. I need a shower too and I'm gonna get wet anyways.."

"Babe..." I raise an eyebrow at the way she phrased her sentence and smirk. I mean, come on. She made that one too easy. She rolls her eyes and begins to help me undress  too.

I behave. Even with a hard dick. Again, c'mon. You can't expect me to not be turned on or my body not to react to the woman I'm in love with taking a shower with me right now.  Even still- I behave. Julia helps me shower and washes herself up as well.

"Thanks." I say as I close my eyes and take in the warmth of the hot water.

"You know you don't have to say thank you all the time, James."

I shrug. 

"Not many people would volunteer to take care of someone the way you take care of me, Julia."

"Not many people are me." She responds. I study her face for a moment. Her her eyes are closed as she rinses her hair. I am still so in love with her. Everything about her. So, of course, I don't hold back.

"Julia..."

"James." Julia opens her eyes and stares up at me.

"I still love you."

I don't know why I said that. I probably shouldn't have. I always make things so damn awkward. But not with Julia. Instead, she smiles up a me and nods back.

"I love you too." She wraps her arms around me. "Believe me, you know if -"

"I know... If you never met Nate or if you met me first, you'd marry me." I feel Julia nod against my chest. I've always been the runner-up. God, for once, I'd love to be the winner.

*****

*Trisha*

"You should sleep a little while he does." The bodyguard looks over at me, but I shake my head.

"I can't turn my brain off." I admit.

I know we're not together, me and Paul. We tried that, and sure, we have casual sex once in a while, but we're not together. Paul shouldn't feel like he still has to take care of me. Yet he does. He did even before we tried to be a thing. So when I see him frown and give me a hug, I melt into his arms, not caring Nate could wake up any second.  He won't. He's too doped up from all the meds he's on. But he could.

"Why do you still care for me, Paulie?" I ask into his chest. I feel Paul take a deep breath in and exhale sharply. Was he just going with the flow when I said we weren't compatible? Now he's making me wonder.  I also wonder why I feel so good wrapped in his arms right now?

I'm confused. And over tired.

That's all it is.

Paul never answered my question. Instead he holds me for as long as I need and when I back away, he gives me a little grin, tucking my hair behind my ears and glancing down at my lips before backing away completely.

He's confused. And over tired.

That's all it is.

"Think Nate will still be able to go on tour?" I break our silence and sit back down.

"His health comes first. Richard will have to deal with it." Paul grumbles. 

Oh God. Richard.

 He's probably having a conniption fit right now. A lot of money is riding on this tour. A lot of money was already put in to making this tour. Nate is money. That's all he is to Richard. That's all he ever was and all he will ever be. I learned that quick when Nate was in the hospital the first time. Richard didn't care about Nate's health. He cared about whether or not Nate would still be able to rake in the money.

 I hate that part of the celebrity life. When you no longer become a person. You're just a paycheck. An item. Something that can be sold and bought and that's it. No emotion to it. No person. Just money.

****

"Jonah. I will go ahead and print everything out for you and send you all on your way. Remember Nate, No talking."

The doctor gives us Nate's diagnosis, explains it all and leaves the room. Paul and James take Julia down to the cafeteria because apparently she hasn't eaten much today. I don't know how that girl can go so long without eating. I'm always hungry!

Casey decides now is a good time to also head out to get the paperwork going.

"Everything will be just fine." I assure Nate but then begin to cry. "Sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know what my issue is today."

"Trish.."

"No TALKING!" I remind Nate and he sighs. Then he pats the empty space in his bed for me to lay down with him. He wraps his arms around me the best he can with the IV in his hand.

"You have a way of scaring the shit outta me, you know that?" I say. "And don't answer. No talking."  I bury my face in his chest and Nate begins texting while his arms are wrapped around me.

[Please don't worry about me. Trish. I'm gonna be just fine]

I read it and cry harder but nod. I decide to not talk as well, hoping it will help him more. I take his phone and respond.

[ You have to be ok. You know I can't do this alone playboy. life. You know I cant]

[I know doll. I'll make sure you kick the bucket before I do]

I laugh while reading that and Nate wipes the tears from my eyes. I snuggle against his body and bury my face in the crook of his neck, taking in his scent, his embrace, his warm body. He knows I can't live without him.

My nose brushes up against his neck. His sweet spot. I didn't mean to, it just happened. I close my eyes, feeling Nate's heart beating a little faster from that one slight graze. My stomach ties into a knot just being so close to him.

He presses me into him a little more and I lift my chin a little. My lips brush against his neck right under his ear and Nate's breath hitches. What the hell are we doing?  We can't be this close to each other. He's fucking engaged. But, then... Nate  rubs my back softly while I'm laying on my side.

And then...

My lips kiss his neck. Just a soft kiss. But it's enough to send fire through my body and Nate to pull me in more. He tilts his head down a little and his tired eyes gaze at my lips.

"Sorry." I whisper.

"Don't be. It felt good."

I drop my eyes to his neck and kiss it again. And again. And again.

My lips pepper his neck and then his jawline, then his stubbled cheek. The corner of his mouth.

And finally..

I kiss his lips lightly. And Nate kisses me back. I feel like I'm gonna burst into a million little fireworks right now.

I don't even know how we got here or what we are thinking. Nate is engaged. Yet here we are, softly kissing each other's lips. The only explanation I can think of is that I thought I was losing him. I know I am losing him. His diagnosis isn't a curable one. His time is limited and we both know that.

And I am losing him to Julia. 

So Nate pulls me in and deepens the kiss, pulling my leg up to rest over his hips and pressing into me. He's feeling what I'm feeling. That's clear as day.

But I quickly break our kiss and he lets out a slight groan.

"Sorry. Sorry... That was my fault." I back away but he grabs the back of my head, kissing me passionately one more time before finally stopping and resting his forehead against mine with his eyes closed. He knows we can't do this. I know we can't do this. He nods slightly and lets go of my leg.

I  sigh and get out of his bed and move back to the chair, hiding my face in my hands for a moment trying to pull it together.

"Shit. Sorry."

[its ok. i felt it too] He remembers to text and not talk

[you know i love you. I'll always love you.]

[I know princess]

[you really scared the shit out of me] I say again and Nate nods right as Casey comes back into the room with a folder of papers.

"Got the goods. Just waiting for the doctor to do one more check of your vitals and sign these forms and you can break outta here. You may want to let Paul know though. It's crazy down there."

"Already?"

"NATE!" Both Casey and I glare at the patient who can't seem to stop talking. He takes a deep breath in.

"Already. Reporters by the front entrance. Tons of security everywhere. It's a zoo." Casey goes on and Nate begins to text Paul to let him know to  secure the premises for his departure.

When you're Nate Hollan, you have to think of every little thing. Every detail. That's why the stress level is always so high. That's half the reason for the weak heart.

That's why we need to make his life as stress-free as we possibly can from here on out. 

*****

*James*

I know everything is gonna go to shit when Jeremy Donovan walks into the elevator while we head to the cafeteria.

Seeing Julia having  trouble standing so close to Jeremy while in the elevator breaks me. She stares a Paul. No one else but Paul. Her petite body shakes just a little, but enough for me to notice it. 

Jeremy stares straight ahead like he knows he's making her uncomfortable and feels bad. I can see it in his face. This was unplanned. The dude has issues. Real issues. Obsession issues, and you can see in his eyes he's trying to do right by Julia. Regardless, he raped her, and he is far from healed. This is why, while we are all in this elevator, I say a silent prayer over Jeremy. Because he needs a lot of fucking help and healing of his own to do something like that to a woman. 

Things like this just can't be forgiven. All I can do is pray he gets the help he needs so he can move on and get over this obsession with Julia. Because I can tell he is struggling just standing next to here just as much as Julia is struggling being in this confined space with the man who physically and mentally ruined her.

I can also tell just by how stiff Julia is- she's reliving one of the two rapes over and over in her head. These things you can just see in their eyes. She's shaking and staring at Paul and internally spiraling out of control.

The ding of the elevator brings her back to the present time and the doors open.

"This is us." Paul quickly pushes Julia out the door and I follow. I don't look back at Jeremy.

"You're ok, Moretti."

"Babe, your shaking." I frown.

"It just brought me right back. Being confined. With him so close." Julia croaks out and both me and Paul nod.

"Miss Moretti! Can you give us the latest on Nate Hollan's health issues?" A woman shoves her phone right in Julia's face. A damn reporter.

Paul jumps right into action the second she approaches us, pulling Julia away from the woman.

"No comment." He growls at the woman and then turns and makes eye contact with a police officer walking buy.

"Miss Moretti-" The pushy reporter continues. "Is it true Nate Hollan's health is deteriorating?"

All the color drains from Julia's face and both me and Paul grab her by the arms and push past the woman like we are BOTH in bodyguard mode now. Funny how quickly that happens when you need it to. The officer catches on quick and escorts the woman out of the hospital. But not without a fight.

Julia is now very upset. Unable to catch her breath and Paul pushes her into an empty room. We close the door behind us.

"Hey. Look at me. You're ok." I try to calm Julia down. Internally, I'm so damned scared she is gonna spiral out of control and very thankful Paul is here with me now.

"Moretti. Breathe." Paul demands and Julia does.

"I can't get away from people today!" Julia cries and leans into Paul. Not me.

Because I can't fucking take care of her, can I? She knows it and I know it and Paul knows it. It's one of the reasons I'm in second place and Nate is the winner. I look away but also am very glad Paul is here. At least Julia has someone she can rely on.

 Even if that someone isn't me.