*Trisha*

"I need to postpone my tour."

I can't believe we are doing this right now. Nate should be getting ready to go on stage in Milan but instead, he insists on having this meeting with Leslie and I in his dressing room.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Hollan. That's just not a possibility. Venues are booking two years out. You are already in. If you back out now, you're looking at a possible three year wait before you tour again. And that's not even a guarantee. It depends on each individual venue. And the ticket sales alone -"

"There's gotta be a way, Leslie."

"I'm really sorry. You have two weeks before the first leg of tour is over. Then you get a three-week break. If you can just get through these next two-"

"This is BULLSHIT!" Nate stands up and flings chair off to the side. "Complete bullshit!"

Shit. He is really doing this in front of Leslie. His fucking MANAGER! He storms out of the room, and I drop my head into my hands in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry." I apologize for my boss/best friend, feeling completely humiliated.

"He's never wanted to bail out of tour early like this. What the hell is wrong with him?" Leslie snaps.

"This whole thing with Julia Moretti. It's just-"

"It's just- not happening, Banks." Leslie interrupts me. "I don't have time for this shit, and you know it. Fix this. Calm him down. Make him want to actually be here. Sleep with him for all I care Trisha. He needs to get her out of his head. I put way too much time and effort into making this happen." Leslie is next to storm out of the room and I once again, drop my head in defeat. Doesn't Nate realize I always get the brunt of it when he does stuff like this? If anyone is going to die from stress, it's me.

"What's going on?" Casey asks as I enter the Rec Room. "Jonah stormed out when he saw Nate walking down the hall. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, Nate is just being a big baby. Not getting his way and having a hissy fit over it." I say in the most nonchalant way. Because there's no other way to describe the little fit he just had in the other room.

"Fix this. Calm him down. Make him want to actually be here. Sleep with him for all I care Trisha." God, if Leslie only knew..

******

*James*

Against my sisters better judgement, I get Kendall into bringing me to the Avalon. I know Julia is having a really hard time right now but she's giving up. She's giving up and I'm not going to let that happen.

 "Julia..."

I pause and wait for her to respond but she's not having it today. Not at all.

"Hey. You're supposed to say James. You know the drill."I sit on Julia's bed and begin to rub her back.

"Go home, James."

"Not happening, babe. Hey...no more IV?"

"They gave up. I keep ripping it out."

"Julia..."

"I'm so tired of this life." She blurts out and it stabs me in the chest. Hard.

"Listen. I know you're feeling a little hopeless right now, and-"

"Please. Save your breath and go home, James. It's not worth it." Julia mutters. Does she really think I'm going to leave after she says something like she's tired of living? Well, that's not happening. Instead, I lay down with her and spoon her, draping my arm over her body. I know I'm not Nate and Nate is the person she really wants right now but I'm better than nothing at all. So I get right down to it.

"You know what I miss? I miss the Julia I first met months ago. The girl who would come up to the Marriott front desk with her tail between her legs every other day because she lost her room key. The girl who would laugh at my jokes in the middle of the night and swivel in the chair next to me. I miss the girl who was always spilling her coffee, walking into random things and laughing about it. Griffith Park. Laying in the grass." I sniff, starting to feel my emotions get the best of me. "I miss how we could just sit next to each other, feeling the sun on our faces and not needing to say a word. We were content. But you know what else I miss? I miss being independent. Being able to take a damn shower without needing help, tie my own shoes, hold my own fucking coffee cup without burning myself. Driving. I miss driving. Yet here I am. Still trying to push through all that shit. Still trying to make the most out of each day I have here on this earth. No matter how hard each day is, I still wake up and try to make the best of it."

"You're different than me and you know it."

"No. Our struggles are different. I'm no different than you and yo-your no different than me. How we handle the shit that gets thrown our way, that's what sets us apart. You're so willing to give up." I say, feeling aggravated that she's so willing to throw in the towel like easily like this. Julia sits up and glares and me.

"Are you actually pissed at me right now? Seriously?!"

I nod and sit up to lean against the wall like her, and we both cross our arms over our chests. I don't mean to be harsh but Julia needs a little reality check right now. She's losing herself.

"Maybe I am. Yeah. I guess I am pissed at you. When I first met you, I fell head over heels for you. And as I got to know you, I thought to myself... She's just like me. Look at her. She lost a child, just like me. She's been through hell and back... just like me. Broken just like me. Yet here she is. Still smiling. Still laughing and cracking jokes and being goofy.....just like me." I tuck her hair behind her ear.

"I want that girl back. I know you can get there. But you have to stop giving up on yourself. You have to try, Julia. Nobody can do it for you." 

Julia leans over and rests her head on my lap. She cries and it breaks me.

"I'm so tired of this life." She repeats.

"I know you are, sweetie."

I say nothing more but continue to let Julia cry in my lap while I brush my fingers through her hair.  I know I'm on borrowed time. Kendall hates the fact I'm here and knows I leave the facility feeling stressed and defeated but Julia has no one else right now. Who..Paul? I highly doubt Paul says two words to Julia. She's all alone. From what I know, Julia was by my side as much as she could be when I was in a coma. She took care of me. Now she needs someone to take care of her and I should step up to the plate. 

At the same time, this place really freaks me out.

After about an hour or so, knowing my sister is waiting in the car, I finally say goodbye to Julia.

"Took you long enough." Kendall huffs and starts up her car.

"Wait. Don't drive yet." I have to remind her I can't get my seatbelt to buckle. I hate that I have to remind them this stuff.

"Sorry. Anyway, how is she?" Kendall buckles me in and we head back to Ma's.

"I feel like she's getting worse. She's really down and out."

"Who wouldn't be. I don't care how expensive and extravagant of a place the Avalon is. It's still a mental institution."  She says while I look out my window.

"Thanks for bringing me, Ken." I sniff.

"This shit is really getting to you, isn't it?" She glances over at me, and I nod, wiping my eyes. I lean back and pet Maggie for a minute as we continue to drive.

This shit is really getting to me.

*****

*Trisha*

One fact about Nate Hollan. No matter what is going through that head of his, he is able to pull himself together and put on the best damn performance of his life. Each concert is better than the one before and tonight in Milan, was the best one yet. Not only that, but Nate also continues to fake it even after he walks off that stage, socializing with the crew and eating and pretending just hours ago he didn't bed to call this all off to his tour manager. 

"You did great!" Casey says once she arrives. She's a true Hollan fan and stayed in the front row the entire concert. Jonah was back and forth all night and I have a feeling he was checking in on Julia or something.

Still trying to feel Nate out on his current mood, I walk past him while he's sitting on the couch, and he gets my attention.

"Hey." He gives me a little wink and I put my tour binder on the table in front of us and sit next to him. 

"I really don't want to talk about your thoughts on bailing out of this tour, Nate." I whisper while looking around the room. 

"Ok.... then can we talk about last night? And the night before?"

"Which part?" I smirk. "The part where I tied you up, or the part where I-"

"The part where you said we'd be good together. Trish, you really don't want to be with me, do you? I mean, one, we're best friends."

"Two, we're really good in bed together." I remind him.

"Darlin, I'm good in bed with everyone." He says in true Nate Hollan fashion making me roll my eyes at his cockiness. "Two, don't you have a thing for that Noah kid? The fireman?"

"The guy who friggen lives in Paris??? C'mon Nate. You know long distance rela-"I stop short and my shoulders drop. "Sorry."

"Ok. What about James? He's a good-looking guy."

"If you don't want to be with me, just say it, Hollan." I furrow my brows. Is this Nate's way of saying he's no longer interested? Pawning me off on anyone else that's willing to take me?

"It's not that. God, you know it's not that. You are everything I want in a woman. You know this. But I'm in love with Julia."

"Yeah? How's that working out for ya right now, playboy? Hell, EVERYONE is in love with Julia. You are, James is, Jeremy's fucking obsessed with her, I wouldn't be surprised if Paul starts to fall in love with her now."

"What? Paul.... no. That's not gonna happen."

"If I'm everything you want in a woman then why not? Aside from Moretti......" I press on.

"Because I don't want to ruin what we DO have, Trisha. You're my best friend. My only REAL friend who knows every single little thing about me. Even that I," Nate leans in close to my ear. "Apparently like to be tied up and teased."

I feel my face redden from Nate bringing that up in this crowded room. Last night was... it was amazing. I felt like a completely different person to be honest. It was fun and I probably would never be like that with anyone but Nate.

"See? Who else is gonna do that for you? Don't answer that question-" I let out a little laugh. "So you just want friends with benefits. That's all you think of me as?"

"No. Of course not, doll. I love you. You know that. What's going on in that head of yours anyway? Why is this suddenly coming up?"

"I'm just sick of watching my best friend get hurt. Stressed out. All of it. I would never stress you out the way she does. I know what you can and can't handle. And I'm not talking just in the bedroom."

"Yeah, blindfolded I can't handle. But the way you were dragging that tongue of yours up my di-

"Nate....ears are everywhere." My eyes widen and Nate's loud cackle fills the room.

"That will definitely be happening again." He nudges me. "Maybe tonight? Before we fly to ...... Where are we next?"

"Dusseldorf, Germany. It's only a two-and-a-half-hour flight so we have one more night in the hotel and leave first thing in the morning. I thought Jonah and Casey would like one more hotel night to...you know...use whatever they bought."

"So, we have one more hotel night...... you and me. Tie me up Trisha Banks." He flirts.

"We'll see, playboy. We'll see."

What DOES Nate want out of what we have? Anything? Nothing?  Because he knows how I feel now. I've blurted it out plenty of times. 

As the afterparty continues, Noah facetimes me and I can't help but smile. It's like when he has a night shift he can't even wait to get home first. He's always still in his uniform, barely clocked out when he calls me.

We talk for quite some time before I look over near the couch and notice my Tour binder is missing. I end the call and look around the room. I know I left the binder on the table when I was talking to Nate earlier in the evening. I also don't see Nate which only means one thing..... 

I head to his dressing room and just like I thought. Nate and his bodyguard are hanging out in here. With my binder?

"What are we plotting in here?" I say as I walk in and see my binder open to the flight schedule section. "Nate, what are you doing?"

"I need to go home, Trish. WE need to go home. I'd only miss four concerts if -"

"Nate, stop! You need to get that out of your head! Leslie is on my ass about this now making my life hell because she thinks you're gonna bail." I slam the binder shut and pull it away from Nate.

"I DO want to bail! At least if I only cancel a few concerts... just the rest of this tour leg... and then have 3 weeks off. I could get Julia back on her feet again." He begins to pace the dressing room.

"Then what? Huh? To go BACK on the road and leave her again so she can go into a deeper depression? RELAPSE??"

"NO! She'll be better by then. She can come in tour with me and-"

"Nate...... " I look over at him with sympathy. Because Nate knows. There's no way Julia will be able to tour with him. She just isn't cut out for this lifestyle. It's over and Nate knows it. But then, my heart sinks when I see his eyes water. With Evan in the room, I quickly grab Nate's hand and bring him into the bathroom to save face. I hold him tight, and he breaks down in my arms.

"I'm sorry, Nate." I rub his back. "You tried. It was just too much for her."

"But I feel like I'm out here abandoning her. I should be there with her to at least see her through her detox. Please Trish. Let me at least do that for her. I can't keep doing this tour pretending to be enjoying it when I could at least get Julia back on her feet. Then I'll leave. I'll make sure she is all set in L.A. and then I will go back on tour. My mind will be clearer, knowing I did my best...and then we can move on. Please...I need to do this." Tears flow while he begs me to help him figure this out.

"I'm so tired, Trish. Let me go home. Let me help her. Just for a little while."

I frown. I'm so tired too. I'm tired of Nate's focus always being on Julia when he doesn't see what's right in front of him.

I'm tired of being second best.