*James*

I need to make a decision.

Nate's  Manchester  concert is done, and we are all  sitting around the couch trying to figure out what to do next. 

Jonah talked to my neurologist, who advised limiting my flights as much as possible, reminding us it can take a full year to recover from brain injury. I can drive...well ....be a passenger... all I want. But flying isn't advised unless absolutely needed thanks to the air pressure change giving me Ice Pick headaches. I feel bad I'm messing with all the plans and Trisha's hard work put into this.

"If I did choose to stay on the tour bus, will I be all alone?"  I ask, a little nervous now. I can't be alone. I know my limitations.

"No. Casey and Paul will be with you." Jonah nods at Casey, who nods back. They've apparently already discussed this.

"I will go with you too." Julia smiles over at me in a calm manner thanks to her Ativan dose. 

"Julia.." Nate sulks. "You're seriously not coming with me?"

"We are NOT together. I'm going with James." Julia crosses her arms and glares at him.

"Won't you need bodyguards, though?" I ask, still trying to figure it all out so both me AND Julia are taken care of. I keep thinking back to the time we were alone in my house, and Julia got ahold of my meds. I was helpless. I was scared out of my mind is what I was. It messed me up for a while. I need to know we are gonna have people around to handle Julia when I can't. To take care of me when she can't.

"There will already be a security team waiting at the airport for Nate when he lands. He can pull two of the bodyguards to be with him until you and Paul arrive in Antwerp." Trisha says.

"If you decide to stay on the bus, I will have the catering company stock it up for you right now. You just gotta let me know. My pilots are waiting for me at the airport now for whenever I'm ready."

"Yeah. Ok. I don't want to be a vegetable again just because I flew too much." I laugh a little to make light of the conversation, but I'm dead serious. This trip is not worth it if my health is going to be in jeopardy. I already have enough shit wrong with me. 

"I'll go take the dog out now, then." Casey puts Maggie's harness on her, and Jonah follows her out.

"I feel bad I'm changing everyone's plans." I scratch the back of my head and look around the crowded room.

"Don't feel bad. Plans haven't been consistent once since we decided to come." Julia takes my hand, and we weave through the production team crowd to get outside.

Paul is already waiting by the tour bus. Crew members just finished cleaning it, and all suitcases are on a dolly waiting to be transported to the airport. Paul sifts through the luggage to find our suitcases along with his own to bring back on the bus. The catering team follows Nate with rolling carts of boxes that I assume are filled with food.

It's late, and everyone is tired.

"Just waiting for Casey to come back with Maggie." Paul says to Nate.

"Ok. Text me when you are in the area, Paulie." Nate swallows hard and turns to Julia now. "I guess I'll see you sometime tomorrow." He leans in closer but then remembers, frowns, and takes a step back. He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks down with sadness. I kinda feel bad for the kid. This has to be hard. I know he had big plans. Trisha told me all the fun things ahead.

"We gotta get going too, Playboy." Trisha says while looking down at her phone.

Five minutes after the Tour Bus door is closed, we feel it start moving.

"If we need to stop at any time, I can call the driver. Trisha gave me all the info I needed. And I have your meds. Not Casey." Paul says as a warning. "She's here to watch over everyone, but it's me you'll have to fight, so don't try anything, Moretti."

He grabs his suitcase and opens it to get clothes so he can change out of his suit and tie.

"Jonah already gave you your final dose today, so don't ask until morning." He's not fooling around. Paul means business. He always does, and I'm relieved he was able to come with us.

"I'll help you." Julia turns to me now.

"Ok, then wake me up if you need anything." Casey yawns and heads to bed.

"This all feels weird." I look down at Julia while she unbuttons my dress shirt. 

"What? Traveling separately?"

"Just... everything. Three fewer people in this mansion of a bus. Going to Belgium.... and for what? Another evening in a rec room before having to travel again?"

"Yeah, this time. But I bet there will be days when we have more time to see the city and stuff. Try new foods and explore..." Julia  is having a hard time and doesn't realize while she's talking, tears build up in her eyes.

"You're crying." I place my hands on top of Julia's. She's trying to convince herself that everything is gonna be fine.

"I'm so sad." 

"Because you still want to be with him...." I sigh, knowing that's the whole reason she is crying right now.

"I just didn't think it would be like this." She bursts and crashes into my chest.

"I know, sweetie." I hold Julia in my arms knowing NOTHING is going as planned with this tour. Not one thing.

*****

*Trisha*

We'll be in Belgium in less than two hours. Amazing what can be done when you own your own fricken plane. Well, half a plane in my case, but still. Better than having to go through TSA and all that jazz.

"Good evening, Mr. Hollan. I'm Andrew and will be your flight attendant tonight." The young man says. Nate nods hello and shakes his hand as we board the plane. He doesn't say hi or anything like he usually does but Andrew takes now offense. 

"You're in a sour mood." I  whisper to Nate while walking past him down the aisle.

"You ok, Nate?" Jonah asks, choosing the recliner next to him. I listen in to their conversation a little to see what's wrong with Nate while we buckle in to our seats.

"Um-hmm." Nate closes his eyes which always means he's trying to ignore the person talking.

"I think it was the right decision." Jonah continues anyway.

"James? Yeah. It's not worth the risk of flying when he can just stay on the tour bus and meet us at the venue."

"No. You and Julia. You two need a little space." He leans in a little and talks lower making it hard for me to hear the rest of their conversation.  I give up, now knowing Nate's bad mood is due to Julia. Lovely. She haunts us even when she's not around.

Once we take off and our seatbelt light turns off I head to the bathroom to get changed into pajamas. When I come out I see Nate's light is on in the master bedroom of the jet.

He's texting. Most likely Julia.

"You really should sleep, Nate." I lean against the doorway.

"I will."

"Your radio interview isn't until 11 in the morning. The plan is we land in about two hours but are going to just sleep on the plane until about nine thirty. We'll get ready and a car and bodyguards will be waiting for us by 10. We'll head right to the radio station and then meet up with everyone at the Venue in the afternoon."

"Ok." He closes his eyes, making it known to me he is either tired or doesn't want to talk. He's having a really hard time with this. All these change of plans. All the hard work we put into this tour.

"Things will get better." I say, not only to Nate but to remind myself. Things have to get better. All this can't be for nothing. I decide to take the recliner closest to his bedroom and let Jonah have his space on the other side of the aircraft. What I didn't realize is how thin the wall is between the master bedroom and  where my recliner is. It's like our heads are sharing the same wall and we are sleeping right next to each other. But Nate's not sleeping. I can hear him talking softly in the phone. To Julia. And as the conversation continues he gets a little more heated and his voice raises.

"I know it doesn't, love. But I'm gonna keep apologizing. My mistakes are ones I know you can't forgive. Not with the shit you've been through in the past. I hate how I'm changing. I hate the person I've become."  I hear Nate say and it breaks my heart. What the hell is Julia saying to him to make him feel like this? Not only that but can't she tell he is crying? Like really crying right now? 

"I don't want to lose you." Nate cries and I swallow the hard lump in my throat for my best friend.

Then I hear Nate being Nate. It sounds like he threw his phone across the room making me roll my eyes. What tears me apart though is the muffled cries into his pillow until he eventually falls asleep. No one should be going through this. Nate should be having the best time of his life right now! This is his world tour!

I hate to say it but as each day passes I'm beginning to hate Julia Moretti more and more.

*****

*James*

"She's not ok. She shouldn't be on this shit. What the hell was Donovan thinking?" I  try to keep my voice down while Julia is in the shower. Why did we ever think we could trust Jeremy? Julia is anything but doing well right now. Her addiction is taking over that little body to the point Paul had to call Jonah to see what to do next. Jonah said to give her another pill. Fine, lets just keep doping her up like it's gonna solve everything instead of figuring out how to fix this.

"I'm just the distributor, Gallo." Paul grumbles. 

Julia comes out of the bathroom and goes right to my dog. My dog that she scared the living daylights out of by her sudden outburst.

"I'm sorry, sweet girl. I don't mean to yell and be scary." 

Maggie inches over and licks her face, and Julia cries. I end my conversation with Paul and kneel down next to Julia to pet Maggie.

"She's fine, Julia." I say but realize my tone of voice was anything but fine. I'm a little overprotective of Maggie. We don't yell in my house. I don't ever raise my voice. I had enough of that growing up. So Mags isn't used to Julia's rollercoaster of emotions.

"I'm sorry. I hate that I'm like this. I'm so unhinged!"

"C'mere." I scoop her into my arms and hold her like Nate would. I've watched him enough times to know what to do, but I can tell I'm not the person Julia wants. Not at all. She wants Nate to be holding her right now, not me. "None of this is your fault."

"Julia, can we try to eat breakfast again? We will be at the venue soon." Casey kneels in front of us, and Julia nods, trying to restart the day.

"I'm sorry." Julia says, full of embarrassment to everyone sitting in the small booth table of the tour bus. She's calm now, thanks to the medication, but that never lasts long. I really wish people would stop medicating her and actually try to help her.  None of this is going to go away until we figure out how to handle it. This isn't handling it.

******

*Trisha*

I watch Nate do his thing at the radio station. The interview is going well, though a little hard when you need a translator. But Nate does amazing as always. He carries himself well, is media trained, and knows just what to say and do. He flashes his million dollar smile, and the radio host swoons  just like they all do.

Then, of course, they bring up Mila Giovanni and how the relationship fell through so suddenly. Nate handles it well and moves on quickly. When it's over, he says his goodbyes while I make him a to-go cup of tea.

"You did great." I hand him his tea as we leave the studio. I can tell Mila is a sore topic but knew people would bring it up every chance they'd get.

"Is EVERYONE gonna bring up Mila? If they only knew how much this fucked Julia up."

"Nooo... you fucked up. No one else but you. Reporters are gonna be reporters. You handled it well though." I remind him.

"I never want to hear her name again." Nate huffs as we climb into the SUV. "What next?"

"Nothing until tonight. We had planned on some sightseeing with everyone but...yea... that all changed." I lay my head back and turn to look at Nate while we start driving. He looks tired. Too tired. And I'm beat thanks to Leslie wearing me thin. 

"We still can if you want to."

"I'm so tired, Nate." I confess.

"We can go back to my dressing room and hang out. Sleep."

"Oh thank God."

We head back to the venue and the bodyguards walk us through the building. We head straight to Nate's personal dressing room. There's two couches and we each take one, falling asleep in record timing.

When I wake up, Nate is already in the shower getting ready for the concert. Shit. I slept for hours!   Hopefully Leslie didn't come in and catch me sleeping. Unlike her, I don't snort coke to have all the energy in the world. Hell, I barely drink caffeine.  I sit up and check my messages on my phone while Nate's in the shower. Everyone should have already arrived and in the Rec Room right now. I let out a yawn and laugh at one of Paul's texts.

[All bathrooms accounted for and in good shape. Though she did have a minor meltdown this morning.]

[ You're a funny man Mr. Rossi. Glad the bathrooms are all in one piece. What happened this morning?]

[Her addiction got the best of her. ]

Shit. Already? She's already addicted to the Ativan? I take it on occasion and have never been addicted to it. I can go weeks without taking it. Sometimes months.

[She's in deep already. This should be fun]

[ Again, she could prob use a friend every once in awhile] 

Paul presses on about me being nicer to Julia. I shake my head and wait a few seconds before responding.

[She's nice and all, Paulie but we are never gonna be besties if that's what you're hinting.]

Far from it.

[ you were nicer when we were sleeping with each other.]

[everyone is nicer when they are getting laid] I laugh at my own joke and shove my phone in my pocket.

"God do I need to get laid." I say to myself.

"You called?"

I jump a mile and turn to see Paul creepily quiet while sitting at the table behind me.

"Jesus Christ, Paul!!!!"

He lets out a low laugh and holds up his phone.

That first text was when we first arrived. I figured you didn't no I was sitting here when you texted back..."

"Obviously. So you just heard me, didn't you. You weasel."

"About needing a bootie call? Yeah, Banks. Loud and clear." 

******

*James*

"Where are we again?" I ask as we walk the dog. Well... Casey walks the dog. We are trailing behind her just to get some fresh air and steps in.

"I think Belgium?" Julia replies in the form of a question.

"Think we'll eat waffles for dinner?" I laugh at myself and nudge Julia to cheer her up.

"Ha. Ha. Ha." She rolls her eyes playfully.

"You seem much better now. Better than this morning, I mean."

"That shit works. But I hate that I'm addicted to it." She takes my hand as we walk and I smile down at her."Thanks for taking care of me this morning. And sorry....again."

"Babe, stop saying sorry. You sound like Jonah the other day wh-"Shit.... I freeze up knowing I slipped up.

"The other day what?"

"Don't be mad." I swallow hard.

"Ok, well, saying that alone is gonna make me mad." Julia sneers.

"I had another seizure. Number five." I confess and Julia stops walking

"What? When?! Why didn't you tell me thi-"

"For that reason alone. I didn't want to worry you. You were already having a rough morning."

She looks up at me with a frown on her face and her eyes water fast. "So you... you didn't tell me? James. That's not us. We tell each other everything. I could have helped you or-"

"Hey, look at me. Babe, I'm fine. It was quick. I didn't even know, and Jonah changed me. You were in the bathroom getting ready for the day."

"But we tell each other everything..." Shit. I hurt her feelings. I was only trying to protect her. 

"I'm sorry." I hug her. "I should have told you as soon as it happened. You're right. A lot has happened between then and now and I didn't think it was a big enough deal to cause you more stress. I'm sorry."

"Promise to tell me next time? No matter what my mood is? I want to be there to take care of you." She starts walking again so we can catch up to Casey.

"Yeah. Promise."

Julia grabs my hand again and  I smile at her. I smile because we never fight.  Hardly ever. I wish  that...if I can't have Julia...she'd at least choose someone who she doesn't fight with 24/7 like she does with Nate. All I want is to see her happy. She's not happy when she's with Nate.

We catch up to Casey and she makes small talk but then dives right in.

"So what's going on with you and THE Nate Hollan?" Casey untangles Maggie from her leash and asks in a very easygoing way.

"He knows we're done. He can put that ring right next to the other engagement ring he had for his ex." 

"He proposed to someone before??? I bet it was Macy. They were together forever." Casey replies.

"Yeah right. You say that but you guys aren't done." I chime in "You love him."

"I love a lot of people. Ok well, no I don't. I have no one. But you know what I mean." Julia scoffs.

"Why do you say you have no one??" Casey asks while we stop so Maggie can sniff whatever the heck she's sniffing in the grass.

"You must know my story by now. Dead son. Deadbeat husband. Dead parents ...no siblings."

"Oh.." Casey becomes quiet. "I didn't know about your parents. I'm sorry."

"My mom died giving birth to me. Dad died when I was a kid. I spent my teen years in foster care until I met Luke."

"You have family. You have my family, remember? My sisters and mom. We all love you." I remind Julia.

"Yeah, I think that ship has sailed. I'm too stressful to be around, remember?"

"That ship doesn't just sail when you're family. Sorry. You don't get off the hook that easily. They overreact, but its just because their so protective of me. Siblings fight but get over it quick and move on. They still love you." I explain.

"And you have us. Your dysfunctional group of friends Nate hired." Casey laughs.

"I'm pretty sure Jonah has about had enough of me. Paul is Paul, and I can GUARANTEE Trisha does NOT have any love for me."

"She does. She's just.... hard." I continue and Casey agrees and gives Julia a little nudge.

"See ..you've got a whole village that love you, Julia." Casey says sweetly. She really is a mini-Julia.

"I think she's had it, Case." I look down at my tired dog that is lying on the grass panting. "Aww, did we tire you out, you big baby?" I bend down and scruff her ears and let her lick the side of my face.

"Yeah. We should head back and get ready for tonight's concert. Are you gonna be in the Arena or watch from backstage?" Casey asks.

"Nah. Seen it once seen em all. I rather hang out in the other room and watch from there." Julia says in almost a pouty manner but I'm relieved to hear this. This means I'm off the hook on being bodyguard and can just hang out with Julia. We head back to the building and once inside the rec room, Casey fills the dogs water and feeds her.

"That was quite the walk." Jonah says.

"Almost four miles! She's a tired pup now." Casey looks down at her smartwatch to see our progress.

"Where's Nate?" It's the first thing Julia asks. Of course.

"You missed him. He waited around for as long as he could before he had to go do his sound check and then get ready. But you you have to grab your food and have a virtual meeting with you-know-who. He's been waiting for you to come back." Jonah reminds Julia.

"I can help James." Casey grabs two plates, one for her and one for me. I give her a little nod of appreciation and let her know what I want.

"Of all this goodness you choose the healthy crap?" Casey laughs.

"Aren't you a NURSE?" I retort and have her throw in a chocolate chip  cookie for good measure.

"Yeah, but you take good care of yourself. You can eat five of those big cookies and still remain healthy as can be."

"Healthy. Yeah, tell that to my coordination, my stutter, my hands."  I say in a joking way and Casey rolls her eyes just like Julia would, making me smile.

"Remember how far you've come, James. You're doing well."

Debbie, one of the caterers who travels with us hands Julia a plate of wings knowing that is her favorite. 

"I made these specifically for you and put em aside. I know they go fast." She says. Looks like someone wants your attention." She ticks her chin, and Julia turns around. I can see from the corner of my eye that it is Nate. He's ready to go on stage but needed to talk to Julia. She needs space. Doesn't he get that?

"Can I steal her for five minutes?" He rushes to Julia and takes her by the arm, rushing right back out. He's desperate to get five minutes of her time. And that's all he gets. Once Casey and I are sitting down ready to eat, Nate  runs past us  and heads to Trisha and Holly  to fix him up before going on stage. Julia sits down next to me.

"All good?" I ask and study Julia's face. She looks down at her food, food that she never passes up - hot wings, and pushes her plate aside.

"Babe.... you gotta eat.." Whatever was said in the other room got to Julia. 

"Actually. Jeremy's meeting. Remember?" Jonah raises an eyebrow, and Julia stands up.

"Yep." She says, and I can tell she's a little discouraged.

"Hey." I grab Julia's hand before she passes by me and look up at her sad eyes. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. I just hate seeing him like this, knowing I'm the one hurting him. I'm always hurting someone..." She walks away and doesn't turn back.

Julia has this heart of gold. Even when broken, she still  tries to be a people pleaser. Always right there to help me, doing whatever she can to try to keep her emotions in check to please everyone around her, always trying to make others happy. Between this whole thing with Nate, Trisha having a tendency to look down on her all the time, Jonah always on her being her nurse, and having to deal with Donovan, it's starting to wear her down.

She could really use a break. Before they break her.

*****