*Trisha*

Now THIS. This is what Nate was made for. Sold out Arena. Thousands of fans waiting to hear his music. The adrenaline and energy backstage is outstanding. Everyone but me and Leslie sit in the crowd. I like to be backstage and watch from off to the side in case Nate needs anything.

After a few songs, Nate has a wardrobe change and takes a drink of water before rushing back out. A few more songs and he repeats the process. Holly wipes the sweat from his face  as I quickly help him change.

"You're doing amazing!" I smile up at my best friend. Leslie also looks like a proud mother right now.

Nate rushes back on stage and I stand there in awe of him.

"He really is meant to be on stage, isn't he?" Leslie sways to music that fills the room.

"He really is."

*******

*James*

Any chance I ever had of winning Julia vanished tonight. Nate wrote a song for her. A fricken song! He sang perfectly and kept his eyes on her the entire time.  She melted. Actually, it was like the entire room melted and fell in love with Nate Hollan.

But for Julia, that didn't last long. A camera zooms up into the celebrity suites to show Mila Giovanni clapping and cheering for Nate after the song. The crowd eats it up and Julia cowers down and rushes out of the arena. Paul acts quicker than myself and catches up to Julia before I can.

"Hey." Paul reaches Julia now out in the hall with me trailing behind.

"I don't know which way to go!"

"Ok.. Ok. Calm down, Moretti." Paul puts his hand on her back and walks down the hall. 

"Julia, what's going on?" I speed up my pace to reach them and Paul opens the gameroom door. Trisha is at the entrance on the opposite side of the room, watching the show.

"Hey, slow down. Take a breath." I say and Julia plops down on the couch with Maggie.

"Sorry I yelled at you earlier, sweet girl." Julia lets the dog lick her face.

"Jule..." Nate rushes past Trisha, who has an astonished look on her face ."I only have a second," Nate says, sweaty and out of breath. "I had no idea she was here."

"If you really ended it, why the hell would she still come to your concert?" 

"I don't know love."

"NATE! LET'S GO! " Trisha is fuming. "You don't have time for this. Get back out there! NOW!"

"Hold on, hold on!" Nate yells back

"I don't know, Jule. You have to believe me. You can look through my phone. I don't know why she is here."

"Do you hear the way the crowd cheers for her? They love her."

"NATE!" Trisha runs over and grabs his arm hard.

"I'm sorry.. I don't know what to say, doll. I have to go." He rushes back out on stage, and the fans are louder than ever as he starts the next song on the setlist. Trisha pays no attention, keeping her back turned and watching the show with a few bodyguards and Leslie by her side.

"You're not gonna go back out??" I push Maggie over so I can sit next to Julia.

"I've seen enough."

*****

Julia never went back out to watch the rest of the concert. I stay with her, only leaving to use the bathroom once while Paul goes back out to make sure Jonah and Casey are fine. And when the concert is over, Nate heads right to Julia.

"Jule."

"It's fine, Nate. I'm over it." Julia says calmly. Over the course of the two songs Julia calmed down a lot and was able to relax more.

"That was so much fun!!!!" Casey barges in bouncing with energy, making the entire room lighter. She drags a tired Jonah and Paul behind her.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Nate smiles at her and turns to look at Paul. "I need to head to my dressing room. I'll need both you and James. Julia, can you come with me so we can talk?"

"Maggie probably needs to go out anyway." Casey takes the leash from Julia, and her and Jonah disappear out the back. Trisha is in deep conversation with Leslie and the caterers who are setting up food for the afterparty. Julia, Paul and myself follow Nate out to his dressing room. There are people everywhere and it's complete chaos Paul stands in front of Nate and Julia and I stand behind to guide them. Once in the dressing room, Paul locks the door and plops down on the couch tiredly.

I glance over at Julia and that's when I notice it. I study her face for a moment and then squint my eyes. When? How? I was with her the entire time!

"May I help you?" Julia jokes but I'm not laughing. Not at all. I pull out my earpiece and shake my head.

"How and when Julia?" I ask lowly.

Please don't lie to me...

"How and when what?" Julia glares at me.

"Why, what's going on?" Nate questions before heading to the shower.

"He doesn't know what he's talking about." Julia sits down on the couch and closes her eyes. She's high. Nate is tight on time but quickly walks over to us to see what I'm talking about.

"Her eyes.." I furrow my brows at Julia. I shouldn't be mad at her but I kinda am.

"James. Knock it off." Julia glares up at me right as Nate grabs her chin and tilts her head. Julia's eyes are dark. Real dark. Her pupils are dilated. She's so high.

"Did someone give you something??" Nate asks.

"Yeah, you. Thanks, Nate." Julia pulls away from Nate and crosses her arms. Nate? How would she be high thanks to Nate? Paul shares the same confused look as I do now.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I ask Julia but my eyes are on Hollan now.

"You should be more careful, Mr. Hollan." Julia laughs. "Don't think I didn't notice Jonah give you a pill just in case, for when you were on stage."

"What is she talking about??" I say through my clenched jaw, eyes still on Nate. I'm gonna deck the kid, I swearto God.

"SHIT!" Nate says. He fucked up. "Jonah gave me an Ativan. She must have seen me put it in my pocket and gotten it during my wardrobe change. Fuck. I don't have time for this." He goes into the bathoom and slams the door shut. Why the hell would he put the one thing Julia is addicted to in his damn pocket! And Julia, God she had to have been watching Nate's every move to catch that one slip up. But she's an addict. That's what addicts do.

"Babe, why would you do this to yourself? Now you have multiple doses in your system. That can't be good." I say softer now, knowing Julia is aware of her issue. But Hollan is pissed off. When he gets done with his shower he comes out and grabs Julia's arm to pull her off the couch. A little too harsh if you ask me and I give him a look letting him know.

"Jeeze!" Julia blurts out but Nate isn't giving her the time of day right now.

"Lets go. I have a fucking after party in the other room." He pulls her by the arm out of the dressing room. "I can't believe you, Julia."

"You can't?" She laughs. "Really?" She pulls away from him in the hallway and glares up at Nate. Both me and Paul stop short. It looks like Nate is going to say something to her but he decides not to and we walk back into the game room. There's so many people in here now. Everyone who put this concert together gathers in this room for the afterparty.

"I'll go tell him." Paul eyes Jonah. "Go get something to eat Hollan. James. Sit her down a the couch and watch over her." 

"C'mon sweetie." I sit Julia down as Nate shakes his head at her and walks away. 

The rest of the night I babysit Julia while Nate fakes having a good time. I can tell his brain is going a mile a minute every time he glances our way and for good reason.  One of Nate's bandmates come over and begins to flirt with Julia. She flirts right back, being under the influence and I roll my eyes. This isn't Julia. Not at all. Eventually Jonah comes over and says something to her but loud enough for me to hear him.

"This is the kind of thing that gets you a flight home and sent to the Avalon, Julia." Jonah hisses, oozing disappointment, before walking away. Julia looks down and fidgets with her hands . All the color has drained from her face and she knows she messed up. She glances up at me and back down again before abruptly getting up.

"Scuze me. Need to use the restroom."Julia says to Evan and walks out of the room. I  follow her right into the ladies room and watch her study her own face in the mirror.

"You piece of shit. Look at you." She says to her reflection.

"Julia, stop." I walk over and rub her back while looking at her in the mirror. "You made a mistake."

"Know the best part?" She laughs. "I love the way I feel right now. It feels...... wonderful."

"Babe.." I swallow hard hearing her talk like this.

"Sick, right? Look at me. All it took was one extra pill. This time. But next time I'm gonna need more. And more. I can already tell."

I wrap my arms around her and rest my chin on her head. Nothin I say is going to make her feel better right now. I just have to be here for her. For a few moments we're silent before I finally say what I need to say to her.

"I love you, you know that? I will do whatever you need me to do." I drop my arms and take a step back.

"What do you think I need you to do??" 

"I don't know. But you need to detox. You need rehab. This isn't gonna get better on tour. It's not something that just goes away." I say right as Nate barges in.

"This is a ladies room. You guys know that, right?" Julia turns around completely to glare at both me and Hollan now.

"You ok??" Nate's eyes dart from mine to Julia's. 

"Better than ok."

"Jules. I don't know what to do here..." Nate squeezes the back of his neck and begins to pace the bathroom.

"She needs to detox from this shit. She needs some kind of rehab or The Avalon. She needs help with this." I chime in.

"How?! We are about to go on the tour bus. We have a three hour drive to Cardiff for tomorrow night's concert. Then a four hour drive from Cardiff to Manchester." Nate throws his hands up in frustration.

 "You want me to go back to the Avalon, James? Even with Jeremy there??" Julia looks at me with the saddest eyes right now.

"No, sweetie. God, no."I drag my hands down my face. "I don't know what to do. I just want you off this shit. I want you healthy."

"Can we just take a breath here. Guys, nothing's gonna happen tonight. Just....I don't know, Jule. Sleep off this high or whatever you've got going on. That's all that is happening right now, ok?"

Nate leaves the bathroom clearly frustrated and Julia turns back to her reflection.

"I hate everything about you. Every. Single. Thing." She begins to wipe off her makeup but not in a calm way. In Julia's ocd way. Harsh with her skin now crying on top of it.

"Julia. Stop. Hold on." I take the paper towel away from her. "Good grief, you're gonna tear those lips right off if you scrub that hard." I lift Julia up on the counter and try to grab at the paper towels. But I'm stressed and my hands won't coordinate.

"Help me out a little, will ya?"

Julia grabs a bunch of paper towels, wets them and put them in my grip.  I gently wipe away her lipstick and Julia begins to cry more.

"Why did you want to take more Ativan?" I ask sincerely while taking off her makeup.

"Because it was there."

"I need more than that, Julia. There's gotta be a reason why, though. What was going through your head when you took it?"

"You have no clue about addiction, do you? Just knowing it's there is reason enough. There doesn't have to be any other reason."

"You're right. I know nothing about addiction."  I frown at Julia. She's got to be kidding me right? My entire childhood and half my adult life has been surrounded by a father with addiction.  Years and years of alcohol addiction that ruined my family. Years of ABUSE. All kinds of abuse. How quickly Julia forgets.

A lump forms in my throat just thinking about my own life and past now.

"James. I'm sorry. I know you know all about addiction. I'm sorry." While sitting on the counter she wraps her around me and I lean in to rest my head on her chest, feeling her comb through my hair with her fingers.

"Julia. You need help with this. I don't know why anyone listened to that doctor. There's gotta be a way to help you through your episodes without medicating you. You're addicted to this and now it's only going to get worse."

"Don't you see, James? Nobody knows how to treat me without doping me up. I'm just like Eric Furgeson. Not even Jeremy knows what to do so he tells em to give me Ativan to get me through. Because he doesn't know what else to do." 

"You're not Eric Furgeson."

"But I am. There's no way out for me. Now they just say medicate her to get me through the days until my time is up. Don't you see? I'm just another guinea pig until they figure it out. It's what I was made for."

Julia cries and all I can do is hold her and comfort her now.

*****

*Trisha*

Nate tells me everything about Julia getting high and I could seriously kill her right now. Tonight Nate should be enjoying the afterparty.  This is one of the perks of all the hard work and she had to go and ruin his moment, didn't she? Julia never should have come on tour with us. She's not well. And now Nate is going to always worry about her instead of enjoying this experience.

I watch him drag Julia into the other room and after awhile he comes back without her. 

"What's going on?" I ask under my breath as Nate shakes a few peoples hands and throws his million dollar smile at them. He's good at faking it. All those years of media training has paid off. But I see right through it. He's hurting and stressed out now. 

"She's gonna stay in the dressing room till it's time to go." Nate murmurs.

"I can't believe this is happening." I walk over to the food table and Nate follows me. I pretend to be interested in the food while we whisper to each other. "So now what?"

"She can't help it Trish. She's an addict."

"I know, playboy." I try to lighten up a little but I feel terrible for Nate. What a way to celebrate. Glad Julia is high and having fun. "But now what do we do?"

"We wait it out. I already told Jonah. He knows what's going on. I can't believe this, Trish. Of all nights." Nate looks down at his plate of food. "I'm not even hungry now."

"She's not well enough to be on tour with us, Nate. Don't you see?" I meet his eyes and his shoulders drop.

"Too late now.  We're a 12 hour flight away from home. We're just gonna have to ride it out and be extra careful with shit."

At least he didn't disagree with me that Julia should not be here with us. He acknowledged the truth in this situation.

But it still doesn't help moving forward. We are nowhere near home and our options are slim now. We're stuck and Nate knows it.

*****