*Trisha*

"All I've ever wanted was to make you happy. But you addressed so stubborn."

"You're drunk, Dave. You're drunk and you won't let me help you. I can't do this anymore." I cried, desperate for a change. "I've tried everything. But I can't force you to give up your addiction. You need to want to do it for yourself. And until you get to that stage...I- I can't." I stammered and twisted the beautiful diamond engagement ring off my finger.

Dave was so drunk I didn't even know if he would remember this. But I gently put the ring in his hand and tried to walk past him. I should have known better. You can't talk to Dave when he is like that. Drunk Dave is unreachable, untouchable, and violent.

"What the fuck, Trisha. Are you serious?" He grabbed my forearm and yanked me back into the wall so hard the impact knocked the breath out of me.

"Stop!" I yelled, trying to wiggle my way out of Dave's grip. He pressed his body against mine and the alcohol scent coming off his body filled the air around me.

"You're my fiancé." He hissed against my cheek and stiffened.

"You're so drunk. Get off me. I'm serious!" I snapped. "You don't want to get the help you need and I'm not marrying a drunk."

My words hit him hard.  His face twisted and he tore his mouth away from my face, glaring at me.

The first hit was the hardest. I couldn't understand why it hurt so much more than any other time until I realized what Dave hit me with. 

His gun.

*****

I bolt up flailing and gasp for air. Shaking, sweating, crying, hyperventilating. My bedroom door swings open and Evan barrels in to see what's wrong.  Having jumped out of bed the bodyguard wears only his black boxer briefs. His bare shoulders drop at the sight of me.

"Again?" He asks in a raspy voice from just waking up. 

All I can do is nod, still unable to catch my breath. Finding out the bodyguards all carry guns triggered something in me yesterday. It brought back horrific memories of how abusive Dave got when his addiction took over his mind and body. The memories resurfaced in my dreams.

 Usually, my nightmares involve the car accident but tonight the vivid dream was once my reality of a life I lived that no one knew about. Not Nate. Not my mother. No one. Only Dave. Drunk Dave. The physical and mental abuse I have shoved in the back of my head for so long that I have yet to overcome. Shit's getting worse. I can't go on tour with Nate and start waking everyone up in the middle of the night.

I'm going to have to talk to Jeremy about this in therapy.

*******

*James*

Julia's not well. This whole week has been a blur, and I think she's getting worse. Usually, I don't pry. I wait for Julia to come to me to talk. I don't meddle in her business or ask for details, but I do ask if she is ok. 

She's distancing herself from me and I'm not sure why. We used to talk about everything. It would all flow so freely. Now Julia is shutting me out.

"You can't tell me she's doing better because she's not." Nate paces back and forth in the living room bickering with Dr. Donovan. He moved into a different apartment a week ago and since then, Julia's moods have been all over the place. She cried herself to exhaustion in the tub today and Nate had to pluck her out of the water and put her robe on for her before laying her in her bed.

Now he's going back and forth with Donovan about moving Julia into his apartment. Which means moving me and Paul. I stay quiet, not really having a say in the matter. I can't go anywhere for a good five months anyway. What does it matter where I stay in this facility at this point. I can't exactly leave.

"She can't live next door to me." Jeremy rubs the back of his neck, clearly frustrated with Hollan and his one-track mind.

"The place is huge. You said it yourself. Julia needs another room so she can comfortably start her therapy sessions with Dr. Tremont. They can't work around your schedule seeing patients in your office and the things she would need to talk about are confidential. You can't fucking stick her in a room with other people and expect her to open up to him. Right now, she's not getting ANY help. What good is that?!" 

"Nate has a point." Paul chimes in. "She's not getting better. She's getting worse."

I leave them to go check on Julia in her room. Maggie follows behind me and jumps up on Julia's bed to snuggle with her. I sit on the edge of the bed and pray over Julia while she is sleeping. Something's gotta give. I feel like we are getting things thrown at us left and right lately. There's never a day without something happening. If not in here at the Avalon, out there in the real world with the real monsters. Monsters like Joe Gallo.

I find myself shifting from praying for Julia to praying for my family. My sisters. My mother. Their safety. I even pray for the monsters. A healing touch or for them to just disappear and leave us alone.

"That's it." Nate startles me when he briskly walks into the room. I watch him pull out Julia's suitcase from the closet and begin packing her belongings and then mine.

"What is going on here, Hollan?"

"I pay for this goddamn place. She deserves the bigger apartment." It's like he's talking go himself as he folds our clothes perfectly and puts them in the suitcase.

 I don't bother intervening in any way. To be honest, I'm mentally and physically drained. Seizures exhaust my body and give me a headache after. I let Nate have his hissy fit and lay down next to Julia to nap.

*****

*Trisha*

" I don't have you scheduled for today." Jeremy seems to have rushed down the hall from wherever he was. He looks at me with confusion when the receptionist called him down announcing my arrival.

"You don't. I don't care. I need a session." I know I look like a hot mess right now. Usually, I dress to impress but the lack of sleep and the haunting dreams, I don't care how I look. I come in with my hair in a ponytail, no makeup, wearing a pair of black leggings and Nate's favorite hunter green Nike T-shirt he loves so much. No matter how many times it gets washed, I can still faintly smell his scent embedded into the shirt. His attractive natural scent that heats me up, making me want to pounce on him and have my way with him over and over again. His scent that comforts and calms me.

Evan stands behind me in bodyguard mode wearing all black. He doesn't question my disheveled appearance. He knows about my disrupted sleep patterns. Jeremy doesn't seem to care either. Instead, he looks at his watch and then at the receptionist.

"Cancel my next appointment, Barbara." Jeremy turns to me now, trying to catch his breath. I wonder if he ran here. He DOES wear sneakers. Did Barbara have him paged? Did he think this was some immediate issue with one of his crazy patients?

 "Right this way." Donovan breathes out and straightens up a bit.

While Evan and I follow Jeremy down the hall I begin to have second thoughts.

"You know what? Nevermind. This was a bad idea. I'm fine."

"Trisha..." Evan breaks his bodyguard mode. Something Paul would NEVER do. Jeremy looks back at me and cocks his head to the side.

"You don't look fine." He's trying to get a rise out of me, isn't he? " And I just ran a mile down the hall from Julia's apartment to get to the front desk. You're having a session."

The doctor opens the door to his office and grabs a notepad from his desk. Meanwhile, I stand in the entrance, no longer wanting to do this. Evan puts his hand on the small of my back and literally pushes me in through the threshold.

"You're doing this. I need sleep." He grumbles. Now that IS something Paul would do. Why the hell am I comparing bodyguards right now?

"Miss Banks." Jeremy gestures toward the couch, pulls his khaki pants up a little, and sits down on the adjacent chair.

"No. He's your cousin." I blurt out and turn around, bumping into Scofield's hard chest. Evan puts his hands on my shoulders, turns me around and pushes me to the couch.

"Anything you say is confidential, no matter who it's about." Donovan reminds me. "I won't be biased in any way, shape or form."

"He's your god damned cousin, Jeremy! I-"

"Trisha, look at me." Jeremy leans over to take my hands in his but Evan quickly steps in and pulls them back.

"No touching." He says in a deep stern voice before taking a step back and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Right." Donovan sighs. "You can have a seat too, you know." Jeremy glances up at the bodyguard hovering over him.

"I'm good."

"For Chrissakes, sit down Mountain Man. You're even putting ME on edge." I scoff as he parks himself beside me on the couch, looking like a watchdog on high alert.

"Go ahead." Jeremy wants me to move forward with the conversation, but I freeze up and end up wasting a minute of his time.  He studies my face and sighs, dropping his shoulders. "Trisha, he's a fuck up. It doesn't matter if we are related or not. If he is bothering you or has done something to-"

"No, nothing like that." I cut in, now observing him behave like an ordinary person rather than the psychiatrist he is. "Did you know all of Nate's hired bodyguards carry firearms?"

Jeremy looks at me with confusion as to where this is going.

"Um, yes. That's why it took so long for the paperwork to go through on Mr. Rossi being Julia's full time Avalon bodyguard. An extensive background check was conducted to ensure he met all the necessary requirements, maintained up-to-date yearly training, and held current certifications. Before that was accomplished, he was only allowed in certain designated areas of this facility. Like Evan here." He doesn't look at Evan though and keeps his gaze on me. "Now he can roam freely with Julia wherever she goes, aside from group therapy sessions that is.  I'm sorry, I'm not sure where you are going with this. What does that have to do with Dave Brennan and you?"

"Well, I didn't know. I just found that out thanks to this dumbass." I elbow Evan who doesn't flinch the slightest. "All these years I had no idea they were all packing guns. Nate doesn't even like guns." 

My eyes begin to sting, and I feel myself ready to burst just thinking about it.

"It's pretty common. Especially among celebrity bodyguards. Again, what's this about??"

A sick feeling twists in my stomach as I think about the dream that was once reality, and I can't bring myself to speak. Jeremy, ever patient, waits silently, but then something clicks for him, like a light bulb flickering on. He shifts in his seat and places the notepad on table.

"Dave has a gun," Jeremy murmurs almost to himself, his words catching in his throat.

Evan becomes even more rigid, while Donovan sinks into a slouched posture, as if in defeat, his eyes reflecting concern and sympathy for me.

"Trisha, has he ever used his gun to intimidate and/or threaten you in any manner?" I can tell Jeremy already knows the answer to his own question by the way his brown eyes sadden. I don't need to answer. I watch as he rubs his palms on his thighs like they are clammy and swallows hard, anger filling him.

"You told me whatever I say in here is confidential..." I warn, now afraid Jeremy is going to confront Dave about this. It was in the past. I don't need drama over it now.

"I did. And it is. But by law, if my client is being threatened with a gun, especially if the threat is deemed serious and imminent, I'm obligated to report it to the local authorities..."

"Fuck you, Jeremy!" I stand up, point my finger in his face, and suddenly start acting like something Julia would do. Evan stands up and pulls me back a little. Jeremy remains unfazed. He doesn't even blink an eye. Nothing startles or scares this man, does it? I've noticed that with Paul and Evan. Jeremy isn't afraid of anyone. Regardless of their size or level of intimidation. That is concerning...

"You didn't let me finish."

"God I'm turning into Moretti." I mutter and sit down, my heart racing at the thought of someone knowing about my previous life.

"I am legally and ethically obligated to keep my patient's information confidential UNLESS what I just said currently pertains to them. Key word- current. I imagine this is something that happened in the past and he is not actively threatening you?"

I breathe out.

"It happened in the past." I nod.

"And I helped you get a restraining order against Dave so he technically can't come near you."

Evan raises his brows hearing this information. Yes, Jeremy Donovan was the one to go to court with me. He was and fight for the restraining order against Dave when the judge wouldn't grant it previously due to lack of evidence.

"I'm not reporting this to anyone, Trisha. Not unless it happens again." He assures me. and I relax into the couch a little. "So, finding out your bodyguards carry weapons triggered something for you. Can you describe how?"

I pick at my nail seeing I need to get a manicure soon and try not to think about last night's nightmare.

"She's having PTSD night terrors." Evan answers for me when I stall. I glare at him and inhale sharply.

"I see. So here comes the hard part, Trisha. In order for you to overcome trauma you need to face it. Talk about it. Dissect it so you're no longer reliving it or afraid of it." Jeremy loosens his tie a bit knowing this is something difficult to ask a person to do.

My heart begins to pound again and my hands start to tremble.

"I can't do this."

*****

*James*

I briefly fell asleep next Julia, and though it was not for long, the nap was needed. When I wake up I gaze at the beautiful woman sleeping. She looks like a child. Her facial expression soft with not a wrinkle in sight. 

Julia begins to stir and opens her eyes shortly after I woke up. She sits up and looks around the room in confusion.

"What the hell?"

"Hi to you too."  I laugh.

"Are you ok?" Julia studies my face and sits up more. I don't want to stress her out with my problems, but I guess it's written all over my face. She can always tell when something is wrong with me.

"Me? Yeah. Are YOU ok, babe? They said you cried yourself to sleep in the tub today and-" 

"I'm fine. They need to fix my doses or something. I don't feel myself. But what's going on here???" She glances around the room once more.

"Looks like we are relocating." I shrug. Julia notices how the room is packed up and her suitcase is on the ground, open and filled.

"What do you mean we're relocating? And are you sure you're ok? You don't look so great."

"Gee, thanks." I joke but drop the act. "I- I had a seizure earlier. In the hallway walking to the garden with Lindsay. I'm fine though. It was minor. Dr. Tremont just happened to be walking by when it happened."

Julia's eyes well up with tears and she begins to get emotional.

"Hey, don't cry. I'm fine. It happens." I wrap my arms around her, and she nestles her face against my chest.

"I'm sorry." She whimpers. "I'm trying to get better, James. I don't want to stress you out."

"Julia. Look at me." I pull her up to meet my eyes. "That wasn't your fault. It w-was something to do wi-with Joe."

"Joe? James, what's going on?"

I spill the beans. Tell her everything Lindsay told me about my father being at my house. I also tell her hearing this news stressed me out so much I had a seizure in the middle of the damn hall.

"I'm sorry." She frowns and we are interrupted by Paul coming into the room.

"Hey." Paul sees we are awake.

"What's going on?" Julia gestures dramatically with her hand at the packed-up bedroom.

"The doctors agreed this wasn't working out for you." Paul announces but looks less than thrilled right now. "We're going to move into a bigger apartment." Paul's shoulders slump. "Hollan will stay with us until tour."

I get up and leave the room, giving the two of them privacy. I can tell Paul is not ok with this and they will need to hash it out.

Trevor, Jonah, and Nate have already left, but Jeremy is in the room sitting at the kitchen table. He looks a bit disheveled at the moment making me wonder who the hell his last patient was to make him look so stressed out like this.

"Is she awake?" He asks from the kitchen table.

"She is." I don't make eye contact with the man. I know he's getting help and also know he's an exceptional doctor with the brains he has, but to me- Jeremy will always be the person who hurt Julia in ways she will never recover from. I begin to pack up Maggie's toys that are scattered around the room when Julia comes out, rolling her suitcase with Paul behind her. I fumble trying to grab Maggies toys and it's noticed. Jeremy comes over and helps me but I still can't look him in the eyes without wanting to blacken them both with my fist.

"Don't worry about all that. I'll have Luke, the maintenance kid, pack all that up." Jeremy turns to Paul then focuses on Julia.

"We're going to adjust your meds back to the way things were, Julia. This wasn't working out. it's a process of trial and error." He explains.

"What is moving me going to accomplish, though?"  Julia asks.

"The plan is," He pauses. "You're going to use the spare bedroom, which is a decent size and has a desk in it already and meet with Trevor for counseling. Whoever decides to take that room will leave to give you privacy, but your sessions will not be held in your private bedroom. And you WILL have sessions with him."

Julia nods. She is finally going to follow through. FINALLY.

"Alright, let's get out of here. We can leave the rest of this for Luke to bring down." Jeremy grabs two bags of food and leads the way.

"You ready, Maggie?"  I surprise myself by clapping my hands together perfectly showing off my coordination improvement and look down at my hands.

 Maybe there's still hope for me. Maybe I CAN recover more. Take THAT Dr. Giovanni. I laugh to myself as we exit the apartment. Take that...

*****