* James*

Today, Jonah and Casey came to visit and stay with me while Nate attends a therapy appointment with Dr. Tremont. Julia and Paul are in one of her mandatory sessions, and I cannot be alone, though it does not seem like Jonah or Casey mind being here.

"Aww, I missed you, Maggie!" Casey says with excitement while getting my dog all riled up. "How are you doing, James?" 

"I'm ok. I actually don't mind it here." I admit. Jonah lifts my cup of coffee for me without me needing to ask. I'm grateful for the people who surround me who know how to care for me.

"Yeah. This apartment is nice." She ruffles up Maggie's fur, and the dog licks her cheek.

"It is. I mean the Avalon part, though. I don't mind being here at the Avalon. I go to most of the sessions, and Trevor sometimes brings me to the library and helps with my books so I can read. Julia brings me to the gym, and I try to pop in to visit with Nate's sister."

"You do? You see Cara?" Jonah raises his eyebrows.

"Yeah. Someone has to. Nate sure as hell doesn't." I scoff.

"It's hard for him." Jonah defends Nate, and I get it. Which is why I don't mind spending the time with Cara.  It's just something to break up the monotony for her. "But that's really kind of you, James."

Our casual conversation is interrupted when someone bangs on the Avalon door persistently, and Maggie barks.

"What the hell?" Jonah gets up and heads to the door.

"C'mon Maggie. Let's go outside." Casey whisks the barking dog away to the backyard before Jonah answers. 

Julia storms into her apartment, clearly distraught and hightails it to her bedroom without saying a word to any of us. 

Trailing behind Julia is Paul, Nate, Jeremy, and Trevor, all with defeated expressions on their faces.

"Guys..." Jonah looks at the four of them, demanding an explanation. They all shrug.

"I don't know what happened." Nate begins. His face is sad, tear stained with red watery eyes. Whatever he was talking about in his counseling session with Trevor was difficult and emotional.

"She hugged me, and then... just.... left. Without saying one thing." Nate heads to the bedroom door. It's locked. I tense up, afraid Julia may be having one of her manic episodes. Nate tries to get Julia to unlock the door with no luck, so I decide to take a whirl at it. 

"Babe, can you open the door?" I ask calmly, knowing Julia is already wound up and doesn't need everyone else to be as well.

But Julia doesn't bite the bait.

"Moretti, seriously. Open the door." Paul tries and fails as well.

"I don't know, maybe she needs to talk to someone she hasn't... been with." I glance over at Jonah and Trevor. Jonah sighs, reluctant to get involved but aware of his obligation to help Julia. He approaches the bedroom door.

"Julia, can you open the door and let me in? Everyone is worried about you. I just want to talk." He doesn't but is willing to for us all.

To our surprise, the door eventually cracks open. Jonah slips in and closes the door behind him. I scratch my jaw and feel myself becoming a bit anxious, and Trevor quickly picks up on it.

"It's ok." He says lowly while Paul and Nate are busy talking to each other. "This is the stuff you need to get used to. Just like what we've been studying in the library."

"Yeah, I know. Doesn't make it any easier, though."

"True. It may never come easy. All we can focus on now is discovering what triggered this outburst from her. This is what I think the nurse is doing in there. Open communication. Not stepping away but making yourself available. To an extent, of course. If she were to become violent, then you need to protect yourself. She doesn't realize what she does in the moment." Trevor explains.

"You are very careful with your words with Cara, always making sure to think before you speak, knowing she's unpredictable. Treat Julia with that same caution." He goes on.

"Yeah, but Julia's different. We're best friends. We were more than that for a little while." I answer. "We tell each other everything and talk freely -"

"You can't talk freely to her when she is like this." He cuts me off. "When a patient is in the middle of an episode, there is no 'talking' them out of it. Nothing makes sense to them in the moment. These are the things you should be aware of. I've noticed that when Nate cares for Julia, he doesn't say much to her. He holds her and comforts her until she comes down from her manic episode. He doesn't try to reason with her."

I think about that. He's right. Nate does do that. Julia thrives off of human contact. 

We talk some more, picking apart Julia's mental illnesses for a full hour. Nate finally cools off a little thanks to Jonah and Paul, well, Paul always remains calm.  I see how Paul would be good for Julia. He can take care of her- like Nate but stays calm- like me.

 An hour later Jonah finally opens the bedroom door. We all look up at the nurse from our seats. 

"She cried herself to sleep." Jonah heads to the fridge. The rest of us look at each other with a million questions.

"Well, why did she freak out and shut down??" Nate sits next to me on the couch and throws his arms up a little, needing answers.

"Listen, Nate, I told you this would happen. Technically, Julia should be the one telling everyone this, but she's too distraught. This tug of war you all have with her - it's defeating the purpose of her being here." Jonah grabs a handful of grapes and shuts the fridge. He leans against the wall casually.

"What are you saying?" Paul stands up and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Julia needs to be single for a while."

My eyes widen hearing this, and I glance at both Paul and then Nate wondering who is going to blow up first. It'll be Nate. It's always Nate. This will be a hard pill for him to swallow.

Julia doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now, which works to my advantage for my "friends with benefits" lifestyle. 

There's a moment where both men say nothing, clearly in shock and digesting this information. Then the silence is broken.

"What?!" Paul is the first one to burst, to our surprise. 

I watch it all unfold and remain quiet. This isn't my fight to have. I've been out of the picture for quite some time now. This is between Julia, Paul, and Nate.

"Julia told you that?" Trevor asks.

"That's why she's so upset. No matter what she does, someone will get hurt. I told her that maybe she should focus on herself for a little while." Jonah leisurely pops a grape into his mouth.

"WHAT?!" It's Nate's turn to jump up, making both Trevor and Jeremy stand closer to him. They know how Nate reacts sometimes. He flips out and glares at Jonah. "YOU put that thought in her head?!"

"No, Nate. Sit your ass down. Julia was already thinking about it. She's the one who said she needs to end it all. With everyone. She's in love with YOU, Nate. But she's falling in love with Paul, and she'll always love James." Jonah looks at each of us individually as he says our names. "She thinks she's being selfish and beating herself up over it."

The room falls silent again.

Paul runs hands down his face and storms out to the backyard. I haven't seen him react like this in a long time. He was in love with Julia, wasn't he? Just like the rest of us, she had him under her spell.

"This is fucking ridiculous." Nate is beside himself.

"Julia wasn't yours, Nate. She was already ending it with you. She detoxed. Started thinking clearly about her future. Julia needed stability. You're still hanging on, desperately hoping she'll change her mind and come running back."

"You're wrong, Jonah." He snaps. "Even after she said all that. Even after she decided on Paul. She cried about the decision. She kissed me, told me she was in love with me."

Well, that's a surprise. Julia's keeping secrets from me. I give a puzzled look, trying to figure out where Julia's brain and heart have wandered off to. She's like a squirrel in a nut factory lately. All over the place. Nate might tolerate it and let her off the hook, but Paul won't stand for it. That much is clear.

"I asked her why she was doing this and she said she was trying to do what's right for her. For her future. But she fucking loves me. She's only choosing Paul because he's the safe bet. You and I both know this. And because of you.."

"Watch it, Nate." Jonah advises in a stern tone. "Watch what you say." He warns.

"If anything, Paul has more reason to be upset than you do." I point out. "You guys were breaking it off. She gave you the engagement ring back. She's pretty much breaking up with Paul now, too. You had your time to cry over it. Just like I had my time way back when. It's Paul's turn."

Jonah nods in agreement with me, and Nate's shoulders slump. He looks outside where Paul is pacing. Casey remains indifferent to all this and keeps Maggie calm by throwing the ball for her to fetch. I am grateful for her presence because Maggie scares easily when people, like Julia and Nate, have outbursts.

Nate takes a chance and walks outside to talk to Paul.

"She has a lot of issues she needs to work through." Jonah sighs and sits down.

"Yeah, well Nate can be selfish sometimes. I think it's a good thing that Julia wants to focus on her mental health before starting a new relationship. I'm sure Paul will agree eventually, but Nate..." I shake my head... "He's a lost cause when it comes to Julia."

******

*Trisha*

I stare at my phone while Evan chauffeurs me around for errands. The cleaners are at Nate's place, so I choose today to handle all chores. I collect his dry-cleaning, grocery order, and any miscellaneous tasks. Meanwhile, chaos erupts at The Avalon.

"Motherfucker." I murmur and hear Evan laugh at my trucker mouth.

"Everything ok?"

"Shits going down at the Avalon." I read Jonah's text making me aware of today's drama. "Nate and Paul are both pissed off at Moretti."

"Oh?" The bodyguard's eyes stay on the road.

"I guess something happened. Jonah's not one for details even though he's the first to want to hear someone spill the tea." I chuckle. "But Julia told them she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. She wants to focus on her health."

"Good for her." Evan replies. "Mental health should always come first."

"I agree with you but you know Nate well enough by now."

"He doesn't agree..." Evan's words trail off. "And it sounds like Paul has secretly been in love with her for a long time."

My face contorts at the thought. A reminder that Paul dated me twice, even though he was in love with Julia. I can't hold grudges because I'll always be in love with Nate, so I did the same thing Paul did.

"Should we stay out of it or head over there?" He asks.

"God, no. Let them deal with that crap. I want no part of that drama. I just don't get it." I stare out my window while chatting with Evan.

"What don't you get?"

"All of it, I guess. How the hell does Julia have such a hold on all the men in her life?" I shake my head but see Evan shrug from the corner of my eye.

"She's a stunning woman." He stops for a moment, avoiding my gaze. "But it's not just her looks. She's sincere, honest, and caring. I mean, even though she's been through a lot of shit in her life, it hasn't made her tough or jaded."

Jesus, I've heard both Nate AND James describe Julia this way.

"It was a rhetorical question." I huff. 

"Do I sense jealousy??"

"More like hatred." My snarky comment makes Evan raise his eyebrows and look my way now.

 "She does this shit and then breaks everyone's heart. Nate can only handle so much and guess who is in charge of cleaning up after him? Me. I'm the one who cleans up his messes. I'm the one who's shoulder he cries on. It's me to pull him out of bed when he's depressed and get him back on his feet. Not Julia. She's the cause of half his stress and I'm the one who gets to deal with the repercussions."

"Wow.... ok... maybe you need to make a few more appointments with the counselor." Evan chuckles.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny. It's true, Evan. It's all some big game to Julia. The damsel in destress that everyone caters to." Heat rises to my cheeks.

"And because you have it all together, you don't get that same attention from them."

"I fucking dated  Paul." I burst. "We went through shit together. It was Paul who took care of me after my miscarriage. NOT Nate. He was just fucking relieved he was no longer going to be a dad."

The car is silent for a moment as Evan digests that information.

I bury my face in my hands, mortified by my huge blunder in front Evan, the bodyguard who's still uncovering all our dirty secrets. I just let it slip that I was once pregnant with Nate Hollan's child. Shit.. Time to redirect this conversation.

"Then Paul dumps me for Julia?" I quickly try to move on. "I'm allowed to be mad."

"You are." Evan responds softly.

"Everyone thinks I can handle everything because I 'have it all together', so when shit happens to me it's no big deal.  They know I will get over it and move on." 

I don't know why, but I find myself starting to cry. I drop my hands and look out the window, refraining from looking at my bodyguard.

"It's okay to not be strong all the time, Trisha." Evan pulls the car into Nate's parking garage and parks in one of his many designated spots. He then turns to me. "You don't have to be the caretaker all the time. It's okay to want someone to take care of you once in a while."

I study Evan's features for a moment as he gazes at me. He's right. But who do I have to take care of me? I look away from him, get out of the car, and wipe my eyes.

*****

*James*

I enter the bedroom and lie down beside Julia as she sleeps. This is one of the ways she copes, crying herself to sleep. She still has much healing to do, but I am proud of her for choosing to focus on herself for once. While staring at the ceiling, I say a quick prayer for my best friend and feel her rest her head on my chest. I lower my arm and drape it over her body.

"Hey." Julia whispers in her raspy voice from crying.

"Hey, sweetie." I kiss the top of her head. "I heard you had quite the conversation with Jonah."

"What did he tell you??"

"That you want to focus on your health. Not be with anyone for a while."

"Do you think I'm being selfish?" Julia asks and I look down at her.

"Selfish?? Babe, you don't have a selfish bone in your body."

"Do you think I'm doing the right thing?"

"No." I smirk. "I think you should marry me so we can live happily ever after."

Julia rolls her eyes at me.

"What? I'm drama free. I wouldn't hinder your recovery one bit. In fact, I do recall some of the doctors here saying I'd make a pretty damn good counselor."

"Yeah, yeah yeah. Whatever." She scoffs playfully. "So now what do I do? Are they both pissed off at me??"

"So now, you go out there and face the music. If being single is what you want then they need to hear it from you, not Jonah. And yes, they are both pissed. Not at you...I don't think. Just the situation at h-hand." I pause. "And then you're gonna help me eat something because I'm hungry and those two are fucking useless right now."

 Julia smiles and then kisses my cheek. But she knows I want more by the frustrated sigh I let out. She pecks my lips and pulls me out of the bed with her.

"There, happy?"

"I have other places you could kiss too." I raise a brow at her.

"Let's go." Another eyeroll gets thrown my way.

And just like that, Julia is back to being Julia again.

 We head out to the main living space. Trevor is no longer here. Someone ordered a few pizzas, and Jonah is feeding his face as we speak. The other two are outside talking. Julia sees Paul and Nate talking outside and I can tell she's on edge. Fortunately, she has to help me with dinner and that takes her mind off shit, at least for a few minutes.

Eventually the glass door to the backyard slides open and Nate and Paul return. Jonah gives Julia a little look for her to start the conversation.

"Jonah told you guys what we talked about, right?" She asks and I can tell she is nervous by the way her voice wavers a little.

"Yeah, Jule. I think this one read into what you said a little much, doll." Nate chuckles and points to Jonah. 

Oh no. Nate thinks Jonah was overexaggerating. He didn't take the nurse seriously. His slight laugh quickly fades when he turns his eyes towards Julia.

"Nate..."

"You're not fucking serious, Julia!" Nate mood swings like a pendulum. Laughter morphs into anger with Hollan in the blink of an eye. His face flushes and his eyes fill with hurt. Nate is an open book, his emotions on display for everyone. It's odd how he can maintain his composure in public, polished by years of media training, but around Julia, he unravels completely.

"I think it's for the best. I should focus on getting better. No matter what I do someone is going to get hurt. And I'm not getting any better. I think I need some time to just... I don't know, be single. Focus on my recovery." Julia continues with hesitation.

Paul's facial expression changes. At first, he looks sad, heartbroken, and disappointed. Then, his eyes harden. He stiffens up and his face becomes emotionless. Without saying a word to Julia, he heads to the living room, grabs remote, and turns on the TV.

"Paul..." Julia frowns.

Nothing.

"This is bullshit, Julia." Nate bursts. "Fine. You want space? You've got it."

"Nate..." Jonah stands up.

"No. It's fine. Be single Julia. Work on yourself." He says sarcastically and walks to the Avalon door.

"Where are you going?" Julia's voice is small and full of emotion now.

"You need space. I'm giving it to you. I'll detox at home."

"Wait. What?! Nate! C'mon... That's not what I-"

"Whatever, Julia." Nate snaps.

My eyes widen when Nate opens the Avalon door, exits and lets it slam behind him. He's discharging himself from the Avalon?

"Jesus Christ." Jonah quickly runs out to catch up with him.

"What's happening?!" Julia looks around the room at the sudden chaos that just went down.

I lower my head and say another quick prayer, this time for Nate. Because I know Nate and I really hope he's not going to go running to Sullivan's Tap over this.

"Paul..." Julia walks towards Paul but he shuts the tv off.

"I'm going to take a shower." He grumbles without looking at her and walks away.

"Seriously??!!"

I begin to feel on edge myself. Is Julia going to flip out? It's just me and her now...

But she doesn't. She stands in the kitchen in disbelief of what just happened in the matter of a few minutes.

"Are they seriously MAD at me for wanting to put myself FIRST?" Julia turns to me. I shake my head, also in disbelief.

"I- I'm not sure what to say here," I admit. Yeah, I get Paul a bit. He doesn't open up to others, but he did for Julia. So, her timing for this announcement is pretty bad. But Nate... Nate had to know it was over. Did he really believe Julia when she confessed her love to him after being with Paul? Did she only choose Paul because he's the safer bet? I doubt that. Julia might be confused, but she feels something for Paul. There's a connection there. He wouldn't chase her if there wasn't one. But since she said those things to Nate, he got his hopes up, didn't he? I can see both sides and am glad I'm not involved in this shitshow.

******

*Trisha*

Once back in the apartment I retreat to Nate's room and take a shower. When the hot water hits my body, I close my eyes and let my mind wander.

What a day! First, I had that last-minute appointment with Jeremy Donovan and actually trusted him with my problems. Then, I vented to my bodyguard, spilling all my personal stuff. I'm emotionally drained. I'm so embarrassed about how I opened up to Evan the way I did. That's just not like me. But I guess when you spend so much time with the same person, it's bound to happen eventually.

A burst of cold air hits me, making me open my eyes.

"Nate???"

Before I can comprehend anything, Nate stumbles into the shower, leaving his clothes in a messy heap on the floor. And before I can ask him what the hell is going on or how he managed to escape the Avalon, Nate drops his head onto my shoulder and starts bawling.

 At first, I stand here like a deer in headlights, but then I wrap my arms around my sobbing best friend. I have no clue what happened besides the cryptic text Jonah sent me. I definitely wasn't expecting Nate to be discharged from Avalon mid-detox like this.

I hold my best friend in my arms and say nothing. All I can think about is what Evan said. About me being a caretaker to Nate. I guess part of me doesn't mind being a caretaker to Nate. The shoulder he chooses to cry on like he is currently doing. I'd do anything to take his pain away. Whatever is going on in that head of his is tearing him apart. We've been here before. In this very shower, so many times. Nate lets go of his emotions and I'm grateful it's with me. That no matter what happens, he feels like he can come to me. Show is true self to me.

 I will always be there for him. That will never change.

*******

*This is how I picture Evan Scofield in my head. Chris Hemsworth just with darker eyes than this.*