*James*

I wake up as Julia comes in the bedroom and kisses my lips. It's the way I wake up almost every morning here. Her in the same bed as me. The Avalon is not exactly where I saw myself when I pictured my forever with Julia but I will take whatever I can get. I will take whatever she gives me.

"Mornin." I murmur. Julia threads her fingers through my hair with a grin. She's happy this morning. Feeling good. Feeling herself. 

"Mornin. Sleep ok? I made pancakes."

I chuckle at the pancake flour on her cheek.

"I can tell." I clumsily wipe the flour away and rest my hand on top of Julia's to hold it.  Then I feel the painful reminder. My thumb swipes across the multimillion-dollar rock on her finger and my heart drops like it does every time I'm reminded she's not mine to keep. She's only temporary. I pull away and lay on my back to stare up at the ceiling, but Julia kisses my cheek anyway.

"I love you, you know that?" She rests her head on my chest and I wrap an arm around her body and let out a little sigh.

"I love you too. That's the problem."

Julia frowns and squeezes my side her arm is wrapped around a little tighter. It's like she can't help herself sometimes. Because she loves two people. She's said it before time and time again how she loves us both and when she is with Nate all she can think about is him yet when she's with me she can only think about me. It's hard to hear but in a way, is currently working to my benefit. Not that I wished the man into the hospital, but soon he will be back on tour and I will get Julia all to myself. For months. Maybe she'll change her mind.  Maybe I'm setting myself up for disaster. Don't care. Don't care if she uses me. I want to feel this. I want to feel her head on my chest and her morning kisses and her warm body next to mine for as long as I can get it.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to start the morning off making you sad, James." I feel her soft lips kiss my chest making my dick twitch. Like I didn't already have morning wood- she's making me want her even more now.

"It's just my reality. That's all." I tilt my head and look down at her. She's still slowly kissing my skin, every once in a while gazing up at me.

"How can I make your day better? I want you to have a good day. I feel good this morning."

This is Julia. The many moods of Julia.

She begins kissing my chest with a little more purpose now and I close my eyes for a moment.

"Keep doing things like that." I whisper.

"Like what?" She asks innocently. "This?"

Julia kisses down my chest and abs and her hand slowly slides down to the waistband of my boxer briefs.

"It's a start..." I tick my hips up just a little to hint for her to keep going and again, Julia being Julia, she does. Her hand glides lower and feels me over the fabric.

"Don't start what you can't finish." I murmur. My breath hitches when she adds more pressure and lowers her body down further. She teases me with light feathery kisses to the dark fabric and my dick twitches against her lips needing more.

"You're so needy, Mr. Gallo." She whispers against my boxers when she feels me shifting.

"Julia...." I close my eyes again when she gently pulls down my underwear.

"James." She takes me in her mouth and gives me the best morning ever.

********

*Trisha*

"Jesus, playboy. You're REALLY all over the news this time." I aimlessly flip through the channels on the hospital TV but every station shows Nate's dumb face. And everyone has it wrong. The guy has pneumonia that he's being treated for, yet fans are prepping for his death. To the point that Richard is actually fucking happy over these circumstances. Ticket sales have increased for the U.S. leg of the Around The World tour and Leslie has even added a few more concert dates tacked on the end that sold out within hours! In Richard's sick mind- all is right with the world. In my mind, I'm worried sick this will be too much for Nate to handle.

I get out of my own head when Paul texts me.

[think I can kidnap you for a few? I could us a break]

I love it when Paul initiates the text messaging. He's a hard to read man but when he initiates it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside because he's thinking of me.

[I'm sure I can volunteer Evan to take your place for a little while. I think him and Casey may stop by anyway so she can see the dog and you can get minute to breathe. Nate is fine here. There's plenty of security]

"I think Paul may stop by later and visit you while Evan is there."

Nate gives me a look and grabs his white board and dry-erase marker.

[Why would he text you that and not me?]

"I don't know. You're lame that's why." I steer clear from looking Nate in the eyes. Mistake number one which results in him throwing the cap to the marker right at the side of my head.

"Knock it off. If that marker dries you can't communicate, hotshot."

[You're keeping something from me. I can tell] I scribble and clear my throat so she looks up.

"You're delusional."

[you're with Paul again, aren't you?]

"Mind your business."

"You are!"

"NATE!" I yell at him for using his voice. "Yes, ok? We are trying things out again. That's all." I don't know why I feel the need to keep this a secret from Nate anyway. I'm pretty sure everyone else knows. I just wanted to keep it to myself for a little while to make sure it worked before I go letting Nate know.

[So it's official? No more Gallo???]

I frown thinking about James. I really wanted it to work with him. The timing just isn't right. He's at the Avalon. With Julia. Happy as a clam. I could tell his focus was on her and only her. Just like Nate's. Probably just like Paul and whoever else I end up falling in love with who meets her. She draws em in and plucks em right outta my hands.

Nate chuckles at whatever is going through that sick head of his and I squint my eyes at him.

I don't even want to know what's going through your head."

[Oh....you REALLY don't want to know, angel.]

"Jesus it's a jungle out there." Nurse Melanie comes in looking flustered. "You'd think things would die down now that you're up here but today there are more reporters and fans! You've got quite the fan base."

"Cuz they think he's kicking the bucket or something." I scoff.

"So, your potassium came back a little low." Melanie gets right to it and goes over his bloodwork with him. "It could be from the antibiotic but we're going to keep an eye on that."

"What would cause that??" Trisha asks for me.

"Could be anything. Like I said, probably the antibiotics. You have been sober for a few months now, correct?"

Nate behaves and nods instead of answering with words.

"Good. Alcohol can affect not only your liver but your kidneys. Like I said, we'll keep an eye on things."

"It sounds like everyone is just keeping an eye on things without doing anything." I say with frustration now. Melanie sighs and gives me a little nod.

"I know it does. He has a lot going on but he is young which is why we don't want to jump to any type of invasive treatments. Like with the pacemaker. Eventually you WILL need one. There's no question about it." The nurse turns to Nate now. "That's a fact. But the longer we wait the better because that requires constant monitoring. It's also a surgery which involves sedation. Being under the weather isn't ideal right now and it will put too much strain on your heart. Most people don't get pacemakers put in until they are well in their 60's."

"Well he's not most patients." My eyes water just thinking about it. Like I said, the second the thought enters my head I tear up. I can't lose Nate. He's more than just my best friend. He's my everything.

Melanie turns and gives me a nod of empathy when she sees my watery eyes.

"I'll go grab you some more water bottles." She understands right away and leaves the room, giving me my moment to cry.

It's like Nate can read my mind.

"Cmere love, right up here." Nate pats the empty side of his bed where there are no wires. I inhale sharply trying to hold in my tears and crawl into the hospital bed with him, laying my head on his chest. I can hear his heart beating, but he can feel my tears falling on to his skin.

"Yeah." I wipe my eyes. It's not often I cry but when I do it's hard to stop. "I'm always going to worry about you."

"Typical." He teases but pulls me in closer to comfort me.

Nate tucks his chin in to see me and brushes my hair away from my face.

"I'm fine, Trish. This is a minor thing." He kisses the top of my head. "I'll be outta here in no time, yeah?"

"Yeah." I tilt my head up to meet his eyes and he swipes a tear off my cheek with a sympathetic smile before he pecks my lips.

But this is Nate. One soft peck of his lips turns into another and I feel that twinge of desire deep in my belly. I close my eyes and feel his fingers comb through my hair, pulling me up to him more. He kisses me with more passion, and I let him.

It's all I've ever wanted and all I can't have at the same time.

I instantly think of Paul but can't stop feeding my own addiction. Usually, I'd NEVER let Nate's kiss continue when I am with someone else. It's just not who I am. But as the months pass and more things happen with Nate's medical health, the less I care during these moments. Because I never know how many more I'm going to get. That's the sad reality.

Nate is the one to slowly back away, his eyes still lingering on my lips.

"Sorry." He whispers. "We...."

"Can't. I know." I finish his sentence and rest my head back on his chest, feeling his heart beating much faster and heavier than before. 

I still have an effect on him.

*********