*James*

Paul sets me up so I can facetime with my sisters. Trisha bought me a phone after the accident but I still can't use it. My hands are toast and my coordination is shit. So Paul is awake and helping me. It's only 7am here but not in L.A. My sisters are used to me texting them in the middle of the night from working overnights at the Marriott. Sometimes it was the only way to keep me awake. I know for sure Kendall will still be up.

"There he is! Hi!" Kendall is laying in bed and Katie quickly joins her.

"Hi guys. How's everyone?" I sit on the couch with the phone propped up by a book on the table. I'm barely awake and shirtless but they're my sisters. They don't care and I wanted to catch up with them before they go to sleep.

"We miss you, Jamie. Mom misses you." Katie admits and I can tell already things are getting harder for the girls to care for mom. She's so young though. None of us can stand the thought of her going in a nursing home. "She's been doing all sorts of crazy shit lately."

I try not to show emotion in front of my sisters but hearing this and being so far way from everyone is hard. We were taught never to cry. Joe would punish you. It's considered weak in his messed up head.

"Maybe one day I can talk to her ..even if I have to wear sunglasses or something?"

"Yeah, she'd probably like that."

I chat with Kendall and Katie for a good hour before I could see they were both getting tired so Paul  ended the facetime for me. Eventually Julia wakes up. 

"Where is everyone??" She asks as Paul hands her a cup of coffee. "And why are you still here if Nate is gone?" 

"Nate didn't want to wake you. He had an early morning practice, so he is already with the production team. Trisha has a meeting with Leslie. Jonah and Casey are walking the dog."

"Oh."  She sits down next to me on the couch and gives me a sip of coffee. She also notices my hands aren't cooperating but I start up a conversation before he has time to say anything about it.

"Did Nate tell you what we are doing tonight?" 

"Nope." Julia replies dryly making it known her and Nate....they aren't good right now.

"We're going to a Premiere League soccer game! Crystal Palace. AND he got suite tickets!" I smile down at Julia. She should be excited to hear this but she's not.

"Danny would have loved that." She sighs, bringing the mood down a little.

"You good, Moretti?" Paul squints his eyes at her when he sits down on the chair and grabs the remote.

"Yeah, I'm fine." But that's not good enough for me and Julia knows it. "Nate and I just had a little tiff last night, that's all." 

"Around noon we are gonna go out to eat and then Nate wants to show everyone the tour busses we'll be living in for the next year." I change to a different topic for Julia who nods and gives me another sip of coffee.

Something is off with her though. I keep thinking it and seeing little hints here and there. I can't be the only one who notices it though.

Julia struggles with breakfast as Jonah and Casey come back with the dog.

"Please...just half a bagel then. You need something in your system before I can give you your medications." Jonah sits next to Julia at the table. I'm sitting across from her and Casey is helping me today. She puts cream cheese on my bagel and makes sure I have a good grip.

"Juliaa." I drop the bagel and cross my arms.

"Alright. God..." She picks up her bagel and takes a bite. And another. And another before I fumble to pick up mine and eat. Her body lets her know she's hungry now and she ends up eating the entire bagel. I wonder how long she has struggled with her eating disorder. I don't ask  because I wait for her to bring up that shit when she's comfortable.

Once breakfast is done and Jonah gives Julia her meds she helps me get ready for the day.

"You can join me, you know." I flirt while in the shower. Julia's not budging though. She rolls her eyes and washes my hair for me before hopping back up on the counter to sit and supervise.

"Behave."

"This all feels like a weird dream." I drop my flirtation... and the soap making Julia hop off the counter again to help. She never draws attention to it to embarrass me and keeps talking.

"What.. you showering in The Nate Hollan's London bathroom?" She laughs.

"He's still just Jackass Nate to me. But this. Being in London. On tour. Traveling and not worrying about money or anything."

We small talk for a bit but Julia is down and out this morning. Quieter.

"You're in a funk, babe. What's going on?" 

"I'm not sure. Just not feeling myself. Maybe it's the time change or something."

"I knew this would be a lot for you. By the time we get used to the time change here we will be somewhere else. You're not used to this. Neither am I." I lift a shaky hand. "I think I'm just tired but my body is letting me know this is a lot. We've only been on tour two days."

"We'll get used to it." She says but not in a very convincing way.

*******

*Trisha*

I knew today would be busy right from the start but I'm dragging. Leslie puts my energy to shame and trying to keep up the pace is hard.  I wonder how much cocaine she goes through in a day? Or does she use Adderall too? I don't know, I stay away from all that shit but she's putting me to shame this tour.

"If you yawn one more time." Leslie teases me after another meeting to go over the agenda.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm getting old." I laugh. I think Leslie is around my age though. We can hear Nate's soundcheck starting so we both get up to go watch.

Watching Nate do his thing on stage is mesmerizing. He has so much talent and  being on stage is where he belongs. 

"You're practically drooling, Trisha." Leslie says while we sit in the stands. Am I that obvious? 

"Ha.Ha. You're funny. Nate is my boss, remember?" I remind the manager who has no clue on our history aside from shit Susan Hardy posts every blue moon. Like the time Nate was drunk and kissed me in the studio parking lot that hit the news in record timing.

"You still with that Dave guy? He was hot." Leslie talks but keeps her eyes on Nate and the band as they stop the song to tweak a few things.

"God no. He's a mess. Like restraining order mess." I admit. Why am I telling Leslie this stuff?? Maybe because I have no life outside of Nate Hollan's world. He keeps me too busy to have real friends. I mean, there's Julia.... But she's a mess. And Casey is a mini- Julia. Her and Moretti are two peas in a pod. Come to think of it. I don't really have ANY female friends, do it?

"Jesus! Restraining order. That's real deal stuff right there."

"Yeah, things got a little outta hand." I try not to think about it. 

"Well there's always one of those hot bodyguards of yours. Paul just gets better with age and now you have a new piece of eye candy. That other one. With the dark hair and blue eyes." Leslie smiles over at me. Now who's drooling?

"That's James. He's a good guy. You're not allowed near him." I look at the beautiful brunette sitting next to me and laugh but I'm so not kidding.  Leslie is the female version of Nate...before he settled down. She goes through guys and has more one night stands than anyone I've ever met. She doesn't care who knows either. She's sooo Nate.  But I also can kinda get it. In this industry, settling down is hard. Especially when you're Nate's manager. He keeps everyone on his team too busy for anything else. So to her sex is just that.. sex.

"You'll have to hold me back then. That one is hot. And that body..."

"Ok. We get it. Focus." I nod up to the stage as the band starts playing again. Leslie laughs and watches Nate perform. I can't help but wonder if the two of THEM have slept together. I also find myself feeling a little mad that Leslie is showing interest in James. Why should I care? He's not mine.... but the thought of James with someone else sends a jealous streak right through me.

We end the conversation and get through the soundcheck. Nate showers  and we meet him in the game room while he waits for his hair and make up lady to arrive.

"You guys were amazing up there!" Leslie speedwalks into the room with me right behind her.

"Couldn't have done it without you, Les." He smiles. Leslie opens her binder to go over the day with him.

"Ok, so you have a photoshoot on stage and then a signing event. You should be done by noon and then you are free to go. The tour busses arrived about a half hour ago as well as the bus with your wardrobe. Holly should be here any minute." She reads from the binder.

"Trish, can you make sure Sammy picks up Paul and James for me? See if the rest want to come as well." Nate asks as Holly comes into the room.

"Well hello there! You ready, Mr. Hollan?" Holly gives him a hug and we head to his dressing room. I'm already on the phone with Sammy, coordinating the plans for the driver to pick everyone up. Once in Nate's dressing room I can relax a little. Leslie is off doing whatever Leslie does so it's just Nate, Holly and myself.

"Soundcheck went really well." I  say while sitting in the chair next to Nate shoving popcorn in my mouth from one of the baskets left for him.

"Hungry much?" Nate laughs and I roll my eyes.

"I didn't eat breakfast. I can't keep up with that lady!"

"Cuz she snorts coke, Trish."

"Yeah, she doesn't seem to care who's around either. She'll line it right up at the table you're working on." I shake my head and Holly's eyes widen. She never says anything and I wonder how many crazy stories that lady has heard over the years. She just keeps working on Nate and we keep talking like she's not here.

"She's crazy. You better not. I'll fire your ass." Nate raises a brow at me. Neither of us do drugs. He is joking and knows I won't touch that shit. I don't even drink.

"Yeah you know me... " I shove more popcorn into my mouth after throwing a piece at his face. Of course he just picks it up and eats it. "You took your heart meds this morning right?"

"Yes, mother. I took my heart meds. AND ate breakfast, unlike you. Everything is all set for tonight right? "

"The soccer.. sorry, football game? Yep! Suite tickets and all!" I say proudly and can tell Nate is excited for this.  "Alright, finish up and I'll meet you back on stage for your photo shoot. I've gotta meet up with the photographers soon." I take one last handful of popcorn and throw a few Nate's way before leaving. I can hear his loud cackle echo through the hall when I walk out and smile.   We are actually doing this. Everything is falling into place. All that hard work and we are finally on tour!

*****

*James*

"Ok.. You're ok.."

Shit.

I look around the room. You've got to be kidding me. I'm on the ground on my side with both Casey and Jonah monitoring me. Another seizure. Number 5.

"It happened again?" I slowly sit up and look around the living room. Right, Julia's in Nate's room getting ready.

"Yeah, you made me spill my coffee." Paul jokes. "But I grabbed you just in time before you fell. You're welcome." He tries to make light of it, knowing this shit stresses me out.

"C'mon, I will help you get changed." Jonah gets me back up on my feet. Of course, I lost control of my bladder like every other seizure.

"Christ." I look down and shake my head. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize for having a seizure, James. That's out of your control, this is just part of it. It happens to every one who has seizures. Completely normal." Casey explains and I nod.

"Hey.. Can you guys not mention it to Julia? Not right now at least? She seems stressed out today." I hate keeping this from Julia and I WILL tell her, just not right now. Everyone agrees and Jonah helps me get changed.

****

"Well look who it is." Nate's grin is wide when he sees Julia walk into the room. We are at the venue all together now, even Maggie. Nate looks good and I hate that.  He just got done with some photo shoot or something.

"How are you doing, doll?" He asks, pulling Julia in for a hug.  But I notice something. Julia stiffens right up and pulls away. That's not like her.

"I'm fine. Just a little tired, still trying to get used to the time change." 

"You don't have to come to the signing event if you don't want. You can stay here and hang out until I'm done. It's right around the corner. Up to you, darlin."

"I'll do whatever you want."

Nate escapes with Julia and both me and Trisha roll our eyes.

"How you doing sexypants? You look tired." Trisha combs her fingers through my hair like a mother would.

"Gee, thanks?"

"Leave him alone. It's been a rough morning." Casey says  in a joking way but we all glare at her. "Oh right. Well you can't tell me to keep secrets!! I'm not good at that stuff." She sits on the ground and hugs Maggie like a child would.

"Just keep it from Moretti, ok? That's all." Jonah says and we can tell Trisha has no clue what happened. 

"I had a seizure. But Trish.. please. Don't let Julia know. Not today, ok? I'm fine." I sit down on the couch. "She's just gonna worry. I'll tell her another time."

Trisha frowns but nods. "Good idea. You sure you're ok though?"

"Yeah. I'm completely fine. I never know when it happens until after. I did feel a little off this morning but just thought I was tired from the time change and all." Maggie hops up on the couch and I let her. She wants me to pet her now. She knows I wasn't feeling well.

The conversation stops right when Julia and Nate return.

"Ready to go, Mr. Hollan?" Leslie picks up her binder and Trisha does the same. They all head out together while the rest of us hang out here. Casey challenges Jonah to a game of ping pong while  Julia sits next to me on the couch with the dog.

"Now what?" I ask.

"Now we chill out and wait." She curls up next to me but her focus is on Nate's phone on the table in front of us.

Shit. Mila Giovanni's name popped up. Julia sits straight up and stares at Nate's phone right before grabbing it and unlocking it.

"Julia... maybe you should wait for Nate to come back."  I warn but Julia is focused on this task and nothing is going to stop her. She even  pulls out her own phone to use google Translate.

"Babe.."

"Shut up." She snaps, now gaining Jonah's attention. "I want to know what she said." She begins to read the text out loud.

"I'm in London for a photoshoot. Maybe we can have a coffee together.  Aww I wish I could. I'm only here another day. My concert is tomorrow night and then we are back on the road. Hope you are well."

She swallows hard and continues.

"No worries. I miss you. Have a great time tomorrow night!"

"Thanks love"

"I thought he ended it?"Julia scrolls through Nate's phone and we can both see the fucker lied me. And Julia. He didn't end shit with Mila. My stomach drops for Julia and I know this isn't gonna end well. For anyone. Why the hell would Hollan do this to her? I'm gonna murder the asshole.

The door swings open and Nate furrows his brows when he sees Julia holding his phone.

"I knew I left that somewhere." His voice trails off. Julia stands up and chucks the phone at Nate's chest.

"I fucking HATE you."

Nate picks up his phone and now knows what's going on.

"Jule..."

"Jule nothing!"

"What's happening?" Jonah walks over filled with concern.

"Absolutely NOTHING is happening." Julia pulls off her engagement ring and throws it at Nate.

"Jules. Knock it off! You can't just go throwing this thing around like that!"

"Give it to Mila. It'll fit her better." Julia pushes past Nate and leaves the room, slamming the door behind her.

"SHIT! I don't have time for this!" Nate grabs his chest.

"Nate.. sit down." Jonah notices immediately and grabs his medical bag to take his blood pressure. "What happened?"

"She saw this Jackass texting Mila Giovanni." I glare at Nate and rush out to find Julia. 

Paul comes out of the bathroom and sees my distraught face. He was waiting outside with the driver for Nate  and has no clue what's happening.

"I can't believe this." I huff while walking down the hall in search for Julia. "Have you seen Julia?"

"Check outside. She always goes outside for air." Paul says. He'd know. He's taken care of Julia more than I have, that's for sure. "What's happening, Gallo?"

Paul was right.  The second I open the door Julia is sitting outside on  the steps in tears.

"Someone tell me what's happening?" Paul sits down next to Julia and she immediately buries her face in his chest. He has proven to be a good caretaker and she trusts him. 

"She saw Nate texting back and forth with Mila Giovanni when he left his phone on the table." I shake my head and sit on the other side of Julia.

"For Godssakes." Paul grumbles and puts his arm  around Julia to console her. "That kid is never gonna learn is he?"

The doors swing open and Nate sees us all outside.  Tears stream down Julia's face.

"You're a dick." Paul  gets up and walks back to the SUV.

"Jules. I said no. She asked if I wanted to meet up for coffee and I said no." 

"Yeah, You also said 'aww wish I could' and she said 'Miss you' and you said 'thanks love'. I read the whole thing you asshole! You never called anything off! You lied to me!"

"Jules. I said no. I really have to go. We'll talk about this later." Nate turns away and gets into the SUV, leaving Julia standing here crying.

*****

*Trisha*

"I think Nate may be coming down with something." I whisper to Leslie as we wrap up the event. I watch Nate do his thing and fool the fans during his meet and greet but he's not fooling me.

"Yeah, he's looking a little pasty. Better tell Holly to get on it with the make-up." Leslie snorts. "Ok I gotta run.  We'll touch base later."

I walk out with Nate and Paul to the SUV waiting for us  but it's not until we're inside the car do I bring it up.

"You're looking a little ...pale, playboy. You feel ok?" I put my hand on his forehead but he doesn't feel warm to me.

"He's fine." Paul grunts and then proceeds to tell me what I missed this morning.

"You motherfucker. You just love to stir the pot. So now what? What are we walking in to here?" I shake my head at my best friend. My very very stupid best friend.

"I have no idea, ok?" Nate slouches down and closes his eyes. "I fucked up."

"You sure did. Now is not the time to fuck up. You better hope Gallo doesn't knock some sense into you. Holly can only do so much with make-up." I huff.

"Well.. this all happened this morning. Maybe she's cooled down since then." Nate tries to tell me but all I can see is Julia flipping out all over the place. Once we pull up to the venue we are ALL on edge.

We head to the main room and the first thing Nate does is look for Julia.

"She's having a virtual meeting with Jeremy." Casey says and Nate is gone in the blink of an eye.

"God, this drama shit has got to end. We can't have that here." I huff but apparently rubbed James the wrong way by saying that.

"She has every right to be mad, Trisha. Maybe tell your friend to focus on his fiancé and not his girlfriend." James furrows his brows at me. He's protecting his best friend from my best friend. I get that.

"Sorry." I sit down next to him now. "It's just so frustrated. The two of them. And Nate thinks he's fucking Peter Pan and never gonna grow up."

James nods in agreement. I know he's not mad at me but at the situation all around. I rest my head on his shoulder tiredly and he lets me. "Let me just sleep right here just like this." I joke.

"Trisha Banks, are you admitting to being tired??? THE Trisha Banks?" James laughs but it ends quickly when Jonah rushes into the room with Nate on his tail.

"I need the bag." Jonah demands and Casey nods. Apparently they hid it in a cabinet while spending the day here.

"What's going on??" Paul asks and both of us stand up. They aren't thinking of.... no..

"Jonah, please.... You know I can calm her down."

"What I know is you are one selfish sonofabitch. And now look. Look what we have to do. You're gonna kill her one of these days." Jonah unlocks the bag and rummages through it looking for the Ativan. This can't be happening.

"Think about what you're doing right now." Nate cries. "Jonah..."

"What the hell is going on?" I ask. Then we see the nurse pull out the prescription bottle of Ativan. Jonah looks at Nate and shakes his head.

"You make my job much more difficult than it needs to be." He storms out of the room with the bottle of pills.  I follow him out.

Julia is in the other room  with Jeremy on the laptop. She's freaking out. More than I've ever personally witnessed.

"I can't breathe, James!" She cries out and my eyes widen. I rush to where she is sitting. On the ground. In a corner. Completely freaking out.

"You can breathe sweetie. Look at me.." I kneel down in front of her and try to get her to breathe with me but her eyes dart around the room while she hyperventilates.  I turn and look at Jonah with pleading eyes because I haven't a fucking clue how to help Julia right now. He quickly puts a pill in her mouth and  puts the water bottle to her lips. Without a second though she swallows the pill and drinks the water. I sit down next to her and lean against the wall with my head my hands.

This is really happening. Jonah just gave her an Ativan. He had to. I've never seen her this bad. 

"Julia, focus on your breathing." Jeremy is still with us and trying to work with Julia. Eventually he gets her to slow down  and then the medication kicks in, helping even more.

But Julia hasn't had her addiction in awhile. After about fifteen minutes she can barely keep her eyes open. She's still whimpering lightly here and there  with her head in my lap as I comb through her hair, trying to calm her.

"She shouldn't have to go through this again. This is all Hollan's fault." I shake my head  at Jonah.

No one should have to go through this.

*****