No one told me that life would give you so many hardships,

No one told me about the importance about most things in life,

No one told me to try harder in school,

 No one pushed me to strive to graduate school,

No one told me his mind was messed up and he would do that to a little girl (me),

No one told me that I as the oldest child would be taking care of my parents instead of the other way around,

No one told me that when I finally at an older age confessed to my own mother about what happened to me at a younger age that she wouldn't believe me and instead question me a second time... The first time confession was at age 8.

No one told me it would eat at me when I didn't even know what it was (An alien feeling),

No one told me that I would be born looking like my mom and having every family member resent me in their own way,

No one told me what love was,

No one told me I would cry so much and then become severely angry,

No one told me how much my mother secretly hates me but does not admit it in front of others,

No one told me my father wouldn't be able to look at me without seeing my mother instead of me,

No one told me that I had to carry all this weight on my chest the older I got,

No one told me I had to fight the world alone with God by my side, 

No one told me I had to heal myself and that it would try to drop me and destroy while I fought to pick myself back up,

No one told me I would be blamed or told how to feel or act and hide my true self so they can feel at peace while my mind was at war,

No one told me I would have these thoughts that scared me and made me angry for feeling weak (Suicidal thoughts),

No one told me I would fall into my old habits and end up back to square one,

No one told me that life is more then what meets the eye even in hard times, but I see it every day as I pray and thank God for waking me up. I know healing takes time even with pain, hardships, weight of whats bringing me down... it will get better. I will heal.

~Nessa

Author's Note;

It's really hard for me to write about myself and some of the things that has happened in my life and things that are happening now in the present it makes me feel like others think that I am seeking attention, at a young age I learned to just keep to myself because once I told someone my business it would end badly and the whole world would know. To who ever is reading this I hope you heal, I hope you get what you manifest, I pray with God on our side that life puts you on a better path and things will be bumpy but it is up to you to pick yourself up each time you fall so if it ever gets to be too much workout, go for a swim, Read, write, sing, dance, message me and rant away, go travel, but whatever you do, DONT. GIVE. UP.