HOLY BUTT CLENCHING MOTHER FUCKETY FUCKEE.
A NEW POKEMON GAME IS RELEASED.
OH MY GOD IT'S FREE.

What? You walk in real life to find these things?
With augmented reality?
Find new and rare Pokemon?
Jesus, is this a dream?

I downloaded my game file,
and set up my account.
Yep, this is gonna be fun!
I said more times than I could count.

I waited at the loading screen.
But the bar didn't load.
I had to retry about ten times,
Before I can finally go.

Okay. I said. Maybe next time the load
Would be a little bit faster loading.
I assured myself as a hot professor
Showed up, a hand up he was holding.[what the hell]

He told me all about Pokemon,
That they lived all around the world.
He gave me a choice of three Pokemon.
Bulbasaur, Charmander and Squirtle.

I chose the red one and tapped on it,
And then came a surprise.
A charmander was in the living room,
Right before my eyes!

Of course, all this, was happening
In augmented reality,
But I couldn't help but grin
Like a child excitedly.

I threw my humble pokeball,
And hit him right in the nose.
I caught him quick, and I hollered with joy
So everybody knows!

The professor then taught me about pokestops, yada, yada, yada.
I didn't care because i just
Want to get my hands on a Ratatta.

I ran down the streets, looking down at my phone, catching everything I see,
14 Zubat, 3 weedle and a stray Pidgey.

As hours passed, I found some Pokemon
Becoming quite the pest.
I wish you rot in hell, Zubat,
Go die! I yelled without rest.

Pidgey, you can go fuck yourselves,
Nobody even wants you.
Caterpie, leave me alone!
You belong in poke-hell, too!

Where the hell are the Garchomp, the Talonflame, the Goomy?
Oh wait, it's just the first gen?
Now I'm getting gloomy.

OH MY GOD,
Would you look at that, A gigantic Dragonite!
I need to get that sexy beast
Or I'm not sleeping tonight!

I fed a razzberry, threw my great ball,
And hoped for the very best.
But for some reason, my screen froze,
And I couldn't see the rest!

I didn't have a choice, but to refresh the game and log in again.
But the loading screen has frozen, too.
Oh god, I'm getting a migraine.

After thirty tries,
and a bunch of curses and hissing,
I successfully got in the game,
To see Dragonite missing.

Fuck you, Pokemon Go.

(Jk I love you.)