Make What You Will

The car journey home is one filled with silence

For the day you have witness attacked your emotions with violence

No words are exchanged between you and your mother

For she knows the routine and knows not to bother

Home, at last, the secrecy takes you in

Helps to try and rid you of that victimised sin

You feel your eyes well, the tears falling down

Like raindrops, then and flood, and you start to drown

In your sadness, upset, jealousy and woe

For you feel you may break if you don't let them go

The sadness you feel when a friends leaves your side

A little like enjoying walks on the beach, but you soon say goodbye to the tide

A bond snapped, broken, words exchanged irreversible

The genuine feelings expressed hit you in a way that's not curable

A companion, a life-line, something that kept that smile on your face

Now leaves you in style with your name riddled with personal disgrace

The stress, the panic, the books and the work

Exams dates and expectations like shadows that crawl, stagger and lurk

You must get that grade, for your life depends on that final number

But despite all the deadlines you're still drawn to Tumblr

Hours, weeks, months, days

You leave the importance till you lose track of time and the teacher says

"Your life is depended on this exam, good luck"

And you're left in the hall guilty, panicked and stuck

You feel your hands sweat, shake and quiver

You try to write, but you cannot, for your handwriting is swayed with a shiver

Your breathing quickens, the rooms spins, you have to get out

You leave in a hurry, calling back in a shout

That you need time to cool off, a few minutes alone

You lock yourself in the bathroom, gone with your confident tone

You lose all respect you had for yourself, all genuine taste

And know now the rest of your life has gone to waste

But it's not real, you scream, it's all in your mind, a dream, not fair

And you wake from your slumber, your restless nightmare

Of failure, poor execution, inability to try

To spread your wings, achieve the potential inside, ace your exams and fly

But don't believe you have it in you, you say

Just another time you overthink, a routine each day

Texts, missed calls, offers and deals

You pass up shopping trips and family meals

To stay secluded, and alone

Right in your comfort zone

You struggle to pay for your shopping in town

For you fail to speak, and you receive the most patronising frown

Your social skills gone with a puberty swept breeze

Left with a will to be introverted, where you find your true self with ease

But outsiders don't realise your genuine wish to be without strangers

And try to tempt you out and about, leaving out what you consider dangers

Most the time you refuse, leaving them broken hearted

But the times you agree, you realise you've started

A chain of events leading up to the reason you reside

Alone in your room, somewhere to hide

And you panic, stress, try to get away

But without someone asking questions, you cannot stray

So you try to overcome your fear, move on, become extroverted

But your age and hormones tell you that you can't be converted

Sentenced to a life alone in the dark

Until you hit eighteen, the most sacred mark

You wait for that day, patient and willing

And when it comes, you'll be ready for the killing

Emotion keeps you in this cycle each day

Coming home and letting tears have their way

You feel trapped in this routine you wish could end

And you search for some place you can post it without a resend

But don't you see, it's rather plain see

The cycle can be altered with one simple plea

Promise me you'll keep going, despite your age

And promise me you'll look forward instead of looking to the past to engage

Wish a conversation featuring you and old you

And discuss the mistakes you made whilst you were still learning, and those you hurt too

Don't do it, it's a trap, you have to know

That when you finish school, the thing that caused the woe

You'll be able to make your own choices

And one day, very soon, you'll make some rejoices

With happiness, something you forgot as a teen

Because puberty and exams ushered it away, angry and keen

But when that's gone, and you grow

You'll see it comes back, with open arms, gently saying hello

And you can catch up with it, get to know it

It'll be the best reunion, so good you'll forget all the shit

And you probably don't believe me, and that's okay

You're brainwashed by puberty, and I'm not here to sway

Your negative outlook, for I am your age too

But remember when I say these last words, they're here for you

It gets better

Maybe not tomorrow, next week, next year

But one day it will

You need to wait for that day

Do that for me