"Beloved, be still."

Have you ever felt that crushing guilt, that overwhelming sense of darkness and fear? When you have made a mistake that you knew I you shouldn't have made because God was telling you not to do it, yet you chose to do it anyway.

And then after the guilt comes the pain and the tears. Tears because you want to go home and pain because you have hurt someone, yourself or another.

And then you just stare into nothing as the tears keep coming, either in loud, gasping sobs or quiet streams, but they come. And you just want to go home. You want a hug from your Heavenly Father, that warm comfort that you feel when everything is going your way. But that comfort is gone, and all there is is a gaping hole in your heart where something once was, something that you have forgotten.

And then out of nowhere, just when the pain seems to much, and you have run out of tears to cry, words to scream, and things to yell, that little whisper that says, "Beloved, be still." And then you can. You can stop screaming at God.

The pain hasn't lessened, the past hasn't changed, and your tear ducts are still dry, but it is okay. It is bearable. It isn't crushing anymore because you have someone who even when you are in a fight with your best friend or wether you just lost your job, or your relative died, or your boyfriend broke up with you, or your girlfriend cheated on you, there is someone who despite all that, despite the lies you say, the numbers on your test or the scale, the contraband you stole, or whatever you have done, despite all of that, someone loves you.

Someone calls you "beloved" and tells you to be still. Someone is there in the pain of your mistakes, in the cry of your hurt, someone is there, and they love you. Enough to die for you. And then you can actually be still. 

" He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.' " 

Psalm 46:10 NIV

 Dedicated to my best friend Abby who has forgiven me more times than I deserve. I wrote this after she forgave me when we were fighting. It was something I said that I wouldn't have been able to forgive and I thank God for her every day.