She killed herself
To protect her lover
She drowned in the murky darkness
Because she was afraid
She was afraid she would kill
The woman that mattered most

Not a story about ghosts
Not a story fully about love
A story of how events
Can shape a person
How people
Can change a person

Not again
Not again would she lose the person
Whom she held dearest
She had no other way
So it was she who died

-

This other girl
Worlds away
Cries over their story
But why?

It has nothing to do with her
She hasn't even felt that way
She probably won't

"Lots of people cried over it."
She reasons with herself
"It's just really sad."
Yet deep down she knows
It's more than just that

She knows she's growing up too fast
She knows nothing about herself
Other than what she likes
And dislikes

Sometimes that can be the most confusing
But that's not the point

This girl
She's felt the fear of suicide
She's felt the contemplation
But she was afraid
And never died

This girl
She only cries
Over things that hit close to home
Or things with which she can sympathize
She does feel empathy
She knows she does
But only when it's sympathy
Do tears ever fall

First it was suicide
The scene in Promise
Second it was a movie
About finding where your home is
Third it was friendship
Or love, to be truthful
Fourth it was the woman
Who killed herself to save her love

First it was her fear
She felt the fear, the sadness, the hopelessness
Or other emotions
But she knew what it was like

Second it was her wonder
If she would ever find a place
Of her own
Where people loved her
Where she could love herself
Where she felt like she belonged

Third it was her dilemma
Over whether she could rely
On those closes to her

Fourth it was her knowledge
That she would spend years looking
Years looking for someone who loved her
For someone who she loved
For someone who made her feel
Like the damaged parts inside of her
Didn't have to be hidden
And she didn't have to be ashamed of them

First it was fifth grade
Second it was the summer later
Third it was a time lost to her, maybe sixth grade
Fourth...
Fourth was in a time she vowed not to speak of.

This is a girl
Worlds away from the story she just heard
Worlds away from where it even happened
Worlds away from what society thinks she should know
Worlds away from the happiness she craves

This is a girl
Who's scared
Who knows too much
Who grew up too fast
Who remembers things from a life that was never hers
Who writes books to keep herself occupied

Because if she doesn't have anything to do...
She falls

This is a girl
Who's in three toxic relationships
Who's unsure of who she is
Who's trapped inside her own skin
Who's waiting to live
Who's waiting to die
Who's waiting to feel comfortable in her own skin
Waiting...
Always waiting...

This is a girl
Worlds away
From the two women

This is a girl...

Worlds away...

The girl in this is not me
Also these did all happen, though
And everything referenced is an actual thing you can read or watch