My knees hit the glossy white surface
My toes curl painfully against the side
It's cold against my skin

My back arches forward as I bow my head

Water drips down my face and mixes with brine, I
cannot tell the difference
My eyes sting from the kiss of limestone water
My knees are aching
I don't care

What if I could dissolve?
Flow away with the water that dissolved the resolve to keep standing
Be lost to the earth

Maybe a few would care (unlikely)
But I could be replaced
Because those who I call friends, family, favourites
Have people to replace me
People who are already superior in their minds
I could disappear
Like a small ugly puddle on a hot day
And not even the animals would notice.

My back stings as liquid needles penetrate the skin, but
it doesn't hurt as much as what they've done
as much as the damage caused by the people I love(d)
as much as my own nails in the skin of my back

Perhaps
The water is my friend?
It drips down my naked body without discriminating
It pools in the valley between my arm and my leg
It joins me on the floor before flowing peacefully away
It doesn't hate me
Not like I do
not like i do

I know that I
will have to rise
Force tension back into my legs
Put on a mask of happiness
Pretend that I wasn't just
Sitting in the shower