Here comes Santa in his big fat Pants.

Mrs Claus says 'On a diet you must go.'

Santa's getting heavy, due to his brandy bevy

He starts to wheeze and stumble,

as he chases his reindeer in the snow.

'Perhaps you could try Bread & Water

says his helpful, plumpish, daughter.

'May be carrots' says his son

'Will get the job done.'

You must lose two stone before

next Christmas Day.

Poor Santa heaves a sigh,

'I suppose it's worth a try.

But why can't I just order a 'Bigger Suit' '?

Santa grew so weary, in fact he looked quite Teary,

as he put his salad down upon the floor.

'I think I've had enough, this is so very tough,

I'm not putting up with this any more.'

They watched him trudge along the track,

He yelled 'I'm NEVER coming back,

You can keep your DIET and your Christmas Day.'

Mrs Claus was most alarmed,

even with all of her charms,

She could not entice her husband to stay.

But never mind all that, it really was a fact

This was NOT what Santa EVER should say.

So a bigger suit was ordered

And when Santa tried it on,

He felt like a million dollars. . .

And lots and lots of Christmas Food.

At Mrs Claus he winked (twice!)

'Darling, this new suit is oh... so nice

It will surely get me in the mood.'

Santa made a 'big'concession,

We may learn from this, his lesson

And he now eats nine mince pies

instead of ten!

Today he is so happy and looking rather 'dappy'

In his new red suit, now a BIGGER size.

He's looking forward to Christmas Day

What more can you say?

And the gleam of wonder has returned to his eyes!

*************************************

I apologise for this truly terrible poem,

but I laughed so much when I wrote it

I thought you might like it too!