I keep seeing you in my dreams.

In every shape and form.

In every colour and normality.

Everytime it feels even more real.

But it isn't,is it?

You were never real.

You are all so different,yet I fell in love with you for a reason.

Maybe because you were there when I was feeling down.

Maybe you reminded me someone.

More than five years this scenario is happening.

Is there something wrong with me?

Loving someone so dearly,more than the people in the real world.

Because you know they will never be like them.

Maybe that's why,they don't exist.

They are too good to be true,even when all of them have their flaws.

I see them as humans,even though some can hardly exist in human form.

Do I need to grow up?

Why is this keep happening?

I am a young adult,yet my feelings are stronger for someone who doesn't exist.

High expectations?

Stupid dreams?

False hopes that maybe someone out there similar to them will exist?

I doubt.

Back when I was fifteen,I could understand the loneliness,but now?

It is not even i try to distant myself from the real world.

I try,I try to show them who I am as a person.

But they don't like it.

No wonder I keep going back to someone out of this world.

But right now,at this age,I don't care to be with someone in a relationship.

But I want to feel.

I want to feel love.

To feel a tight hug.

A genuine pair of lips touching mine in need of love.

I guess we,as humans,need some sort of affection.

But I always end up with tears in my eyes.

Because they are simply not there.

Only through a screen,in a story,in a game,in a show and so on.

I hate my body for letting it fall into that kind of one sided love.

Considering that so far in my life,I was always put on the one sided part of feelings.

But that is for another time.

Am I pathetic?

Weak?

Helpless?

Am I pathetic for each time in my dreams I try to reach and hold their hand?

Even if they are something atrocious,or even the most normal being ever?

Is it helpless that i want to hold their face into my palms,smile and kiss them lovingly?

And even actually live my life with joy and do things that I have never done?

But with them,it simply is magical?

Sigh.

Maybe I should stop living in those stories.

In those dreams.

-to all my fictional crushes and loves,I love you all from the bottom of my heart and I will never forget you,always here in my heart

～✿～✿