I feel like I don't give enough.

I feel like a mistake that needed to be gone long ago.

What if..

What if I really did die?

I find myself questioning that every time I fall into that dark abyss.

I should have died.

I want to die.

But why are people so blind?

Why they can't see that one of their fellow human beings is dying on the inside and yet you smile as you see me "smile"?

Isn't it obvious?

I need help.

You say that you see no signs of me being like that.

What do I need to do to make it obvious?

Do I need to slice my wrists and fall on my knees?

Let my blood slowly roll down my skin as I scream "Please help me,I want to die"?

And all for that to later call me attention whore?

When enough is enough in this world?

There are times,I really hoped I have succeeded in killing myself.

Sometimes I say it out loud.

People look at me with worry,asking why.

But it is so hard to explain..

The darkness inside your brain.

How tangled up and messy it is.

Not even myself can find the beginning of this string,to guide myself to untangle this mess.

They say it is impossible not being able to describe it.

Guess what.

It can't be described.

At least for me.

Once,I tried to open my eyes for others to look into them.

To look into my soul and messed up head.

But they took advantage of my vulnerable state.

I feel weak.

Tired.

Not able to do the things I love.

And it kills me.

It kills not being able to do what I love.

One of the worst deaths for the artist part of myself,is to stop doing what you like.

But I don't want to disappoint.

I must work hard,even in my dark days.

But please,don't simply tell me that it will pass..

Or it is just a phase.

And then brush it off and put a smile on my face.

Please.

I am a mess and I know it.

But at least I am still here.

For now.

-i'm tired

～✿～✿