So if I wished to sing a song to just me and you
Would you be right by my side, singing along
In a paradise, of an empty field
I would sing a song to just me and you
Singing oh how I hate everything
This sole existing world

Saying I wish to destroy everything and end this depression
Oh I want to scream out in this empty grass field
And with that I wield quite aggression

Oh how If I wished to sing a song to just me and you
Would you be there, simply dancing along
In these endless days, filled with nothing but sorrow
Wishing everything would end right here, in this maze
But again I refuse to when there is a future that awaits my path
In this simply, but guided fate I hope for this dream to come true

If I sung a song to just me and you
I would cry if that future with us had come true
So I just sing this song hoping for my love to come along
For you have not exist, but I hope someday I will see you soon

Cuz if I sung this song to just me and you
I know that it is true
That you are just an idea inside
I would cry for you, if there was a future like that for me too

I just want to sing a song to me and you
To end my sorrows and my tears be no more
For this hard wielded fate to be gone completely would be a dream come true

If I did sing this song to me and you
By embracing my innersole, would you be right there too
If you were here by my side, then I would cry
I just won't lie that being with you would be the best thing in the world

I would tell you the all: my sorrows, the tears of everything
And then you would just hold me by ending my fears
I just want you as a friend, to understand me completely
So then you know everything I going through....

Cuz' if there was a wish I could dream
It would be to sing a song to just me and you
Won't you like that, cause I know I do
I just hope that if I could close my eyes you would be there too
Awakening, I wish that I won't have to say adieu

So if crying is for the weak is true,
if I had to do what I despised,
to make my dreams of wishing happen too,
cuz if I could sing a song of just me and you,
it all I would do...

A poem I made of what I am feeling.  Hatred. Anger. Disgust. Depression. Sorrow.

Hatred- for all the people who are ruining and corrupting the world and how its filled with terrors trying to control people.  For the people around me who don't get things or are hypocrites.

Anger- For everything that been happening with this world, this life of mine, never getting that close to people to consider them friends in real life, and events that make me think why can't you understand me.  And when people get mad at me for doing something, but other people do the exact same thing and it is fine.  It is always me and I hate it and it makes me angry.  Then they say why you crying about this, you need to grow up already.

Disgust- With how people react to things, how you can't get to seem why I always am trying to be alone and together in my house yet can't think of why.  Sometimes I just cant stand how you act like I am the one who isn't right and how I am on here all day, but can't you see I love music, writing, and watching videos?

Depression- At everyone and everything that people make me feel.  People around me in the house I reside in, except my siblings, (for once siblings are the best unlike many families who get annoyed from siblings) and the people I want to be with and talk to at school.  But those words of some make me think of all the bad things and how much a terrible person I am because "I can never do anything right" not matter what it is to them.  But they do one simply move and it is fine.  I have way too much overconfidence that it makes me go into depression if I don't.  I can't stand people around me, they are hypocrites and expect everything from me.  Why can't I be alone?  I still have social skills I talk and have friends online.  Why don't you get that writing helps this.  Why is it that if I did it on paper they like it much better.  They know nothing.  I love writing and reading, but its easier to do online.  Online where unlimited papers and pencils are.  Where most books are without buying or going to public library.  And other hobbies help me, but I never do it around them because they just judge like the rest of my life.  I want to draw and sing and then scream out into an empty field.

Sorrow- For all the bad things and terrible things that I hate with people I can't stand where I just want to cry.  For they who don't want me to do this when I fee better doing what I love...I want to sing out in the open record and show someone and then have someone just saying wow.  I want to be in a paradise by the beach where other countries can't get to easily, so no trouble in caused.  And with everything that happened I just want to cry but never show to them and maybe I can stop feeling sorry for myself and wishing to have a different experience growing up instead.

~Feeling down about myself two weekends ago...(Meant to publish this last sat-sun, but I forgot.)  I been told there something wrong with me since I am always writing. I self pity myself by having stupid thoughts in my head, how I'm so terrible and oh why I do this to myself?  Its stupid and then I want to scream to whole world and just do something that keeps me calm and better.  I kinda want to learn how to fight and defend myself, but that's stupid too..  I feel the pressure the madness at school where certain moments cause certain things where its of me and professors or students point me and mistakes out in front of everyone makes me think and the attention on me.  The bad attention with how terrible I am.  It causes this feeling of this endless cycle of despair or grief and self pity and anxiety and depression but wanting to scream out to the entire world.  I think I'm getting crazier and insaner every day.  Yet I'm trying every day to be sane.  They drive me crazy bothering me, but is it normal?  I just want to leave and graduate so I can be away from it all, so I can be better.  Then whenever something doesn't work out I get so upset about the littlest and petty things but I am not upset because of that, its because when circumstances don't work out I think of everything terrible and the way one would yell or get mad at me that causes those rain to pour out of my eyes.  Yet when they ask if I was crying I say no, it not because of the stupid incident.  Its because everything I am dealing with and just because of the circumstances that I  end up becoming teary eyed.  Its the tone of voice and everything else.  How could I tell you?  My thoughts and everything is too difficult to express and if only I could should you my thoughts and how I feel so you would feel the same.  But writing this is the close I came too, but it is still hard.  Or maybe I just know I would get judged and that why I say I never crying or anything else.  Is that selfish?  But sometimes I wondered when did this all change.  Was it me or everyone else around me too who changed?  I remember when I cared about my parents and never lied and told them everything.  Where I wouldn't [mentally]scream or feel depressed  with everything they did.  Where I understand them and felt closer.  Where I was closed off and more reserved [quiet]....  Yet now I hate being called  that.  And I feel even crazier when I create someone that would understand everything that be so easy to talk to and hug and just cry in their arms, but never [exist] in this world.  Without saying a thing they know everything, my struggles and it all.  They be everything I want in a person [a friend]...But writing always kept me sane, but now I feel its coming back and I need something else too.  My thoughts in my head always were of stories that I liked doing all the time to be [keeping me] sane.  My head hurts, it pounding and I probably just being stupid and dramatic.  Yet I feel like I'm going crazy and insane.  Listen to this rant  [if you may] but never judge or I swear I had enough, but [never] I do that.  I probably just have a mental break down or some kind of anxiety attack mixed with hyperventilation.~