wake up from the dream gasping for air
the shock has been lifted
and I broke through the surface and sucked air into my lungs
a baby first born

tremors wracking my body
head to toes
a centralized earthquake
only I'm aware of

slowly tilt my eyes down
to check my legs
sure that blood would be soaking my sheets

my covers are still on top of me

cautiously reach my awareness to my legs
feeling for bullet holes
ropes
any sign of my unreality

nothing

but they're there
I know there there
the struggle against the ropes
the shots ring in my mind
blood
and the girl i couldn't save

its all there

so I lay there
paralyzed
trying desperately to move my legs
as demons force me to relive everything
again
and again
and again
till the sun rises

my blinds are closed