As I'm looking back on these memories,
They all seem so unreal.
Things like that, they don't happen,
Not in real life, and not to children!
The horrors that I've been through,
All this torment, loss, abuse.
These don't feel like my memories,
They feel so wrong, so horrifying.
Like a tale from a sad book,
Not something I should have felt.
I wish that I could change it all,
So I wasn't always so sad.
I wish I didn't have this illness,
And I hope that it will pass.

//sorry I'm venting// I keep thinking back on sad memories and old friends I had.. most of them are gone from my life-and in some cases that's a good thing-but I still can't help but miss all of the good memories with my friends. And in general I'm just... really fed up with how my life has been like the past two years for me. I've been so depressed and felt so awful, and after all of this time I still haven't found a way to cope. It seems everything just comes one after another, I lose one person, and just when I think I'm okay enough to return to normal I lose another. I'm terrified of making new friends for this exact reason.... they all leave me behind. I'm only 15, I really don't think I deserve this...

Anyways.. I just needed to vent there, I guess tonight is just a bit of a bad night for me, heh. I'm going to keep trying to get some rest, and think about some happier things.

Let's hope my negative thoughts don't make me have nightmares. ..even though I'm positive it's inevitable...

I'll do my best to be cheerful and positive tomorrow, but for now I'm just gonna rest some. ^~^ Oliver Out.