The only thing different from the actual apology is the formatting. All the words are the same but I sent it as a giant text block and that's hard to read. The whole apology itself was 1500+ words, this is just a small excerpt.
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April 14, 2024

I don't hate you, and I don't think there's any way I ever could. If I had to pick things to describe you, I'd pick that one shade of brown that my highlighter is, I'd pick the smell of coffee and the smell of vanilla because your hair is so strong I can smell it from a few feet away, I'd pick the sunset because long days are hard but isn't the end the best part because isn't the night ours for the taking?

I love yous are hard for me, words (ironically) are hard for me. I express love in the way I can't control how I smile around people. I express love in the way that I hate spending money, but "gosh, if it's for you, I can manage." I express love in the way I wait around because walking with loved ones is better than walking alone. I express love in the way I'll leave anything early if it means more time with someone I love. I express love in the way I let people play music in my car, even if the song is awful and I hate it. I express love in the way I write stories for and about people, because they're immortalized forever, and God, isn't that poetic?

I express love in every way except for I love you. And I say it. I mean it. But it's so much more special to me when someone gently holds my hand because they know I'm scared, so much more special when someone grabs the exact candy or drink I like without asking because they just know, so much more special when they drop other things because "omg you wanna hang out???"

I don't pretend to know much about love, I don't even know if I have the capacity to love romantically. And that terrifies me beyond belief. But God, the capacity of love I have for my family is unmatched.