I've noticed you've lost interest,
I'm sorry for not being interesting,

I lacked the words to write themselves upon a page,
Usually they'd flow directly out,

Aching arms, itching fingertips, ready to write the simplest of words that hide a deeper meaning,

I've lost it for awhile, the will to write upon a page,
To write the simplest thing that anyone could write,

Simple poems,
Simple words,
and simple pages written on with ink,
for a simple girl,
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A short, sensitive, shrub of a human girl, that is I.
The one that gets the most attention, because of looks, because of the way I walk, talk, draw, act.

It's hard to say no....
that's why I write, the only thing I will always say no to is letting my real feelings out to my family, friends, school peers.

The words inked onto the page are my real feelings, even if they're not about my feelings at all. In that ink, is feelings, of a normal girl.

A girl, just a girl, she seems simple, but is so complex.

I'm sorry for practically ranting.
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Words of ridicule run rampant in my school.
These are the things I've heard throughout my life, this year was the worst it's ever been.

" To be honest, I like you more than your twin."

" You're prettier than your twin."

"I like you better than your twin."

" Why do you walk like that?"

" Are you emo?"

"Why does your sister act like that?"

" Why is your sister so mean?"

" You guys are really twins? There's no way."

" Why do you talk like that?"

" You're so depressing! "

"Why do you act like that?"

" You'll never make enough money to be an artist." ( this comment was made by my mom when I was younger, also by my nana. I'll tell you why they said this. I came home from school one day, I went to visit my nana and pap with my dad, mom, sis, and bro. I told my nana and mom that I wanted to be a artist, that's why they led up to that)

Now:

" One day you'll make good money off your art." (said by nana and pap, same as mom)
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My twin sis and I have always been compared. I've been compared to my dad too, since I look like him, and apparently act like him. My twin sis and bro have always been compared to my mom.

I was the wild child when I was younger, but I was still shy.
Now I hide away all day, I changed alot.

When I was younger, I was really mean, is it hard to believe?

I've said sorry many, many times for my past mistakes. I've changed, because I was always in fear of getting yelled at for some reason, scared of what I would do if I got mad. I acted alot like my dad. I still live in fear of being yelled at, my mom can call for me randomly to do something, and I always ask...

"What did I do?"
My anxiety is really high when she calls for me randomly, same as my dad. Afraid of being yelled at, afraid of doing something wrong, afraid of being mean again, like I once was.

I had many friends when I was younger because I was tough enough to sustain a bond with the popular kids. Now I have very few, I've been back stabbed by many friends. I was weakened, I was lost, when I changed, everyone changed, they left me.
I recently had a friend threaten my sister, by saying something about pulling out a glock. Calling my sister a bitch over text.

That was one of my closest friend, maybe I wouldn't be strong enough if she just said it to me, if I was in my twins situation, but atleast I'm strong enough to fight for the ones I love.

The closest friend I have now is myself. I still have other friends, like Cadence, my newest friend. She's always cheerful, but can be really angry if someone messes with her two besties ( my sister and I). 😁

I decided, I wanted to go up to the person who said about pulling the glock. ( I'm also guessing a glock is a gun) 😁 I know that it seems like I have a death wish, but no one, I mean no one, messes with my twin, they are going to be hurting when I get my hands on them.

They acted all nice in the beginning.
Do you want to know something funny? I'll tell you anyways, she doesn't even have a gun. She thinks she tough, just because she can threaten someone, and pull friends apart.

She really has something going doesn't she? 😁

(Maybe he knows of whom I'm speaking of)

I'm sorry, if you didn't expect my anger. I know, I'm being really mean, but I won't stand by and let someone I love get hurt. I don't care if I'm suspended from school.

My mom knows about the situation, told Makenna to ignore her. I won't, I love all of my close family to death. I will do anything for them. Be it calling someone out about them saying about pulling a glock on my sis, or hurting the person who is talking about pulling the glock. Either way someone's going to get hurt, but I won't let it be my family. I'd rather that I get hurt, than the ones I love.

I've been holding this back, all this rage about the friend that I once had. I'm shaking with anger while writing this.

I think it's funny, that this simple girl, sitting in her room quietly, typing away on her phone, can feel such anger raging inside her body, her hands shaking so wild, wanting to hurt another human being.

The girl who said she was sorry about acting the way she did, turning out to be a monster that could be set off about the tiniest things said to her family.

She's only strong when she needs to be for her family,
leaving herself open to all the negative comments they give her, leaving her open for all to criticize.

Her shields are lowered when she thinks she can handle the pressure, one more negative comment and she could crack thinking she'll still be alright. Just another memory that will fade away like the rest.

But humans will always remember their worst memories, never to forget. Not even once.
She knows this deep down, but ignores it and stays strong for her family.

Through each hit she takes from comments, from the heartbreaking moments, from her wildest nightmares, from trying to defend her family, she still believes she'll be okay when they finally hit her.

You can try to convince me, but I'll never believe, like I said, this girl I talk about is myself.

Change was mostly always a bad thing for her, more scars, caused from the damage of all the weight she carries on her shoulders, to add to her collection.

More heartbreaks from loving too hard, from caring too much, from being too sensitive, and from being too afraid.

She's hurt from the simplest of things.

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If you got to the end, thanks for listening. 🙂 It means alot, I wanted to put my feeling directly on the page, and not to be hidden by simple words.

I'm sorry. 🙂