From that one story I posted a while back :33

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I don't like experiencing any negativity, it doesn't suit me at all

It's normal to feel this, everyone experiences it, immortal or mortal

I don't like being the person who is probably vulnerable and prone to fall

Probably that's why I prefer to stay quiet and silently build up my wall

That's not to say I hate it in general, I'll gladly help if a friend does call

I wouldn't want to keep them waiting, I wouldn't want to stall

Yet somehow, I find myself holding a small amount of resentment

Recently, we haven't had a single fight, nor had we had a disagreement

No matter what happened, we'd always just laugh, or silently sit in contentment

I didn't want to bring it up, I don't want to be a possible cause of an argument

I'm fine, I can last a couple of moments without all of them, I'm not dependent

And they seem quite happy, yet moments like this wish I wasn't so independent

I told them I'd be fine, and I am, I could just find other things to do

I could find books to read, or puzzles to solve, or club meetings to attend to

I yearn to be with them in their company, but I won't complain, I won't say so

I don't want to be the reason that they don't want to be friends, I won't, no

They deserve their own happiness, I should be happy for them, why is it hard to do so?

I've always been taught that being jealous isn't pretty, nor is being envious, it's bad

I try and avoid feeling it, looking at the bright side, but it's making me more sad

Being honest, I just want to be included, but knowing I can't makes me mad

So when I see them talking about something that happens, I want to cry, just a tad

Try as I can to deny it, I just want to share and bond over what we once had

The song that sings from my heart and reflects my soul has a negative melody

Negativity directed at them, I hate it exists, so much so it can fill an entire sea

I was so sure of who I was, yet seeing myself again, I don't recognize my identity

I don't like how I'm feeling under the influence of envy

Is this what it feels like... is this what it feels like when you experience jealousy?