The sun set and the moon rose.
My eyes stung as tears rolled down my face.
I deserve this I remind myself.
I deserve the pain I have. 
The rain is pouring down, thunder drowning out my sound.
I look down at my phone. 
No new messages.
I choose a number to call.
She will answer,  she always does.
I call and I wait. 
The phone rings and rings,  but there is no reply.
I deserve this.  I deserve the pain.
They called me lame,  dumb,  insane.
I caused the pain. 
Some tried to help,  but I wouldn't listen.
"I know what I'm doing!" I would say.
I pushed them away.
I thought I knew,  I thought I could help,  but the further I grew,  the further they knew.
I was hurting myself.
I didn't want to see their point.
Now here I am
Alone
Cold
Depressed
I try to recall what to do.
Breathe my therapist would say.
Try and calm your nerves and all will be okay.
Well I have breathed,  I calmed my nerves yet nothing is okay.
I look at the small item by my bed.
I know what I need to do. 
I pick it up and inspect the creaks and crevices.
The silver color shines as the dull moon light hits.
I put the item to my head,  almost pull the trigger when the door opens slightly.
My vision goes unfocused and the light starts to blind me.
This was never going to work. 
Arms are placed around me.
I should have taken the pills instead.