06 x THE ONE WHERE TONY DECIDES TO BE A REAL DAD

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IN THE NEAR FUTURE...

Tony was starting to love this day so much more. Even with a live studio audience waiting to see him in all his glory after a short hiatus from all media outlets. And his best wife in the whole goddamn world. Yeah, her too. 

"Our next guests require no introduction," the talk show hostess, Mandy, started to announce with an excited smile on her face. "For everyone using his incredible new Stark eScape app, he's the only name on our fuller lips. He's a billionaire, he's a philanthropist, he's a genius and he's Iron Man. And for the first time, the woman of the hour, his missus, the timelessly elegant, the Iron Maiden—please welcome to the studio..."

The curtains drew apart to let the golden stream of the stage lights to pour down on them with a sturdy glare. Tony let his lips twist to gratifying smile as the myriad of faces from the unrehearsed audience started to hoot out into cheers and their names becoming the most elusive rooting. 

"Relax," he whispered to his wife who looked like she was sweating bullets. "Big smiles."

"Ugh, why do I have to do this, honey?" She bit out through clenched teeth with a stiff smile.

"Because it's about damn time we made it clear that we're still alive," he muttered, strained through his toothy smile.

Whereas, on his right, Elle was forced to act the same. A gorgeous smile lifted her lips as she grappled Tony's arm in obvious anxiety, glancing up at him with a soft look. Only he could see the intensity, the anger that fretted underneath the stormy blue as she was led forward through the short stage to the dais where the hostess was seated.

Tony took advantage of the moment, dragging his hand down her arm to tangle it with her fingers securely. He felt her stiffen slightly before clenching it back—hard.

"...Tony and Elle Stark!"

The larger set of video recorders shifted their focus from every angle around them and Tony was careful to keep his unflappable demeanour. Elle was a champ at keeping her cool, her suave gait and cheek-to-cheek kiss she gave the unknown host was notable. They shared a small welcome between themselves as the audience continued to clap and cheer until they were seated in the order that Pepper Potts had warned them about; Elle the furthest, Tony nearer.

"Thank you, thank you, everyone," Tony waved at them with an excited smile. "A free day of eScape for all in the audience."

The single statement set off another set of excited whoos in the crowd. They clapped harder as if they had their lives settled, some rising to shake their hands in the air with an animated whirl. Tony held back a scoff of amusement.

"Mr Stark, you just took ten years off me," Mandy laughed, placing a hand out over the semicircular couch to thank him. It was large, yellow and velvet; putting enough distance between the compere and the couple.

"My absolute pleasure," Tony answered easily. "Thank you for inviting us over today."

"First things first," she acclaimed with a knowing smile, directing it at Elle who straightened up. "Mrs Stark, it's such a pleasure to have you here for the first time. You look extraordinary."

"Oh," Elle said, her smile genuinely awed as she glanced at the audience with a cocked brow. "I guess I have still got it."

Tony shook his head in bouts of amusement, placing a warm hand over her knee and rubbing on it which seemed to ease Elle a little. He looked to Mandy with a shrug. "After three kids, it's frustrating that she still gets to look like that."

"And, to be honest, we all adore all three of them," Mandy said, bustling with uncontainable squeals. Elle cocked a faint brow at Tony who only shook his head. "What are their ages?"

"Our oldest is ten and the twins are four," Tony said, wiping fake sweat off his eyebrow. "Never thought I'd be raising a triage of tiny tots with my trouble and strife."

Why in heaven's name do I even have kids, was the question that rounded Tony's mind as his gathered two out of three of his children away from the laser show of blasts. Obviously, he was no longer allowed to kick ass—that was his wife's duty now. Better believe it. 

Tony carefully sheltered the twins in the elevator lobby which seemed to be a safe distance from the fight. Margo and Julian Keller were missing and it would not be the right time to think it they were making out. In the middle of an invasion? Heck no.

When he meant invasion: he really meant it. JOCASTA had managed to hack into the mainframe of the old Norman Osborn owned HAMMER tech which contained more than a hundred of his ancient, rundown, Iron Man armour. He thought those things were gathering dust in some rusty garage, turns out the opposite. And somehow, achieved to get them up and running. When he spotted the hundred or so fireflies appear out of nowhere in the night sky, he freaked out instead. 

"Dad, watch out!"

A stream of photon plasma had wedged a hole near Tony, near cinching away his arm if Chip hadn't dragged him away. He breathed out, ruffling the kid's hair before muttering his thanks. 

"Sorry, Tony," he heard Carol yell out. "You deserve it though, asshole!"

"I didn't do it," he muttered ot himself. He didn't. It was his daughter's fault. Be the man, Stark.

Elle was definitely bringing the house down. Her long, dark satin dress started to restrict her movement and a point in time, her manifested nanite daggers that she was using to fight off a version thirt-hour of the Iron Man armour. It was silver and red, when he had gotten drunk off his mind to actually make a shut-the-fuck-up decision.

"Mom's killing it," Chip mused from next to him. Poe was clinging onto her brother for her dear life, hands stuffed into her face (much like her mother when she was scared).

"Say that again," Tony had the audacity to grin at his son. "I married her for a reason, kiddo."

Just when he finished that sentence, Elle had taken a knee as if making a salute. The dagger tore through a side of her dress, creating a long slit from the seam of her legs to the end, plentiful enough to show the lacy, sexy pantyhose that ran up her legs. 

It was Tony's immediate instinct to drop his jaw and mutter, "Oh my god, she's wearing my favourite."

He did not realize that Chip and Poe were staring in confusion. Lurching, he placed a hand over both their eyes and ushered them away. Short wails of protests erupted from them and he let go when she spun towards the noise on command.

Elle's glare was biting when it fell on Tony. He would have started to melt in place it it weren't for his children. "Get the kids out of here!"

"Elle, but I—"

A blast awakened behind her as Peter finished web-crushing a suit. She walked over with a glum face greased with dirt and soot. Her voice was something he had never heard before. "I don't think I've ever been this disappointed in you, Tony."

It was always his first drive to protect his daughter. Even if this were Margo's fault, she was too young to bear the blame of something she could never handle. Tony's nine lives had taken ahold of the situation and he knew, he would do it a thousand times over for anyone in his family. 

Tony sadly smiled. "I'm sorry, Elle. You know how I choose to try to solve everything. Even the past."

Wha surprised him was the smile on Elle's face. He decided he could not love her anymore at that moment despite the two other blasts that went up behind her. She leaned forward to embrace him quietly.

"Fortunately, I do," she murmured and Tony returned it tighter. "I still love you. Just frustrated with your idiocy."

"I know," he let her go as Elle bent down to bring the twins in for a tight embrace. They hugged their mother from either sides, holding her tighter for a moment.

"I want you listen to you father, alright?" She whispered to them. "Chip, Poe, take care of each other. And get yourselves out of here safely. Mommy will meet you back at home."

"Nope, not going home," Tony placed a hand over her hack to let her know. "Not now when I have no idea what JOCASTA cooked up. I'm taking them to my private study in Manhattan."

Elle seemed to be relieved. "Great. Anywhere safe is good."

"What about Mags?" Chip asked as Poe motioned to him in haste. Her hands shook like leaves on a branch.

"Julian has got her," Elle mentioned and made side-eyes at Tony with tight lips, "She's safe with her best friend."

"Okay," Tony rolled his eyes. "Still don't buy it."

Elle, deciding not to indulge in a banter, ushered them towards the emergency stairwell. Tony pressed a kiss to her cheek and Elle wrapped a hand around his waist to stop him. He looked at her; obviously waiting for the kiss. 

"I completely forgot about this," Elle furrowed her brows in tension. "Get them some supper, please. None of the fatty garbage that you adore. Perhaps a soup, pot roast or even a salad—"

He huffed out a breath, shaking his head. "Yes, Elle. I have been intending to use the pocket-sized slow-cooker for a while now."

She smacked his chest, unamused. "Don't get my children obese. I mean it."

"Okay, okay," he rubbed the sore-spot with a grin. "Now, go kick some ass while I Cinderella myself up."

She laughed, granting him a warm kiss. He almost did not want to pull back until he did. "I love you. And please, please, avoid the paparazzi. I don't want photos of the nippers on the morning news."

He backed away, nodding intently, guiding Chip and Poe down the stairs one-by-one. "I love you, too. I got it, have a little faith."

"Oh and, Poe can't sleep without my pink cashmere shawl which I put in her baby bag! Left pocket!" She reminded, crashing the door open again to call out. "In the boot, okay?"

"Mrs Stark, we need a hand here!" They heard Rayshaun Lucas' distressed yell from faraway which Elle duly ignored. 

Tony shot her thumbs up, trying to focus on getting them down the first flight of stairs safely. Damn it, this was going to take a while. Well, patience was a virtue but it can go right ahead and stick itself up his ass.

"And Chip doesn't wear his shirt to bed," She called out again. "Tony, please, do not make him wet the sheets again. There's a rubber mat on the second zipper. Remember, Poe's sleep braids have to be partitioned in four—start from the crown, alright? Otherwise her hair gets all tangled."

He couldn't take it anymore. Letting them hop off on the last stairs, Tony threw his hands up in the air. 

"I can do this, Elle!" He sighed to the ceiling. "I know what to do!" He really didn't. But just to be a man in the man's world, he wanted to act like he did. A dick move, honestly.

Elle's lips pulled down to a frown at his discomfort. "And shower. Fresh towels only, you hear me?"

"Bye mommy," Chip waved up as he started his ascent to the next floor.

"Bye poppet," her interlaced fingers where against her chest, not wanting to see them leave. "Bye, Rose. You'll do fine without mumma, right?"

Poe blew her flying kiss. That did it. Elle was racing down the stairs, taking her into her chest and hugging her tight. It was hard to see if Elle was crying, her fingers sharing as she held Poe close. Another blast resounded behind the door and Elle jumped out of her skin. 

"Elle, come on," he rubbed her back, hoping to ease her. "We gotta go."

"Please be safe," she passed Poe to him, her eyes glossy with unshed tears. She still held onto Poe. "Please, Tony."

Even after so many years of taking on his mantle, Elle could not erase the ingrained instinct of a mother in her. Obviously her heart could never bear the guilt of having to know that a single scratch on any one of her babies was because of her. 

While Elle wallowed with her own worries, Tony had different concerns. 

Four years. Four years and he did not know there was a baby bag in the trunk.

"Obviously, we haven't seen the kids out and about in a while," Mandy pointed out as Tony cleared his throat at the recollection. "Why's that?"

"Look, Elle and I," Tony cut in before she could make any more statement regarding the situation they had been indulged into without the public's notice. "Elle, especially, wanted to keep our private life private. So, we try to keep our kids under the radar too."

"The twins are turning five soon," Elle input with a dazzling smile. "So, I knew better than to lay bone to the dogs while involving them in the media circus."

The audience let loose a few chuckles at that.

"She was practically signing off her privacy to me when she agreed to let me put a rock on her finger," Tony added, looking at Elle with a humongous grin. "I think she loves it."

"No," Elle disagreed with a comical smile. "I mean, it depends."

"On nothing!"

"When Tony and I were invited to Paris Fashion Week last year, that I loved," Elle said, making it seem like her whole life had boiled down to it when really, she couldn't give two shits about it. 

"You both entirely killed it," Mandy agreed, snapping her acrylics away. "Can we get some photos, please?"

As if on signal, cue-card like snapshots of the popular couple flashed across the monitors below the cameras, allowing the trio to glance at them. Most of them were Elle, a few trends she had managed to master as the years had gone by. From first row with a oversized sweater to wearing a suit better than suit-master Tony Stark, she had made her very own fashion lessons until then. 

"Wow," Tony mumbled, leaning closer to Elle when a strappy white dress crossed his right. "How come you didn't keep that one?"

"I did," she whispered. An implied smiled lifted on her red lips. "Dinner tonight and I'll show you?"

"Kids at Rhodey's?" They suggested in unison, collapsing into laughter. The mood lightened in seconds, Elle stringing her arm around Tony's.

"I only assume you guys are talking about the week," Mandy cleared her throat and Elle straightened up with an ashamed grin, looking back at the photos. 

"See? Yes, that was wonderful. But just yesterday when they caught pictures of me and my daughters at the mall, I flipped—"

"—mhmm, she didn't feel comfortable," Tony complied, quickly swooping in before she let her tongue slip precariously. Elle sighed in relief, smiling at Tony. "I feel you, babe."

"But, let me tell you all," Elle spoke to the audience this time with wide, amused eyes. "Tony is, actually, a great dad."

"Okay, whose turn is it for using the bathroom?"

According to Tony, being a great dad was laying it on a bit thick. Rather than being a responsible dad or an excellent dad, he wanted to be the dad that made the mark. The fun dad, the punny dad, the dad that let his kids have ice-cream for dinner. In short, he wanted to be the 'dad' that Elle would shoot down on sight. 

Obviously, he wasn't having a great time being the latter. He forgot that the twins were lactose intolerant and bought them vanilla milkshakes at twelve am. 

When he saw Poe hug her stomach under her dress, face pinched in agony, he stepped out of the way and opened the door. She bolted in, climbing over the stool and Tony shut the bathroom door. 

"Responsible dad," he pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. "Sure, why not?"

He was fingerbreadths close from bashing his forehead onto the wall. Repeatedly. Chanting to himself slowly: I am a real dad, I am a real dad, I am a real dad. 

Chip, unable to hold it in, was currently occupying the other bathroom and he knew he had to purchase at least two cans of air freshener to make that room's atmosphere breathable. He shook the baby bag contents out onto the bed from the organized charm, finding everything he needed to take care of these two. Elle had it all stocked. 

"Damn," he muttered when he spotted the enzyme supplements that had to be added into the dairy filled meals that the twins had. He threw it behind his back with a grumble: useless now. Finding the prebiotics necessary, he placed it aside.

"Hey, Chippie," he called out. 

He replied in a small voice. "Yeah, dad?"

"You sleep with the shawl, right?"

"No, that's Poe!" He sounded offended. "It's, like, using a binkie!"

He rolled his eyes. It was the twenty-first century, time to respect the colour. "Well, what do you sleep with then?"

"Nothing," he grumbled. "I'm not a baby!"

He felt like he was forgetting something. And his ego disallowed him from contacting Elle. He knew he had it covered. "Sorry, bud. Do your thing."

Walking to the bathroom door, he knocked on it twice. He worried for Primrose the most, knowing that the kid was having a harder time than Chip. "Poe, you okay, sweetie?"

He heard her rap the seat twice. Slow shuffling. Turning of the tap. 

"You finished?" He asked, opening the door. True to his sentence, he saw Poe tiptoeing on the ground and trying to reach for the water flow. He watched her try to wash her hands, looking at him when she gave up.

"What?" He asked.

She signed quickly with her hands: "Lift me up."

"You can do it," he smirked at her, folding his hands. Time for some thought love. Motivational dad time."Go on."

She pouted and before he could give in to her adorable manipulation, his phone buzzed in his pockets. Because he still hadn't changed out the cramping suit. He saw the called ID and sighed.

"Babe, I got the kids at the study. Why can't you trust me for a goddamn—"

"Uh, it's Victor."

Tony squinted suspiciously. "You have two seconds tell me what the hell you're doing with my wife's phone or I'm initiating an air-strike."

"She's fine," Victor sounded breathless which was odd. "She's actually really, really good. Did she always have dark hair?"

Tony started to get worried, pacing outside the room. "Why the fuck do you—put her on the line, Doom."

"I can't. She's in the middle of lecturing your daughter. More like, stopping herself from murder."

Oh shit. "Is she breathing heavy?"

Victor responded breezily. "For sure."

"She's about to blow," Tony mused out loud. Behind him, he failed to notice Poe who had efficiently clung to the shower curtain to wash her hands. She grunted, moving back and forth, as the rod creaked dangerously. 

"Put Margo on the line."

"Who?"

"My dog, Margo," he sassed. "Yes, my daughter, Margo!"

Within moments, he heard the worried, hasty voice of his daughter pour through. The amount of relief that flooded into him was extraordinary, he found himself plopping on a cushion with a relaxed sigh.

"Mags," he breathed. "Oh my god, Margaret H. Stark, what the hell were you thinking?"

"Daddy," she sniffed. Been a while since Margo had called him that. She had evolved into the tweens phase and dropped the habit.  "Daddy, I'm so stupid. I screwed up so bad—I am so sorry. Da, I just... I didn't know what I was thinking."

"Hey, sweetheart," he said calmly, waving his hands around despite being on a phone. "You're fine. I'm not mad." Oh, he was mad. Boiling mad. But he was trying to be a pretend, amazing dad.

"Daddy, come and help me. I can't—I can't do this without you."

Cloud nine was where Tony was. He was still his daughter's hero. He pulled the phone away from his ear to happily whisper to Poe who had finally wrapped up on washing her hands. "She can't do this without me. See, I'm still the best."

Poe blinked up at him as tried to ease herself out of the dress. He got the back zip for her and whispered again, "You won't get mad at me if I leave, right?"

Poe blinked again, confused. 

"That's a no," he frowned and brought the phone back to his ear. "Mags, honey, I'm gonna pass."

"You can't 'pass'! This isn't movie night or something—"

"Or something is quite right. Your mom's got this covered."

"Mom's," she paused before she looked at her mother and mumbled, "Mom's freaking out, actually. Real bad."

"How bad is she?"

"Like Fourth of July mad. When we lit the cracker into the Wangs' garage?"

"Oh shit,"  he mumbled, holding onto Poe as she slid into her pyjama pants. She tripped a little and Tony securely held her waist as she wiggled herself into a tee. "Okay, Mags. What's the impediment on JOCASTA?"

"She," she sighed, "she can only sentient shut down when Poe articulates. Otherwise, she's untraceable from the interface down. Codes or mechanical. Even the SAT-NAV's got nothing on her."

"Wha—"

"I used Ultron's base programming conscious for her build, Dad," she murmured, guilty. "I had to start somewhere."

It took him a few moments to process it, freezing his motions. He looked at Poe who struggled to pull up her socks, hopping around. "Oh ha-ha. You got me."

"Dad."

"Mags."

"I'm serious."

"Hi serious, I'm Dad."

"No joke," she hissed. "Poe's gotta speak. Or it's Ultron all over again."

"And I want a leprechaun barmitzvah. I'm sure we'll both go satisfied."

"Dad!"

"She's a prototype," he breathed out, lost of all hope and cause. Fathering Margo was the biggest feat before Iron Man or her mother. "Lose her power and you're good."

"She can refuel, daddy! Where's your brain at?"

"Margo, I am currently looking after my four-year-olds who I may or may not have forgotten were lactose intolerant. So, you can guess where my brain is at."

"Poe and Chip got diarrhoea," Margo tattled to her mother with a monotone voice. "He forgot. Again."

He ignored her tattle-tale shtick for the time being. Be the bigger person, he resolved himself. "Try dissolving her matrix from the outside in. Get HELEN on it."

"On it," Margo snapped. "Also, dad, what if I use EDITH?"

"Don't you dare touch my SAT system."

Before he could rant himself into a fifteen minute lecture on her god forsaken idiocy she had reaped from him, he heard the sounds of cameras. Snapping cameras and yelling photographers. From outside the hall.

"Duly noted," Margo mumbled. Skittish noises from the other end ensued for a while. "Hey, dad? Did you give Poe her aphasia meds?"

He was not listening. Tony stormed out of the room, yelling out for Chip and Poe on the second floor of the penthouse. No answer. Walking over towards the kitchen to grab himself a drink, the sounds of the photographers did not seem to dissipate.

"Chip! Emerson Stark, where the hell are you?"

"Balcony!"

"WHAT?"

That did it. The Road-Runner had nothing on him as he made his way to the second floor, master bedroom balcony which was a good six storeys up. Downstairs were a bunch of paparazzi, snapping away like nobody's business as Chip and Poe continued to let his dignity fly with the wind.

"Check out the butt!" 

The embarrassing pictures of their kids from local paparazzi on the night of the disaster flashed across the monitor, causing Elle to fold deeply into Tony's side, stuffing her face into her hands in misery. Tony tried to casually laugh it off, only to be put off by the small cough that followed. 

It was Chip and Poe,  Chip raising his coat jacket to flash his ass for the cameras from the third flood balcony and sticking out his tongue with a closed-eye smile. From behind him, Tony had the face of horror which had morphed to a scream as he whipped him into her arms and shot back into the lobby. 

The audience fell into laughs before morphing into hoots of appreciation for the pictures. Elle thought her heart was going to stop beating. 

"Obviously, um, Primrose and Emerson," Elle faltered as she tried to conjure a response, "are poseurs not to be taken lightly."

"Like his father before him," Tony said, winking carelessly. 

"I must say, you guys make one unforgettable entourage," Mandy complimented with a loud laugh. 

"We have thought of reality television, people," Tony mustered a response, waving a hand at the audience. "But our oldest was fierce to keep her face off the press after... that."

"But, you have some interesting connections when it comes to avenging," Mandy pressed with a smirk. "A certain captain in the skies, the real Captain himself and a colonel?"

"Carol and the colonel are darlings," Elle replied this time, wearing a genuine smile while looking at the audience. "Truly, they've been with us through the ups and downs. In fact, Carol is the twins' godmother."

"And Captain America?"

Elle was not nearly as focused as the last time on her missions. Her thoughts were circling around if her babies had reached safehaven and if they had something to eat. She did not think Tony would be able to handle the twins alone for an entire night and the mere thought worried her. 

Moreover, Margo was still MIA. HELEN had calmly mentioned to her about Miss Stark and her best friend being a floor above and utilizing a personal computer to work out a solution for shutting JOCASTA down. 

The entire team had found out that it wasn't Tony who had created the demon bot but one of her own. Margo had behind it the whole time and Tony, being Tony, defended her from the accuses.

"Looking rusty with you punches, Elle," Rhodey called out as he bound into a wall with an Iron Man armour in tow. "You good?"

"Yeah, just worried about the kids," she mentioned over the comms.

"Relax," Carol replied smoothly with a laugh. "She's such a mama-bear."

"I find that endearing, actually," Riri replied, taking a load off Elle to fire a repulsor shot through the core of the armour. "Mrs Stark, how many more of these little assholes?"

"Yeah, Tia called me like ten times already," Sam grumbled through the speaker. He soared a few metres ahead, outside the busted plexiglass. "And eleven. Hey babe. Yeah, I'm on my way. No, something came—do not burn my suit—!"

"Ooh," Rhodey joked. "Cap's in trouble."

Shaun's laughed boomed through the comms as Sam's voice droned out halfway, the Patriot zooming overhead with his balance on his shield. 

"Do we have eyes on JOCASTA?" Elle forced a hand down on her helmet, speaking louder into the comms. There wasn't many on field—she needed at least few more hands on deck. 

"Heads up, Iron Maiden."

A low, faint boomerang like weapon whizzed from the north end of the wrecked ballroom, a dark figure appearing from the distance. Elle ducked on command, watching the red-blue-silver vibranium shield impale an armed Iron Man onto an already decimated wall.

"Steve," Elle smiled, calling off her helmet. "Way to make an entrance."

It was only moments before Elle found herself embracing the missed soldier. He was stiff in returning the embrace, putting up a solid front to which Elle was even more amused.

"Wohoo! OG Cap's in the house!" Riri and Shaun bust out into a series of hoots and yells. 

"Is this how you treat a dear friend?" She teased. 

He sighed, squeezed her tighter. Elle laughed, coughing when it got too tight. "Can't let me be cool for two seconds."

"You're always cool, Rogers," she winked. "Always."

∞

{ this chapter was the product of two tylenols and an all-nighter. hope you enjoyed! }