You're coming back
And it's the end of the world
We're starting over and I love you, darling
And I am done, dear

i want you • mitski

PLUNGE
Volume 2.2    Precipice

July 8th, 2024

"Can my mum come to lunch with us?"

Oscar looks up, eyebrows raised a bit. Sylas looks nervous, but then Oscar offers a warm smile and a nod, and the man seems to relax instantly. "Of course. I miss Judi."

Sylas smiles up at him for a long moment, then looks back down to text his mother back. Shitty scrambled eggs and an apple are placed before him, across from Oscar's own breakfast. The hotel's breakfast room is busy, despite it being early, and many of the people littering the area are dressed in orange gear. The team had decided to place all of the mechanics and other employees at the same hotel as the drivers themselves, which is rare for them. Something about "home race energy" for McLaren.

After Sylas turns off his phone and places it on the table, they eat in mostly silence, listening to the conversations of the employees around them, often making them laugh.

"We should pack up soon, head to London," Oscar starts after a long while.

"Yeah, for sure. Traffic's bound to be-"

"Osc! Good morning, mate!" A sudden voice cuts in. The men look up to see Lando standing next to their table, a bright grin on his face. He claps Oscar on the back, who smiles warily.

"Good morning, Lando," He says, glancing back at Sylas for a moment. The diver has a strange sort of look on his face, the kind that Oscar can't exactly read. "Uh, Sylas, this is my teammate, Lando. Lando, this is Sylas."

"Ah," Lando reaches down to shake Sylas' hand. "The famed Sylas Bailey. Nice to finally meet you, mate, heard a ton."

Sylas smiles back politely, briefly returning the firm handshake. "You as well. Congrats on the podium yesterday."

"Thank you, man. Was it a good race to watch?"

"Oh, yes, of course. Very exciting. Gets me a bit nervous, though. Always has."

Lando laughs, baring his teeth. Oscar feels a sort of protectiveness flip over in his stomach, the action making him slightly uncomfortable for some reason. "That's fair. You know, my sister says she gets nervous watching you dive."

"Is that right? I have to say, I was scared of it myself for a bit after everything, but fell back into place pretty quick. Feels like breathing," Sylas says. Oscar is about to cut in, but gets suddenly distracted by the passion ignited in Sylas' eyes, because, as we know, he's so gone.

"Hm. Yeah, well, that's what makes you so good, I suppose," Lando replies, the slightest hint of sarcasm in the edges of his tone. That makes Oscar snap back, repressing a glare in favor of pushing out his chair and standing up quickly. Sylas does the same, though not without a raised eyebrow at the suddenness of Oscar's actions.

"We've got to get going, heading to London for lunch. See you in Hungary, Lando."

Lando lets out an amused smirk, but slaps hands with Oscar nonetheless, and turns to clap Sylas on the shoulder. "Good luck in Paris, mate. See you."

Sylas nods in thanks to the driver, and he and Oscar bid a last goodbye before heading to the elevators. Sylas has to rush a bit to catch up with Oscar, whose eyes are steely. He feels Sylas' hand on his shoulder and slows down a bit, turning his head.

"You okay?"

Oscar sighs as they stop in front of the elevators, reaching out to press the call button before responding. "Fine, just..." He trails off, always careful to not say something that could be taken the wrong way. All that damn media training wasn't for nothing.

But Sylas just giggles a bit, dropping his hand to run it through his own hair. "Mm. Know what you mean. We might have a thing for not getting along with each other's teammate."

Oscar cracks a smile at that. "Yeah, but the Noah thing was my bad. This is... y'know. Lando's just like that."

Sylas nods as they step into the now open elevator, and presses the 15th button up the grid of numbers. The doors close and Sylas turns to where Oscar is leaned up against the opposite side of the metal box. He grins, tapping his foot against Oscar's calf. "Nothing like seeing my mum for the first time in years to get your mind off of men who think they know everything."

Oscar grins back. "Nothing like it."

✥

"Oh, honey, my sweet, sweet boy. Come here," Judi smiles as soon as they reach the table where she's been seated for a few minutes. She gets up and embraces Sylas tightly, arms wrapped around his torso in a blistering grip. After a long moment, she pulls back to hold Sylas by his shoulder, the other hand on his face. "My baby boy. I missed you so much."

She pulls him in for another hug, until finally Sylas peels her off, smiling sweetly, so he can guide her to greet Oscar. From his awkward place off to the side, Oscar smiles nervously. "Hi, Judi. Been a minute."

She laughs, but waves her hand dismissively and pulls the Australian man in for an embrace of his own. "Oh, Oscar, my boy, I've missed you so much. It's been too long."

Oscar glances up at Sylas over her shoulder, but the Brit is just watching the two with the fondest look in the world on his face, so Oscar looks away because he just can't handle that. Once they've all sat down and ordered drinks from the polite waitress, Sylas' mum immediately launches into her questioning.

"So, Oscar, you must know I was very, very happy to hear you two were back in touch. This one missed you a lot, I can tell you that," She looks over knowingly at a blushing Sylas. The three of them are sitting around a round table, in the outside area out the back of a colorful restaurant in Soho. "But, how are you? How's Formula 1 treating you?"

"It's been good. I mean, it's been a lot, but it's my dream. It's a privilege to be there."

Sylas mum smiles sweetly, then smirks a bit. Oscar can feel Sylas lean forward, like he's preparing for what she's to say next. "Working hard, I see. How are the ladies?"

"Mum!" Sylas immediately groans, shoulders dropping.

Oscar laughs, waving Sylas' complaint off. "No, no, it's fine. I, uh, haven't really dated anyone seriously since Lily."

"Oh, yes, Lily! I remember her, sweet girl. Why did you two break up, anyhow?"

"Oh! Um, we just, decided to part ways. We had both graduated, and I was going all in on my career, she wanted to stay here in the UK and get a degree."

"I see," Judi nods with a sad smile. "Well, anyone would be lucky to have you. You know, for the longest time, I thought you and S-"

"Mum."

She looks over at her son, a playful glint in her eyes. "Oh, hush, you know I'm right."

Oscar watches the whole interaction with heat in his cheeks at the implication, but before either of the men can properly address it, the waitress is back, setting down their drinks. They scramble to order, Oscar just picking whatever he sees first that sounds okay. By the time the waitress is gone, the topic seems to have blown over, Judi opting to ask Oscar about the traveling for the races.

They spend a long time catching up, laughing at recalled memories of the boys in sixth form and summers spent together in France with both of their families. It's near the very end when Oscar brings up how impressive Sylas is to deflect another one of Ms. Bailey's compliments.

"Oh, yes, I can't believe it sometimes," She smiles, eyes bright. "My little boy is an Olympian."

"Not yet," Sylas laughs, but Judi's smile stays on her face, chin quivering just the slightest as she reaches across to take the hand of her son.

"Your father would be so proud, you know."

Oscar's eyes snap to Sylas, who looks a bit like he just got punched in the stomach. Sylas' father isn't a topic he likes to talk about... ever. Oscar worries his bottom lip between his teeth as the diver goes quiet.

"I'm sorry. I know it makes you sad. But he really would be. I wish he was here to see you, you're incredible, Sylas. I hope you know that, honey."

Oscar feels a bit like he's intruding, but Sylas just nods, eyes cast down. The moment passes soon enough.

Judi bids them goodbye in front of the restaurant, complete with another set of loving hugs, and wishes them both safe flights.

Oscar drives the short way to drop Sylas off, the car quiet as the Brit stares out the window. Once they arrive, Oscar turns his engine off and looks over.

"She's right, you know. I know I never met him, but he would be beyond proud. You've made it so far, you've been through so much-"

"Osc, please," Sylas says suddenly, voice wavering. He looks over, and Oscar can practically hear his heart shatter at the sight of tear-filled eyes.

"No, Sy. You never take compliments, but I need you to understand. You're incredible. Really. I'm beyond grateful to have been able to see you get here, and I know he is cheering you on, even now."

Sylas just stares, a tear tracking its way down his left cheek. But then, he wistfully smiles. "Thank you, Oscar."

The full name doesn't come with the pain and discomfort it usually does. It feels meaningful in a way Oscar can't describe. It feels like so much more in this moment, facing Sylas' vulnerability head on. And yet, as he smiles back, he can't help but feel heartbroken. Since accepting his feelings, he's slowly realized just how deep the hole he's dug himself into is. The swell of his heart feels insurmountable.

This man. This man he's known for so long, this man he's loved longer than he'd like to admit. This man, his best friend, the one thing he'll always have but never hold. This man and all his bravery, his imperfections, his dedication, his talent. What is he to do, but feel so fully?

What is he to do?

Sylas leaves soon after, a hug across the center console and a mutual 'have a good flight' as a goodbye. Oscar drives to his own long-abandoned flat with his thoughts swirling in his mind, and his heart heavy in his hands.

He needs to say something soon, regardless of the fear of losing Sylas again. He can't go on being unable to say what he feels. He can't live with the regret of opportunity passing him by. If there is a chance, even if it is just that, that he could be able to love Sylas, fully and openly, he can't let it slip away.

🏊‍♂️
sorry kind of an angsty filler loll next two chapter are THE two chapters tho

im back in san fran from la but i bought an apartment in nyc for when i finish my phD next june!
i feel like ive officially made it as an adult 🥹