ch. 22: growth
Amanda is folding clothes then Savannah walks in, Amanda looks at her
'Hey' Amanda says
'Hey' Savannah says
Amanda can tell that Savannah isn't herself like she's shutting down
'What's wrong?' Amanda asks, Savannah sits down on the bed
'I don't know how I feel about this or how you will?' Savannah asks
Amanda stops folding clothes and walks up to her she sits down beside her
'What do you mean?' Amanda asks
'I read Isabella's letters' Savannah says
'Ok that's good right?' Amanda asks
'Yeah but she did say in the letters that she wants to see me and I think that i want to too but I want you to come with me' Savannah says, Amanda is in shock
'Ok um yeah I can come with you, why all of a sudden a change of heart for?' Amanda asks
'I think that i need closure and wants I do I think that i can be happy and not have to worry about her anymore, I don't know if you noticed but I haven't been myself since I found out that she wasn't my mother and Mona and Aria are' Savannah says
'Ok I do understand that you want closure, I support you one-hundred percent but are you sure that you're ready to relive the trauma that she put you through all those years ago' Amanda says
'My therapist said that I will always have the trauma that she put me through all those years ago, it's how I deal with it, I can just sit around dwell about the past or I can move on start thinking about our future which starts on our wedding day and except whatever closure I get from her' Savannah says, Amanda smiles
'Well I see that you're growing and not holding anymore hate towards her, don't get me wrong what she did to your moms and you but i do understand that she wanted a kid was she good at it no, did she try yes, I understand if you don't want to talk to her or about her anymore, I also understand if you're still mad at her' Amanda says
'What if I don't feel anything for her anymore?' Savannah asks
'Then that means that you're ready to move on or yiu already have' Amanda says
'I think I already have' Savannah says, she smiles
'I don't know why I'm smiling for I hardly do anyways' Savannah says
'You're smiling because you're finally happy and letting go of the past' Amanda says, she smiles
'That or I love talking to my best friend, girlfriend, fiancèe, and then wife' Savannah says, Amanda blushes and Savannah kisses her
'I still can't believe you was so afraid of to tell how you felt about me' Savannah says
'Yeah well your best friend is straight at the time and you had feelings for them since pre-k it's hard to tell them how you feel about them when you know that there's a chance that they don't like you back, that was my biggest fear was you rejecting me' Amanda says, she wipes her tears away
'Aw babe, well here's a secret for you that will make you feel better, after my OD and coma when you told me once I got back to normal that you never did leave my side during it that's when I start to have feelings for you, I wanted to ask you out but every time I would get the chance to I would chicken out because of the same reason as you rejection' Savannah says, Amanda chuckles
'I guess we both like each other but never had the guts to tell each other until the end of senior year of high school' Amanda says
'Yup, I thought you fell in love with me when I had my OD and in the coma?' Savannah asks, Amanda looks at her
'Pre-k I think it was puppy love because back then I did know what love was, but once I hit high school I knew the difference between puppy love and real love was' Amanda says
'Huh that explains so much right now about pre-k' Savannah says, Amanda looks at her confused
'What do mean?' Amanda asks
'After I hit that boy in the neck with that dump truck because he poured sand on you, ever since that day in pre-k you would follow me every where I went to on the play ground, not literally stand beside me but if I was at the slide you wouldn't be too far away staring at me, I knew that you were staring at me I saw from the corner of my eye' Savannah says
'Yeah unfortunately I had to stop doing that because everybody was Starting to tease me about it, I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to get into anymore trouble or bother you, I use to get mad when you would hit people without any reason when was dating in high school but now I see why you did because you love Me and just want to protect me, so for now I'm not going to get mad anymore because now I know why do it' Amanda says, she puts her head down on Savannah's shoulder
'Do you know why i tease you, jokingly, I don't do it to piss you off, I do because I know that I can be myself around you, if I didn't tease you then I wouldn't like you' Savannah says, Amanda lifts her head up and looks at her
'Huh all this time when I was getting mad at you because i thought you was doing it on purpose but I wasn't letting you be yourself I'm sorry for that' Amanda says
'Nah don't worry about it because you didn't know until now' Savannah says
'You know we never did have a break up, we would fight but that's what all couples do' Amanda says
'That is true, we did have a good share if them and we will still in the future but hopefully we can talk about them like this though like my moms do' Savannah says, Amanda smiles
'Me too, I love you' Amanda says, Savannah smiles
'I love you too' Savannah says, she kisses her
Amanda finishes up the laundry and Savannah helps her out with it then they have lunch
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