requested by K3A3P3

prompt(s): "so, this is it, then?"

pairing(s): romantic prinxiety

warnings: strong language/swearing, breakups, arguments, brief familial abuse mention, therapy mention, and angst with a happy ending

___

This can't be happening.

Virgil stares across the room, where his boyfriend is sitting with his hands in his lap and his heart on his sleeve. He swallows the lump in his throat and exhales, feeling his breathing tremble as he does so. "You want to break up?"

It takes a second for Roman to respond, what, with the increasing burn behind his lids and the tightness of his throat. "Yes."

"Can... Can you at least tell me why?"

Tears are threatening to fall from his eyes, though Virgil tries to hold them in for as long as he can. Roman usually has good reasons for making big decisions like this, the least Virgil can do is hear him out without making a scene. Not yet, anyway. He's not the type to flaunt his feelings for others to see, not even to his boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend, who is looking at him with so much hurt glimmering in his dark eyes it makes Virgil feel sick.

Roman, unlike him, lets the tears fall, bottom lip trembling. "I feel like... I've always felt..."

He breathes and Virgil clings to the 'always', wondering how long that really means. Soon enough, Roman manages to speak. "We've talked about this before and every time, you said you'd be better, and you never have been. You don't care and⏤"

Suddenly, Virgil has an idea on what this is about and a his heart begins to sink into his legs, numbing them completely. Before Roman can finish his thought, he sobs. Virgil swallows again. "I do care! I really do, I'm just... I'm not good at showing it."

"Well, I deserve someone who is!" Roman yells, though Virgil is sure he doesn't mean to. "I understand that not everyone is affectionate, nor is everyone as open about how they're feeling as I am. And if that was the problem, we'd be fine. But you act like you're ashamed of even being with me!"

Virgil frowns. "What? How do I⏤"

Roman glares at him, tears still streaming down his cheeks. "We've been together for two years and you still⏤ You act as though you don't want people to know it! Whenever I even mention to someone that we're in a relationship, you find some way to slink off. It's humiliating!"

Clenching his shaking hands into fists, Virgil bites back more tears. "Well, I'm sorry I'm so humiliating!"

"What?!" Roman yells, and this time it is very much intentional, standing up and pinning his hands to his sides. "You know that's not what I'm saying! I try to show you off, you tell me you don't like that and that's fine. Of course, it is. But don't you dare say I think you're embarrassing to be with because you know that isn't true."

Virgil stands too, ignoring the wetness in his eyes. "So, this is it, then? After two years, you're just dumping me?"

Roman's cheeks grow damper and his eyes lose their light. "I've tried. I tried so hard to tell you how I was feeling, to ask you to just care. Or to at least act like you do! You've made so many promises to be better. You always apologised for making me feel unloved in this relationship and I believed you, but at some point, I just stopped believing."

He covers his mouth to try and physicallu hold in a sob. "I don't want this. I still love you. I love you so, so much. But I deserve more. Someone who actually wants to make this relationship a relationship and not just something you tend to on the side."

"I'll get Logan to pick up my things tomorrow and no, before you try and make it an excuse for what's happening, he has a boyfriend and I have no feelings for him."

Grabbing a small duffel bag from the side of the couch, Roman heads to the front door and takes a short look behind him, a sad smile on his face. "Bye, Virgil. I love you."

Then, he's gone and the tears finally fall.

___

A year later, Virgil sits on what used to be their couch and stares down at his phone. At one specific number in particular, pulse thundering in his ears and throat slowly closing. His therapist had convinced him to give Roman a call, not to try and get back together, no. But to explain himself. To offer them both some closure.

And there was so much to explain.

He swallows. He can do this, Roman may not love him anymore⏤just the thought of that hurt⏤but he'd be willing to listen. Roman was always willing to lend an ear if someone needed it. But what if something had changed in the years they'd been apart?

Because, though it had taken a few weeks, Virgil had understood the reason for Roman breaking off the relationship. Not only was Virgil's behaviour hurting him, but it was just toxic in general. And he hated it. He hated knowing he'd been that toxic relationship in Roman's life. The very last thing he ever wanted to be.

But it would be selfish not to call. To give Roman closure. Sure, Virgil might feel better afterwards too, but it's more important that Roman is okay. That he understands Virgil loved him, he still does and he'll probably never stop, but that there were demons still haunting him. Not that he even realised they were the reason for his toxic behaviour; he thought it was normal.

And so, he dials the number and holds the phone up to his ear.

It rings once, twice.

What if Roman has changed his number? His phone contract was supposed to end a few months ago, right? That doesn't necessarily mean he changed his number, but...

"Hello? Virgil?"

He lets out a surprised gasp before clearing his throat and stammering out a 'hello'. Roman seems to huff out a small laugh on the other side of the line, making the weight in Virgil's stomach ease up a bit. Though, the pain in his chest only worsens.

"We, uh, haven't talked in a while. Everything okay?"

Virgil stammers again, cursing himself out in his head, before letting out a breath. "Uh, kind of. How are you?"

There's a sigh on Roman's end and Virgil can barely imagine the conflict in his expression. "I'm getting there, but it really is nice to hear your voice again."

Feeling his throat close up, Virgil can only hum in agreement before he inhales shakily. "I just⏤ Well, firstly, it's great to hear your voice, too. But, um, would you be willing to talk? I'm not gonna beg... I mean, I just⏤"

"Virgil, breathe. It's okay. I know you're not going to beg for me back. Can I ask what you do want to talk about, though?"

The defeated tone of Roman's voice turns his stomach, because of course he doesn't think Virgil wants him back. He thinks Virgil doesn't care. "Of course, yeah."

Then he pauses, like an idiot, as if he's expecting Roman to continue. But Roman just laughs softly again. "Virgil?"

Virgil kicks himself and laughs with him, apologising and stuttering through it until Roman cuts him off. "Listen, you can calm down. It's just me. Nothing much has changed in the last year, you know?"

There's a hidden meaning woven in that question. Virgil can only gulp down the lump in his throat. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

They're both quiet for a little while before Roman clears his throat and catches Virgil's attention again. "Would you want to talk in person?"

Virgil feels something shatter in his chest at the thought of seeing him again, but everything is also screaming for him to say yes. To go to him and apologise for everything. To explain himself and tell Roman how wrong Virgil was. How terrible he was. But all he can bring himself to say is, "If you're comfortable with it. Oh, and uh, I want to explain everything. Myself. I don't want to leave things how we did a year ago."

Roman doesn't say anything, so Virgil asks him where he'd like to meet. They agree to meet at Virgil's apartment. It isn't explicitly said, but at Virgil's apartment, at least Roman can leave if he wants to. Because he doesn't have to stay and listen if he doesn't want to. Virgil makes that known as Roman gets dressed.

With a gentle hum, Roman replies. "I don't plan on leaving before you say everything you want to say."

"Thank you, but I mean it; if you want to leave, you can just say so and go."

"Thank you, Virgil."

___

An hour later, Roman is sitting on Virgil's couch, coat resting on the cushion beside him and still as gorgeous as he was a year earlier. Virgil finds he can't stop staring. It's as if he's meeting the man all over again, his face warm and heart racing. Like the silly college crush it started out as.

"So, uh, are you just going to stare at me?" Roman asks, chuckling afterwards as Virgil flushes deeply and apologises. Shaking his head, Roman smiles. "You look good, too."

Virgil snorts. "Thanks. Uh," he takes a deep breath. "There are a few things about me you don't know, things you never knew even when we were together. And I've, um, talked to someone about them. A therapist, I mean."

Eyebrows shooting upwards, Roman turns to face him on the other end of the couch and frowns in concern. "Okay. Are you okay?"

"I'm... better."

Roman nods and waits for him to continue.

And he really will once he can get his breathing under control, his fingers twisting in the hem of his shirt to try and ground himself. He needs to keep himself in the present; this is his last chance to make things right! "My parents were not good people. They didn't care about me. Not much, anyway. And I'm not trying to use this as an excuse for how I treated you, because that was me, not them. I hurt you. I didn't keep my promises."

Eyes glossy, Roman bites his lip and swallows, breathing in and out deeply. But he doesn't say anything, still waiting for Virgil to continue.

"I thought about talking to a therapist because my mental health wasn't the greatest anyway, but I talked to her about my parents and about our breakup and she said my behaviour might have been linked to, y'know, how my parents treated me."

He clutches his shirt tightly. "Again, not using it as an excuse. I just want you to have closure. I want you to be okay."

Tears rolled down Roman's cheeks. "Thank you."

Virgil takes a deep breath. "It's not that I didn't care. I did, more than you know. I⏤" still do.

"I loved you so much. But I was scared to, kind of, show it. Because I didn't want to become too much, too clingy. I didn't want to be that jealous partner everyone worries about. I mean, instead I became something worse, but, y'know. I was trying. That's a promise I can keep. I was always trying, but the feeling of wrongness whenever I tried to show how much I cared always came back."

He frowns. "I never knew why. I thought it was normal. That... That you were the one in the wrong, somehow. You weren't. Of course, you weren't, you just wanted me to actually show how much that relationship meant to me. And there's nothing wrong with that."

Roman sniffs and covers his mouth with his hand, looking down at the carpet before gazing back up at him. Before he can say anything however, Virgil leans forward slightly. "Nothing of wht happened with our breakup was your fault, Roman. It was all me."

"And your parents."

Virgil smiles sadly. "It was me and my trauma, yes. But I'm not trying⏤"

Cutting him off, Roman laughs, tears still slipping down his cheeks and leaving raging red streaks on his skin. "I know. But, even though you're taking responsibility for what you did, you still need to understand that it wasn't all you. You would never do something like this back then. Your parents were obviously still influencing you even back then. But now, you're making things right and you're showing how you feel. And I'm so proud of you for that."

Virgil is silent for a moment, trying to process everything and the fact that Roman might actually forgive him. Tears cascade down his own face and he hides his face in his hands for a second before looking back up at his ex. "Thank you. I... I'm so sorry, Roman. You do deserve better."

Roman falters for a second, seeming disappointed, before nodding and offering a small smile. "Thank you. And I forgive you. I really do."

The two of them are quiet yet again until Roman sighs. "That isn't all you have to say, is it? I know you well enough to sense when something's bothering you."

He still does know him so well and Virgil combs his fingers through his hair. Taking a deep breath, he bites his lip. "I don't know if it's a good idea for me to say anything else."

"Please, say it."

Virgil swallows. "I still love you. But I'm not going to beg for you back because you deserve more than me."

He smiles, a smile drenched with regret, and sits hunched over. "I'm still going to therapy; there are still things I need to sort out. I'm not good for you, we've definitely established that. As much as I'd like to be, I'm not what you need."

There's a heavy silence before Virgil hears rustling and his couch cushions shuffling. He figures Roman is getting up to leave and prepares for the sobs he's sure are going to erupt out of him when that door closes, but it never does. Roman's hand covers his and he looks up. There are still tears in Roman's eyes, but he's smiling, and the smile is a lot more genuine than it was a year ago. "You're getting help. Just because you have your issues and I have mine doesn't mean we can't work it out. A year ago, I broke up with you because I thought you weren't willing to change, but you are actively making the effort to do that."

His smile broadens and his hold on Virgil's hand tightens. "And it wasn't even for me. It was for yourself. Doing something like for another person is... stressful, to say the least, but you're doing it for you. How could I ask for anything more?"

Virgil, barely thinking about it, collapses onto Roman's shoulder and sobs, feeling strong arms wrap around him and pull him close. He clings to him and whispers more 'I love you's than he ever had when they were together, and god, he could never ask for anything more.