A/N: Triggers- Drug Abuse, hallucinations, mentioned suicide, etc.

AND THIS SHIT WILL BE LONG.

ONWARDS...

You are...my fantasy.

When I saw Viktor for the first time in years, I remembered the magical aura he gave off, accompanied by platinum hair the color of the stars, and the ocean blue eyes you could drown in, I had confessed to him right then and there.

Just my fantasy.

After years of waiting, I wanted him for myself.

I made a wish under the bloodshot sky.

In my room, I looked outside, at the sky painted red with clouds scattered about, their gloomy positions and features warned me not to get my hopes up, but I closed my eyes and prayed that he was joking around.

I believe.

That he really loved me.

That he wasn't lying.

That this would all be a dream when I opened my eyes.

I tried to convince myself...

Over and over...

That he loved me...

But it didn't come true.

I woke up the next morning dejected, lacking any will to keep me going.

Exhausted, I've lost my way.

I got myself out of bed, sloppily dressed myself, and left my house for the first time in days.

Please, take me anywhere.

I wanted to rid myself of the pain, get away from this painful place.

I'll do anything.

Once I left my house, I didn't say goodbye, I didn't look back.

Someone help.

I knew I was broken, yet I still hung onto the hope that Viktor would change his mind.

I know that it's over.

I don't knoe how far my feet had taken me, but I was in a bad part of town, cracked buildings and the scent of cigarette smoke were present everywhere.

Someone help.

I was terrified, dogs barking made me fall and cut myself on broken glass, the pain was tremendous, but it distracted me from Viktor.

The end of you was me.

I held Viktor back for so long, now I was holding in my own emotions, but I could cut, that was a nice alternative. But then I was introduced to drugs, they were nice too.

My fantasy will swallow everything.

The drugs helped me the most, they made me see and think of a world that I could have only dreamed of.

It'll change everything.

One where Viktor loved me, one where I was home playing cards with my family members along with him by my side.

●~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~●

It's just a fantasy.

When the drugs wore off, or when I ran out, I was reminded of the true, horrible reality I was living in.

Pain comes up like thorns.

My heart was pounding, I didn't want to live like this. I took another walk, but to the alley way where I usually got my supplies, but I think I got lost.

An empty sign like a night that lost the moon.

Was this a reminder of my state? That I was truly broken, empty, and disillusioned, that I had turned to drugs and self harm.

My tragedy, if there's only one way that opens.

I found the alley at last, my supplier's grin turned into the Chesire cat's as I down the pills. I felt relieved.

Please save me, fantasy.

■~~~~~~~~~~~~~~🥀~~~~~~~~~~~~~~■

Get back up...off that dream.

When I finally came to terms with how I was living once and for all, I tried to turn my life around once and for all.

Yet I could never shake my addiction.

The addiction that fills me pierces my heart.

I felt like taking the pills again, it felt like I couldn't live without them.

It rides me and thickly flows.

I was overcome by it's affects immediatly, there was my family, reaching out to me. I was conplete once again, a fuzzy feeling in my heart.

My burnt and black heaven.

The buildings that surrounded me may have been burnt, black and falling down, but they were my only source of comfort.

My love grew from that sadness.

All of these terrible things in my life made me think back to who truly made me this way, now I love you more Viktor.

It chokes me, makes me lost all day.

I was still swallowed by sadness, I was still down a terrible path, but it was still my reality that I was fixing using conventional means. However, a part of me was still lost.

Someone help.

I know that it's too late.

Someone help.

Even if it's too late.

I was still yearning for a break from this life, reaching out to people on the street, who turned me down.

Who wouldn't at this point.

My fantasy in my embrace...

I tried to get rid of my devices, I tried so hard.

But I ruined myself.

I was my own barrier to facing the world.

Will stop everything.

Stopping everything...that seened like a nice thought...for everything to be over.

I want to live in that place.

It’s just a fantasy.

Pain comes up like thorns.

An empty sign like a night that lost the moon.

My tragedy, if there’s only one way that opens.

Please save me, fantasy.

Fantasy you spill onto me.

Hallucinations, so comforting.

You’re my tragedy, my remaining everything.

You're the only thing convincing me that everything will be fine from noe on.

In my stolen heart.

Do I even have the strength to care about myself?

In my crooked fate.

This fucked up reality.

I’m handing over to fantasy fantasy.

I'll still take the pills, I'll count the scars I add onto my skin.

In just one moment, like smoke.

My thoughts vanish as I reach over to to the bottle, the other hand to the half empty pills.

I'm drinking you who's spreading throughout my body.

One pill, one sip, one, two, then four...

Then the knife's against the skin.

Pain pain.

I can be in more pain.

Even if I get torn apart and cut by knives.

I only need to have you.

Your existence is heaven and hell.

I love you, but I hate you, I crave you, yet I despise you.

The standard to divide that line.

I promised to be your angel.

You could be the devil.

You need to have me.

I need to have you.

It’s just a fantasy.

Pain rises from here and there.

The cuts ooze blood, I finally feel myself slipping away.

With broken lights, the sign fills up.

My tragedy, I’ll give you my everything.

So give yourself back to me, fantasy.

The pills kick in at the right time.

Fantasy (Just my fantasy)

In each place (Oh you remain)

So I can’t even erase you.

My fantasy fantasy (Fantasy)

As I slip away, I leave with a smile, I only saw Viktor, his angelic smile welcoming me to the afterlife.

It’s all mine, it’s my fantasy.

A/N: HOLY FUCK THE SONG ISN'T EVEN THIS LONG.

AND AUTHOR-CHAN IS COMPLETELY FINE, DO NOT WORRY YOUR BEAUTIFUL MIND OVER HER.