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He drives me to his house and a candle light dinner is waiting for us at his room's terrace. I’m so blown away by the presentation. It feels so fantasy-like, with roses placed at the middle of the table, with fancy decorations all over.

“Wow.” I said.

“This is for a successful collaboration y/n.”

He smiles at me and I smile back. Who am I to say no right now? He prepared this much for me, I should be grateful.

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After eating dinner, we sit there on his couch silently together and it’s supposed to be awkward, but it isn’t at all. Tonight, from after that performance till that dinner at his terrace, there’s something different going on between us and we both know it.

He doesn't seem like he's used to. He's giving me a different kind of stare. Like he's staring at someone special. Like he's staring at someone he likes. He makes me feel like he wants me. He gives me that kind of feeling. For once, I want to believe it. Or am I just hallucinating? Because I don't want this night to end.

But he comes over me and tells me, “You look exceptionally beautiful tonight.”

I blush hard. My emotions are going on a haywire right now and with him sitting this close to me, I’m just melting even more.

My heartbeats are going crazy when he starts shoving in on me. I back away instantly cuz I’m totally taken by surprise. I almost fall if not for his arms wrapping around my back and catching me. I don’t know what is happening anymore. He’s all over me and there’s nothing I want to do about it.

He puts a little distance between us and looks me in the eyes. I just continue melting as he shoves in further and I hit my back on the mattress. It’s hypnotizing, his eyes on me. That I didn't notice he's now actually all over me.

Staring at his face, my eyes drifted to his lips. I’ve never seen it this close and it looks so inviting and soft, I just wanna kiss him. For tonight, I don't care anymore. I just want to be this close to him.

I close my eyes awaiting for him to kiss me. Fortunately, he doesn’t hesitate to do so, soon I feel his lips on mine. It’s the most magical night of my life. Jungkook is kissing me. JEON JUNGKOOK IS KISSING ME. I feel so blessed, what did I do to deserve this? It’s the happiest day of my life. What can be greater than this?

But we haven’t been kissing long when he starts touching me. His warm hand brushing down my neck, down to my shoulder, to my arm. The other one's on my waist, sliding down my hip going even lower. That's when I regain my usual self a little.

I stiffen for a second and quickly open my eyes. A trail of fright and confusion flows down my body. He’s still indulged in the kiss but his hand is finding its way to the hem of my dress. Then he inserts it under to feel my bare thigh. His hand is warm and big, I feel myself shiver at his touch. But wait. WAIT.

His kiss is now on my jaw line moving down to my neck. WAIT.

His left hand has made his way at the back of my dress too. He knows exactly how to unzip it and moves up the band of my bra. In no time, he starts fumbling with its hook. WAIT.

His body is already hot and hard from all the kissing, his lower torso grinding against mine and I’m getting dizzy from all the heat he’s giving me. Honestly, I’m starting to lose it but something in me strongly refuses to give in. Now he’s trying to mark me and his other hand is pulling on the band of my underwear--

“Wait!” I finally said out loud as I push him gently.

He stops anyways, putting some distance between us and looking at me with his irresistible eyes. “Why y/n?”

Breathless, I ask him, “What are we doing?”

“We’re just making out,” he said in between his breaths.

That scraped my heart. Just making out. He said it like it’s not a big deal, like he does it all the time. But this is the first time for me. And it’s a BIG deal. I like him, but I’m not that type of girl. I won't give my first time to someone who hasn't even said he likes me, sadly, even if it's him.

So to make sure of his intentions, I continue asking, “Why are we making out?”

“Didn’t you invite me in?” he cocks his eyebrows, confused why I asked.

That surely killed me. I did want him to kiss me, but the way he just answered, spells, he's just playing with me.

“I-- please get off me,” my tone is firm and hard.

He looks perplexed for a moment but rolls over and stands up. I follow him up and fix my clothes. I can't do this. So I jerk to get my bag on the side.

“Are you going?” his shook eyes showing.

I nod. “Hm. I don’t think I should stay longer. You should stop wasting your time with me. And obviously, not like this.”

He pauses for a moment and I turn away from him. But when I hear his reply, it totally shatters me. “Sure. See yah.” All those emotions from a moment ago are all but gone.

I want him to tell me at least something. Something to convince me that what we were about to do was something he wanted. Something we both wanted. Not just for the heck of doing it but for something else. Something slightly deeper, something that would connect us both. But I don't hear anything until I reach the door. And he doesn't stop me at all.

He doesn’t stop me from going out of his room. He doesn’t stop me from going out of his house. And he’d probably not stop me from going out of his life. And that hurts the most. I’m nothing to him from the start. Maybe truthfully, just a waste of his time.

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To be continued…

- nantokanarusa 19.03.05