Newt

I clutch my head and fall onto my knees. What the bloody hell just happened?

I couldn't control myself.

I couldn't control my bugging actions.

I saw everything happening but I couldn't stop it.

I sit down cross-legged on the sand and think about what just bugging happened. I was walking over to Emily to see if she was okay and I saw Tommy with her. Before I knew it, they were kissing. I limped as fast as I could and when I got there, Emily had him knocked to the ground.

Yes, I felt bloody jealous but then something took over me. Something controlled me.

I didn't mean to punch Tommy.

I didn't mean to hurt Emily.

The only emotion that seemed to be getting out was all my anger and jealousy. The only time I could kind of fight it was when Emily was in pain. But even then, I still wasn't really myself.

I look back the hill and see Emily's silhouette, on her knees with her hands on her face. What have I done? The moment I really felt like myself again was when I stopped here.

I glance down and see dark streaks along the sand. Tommy's blood. Guiltily, I finish my walk back to camp and see Clint tending to Tommy and Minho waiting for me with his arms crossed. He walks over to me and pulls me to a place under a tarp.

"Tell me what the shuck happened with you and Thomas because he told us you just beat him up outta nowhere. Not that I don't think he deserves it... but still, the Newt I know wouldn't do a shucking thing like that."

I raise my eyebrow. "What do you mean? You thought he deserved it? Why?"

"Uh, never mind that. If we get the time, I'll tell you later. Now spill."

I suck in some air and start talking to Minho about what happened. When I was finished, his hand was on his chin as he processed what I said.

"What did you say you felt like when you were punching the crap outta Thomas?" He finally asked.

"Like I was... not in control. I saw what was happening but I couldn't stop it from happening."

Minho studied me some more and spoke again. "Remember when we were surrounded by those WICKED shuckfaces and Gally had the knife and he..." I nod and chills run down my spine as I remember Chuck's death. He continues. "Well... it kinda looked like the shank was being controlled by them. Right? Maybe that's what happened to you."

I process his words and it kind of makes sense. Then my mind goes back to Emily.

I gulp. "Min, did you know that Em..."

"Wasn't immune?" he finishes, which takes me by surprise.

"H-how --"

"She had a freak out and then she told me. Sorry shank, she didn't want you to know."

"But why?"

"She said somethin' about how you'd be all worried and treat her differently or whatever."

I stare at the fire ahead of me. I watch the flames dance and the embers fly out into the air. "What do you think she means by differently?" I finally ask.

"Overprotective mama or somethin'? I'm not sure, man."

I lean out of the tarp and see Emily's figure lying down on the hill. I turn to Minho. "What am I going to do now? With Em, I mean. I bugging ruined everything between us."

"Well.. technically it wasn't really you. It was those WICKED slintheads controlling you."

"It doesn't matter, though!" I snap. "Them controlling me doesn't change the fact that I broke Emily's heart. She... she admitted that she liked me and --"

"Took her long enough." He coughed. "And you."

I shoot him a glare and he just gives me a cheesy smile. I roll my eyes and continue. "And I wanted to tell her... eventually... that I like her too. Hell... I think I love her Min."

"Newtly." he covered with a cough. "Or Nemily." He cleared his throat after the second 'cough' and spoke. "Sorry, what an annoying cough. Continue."

I roll my eyes again. "Anyways... I don't know if I can tell her anymore. I don't think she'd believe that I was being controlled. Honestly, the feelings and some of the things I said came from me."

"Well... I don't really know much about this kind of stuff, dude. But if I were you, well I'd rather be me because... why wouldn't you?" He swiftly flips his quiffed hair.

"Get to the point, shank." I manage a slight smile at his weird egotistic side.

"Right. Anyways, I would just give her some space for a while. I could talk to her about what your side of the story is, if you want."

I purse my lips and think. Then I ask Minho for his opinion. "I... I feel like I should tell her. I don't know, man. Maybe if I tell her, she'd know I really mean that I'm sorry and that it wasn't me. Maybe after that I'd give her some space and time to think about it."

Minho rubbed the back of his neck. "Like I said, I ain't really good at this stuff but I think that'd be okay."

I nod then ask for a favour from him. "Could you bring Emily back here? I don't really want her to be all alone there..." I shudder, remembering the day before, when I woke up and it turned out that she was in the middle of nowhere. Alone. "And, uh, after I tell her everything... could you keep an eye on her and just be there for her?"

"Yes to the first thing and as for the second thing, I'd probably do that anyway. She's my friend too, shank. Of course I care about her."

"Thanks."

Minho stands up, dusts off sand from his clothes, fixes his hair and then walks off to Emily's direction. I watch him for the first bit then I focus on the camp. I see gladers either sleeping, eating, or talking. Unfortunately, my eyes meet Tommy's. His face was clean of his blood but his shirt was still stained with the red stuff. He just smirks at me as if he accomplished something and I quickly look away and try to find other things to look at.

Shortly after, Minho is back with Emily over his shoulder. He carefully sets her down and I get up to help him lift her to the tarp I sat under. Once that was done, Minho left to go relieve himself behind Tommy's tarp.

Emily's snores are soft and quiet. I notice rogue tears and tear stains that ran down her cheeks and the puffiness of her eyes. I move my eyes down to her lips and see that there are teeth imprints and drops of blood trickling out of them. I hold back tears. I did this to her.

I nimbly move a strand away from her face and tuck it behind her ear. I recoil my hand as she shifts and mumbles something in her sleep. I move my face closer to her cheek and kiss it lightly. I taste the saltiness of her tears on my lips.

I get up quietly and slowly, so that I don't wake her up, and steal one more glance at her. Tears well up in my eyes and my lips tremble as I mouth three words.

I love you.

********

Author's Note:
I'M SORRY ABOUT THE LAST CHAPTER DUDESSSS 😅

QOTD: Newtly or Nemily? Or do you have any suggestions?

-Rach(: