Fuck. You can't die. You can't die. I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so sorry Mickey...

... We've sedated him and given him morphine for pain but there's not much else we can do.

Why didn't you just let me stab him, huh? I wouldn't give a fuck if he died, but you? You can't die man. I'm so sorry.

I know you're worried Mrs. Ebrahim but...

Shh Hooriya. The paramedics are on their way. I'll let you know what hospital to go to when they leave but... God, I'm so sorry.

Come on boy. Your Mum will go crazy if something happens to you.

Don't worry son. Riyaadh told us to look after you and you know how much we like the lightie... We'll take good care of you but you have to just stay with us...

I only just got you Mika. It's only been a few weeks but you can't leave me now. I want you for a lot longer than a few weeks. God, I was so worried when I got the call. I almost dropped my phone...

You'll have to take Coleraine. We can't wait for those bastards to open up the roads again. Shit, he punctured something. This kid is bleeding out.

Aunty Mariam thought something happened to my Dad when I just got the call. I swear I don't even know how I knew which hospital to come to. I barely even heard Is'haaq on the phone while he was talking.

What took you guys so long?

Those assholes were holding a roadblock. Traffic was backed up.

On a Sunday? Bastards. Anyway, Krenak Jr is waiting for him....

You won't believe how worried Sarafina is. She told me to tell you that her Church sisters are praying for you. But God, Mika. Please don't leave me. Don't be like Jannat. Please...

... Huh uh, stop. He's going into shock. We need to get his...

It's been almost 8 hours and you haven't even woken up yet. I was thinking we haven't even gone our honeymoon yet. I mean we went to Amsterdam when we just got married but... I didn't actually want to be there with you. I was bored out of my mind for that one week. We need to go on a proper honeymoon this time. Maybe we could go to Mauritius or we could go to Cape Town or Knysna.

Knysna sounds kind of good actually. I've never been there then we can go overseas when I can walk properly...

Stitch him up Ben. There's nothing else you can do right now.

Just imagine it. Alone and away from everyone. I know you're dying for that to happen. But it would be fun. We could do that...

... To his wife. She's waiting by the couches with the walking stick.

God, you haven't seen the honeymoon nighties yet Mika. They make me blush just looking at them. My cousin has mortifying taste really. I might as well just be walking around naked. I found them while I was cleaning our cupboards upstairs. But I think you'd like them. They... oh wait, I definitely have to whisper this one....

Come on Mr. Ebrahim. My Dad seems to think you're something special so you had better wake up and prove me wrong.

Uncle Ashraf told me that he told you he would break your kneecaps if he ever had to pick you up from there again but I don't know. He skipped 4 robots just getting me here this morning. He was so worried Mika. He thought you were going to be like Jannat too.

But you won't right? Not now, Mika please. Not now when I've-

"Hoori?"

She looked at him, eyes widening in surprise to see his gaze fixed on her. "Ya?"

"Shut up Hoori."

And he closed his eyes to the feeling of her gripping his hand beneath her own and the sound of her soft whispers as she filled the silence of his empty, cold room.

...

Sunlight streamed down on his face as he opened his eyes, squinting at its unforgiving glare. Machines beeped from further down the corridor and he could hear the loud chatters of the nurses as they walked up and down the ward tending to their patients.

What the hell?

Mikaeel looked to his pedestal, groaning as his stiff neck muscles seemed to protest his actions before he stretched his arm to grab his phone.

What the fuck?

He pressed his hand over his side, brushing over the thick bandages wrapped around his entire torso till the burning, sharp paining lessened enough for him to function. He was going to murder Is'haaq when he saw him. He was going to chop him into tiny little bite sized pieces and feed it to Ihsaan just for fun.

Little fucking bastards.

He squinted at his phone, swiping the lock key to the side before scrolling through his messages ignoring all 50 from Is'haaq begging him to wake up. His fingers were stiff as he read through the contents on his screen and the throbbing pain in his head only seemed to compound as the usual bright white glare of the page loaded before him.

"You're awake." He turned his head to the side, wincing as he felt the creaks of his neck. "How are you feeling?" Her voice sounded hoarse as she sat up from beneath the blanket, crying in silent protest at her stiff back and equally stiff bottom.

"Like shit."

She stared at him sardonically. He was definitely fine.

"Did you sleep there the whole night?"

"Uhm hmm." She stood up, stretching till she felt her back crack in the most oddly satisfying way.

"Did you go home at all?"

"I went to fetch you a change of clothes but that's about it."

"Oh..." He watched her walk into the adjoining bathroom to wash her face before she came back out to join him. "And what did you do?"

She yawned as she sat in the seat beside him, lifting her legs to rest on the metal bars beneath his bed. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" His lips crooked to the side as he watched her fidget with the scrunchie around her wrist.

"Yes nothing." She looked at him oddly. "I mean I read a book for a bit but that's about it."

"You just read a book?"

"Yes Mikaeel," She quirked her eyebrows at his inquisition. "I just read a book."

"So then why did I just spend 50c to read an update of..." He checked his phone quickly, "The incredible life of Mathew DuPont?"

He was straightening his t-shirt as he left the bathroom, ignoring her entirely. She was engrossed in her laptop as it was and had barely noticed his presence as he rummaged through his drawer for his watch. "You going out?" She looked up at him, the glint of his watch catching her eye as he heard the metal catch click into place.

"Ya."

"Oh." Though her eyes were already on her computer, steadily ignoring him once again. "Shit." He heard her frantic whisper before she bolted down the stairs for her charger, barely missing him as she ran past. He shook his head, shifting hangers to the side before his phone began to buzz from his back pocket.

"What hsaan?"

"You ready?" He asked impatiently. "You know they're busy on half-price nights and you still act like a moffie and take your time."

Mikaeel ignored his rambles, muttering vague acknowledgements here and there to appease Ihsaan as he walked over to his pedestal to look for his car keys. The flashing red light on her monitor caught his attention as random ads began popping up over her page. Doesn't she know how viruses spread? What the fuck was she doing leaving all that shit open?

He stretched across the bed, closing all the ads that had cropped up on her page till only her original site was left.

"Uh huh." He mumbled distractedly as he scrolled down, his eyes widening as he continued to read whatever it was that was on the screen. "Ya, I'll be there..." He muttered, cutting the call before pulling her laptop just a little closer as the words before him caused his eyes to grow wider and wider.

Who would have fucking thought?

"Excuse me?" Her breath hitched at his words.

"I know you heard me."

She looked at him- watching him watch her. His face was pale and even his lips looked dull, worsened only the pitch black of his hair. She smiled, shaking her head at the realisation of it all. "I knew it bothered you."

"What?" He leaned back against his pillows, waiting for her explanation.

"You know what."

"No Hoori, I don't." He scratched at the bandages wrapped around him. They were uncomfortable and he couldn't handle the way they seemed glued to his body. "Enlighten me."

"Nothing..." She shook her head, her heart skipping beats left, right and centre at the thought of it all. "So you actually spent money to read what I wrote?"

"It was 50c." He said, seemingly offended at her insinuations. "Where does the money go to?"

"There was a lot more than just 1 chapter..." She teased, "But 25c goes to me and 25c goes to the African Adult Literacy Foundation."

"So how much did you make?"

"Uhm..." She blushed, knowing the numbers would only serve to amuse him. "R127 so far."

"Seriously?"

"Uhm hmm..."

"Oh shit." He shook his head, "If it didn't hurt like a bitch to laugh right now..."

"Don't be rude." She leaned back, shifting to get comfortable before she looked back up at him.

"Was anyone else here?"

"Is'haaq was pretty adamant on waiting till you woke up," she recounted, "Your brother was here last night and your mother said she wouldn't make it until this evening because she has to drop off and fetch Zahra and Burhaan from school."

"Why is she fetching them from school?"

"Apparently Shaheen went home last night, dropped off the kids and sort of... whisked Ilhaam away somewhere." She tried to remember what it was her other-in-law had told her.

"Oh." He looked down at the needles in his hand, "Probably going to come back with another kid."

"Probably busy making it right now."

"... Kill me." He glared down at her.

"I can call Is'haaq to finish the job." She teased.

"Stupid fuck..." Mikaeel sighed. "Is he still here anyway?"

"I can check if you'd like." She stood up, using his bed as support.

"Thanks." He watched her lean against her walking stick before she walked out slowly.

"Hey Mika?" She turned around, smiling softly as she looked at him from the doorway.

"Ya?"

"I'm really happy that you're awake."

She turned around before he could reply, leaving behind only the soft taps of her walking stick against the dark blue tiles of his room.

...

"Hey?" Mikaeel turned at the soft voice from the doorway.

"Hey."

"You're awake." Is'haaq's eyes shone with relieved tears at the sight of Mikaeel awake and... somewhat okay.

"Yeah."

"I thought you died man." He collapsed in the seat besides the bed, running his hands through his hair. "Shit."

"I guess not."

The room descended into a comfortable sort of silence that neither seemed willing to break. Mikaeel couldn't explain how it was that they had become friends or how it was that he was comfortable in Is'haaq's presence at all. He used to work on his nerves. He was impulsive and rash and he pissed the shit out of Mikaeel with his stories that never fucking ended. But somewhere in the last few months...

"I'm moving back home." Is'haaq said, finally breaking the silence.

"Where's home?"

"King William's Town."

"Seriously?" Mikaeel looked at him oddly. He thought he was from Joburg.

"Ya..." Is'haaq said, distracted though by his thoughts. "You know what's really fucked up."

"What?"

"My dad is the Imaam at the Masjid back home."

"What?" Mikaeel leaned forward, grabbing at his side as the pain flared up once again.

"Yeah..." Is'haaq mused. "I hurt him badly you know. He doesn't even talk at the masjid anymore."

Mikaeel said nothing, allowing him to talk instead.

"I have 4 brothers at home. Two of them are Aalims and the other 2 are finishing up their Hifdh this year. I'm smack-bang in the middle of them." He smiled, remembering his younger brothers and their stupid jokes that no one got. "When I was a lightie, everyone thought I would be like my brothers and they always expected me to be a perfect Muslim... or at least that's what I thought. I always thought they expected me to be on time with all my Salaahs and complete a Qur'aan a day and marry some holy chick." He sounded almost bitter as he said that. "But my dad never wanted that. He just wanted me to... be me but I never saw that. I only saw this pressure placed on top of me that I couldn't stand up to and the more I thought they expected me to be better the more I wanted to run away from it all."

"The first time I had a drink, I went home and cried like a fucking baby." He barely realised that he was crying himself as he stared at an unknown stain on the wall in front of him. "I was so ashamed of myself but I was happy because I could finally prove them all wrong. I wasn't going to be what they expected me to be and I liked the feeling of it and soon enough I barely felt guilty about it. The day I shaved off my beard was the day the fights started. I thought my dad just wanted me to be like him but he was just worried. And he was right... I was going out of control and he couldn't stop me."

Is'haaq bit on his knuckle, contemplating his next words. "I met Farah in a bar in Grahamstown. She was studying at Rhodes and she was kind of like me. I had sex with her in the back of my car and we didn't use a condom. When I told my dad that Farah was pregnant, he wasn't even angry. He wasn't disappointed... he just... it was like he was indifferent. He told me that if I was going to have a kid, he needed the security of my name and he needed a father and there was no way he raised a son who would abandon his responsibilities."

Mikaeel could barely believe that the man in front of him was the same one from the day before. It sounded as if Is'haaq had aged a decade in a few weeks and Mikaeel struggled to recognise him.

"She lost the baby a few weeks after we got married but by then, we were comfortable around each other and we didn't want to get a divorce. But over time..." Is'haaq sighed heavily into the palms of his hands. "We had nothing else but sex. When I caught her with Ihsaan, I was pissed but I was pissed at the fact that she could cheat on me with... him? He's a fucked up loser and she slept with him?" His face spoke volumes about the disgust he felt, thinking about Ihsaan. "But I was never actually pissed that she cheated on me. I just... Apart from sex..." Mindblowing sex... "We have nothing."

He laughed humourlessly, raking a hand through his light brown hair once again. "You know what's the sad thing?" He paused, rubbing his eyes as if he had only just realised that he had been crying. "My dad paid for me study optometry even after I left home and came here. He never once asked me to become an Aalim or a haafidh or anything. He just wanted me to find who I was and he wanted me to become a man I could be proud off and even then I failed him. I'm not proud of myself. I don't even like myself anymore and the only person that ever set ridiculously high expectations on me was myself. I expected myself to be like my dad and my brothers and I only let myself down."

He turned around, looking out the window as he heard birds chirping on the tree outside. "My dad can't give lectures anymore because no one wants to listen to the Imaam who has a son like me. He doesn't know that I know though." He bit into his knuckle, quelling the heartache that had settled over him. "He always talks about what people tell him after a lecture but he's just lying. He doesn't want me to know about it because he's scared I'll be forced to come home before I really want to."

He turned back around, settling in his seat once again. "I miss my family, man. I miss my dad and my brothers. My oldest brother's wife gave birth to her third kid a few months ago and I haven't even been home to see her." He smiled sadly, scrolling through his phone for the pictures. "They named her Safeerah but I don't know anything else aside from that. But I miss them and I miss..."

He broke off, standing up to lean against the wall.

"I miss being a muslim. I feel like I'm empty on the inside and I hate it."

And the more Is'haaq truly thought about it, the more he desperately desired it. He wanted to go home to place where he knew they loved him despite every single one of his faults and his mistakes.

 To a place where they still loved him.

"I'll be gone by the end of next month. I have to work off my months notice but besides that I have nothing else here."

"And your house?"

"I'm renting so I only need to give a month's notice but that's it."

"I see."

"I know you feel it too though. You want to change right? You're tired of who you used to be, isn't it?" Is'haaq smiled at him, stretching his legs out before him.

"How do you know?"

"You look different these days. I don't know how but it's like you look as if you're just tired of the monotony. You want more, don't you?"

Mikaeel mused over Is'haaq's words. He was right. He was tired but he was wrong too.

He didn't want more.

He wanted what he already had.

"I'm sorry Mickey. I don't know what happened to me yesterday but I'm sorry for how it all played out."

"Ya, it was a dick move."

Is'haaq laughed. "It was fucked up..."

"It was."

"I'll see you man. I'm late for work and I haven't even been home yet."

"Okay."

"Hey man." They turned around as soon as they heard his voice, watching him shift nervously on his feet.

"I'm gone." Is'haaq shook his head trying to brush past Ihsaan.

"No wait..."

He grabbed onto Is'haaq's arm, praying he wouldn't snap it off. "Just wait, please."

A/N Surprise surprise! Who figured out that Mikaeel was reading Hoori's stories as she wrote them? If you go back to the start, every single time Hoori is mentioned using her laptop or her tablet, in the next scene or two, Mikaeel is busy reading something on his phone.

Let me know if you noticed it.

But guys, I couldn't really kill of Mika coud I?

So the next chapter is going to be really, really, really long and it's probably going to be the last before the epilogue so I really need to tie up any loose ends and answer all the unanswered questions filtered throughout this chapter too.

But anyway, hope you enjoyed it!