"Ouch!" Hoori's small voice echoed throughout the house, heralding Jannat's attention to the kitchen almost immediately.

"What happened?" She winced, watching as blood pooled out of the cut on her sister's hand.

"I was trying to cut my sandwich and then I cut myself." She shrugged, her eyes glassing over with unshed tears as she looked at the line of bright, red blood pouring out of her.

"Why didn't you call me?" Jannat clicked her tongue, annoyed at Hoori's stupidity.

"You're only 9 years old! Don't act like a grown up." She cried out, annoyed at having been spoken to as if she was still a baby.

"But I'm older than you, okay?" She shrugged off Hoori's dramatics, ignoring her little tantrum as she dragged her over to the bathroom to wash out her hand.

"Sorry..." Hoori sniffled, watching as Jannat carefully tore the plaster out of its wrapper.

"It's fine." She shook her head, placing the plaster carefully over Hoori's hand. "There, all done."

"Thanks."

"Do you want me to cut your sandwich for you?" Jannat asked, drying her hands on her mother's ridiculously expensive towels. They were more for show than anything else and her mother would probably die if she knew Jannat wiped Hoori's blood using one of them. 

But what she didn't know wouldn't actually hurt her...

Right?

"Ya okay. Do you want one too?"

"What is it?"

"Peanut butter and jam." Hoori's capabilities only stretched as far as that anyway.

"Ya sure." She smiled down at Hoori's untidy hair. She would never learn to keep it neat. "Why not hey."

"Did you even consider how you would get down if I wasn't here?" Mikaeel asked, holding her right hand while her left clutched tightly to the railing beside her. Her eyes were still red and swollen but his ass was numb from sitting on the floor and if she insisted on crying any further, they might as well be comfortable.

"Where else would you have been?" Her voice still sounded thick with tears but that was the least of her worries. She knew she was bordering dangerous territories with a charged question like that but it slipped past her teeth before she had any chance to call it back.

He looked impassively down at her from the step above her.

How in the fuck was he supposed to answer that?

"Good question." He mumbled, knowing she would probably drop the subject. It was still the elephant in the room between them but what was he supposed to do. It was never as if she liked him enough to actually care. She never even tried to stop him.

 she actually hated it when he was at home alone with her. 

It was wrong, he knew it was wrong. The clubbing and the girls- it was all wrong but they just never seemed to care about it. Essentially, they were strangers living in the same house and neither bothered keeping tabs on the other because neither actually gave a shit about the other.

"True..." She went along with the vague replies. It was just easier that way.

"You know," He said, helping her onto the corner landing before he took one more step down before her.

"Hmm?"

"Your parents were fucked up."

That was a subject change if ever she saw one.

She looked down at him oddly. Did he really just use her parents to change the subject? He had to go to extremes to get himself out of awkward situations didn't he?

He would probably push her down the stairs if he knew it but it was almost kind of comical how bad he really was with awkwardness.

"What?" He looked up at her, catching the tell-tale smile playing on her lips.

"You have a dirty mouth." She said softly, her smile stretching just a little further having been caught out.

"I have a dirty what?"

"You have a dirty mouth." Her smile had widened, watching the affronted expression on his face.

"I have a dirty what?" He asked once again as he stepped back up onto the landing, crowding her space.

"A dirty mouth." She tried to cover up her grin, but her face refused to co-operate with her as he bared down on her.

"Oh, really?" He caught both of her wrists in his hands, pulling her just that much closer towards him.

"Yes." She squeaked when he jerked her, just enough to lose her footing before he caught her again.

"What, did you think I was going to drop you?" He could feel the thumping of her heart against his chest, fucking thrilled at his effect on her.

"Maybe."

"Still think I have a dirty mouth?"

"Yes." She looked down, knowing she would burst out laughing if she had to look at him again. She wasn't much good with controlling herself in nervous situations either.

"Sure about that?"

"Y-" She gasped as his lips settled on hers, drowning out whatever it was she was about to say.

She loved kissing him now.

She remembered how she used to hate it. She used to hate his demanding way. She used to hate the way he held her as if he wanted to leave his fingerprints imprinted in her skin. She used to hate the way he would bite her bottom lip as he tried deepening their kiss or his impatient behaviour whenever she tried to get him to slow down. But his kisses had changed. He didn't kiss her simply for the sake of going further. He kissed her for her- because he wanted to kiss her.

Because he wanted to kiss her.

Damn...

She shook her wrists free in order to wrap her arms around his neck as she pressed herself to him. She wanted to cry at the realisation.

He wanted to kiss her. He actually wanted to kiss her. He wanted to be with her and that was just...

She hadn't even realised that she had been running her hand through his hair or standing on her tip toes in her attempts to get even closer to him until he broke off her kiss, gently disentangling himself from her. He licked his lips, tasting her lip balm before he looked down at her almost a little too smugly.

What the fuck was that?

Call him a fucking liar if he said he wasn't fucking chuffed with the way she practically attacked him just now.

"And you said I have a dirty mouth..."

"You do." She said softly, taking his proffered hand once again as he helped her down the stairs.

"You know," He said, tightening his hold on her hand as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

"What?"

 She could feel her mind go to mush as soon as his other hand brushed against her stomach, slowly opening the button at the bottom of her shirt.

"I deserve some kind of a reward for not dropping you." His skin felt cold against the warm skin of her stomach as he opened the next button.

"Really?" She asked, grabbing his wrist to still his movements. "I thought I was the one getting a reward for going up and down the stairs at all."

His eyes widened fractionally at her words. "So, you want me to take of my shirt?" He teased, his hands pulling at the hem of his own shirt as he began to lift it up.

"Don't thrill yourself Mika." She laughed, patting him on the cheek before she made to move past him.

"Mika?" He curved his hand around the side of her waist, stalling her steps almost immediately before she turned her head to look at him.

"You call me Hoori, don't you?"

"I guess so." He mused, distractedly grazing his hand over her side.

"Do you mind?" She asked, turning so she faced him completely.

"What if I said ya?"

"Then... your problem. Not mine."

He laughed, shaking his head at her reply. "You'll drive me fucking crazy one day." He whispered, leaning his forehead against hers.

"Please Mikaeel. You're already there." She grinned before he pressed his lips against hers once again, not at all intent on letting her go this time.

"Wait," She said, breaking out of his hold before things got just a little far.

"What?" He opened his eyes, watching curiously as her hand reached into his pocket to fish out his phone before she fiddled with the buttons along the side.

"Your phone..." She sighed, annoyed at its complex functioning.

"What are you doing?"

"Just in case..." She finally figured out how to switch it off. "There we go!" She deposited his phone back into his pocket. "Just in case someone decides to phone you again."

"Planning ahead?" He asked, already tugging her towards him by the loops of her jeans.

"Something like th-"

And yet again, he cut her off before she had a chance to finish her sentence.

...

The wind was cold as it ran up her bare legs. She could never understand why they had to hold their graduation ceremony outside when Miss Margret's had a perfectly heated hall only 20 steps away. She had to hold onto her sunhat, blinking as a random camera flashed before her eyes while she waited for her turn to walk up the stairs and hand in her hat one final time.

She didn't care much for propriety though. There was no one to impress in the crowds and her teachers knew her well enough to know that she was already the epitome of well mannered. It was all automatic now.

 How to stand straight in line.

How to smile politely.

How to accept her certificate graciously.

It just happened. She didn't need a constant reminder unlike some of her classmates. But unlike them, she had no one to show off her finishing school acquired manners to. Her parents were in Bulgaria for a conference and Jannat was too far away in America to even consider it.

Her name was called and she shook hands with all who mattered before she turned around and smiled uselessly at the crowd before her. Why waste a good smile on a crowd of strangers who would never remember her? Her lips tilted up just a fraction above a grimace before she turned around and walked off the stage.

Her head felt strangely bare now that she no longer had to hold onto her sunhat. She walked slowly, her sensible black heels clicking just a little too loudly against the pavement as she made her way back to her seat. God... what she wouldn't do to be at home right now.

Her friends smiled at her as she passed them, some holding onto her hand as they gave it a slight squeeze but it wasn't that that caused her heart to smile.

There in the back of the crowd dressed in a black jersey with her dark-wash jeans...

She actually came.

She couldn't believe her sister flew all the way from America just to watch her ceremony and just to wave at her as she walked down to her seat one final time...

...

She couldn't wrap her mind around it. She was lying on her stomach, running her fingertip up and down his bare arm as he watched her through the corner of his eye. She wondered if he knew that she was trying to forget what it felt like to be sad as she kissed him just a little too intently or as she unbuttoned his shirt or pulled off his vest.

Yes, she wanted to be near him. She wanted to be with him but when he kissed her again at the bottom of the stairs, she doubted he had any intention of things going as far as he had unless she hadn't prodded him along. And she didn't want him to stop because every time he stopped, it got her thinking, once again, about what a mess her life really was.

Could she ever just be with him?

Just be with him?

She tucked the corner of her lip between her teeth, trying desperately not to think of the ugly things swirling around in her head but the more she begged herself to stop the more she thought. And the more she thought, the more she wanted to be with him just to forget it all. But she didn't want to be with him just so that she could forget. She was tired of using him. She wanted to feel as she had the night before. When both of them knew it was going to happen. They knew it and they wanted it and they wanted it for the sole purpose of wanting to be with each other. Not like this. Wanting to sleep with her husband so she could forget her dead sister and equally absent parents.

How pathetic.

Maybe she could just...

Just breathe...

Breathe...

Just...

Breathe...

"The day my sister died, it was like my heart was torn to pieces."

"Hey Jannat." Her sister had stopped looking like her sister. Her thick black hair had fallen off months ago and her latest round of chemotherapy had ensured that it stayed off. Her eyes were closed but the dark purple shadows beneath her eyes would never disappear no matter how much she slept. Her skin had begun to look ashy and her breathing had started to take on a rattling tone that unnerved Hoori more than anything else. "The most fascinating thing happened today." She sat down on the chair next to the bed trying her hardest to believe that her sister was awake, her dark blue eyes boring into her as she waited for her to finish the story.

"So I saw this guy while I was walking into the hospital. And you know how I am with boys. I never know what to do. But he was so handsome. He had blonde hair and hazel coloured eyes and he was tall..." Hoori smiled, trying to remember the way he looked as he walked past her.

"He was so tall, his head almost bumped the top of the doorway on the way out. But he actually smiled at me!" She gushed, the image of his straight white teeth flashing through her mind as she recalled his smile.

"And not just that. He stopped me to say hello and he asked me how I was but you know..." She slapped her forehead with her palm. "I got all flustered around him and mumbled something and walked away." Hoori sighed, annoyed at her current predicament. "If you were awake, you'd have probably klapped me right."

She looked down at her sister's pale hand that was attached to the monitors around her. "I'd have klapped me too." She smiled sadly. "I wish you would wake up." Hoori rubbed her hand over her face, pushing back the fringe that had fallen over as she looked back up. "Your doctor told me that you might never wake up. He said that your brain activity wasn't what it should be but...." Her voice sounded shaky to her own ears as she spoke. "But you can hear me, right? Your ears work, don't they? And you can hear me and maybe you're screaming at me in your head to shut up and maybe I just don't want to listen to you but I know you can hear me."

She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the bed as she cupped her chin in her hands. "Who else is going to listen to me?"

"Hoori?" Jannat's cracked voice whispered in the quiet room. It was only half past 7 in the morning but her sister was already babbling away.

"Jannat?" Hoori gasped, looking down at her, her face splitting apart with the smile on her lips. "You're awake. Just let me..."

"Shh." She looked up at her sister. Her brown hair was hidden beneath the woollen beanie she had jammed onto her head and her lips were already stained pink from the lip balm she loved to use. But that was her- that was her world and it was the only thing she needed to see at that moment.

"What..."

"Just... shh." Jannat reached forwards, placing her hand over Hoori's before lifting it up feebly towards her face. "Just shh." She whispered, kissing her sister's knuckles affectionately before leaving it to rest over her heart.

"You're scaring me." Hoori said quietly. This wasn't right. Something wasn't right and Jannat knew it.

Jannat smiled up at her one last time, squeezing her hand lightly before her eyes rolled back into her head...

One last time before she died.

"I had never felt anything worse than what I felt that day." Her voice sounded small as it echoed throughout their room. "I knew she was going to die. I think that's why they let me stay over that night before. They knew she was going to die too."

Mikaeel didn't know what brought about her feelings but he knew better than to ask questions while she spoke. She didn't need anyone to speak. She just needed someone to listen.

"My parents knew that she was dying too but it was just coincidence that they happened to be near the hospital that day. The nurses called them and told them to come and when they walked into the room they were already crying." She had begun to run her fingers rapidly over his knuckles as she thought about that morning. "I was so angry at them. They were never there Mikaeel. They left her even while she was dying and then they just walked in crying as if..."

Her words broke off as she ground her teeth against each other, trying desperately to quell the anger that had gathered up inside of her. "They weren't sad that she died. They were sad because she was their star. She was supposed to head up the opening at the American branch but she died before she even got the chance to hear about it."

He trapped her hand beneath his as she fumed over her parents and their careless behaviour. "I don't hate them but... I don't know how to actually love them." She admitted quietly. She was almost ashamed at the words that had spewed right out of her. She was never brave enough to even admit the words to herself much less to the man right next to her.

But she had said it. It was all out and nothing she said could ever bring it back. "I don't even know why I want them to love me when I can never actually love them back." She said choosing her words carefully. There had to be something wrong with her. How could she even think those words? How could she ever think about the fact that she couldn't love her parents even if she truly tried.

"We're fucked up." He said earning a burst of unamused laughter from her.

"I suppose we are." She turned to him, running her thumb slowly against his palm as she shuffled closer to him. "I want..."

How was she supposed to ask him?

"What?" He turned to her, reaching around to run his hand along the curve of her spine.

"I just..." She kissed him softly, praying he would understand her. She didn't know how to say the words. She didn't know how to ask him. She only knew how to show him but he understood.

He definitely understood as he lowered the blanket covering her shoulder, exposing more and more of her skin to him. His hands skimmed gently through her hair, down her neck, over her shoulders, down her sides... slowly, softly...

"You want to forget?" His breath kissed her lips as he spoke, waiting for her consent.

She didn't know how to say it. She only nodded, losing herself in his kiss and his hands and him...

That was all she needed.

Just that...

Just...

that.