Hey man, pick up. Where are you? Your phone keeps going to voicemail and it's making me naar.

Hey. Hello Mickey Mouse? Answer.

Hello. Dude, seriously where the fuck are you? Your phone is never switched off.

Are you still pissed at me? Stop acting like a bloody moffie. Suck it up man.

Okay hello... Sorry. Ignore the last message.

Agh, naaier. Answer your fucking phone. We need you.

Sorry... Okay fine I'm sorry okay. I'm sorry about the shit I started at the restaurant. But seriously, I don't want to drive right now and Dahlia can't drive either. This is the last time. I promise.

Hello? Mikaeel... Mickey... Mickey Man! Hello? I busted 10 bucks on all the texts I just sent you. Answer.

Please man. Please. We really need your help. Dahlia can't actually stand right now.

Okay I get it I'm sorry. Answer. Answer. Answer. Shuaib just told me to fuck off so he's a no-go. Please man... I promise after today we will never, ever ask for help again.

Hello. Okay I'm desperate. It's been 2 hours... Oh wait, it's cool. These guys know Dahlia. They'll give us a lift. Bye man.

Mikaeel didn't think of her as she was just then.

He thought of her when she was 15 years old and she was madly in love with Ihsaan and he was madly in love with her. She was round and curvaceous with big pink cheeks and blue tipped braces that they loved to laugh at. She had a healthy dark brown complexion and her hair... It was such a fucking mess with that blonde shit in it but she managed to pull it off. 

She was like his little sister and he loved her for it.

And they were good together. She would sneak away from her house to meet Ihsaan whenever they played soccer on Sundays and she always stole a tub of her mum's koeksisters for them to eat. She and Ihsaan constantly ganged up on him for whatever shit it was they felt like as they prodded and teased and laughed at him. They laughed at the way he was always studying and at the way he would parrot off his textbook when he thought no one was listening. But still, they would end up joining him when he was studying and he would help them with their homework when they had finished off their food and waited for one of their parents to fetch them.

But that Dahlia had died a long time ago. She had died on a cold winter's day when her parents were out and her father's best friend had come to visit.

This Dahlia was but a shell living merely by breathing. She had no soul and no heart and no matter how hard Ihsaan had tried, he could never bring her back. This wasn't her. The near skeletal frame, the sunken eyes, the bright red lipstick splashed across her lips. She wasn't the one who was draped across the backseat of his car as he dropped them home nor was she the one that had undressed herself before him in order to fulfil a need that had stemmed from the filth running through her veins.

His Dahlia was sweet and caring and she loved her mother's koeksisters and her father's milkshake. She had spots across her cheeks and bright, brown eyes that twinkled in the sun as she looked at Ihsaan. She was the sister he had always wanted and wished he had. She was the sunshine and when she was with them, all they ever wanted to do was make her smile.

How could he mourn for the girl covered by a blue sheet on a gurney down the hall? How could he mourn for someone that he had already mourned for 8 years?

Mikaeel couldn't speak or move or stand.

He could only watch as Dahlia's mother's knees buckled under the strain of the words that had seemed to drown her. And he could only watch as she sought solace in her husband's arms as the sunshine in her life had been snuffed out in an instant.

They had gone through the motions of following the doctor to view her body, to sign the release papers, to organise for someone to make sure that everyone knew. They didn't know how it was that they could think to do that. Her mother barely remembered her own name much less remember how to write it down but they did it all anyway. They were going on automatic as if their bodies had somehow prepared for years for this moment to come and had stored away the information they would need so when the time came, it just happened. They didn't need to think about it. They didn't need to know what to.

 They just did it.

It just happened.

Their child just died and they knew she would be buried that night.

And they just knew what to do to make it happen but they didn't know how it was that they knew anything at all.

"You." Mikaeel looked up at her mother's shaky voice.

He stood up, not knowing what to say. He could only look at her as she considered her words.

"The worst mistake my daughter ever made was becoming friends with you and...That boy."

He didn't say a word as she glared at him, clutching her husband's hand for support.

"You stay the hell away from her funeral."

Mikaeel only nodded once, gnashing his teeth against each other as he watched them walk away.

...

Mikaeel was sure he was in shock.

For the past hour, he had done nothing but stare at the painting in front of him. He was pretty sure Netcare contracted this shit out because every hospital he had ever stepped into had the same paintings strewn all over the walls. They all seemed to depict cottages by the sea surrounded by plush gardens. It was generically beautiful but he wasn't sure why they even bothered. It did nothing to calm anyone down. They probably wasted thousands on all those shit paintings that people barely even glanced at. What the hell were they even trying to do? Were they trying to make the place feel homey?

It was a fucking hospital!

It can't feel homey. It was sterile and just...

He fucking hated it.

He couldn't help but wonder at each doctor that walked past him. Would he or she would be the one to tell them that Ihsaan was dead too. He was an asshole and a bastard and a real fucking shit but Imtiyaaz was a bastard and an asshole and a real fucking shit too.

The fucker was his family.

His eyes were closed when the doctor finally came.

She had a loud voice that seemed to boom out of her even though she tried to speak softly. Aunty Najwa and Uncle Yaasir walked up to her on shaky legs, preparing themselves for the worst. They feared the words that would come out of her lips and neither knew if they wanted to hear it or not.

He didn't care for the speech she gave nor the wounds she recounted.

All he heard was he's stable now. He should be okay.

And that must have been the first time he prayed in years.

...

"Howsit."

"Fine..." Who the hell was this?

"I'm Ihsaan"

Oh.

"Mikaeel."

"Where're you from?"

"Saxonwold."

"Ya? Me too."

"Okay." Mikaeel turned back to face the front trying hard to ignore the red-headed boy beside him.

"You play soccer?"

"Uh huh."

"Cool... We play every Sunday at the park. Come join us."

"... Maybe."

"Howsit man!" Mikaeel looked at the boys warily. They all seemed very, very old to him. Probably in their 20s or some shit.

"Hey."

"Glad you could make it." Ihsaan thumped him one on the back.

"I had nothing else to do."

"Oh... Oh hey!" Ihsaan's attention was diverted once again. "Mickey Mouse, meet my baby!" He grinned happily at the girl in front of him.

"Voetsek! I'm not your baby." She rebuked him, smiling through it all. She was round. She was very round and she had short hair cut till her shoulders, pink braces glinting from her mouth and a smattering of spots around her cheeks and forehead but Mikaeel swore Ihsaan thought she was Miss World by the way he looked at her.

"One day..." Ihsaan winked at her, causing her cheeks to darken to a deep pink.

"Hey Mikaeel." Dahlia sat next to him on the bench, waiting for Ihsaan to return back with an ice cream for her.

"Hmm?" He was busy with his homework again. She was sure he was the only boy to ever bring homework to the park. He was always so serious when it came to his work but she liked doing her homework with him. He just got it. He was never confused and lost and science didn't make his head explode. And he always helped her, even though he was knee deep in equations.

"Could you explain this to me please?" She asked as she pushed her textbook towards him. Eventually, she and Ihsaan started bringing along their bags as well, though Ihsaan a little more grudgingly.

"Photosynthesis?"

"Yup." She smiled as Ihsaan dropped into the seat across from her, opening the wrapper of her ice cream so her hands wouldn't get sticky with it.

"What do you think about it?" He asked her first before explaining it.

"Uhm... It's when trees breathe in carbon dioxide and breathe out oxygen?"

"Close, but see oxygen is just the by-product of photosynthesis. Look..."

"Mikaeel."

"Ya?" He looked up to see Aunty Najwa staring kindly down at him. She was crying, the evidence was clear on her face, but she had tried to wipe away all her tears and her eyes seemed dry.

"You can go in and see Ihsaan for a few minutes. He's awake now."

It must have been 5 in the afternoon by the time he stepped into Ihsaan's room. The sky was already darkening to a red and pink haze outside the large window and the birds were already flying home for the night.

"Hey." Mikaeel's voice pulled Ihsaan out of his reverie. He had been staring at the two pigeons dancing around outside his window, unaware that he was crying at all.

"Hey." He turned only to glance reproachfully at Mikaeel before he turned away again.

"How are you feeling?"

"My wife just died. How the fuck do you think I'm feeling?" He bit out, still trying hard to look out the window.

"Fine. I'll go." Mikaeel made to turn around, wary of saying anything else around Ihsaan just yet.

"Where the fuck were you?"

Mikaeel stopped, his back still towards Ihsaan as he considered what to say. What the hell could he say?

"I fucking needed you and you weren't there. We had to catch a lift with those drunk fuckers and now..."

"Don't do that." Mikaeel said softly. He already felt guilty; he didn't need Ihsaan's shit too. "Don't blame me."

"What was all that shit of yours? You know I'm always here if you need me? Was all that crap?"

"I was 19. I was a fucking lightie. You can't hold me to that." Mikaeel spoke warily as Ihsaan's face only darkened in anger.

"Fuck you! I got kicked out of my fucking house for you and you weren't there! We needed you but you were too busy fucking your prissy little bitch to fucking listen!" He tried sitting up in bed, but he couldn't. His ribs were too damaged to allow him much mobility but it didn't matter. He could have been standing on fucking mars and it would have still felt like he had just punched Mikaeel in the gut. "She must be fucking amazing in bed to have you so wrapped up in her! What the fuck does she do for you huh? Does she..."

"Stop it." Mikaeel tried to speak softly as if it would calm Ihsaan down.

"Just fucking go!" His breathing had shallowed and every breath seemed to hit Ihsaan like a two ton truck considering he could barely even move his chest."Go! Get the fuck away from me! You fucking killed my baby!"

Mikaeel walked out but he didn't walk away.

He leaned back against the wall next to the door as he watched 3 nurses run into the room- trying hard to calm Ihsaan down yet still, he didn't stop.

She was my fucking baby and you killed her!

Fuck you!

My baby is dead!

You fucking killed her!

She fucking needed you and you weren't there!

Leave me alone you bitch!

She was my...

She was my...

She was...

...

"You awake?"

"Ya I'm awake. Why?"

"Open your front door. I'm outside."

"The fuck... No it's 3 in the morning. Fuck off."

"Please man. I need a place to crash for the night."

"Why?"

"My parents kicked me out."

"Fine I'm coming."

Ihsaan was rubbing his hands furiously together as every breath he breathed out came with its own little frost cloud. "Took you forever man.." He whispered as he walked into the house.

"Sorry. You know my room is on the other side of the house."

"Thanks." He said, sounding serious for the first time in his life.

"Whatever you need, you know I'm always here." Mikaeel shrugged as he walked away, leading Ihsaan to his room.

It was almost 9 at night when Hoori heard the front door open.

She was warming her milk by the time she heard his footsteps behind her but he was silent. He didn't say a word but she could feel his stare on her back.

"Naazli told me about Dahlia." She said, leaning against the counter after she closed the door of the microwave. "I'm sorry to hear about her."

"Don't pretend to care. You didn't like her."

"I didn't," She admitted freely, "but you did."

The bottom of her dress played against her ankles as she walked slowly towards him.

His fingers were drumming against his thigh as he leaned against the doorway watching her walk towards him. "Why did you do that last night?"

"What?"

"All that shit about pretending to care. What did you think would happen?" He stood up straight, feeling his shoulders tense with every step she took. "Did you think I would actually fall in love with you?"

She didn't say anything.

"Life isn't like your stories. I'm not going to fall in love with you because you asked me to pretend with you. You're just as fucking trapped as I am."

"Okay..."

"I should have been there. I should have been there with them instead of having her be rolled into that hospital looking like a fucking whore. But I was here with you holding your hand like a fucking child." He seethed, feeling as if his heart was beating somewhere out of his chest. Everything hurt in his body as he thought about Dahlia splayed out on the backseat of his car... That's what they saw. They didn't see her. They didn't see the girl who smiled with her whole body or the one who could never eat an ice cream without dripping it all over the front of her shirt. They saw a skinny, high tart dressed in a dress too short for her and too tight for her.

They didn't know why it is she dressed like that or what it was she was trying to forget whenever she stared into the bottom of a glass or snorted a line of white powder off the top of a toilet bowl.

But he knew her. He knew why she did it and he should have been there for her.

"You wouldn't even have fucking known if I was gone."

She was only a hair's breadth away from him, watching him silently.

"What are you even doing here?" He didn't like it. He didn't like the way she looked at him or the way she wound her arms around his shoulders, lifting herself up so that she could stand right against him.

"I'm sorry."

She said nothing else as she tightened her hold around him.

He wanted her to let go of him. They never hugged. He had kissed her and undressed her and slept with her but he had never hugged her. Hugging was too personal and he didn't like it. He didn't want to feel the little hairs poking out of her bun to prickle against his skin and he didn't want to feel her heart beating against his.

"Leave me alone." He unwound her hands from around him, holding her away at arm's length.

She only shook her head. She couldn't leave him like that. He looked too sad and too lonely just then to be alone.

"Leave me the fuck alone!"

"No."

"For fuck sakes Hooriya!" He pushed himself off the wall. "Grow the fuck up. I don't need you and I don't love you. No one fucking loves you and nothing that you do is ever going to change it so just fucking go!"

A dense fog seemed to have settled over their kitchen as soon as those words left his lips.

They seemed to have been frozen in that single second of pain where both felt exactly what the other was feeling.

"Stop trying to hurt me. I'm not like you." She said before she turned around. She wasn't willing to pass him to get out the door. "I'm not indestructible." She took a step away from him, choosing to walk out the other door leading to the dining room.

"Don't..." He caught her by her hand, pulling her to rest against him before he leaned his forehead against the top of her head. "Don't go."

He closed his eyes, allowing the events of the day to wash over him.

He allowed himself to get lost in the feeling of her arms under his as she pulled his arms to wrap themselves around her waist. Or the way the thick metal zip on her back scratched against his thin white t-shirt and the way her breathing had slowed down to match his. He closed his eyes as he breathed in the scent of her cherry blossom body butter that she always used after she showered. Her right hand left his, trailing slowly over his arm, then his shoulders and padded over the smooth skin of his neck before she reached all the way around her to run her hand through his thick black hair.

He tightened his hold around her, dropping his head to rest against her shoulder. "I'm not indestructible." His voice was muffled as he spoke into her soft skin exposed by the thin strap of her sleeve.

She turned her head, her eyes catching his gaze as he looked at her before she kissed him lightly on his forehead, her lips lingering on his skin for just a little while longer.

"I'm sorry Mikaeel." She said softly still running her hand gently though his hair.

She looked up as he straightened himself, watching the way his gaze had dimmed and the dark circles that gathered underneath his eyes. She turned slightly in his arms, running her thumb softly beneath his eyes and over the stubble that had gathered on the side of his jaw taking in the exhaustion on each one of his features.

She wasn't sure who had kissed who but as he kissed her, she could taste his sadness and his despair and his guilt as it seemed to pour out of him. His grip on her waist tightened, gathering her almost painfully close to him before he leaned back. His lips were barely brushing hers, his eyes were still closed and he could feel her chest expand heavily against his own.

"Just for a while," he said softly, kissing her with each word as his fingers toyed with the gold metal zip at the back of her dress, "Pretend with me just for a while."

His knuckles grazed against her back, leaving goosebumps in their wake as he pulled her zipper down.

"Please."

He lowered the thin sleeves down her arms, feeling the way her skin warmed beneath his hands. The material of her pink floral dress lay bunched up around her waist, held up only by her closeness to him. The room was warmed by the underfloor heating yet still, her skin erupted into thousands of tiny goosebumps as he ran his hand gently over her stomach.

"Please."

She tilted her face upward, barely grazing his lips with her own as she felt his fingers grasp hers.

"Just for a while." She said, kissing him once again before he led her slowly out of the kitchen and to their bedroom...

Allowing her dress to lay pooled on the black linoleum tiles...