Ive started writing this book in june 11,2018
And have wrote 3, including this makes 4, chapters in this book so far.

Im not a big writting fan.
And i dont think a lot of people will read this, nor do i expect it.

If ive published this book then my purpose of this is not to gain someones love or affection. I dont want too many views either. Thats why i have no tagged this book and have tittled it as "do not read" or something.
I like to keep things on the low.
And i dont want this book to be clickbait either.

I dont like too many eyes watching me.

I just made this book cause i really wish someone can hear me and listen to me.

I dont want to be selfish but, ive always heard everyone elses story but for once i just want to leak my story out.
I always always listen to everyone elses depressed and sad life story and im always interested to hear more and i want to help them and i give them the best advice i can think of.

But..... Yes i still do and will do that for you but.
I just want...
Someone to please listen to my story and take into consideration about me.

*sigh*
I have a boyfriend but i usually do not tell him whats up in my life.i have a boyfriend but i never tell him, if im feeling depressed rn, i dont tell him if im on the edge of suicide, i dont tell him my latest actions and attempt of ending my life, i just dont tell him a lot.

I know my boyfriend cares about me a lot but i push it away. When he asks about how is my life i just brush it off an say stuff like "im fine" or i switch the conversation topic or what i simply do a lot is i spam him a lot saying stuff like

"Oh my day was great"
"I talked to my friends"
"I had a blast"
"Actually i lied"
"Im not okay"
"All day ive done nothing but drawing and vented"
"This student is talking about this about me but i cant do nothing and i know shes right too"
"I just let her talk bad about me like that"
"I cant do anything about it either"
"Cause i know im no good"

And then i instantly change back onto my positively exactly being texting
"Aw man today was amazing. Thank you for asking"
"So how was your day? My day was great."

And he doesnt seem to notice. It at all.
Which is good.

But.... Why do i act all protective like this about myself.
Why do i lie and cover everything up when i KNOW I WANT SOMEONE TO PLEASE LISTEN TO ME?!
*sigh*
Im going to end the chapter here. Good bye.