Kyle...

I stood there, staring back at a face that looked like mine. The face that I swore I would punch the day I saw it in person. I was looking forward to this day, dreaming of it even. I knew exactly what I was going to say and the exact spot on his face I was going to connect my fist to.

His brows raised in surprise when I said his name.

"You know who I am?" He asked, seeming happy about it.

"Of course I do," I said dryly.

After my mom told me why he wasn't around, I made up my mind that I didn't want to talk about him ever again. But as I grew older, curiosity reared its head and I eventually asked my mother for a name. I searched it online and there he was, grinning widely with his wife and the son he apparently wanted.

"What do you want?" I asked.

I had a feeling I already knew. I've always heard stories of deadbeats showing up when their kids make it and had money. But, he wouldn't need my money...well shouldn't.

"I came to see you," he answered.

"Obviously," I said. "But why?"

"I want to talk to you," he said.

"Oh, now you want to talk? Now you chose to come see me?" I asked voice raised.

He looked around nervously for bystanders.

"Can we talk about this inside?" He asked.

I didn't want this man anywhere near me, or in my apartment, but he did come all this way, and a part of me still wanted to hear him out.

I stepped aside and allowed him in, his bodyguard stayed outside. I closed the door and turned to him.

"So?"

He looked around the apartment nervously. "This is a nice place you have here," he said, probably trying to buy some time before he came up with whatever nonsense he had to say.

"Yeah, it is," I said. "Now can you please tell me why you're here?"

I was aware that I sounded cold, but I needed him to know that we were not on good terms.

He took in a deep breath before starting. "For years I've been thinking about what I would say when this day came. I even had a whole speech written out and now I forgot everything I had in it," he looked frustrated and angry at himself. "I guess I should start by saying I'm sorry. I did a bad thing to you and your mother, and it was unacceptable."

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say. Was an apology all I ever wanted? Sure. But how did I know it was real?

"I know you probably have a lot to ask, so I'll let you. I'll be honest about everything, I promise."

He had promised my mother that he would be there for her but never was. I wasn't sure his promises were something I could trust.

"Ok," I said, ready to ask the question I've been wanting the answer to for years. "Why?"

I didn't have to specify the action, he already knew.

"I was young, wasn't ready, and had everyone in my ear telling me it would look bad for our family and my future. I was weak-minded and gave in," he answered.

"Did you ever regret it?"

"Every day since the day I broke things off with your mother. But I tried to convince myself that I did the right thing."

He didn't sound like he was lying, but I still didn't know if I could believe him. That's all his fault though. He was never around, how was I supposed to develop that trust?

"Why didn't you come back for us?" I asked, trying my hardest to hold back the tears that were right behind my eyes. "Why didn't you come back for me? Why didn't you ever show up?"

"I actually did once," he hesitantly answered.

My brows dipped in confusion. "When? I don't remember."

"I met your mother at a gala about 12 years ago and I asked about you. She was not happy about that," he said. "Then when that article she wrote about the Hawthorns blew up and she was getting all that backlash, I showed up at her apartment, wanting to help. You weren't there, I was hoping you were. I asked her to see you and to bring you to Maine to live with us for a while until all the drama blew over, but she refused. Told me to stay away from you."

This was all news to me. He showed up? He actually wanted me to stay with him for a while and mom said no? Why would she say that? Why would she not even tell me he showed up? She knew how much it hurt that I thought he never cared enough to show his face.

"I don't blame her for not wanting me around. I hurt her and you, she had every right to not want me around," he said. "I decided then that I would wait until you were older. I was hoping you would reach out, but I realized that it was not your responsibility to. So I took a few days off and came here once I found out where you lived."

I was lost for words. I had no idea what to do or say. I still hated this man, but now I was getting angry at my mother. But was it even right for me to be mad at her? None of this was making sense.

"I don't really know what I'm supposed to say or do" I finally said after a few minutes of silence. I was grateful that he was at least giving me the time to process.

"I understand. There is no right or wrong way to react to all of this."

I nodded in agreement before looking at him, actually looking at him. There were times my mother said that I looked like him, and for the longest while I never really had a good reference for it. But now, with him standing in front of me, I could see it. It was weird looking into a face that looked like mine. It wasn't exact, but it was there.

"This might be too much to ask right now, but I would really like to get to know you. It would be amazing if we could finally be in each other's lives. But that decision is all up to you, you have to do what's best for you."

I started pacing as the anxiety hit.

There he was, offering up something I've always wanted. Eli was the BEST, he was everything a dad is supposed to be. I was so grateful that I had him in my life. But that didn't take away the curiosity about who Anthony was.

Was I like him? Was I like his dad? Would our father-son relationship be as good, or better than the one I have with Eli? Would he see all the things that I've been doing and be proud of me? There was so much more I wanted to know.

But a part of me was scared. What if he didn't like me? What if he left again because I somehow wasn't good enough for his highfalutin family? What would happen if we actually did get along? What would mom think? What would Eli think? Would they feel like I betrayed them?

I took in a deep breath and stopped pacing. It was time for me to make a "big boy" decision. This wasn't about Anthony, mom, or Eli. It was about me! I had to make a decision that was best for me.

"Uh, I would like that," I said.

"Great!" He smiled in relief. He pulled out his iPhone, unlocked it, and handed it to me. "Put your number in," he eagerly said.

I took the phone from him, put in my name and number, and handed it back.

"Would it be Ok if we met for lunch this week? We could talk some more, and meet my wife Andrea?" He asked "She doesn't have to be there if you don't want her to, it could be just the two of us."

"I would like to meet for lunch," I gave a small smile, "And I don't mind meeting your wife."

She was my stepmother, after all, I have to get to know her too eventually.

"Great," he said.

We stood there in awkward silence before he finally spoke again.

"Uh, well I guess I should go now. This must be a lot to process so I'll give you some space to do that," he said, "I'll call you later this week about details for the lunch."

"Ok," I simply said with a nod.

With that, we walked over to the door and I opened it. He stepped out, said goodbye, and walked down the hallway, his bodyguard following close behind.

Once the door was closed I leaned against it. What the hell just happened? And did I just agree to meet with this man again? This was going to be an emotional ride, and I hope I could make it through to the end.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A few days have passed since meeting my dad for the first time. It was a lot to take in during that first meeting, but I was slowly getting used to it. He had called a few times and we had talked. They weren't super long, deep conversations, but they were good so far. I got to talk to his wife once, and she seemed very excited to meet me.

Now here I was, sitting at this restaurant, waiting for them to show up. I was a bit nervous to see him again, and even more nervous to meet his wife. I hoped she was as nice as she sounded on the phone.

I had gotten a call from mom this morning, asking about my plans for the day. I simply told her I was having lunch with friends, afraid of how she might react if she knew the truth. I knew I would have to tell her and dad soon enough but now was not the time.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Anthony's voice. I looked up and found him and this brunette standing next to the table. I quickly stood up, but then froze. What exactly was I supposed to do? Hugging him was way too much, but just shaking his hand seemed a bit too formal.

"Hey," was all I could say.

"Hi," he said back nervously, "Uh, this is my wife, Andrea," he introduced.

"Hi Kyle, it's so nice to finally meet you," she said, pulling me into a hug without hesitation.

"Nice to meet you too," I said, a bit thrown off by the hug. I hugged her back anyway.

After she let go of me, we all took our seats. The waiter came over and took our orders, then left.

"Babe, this place looks amazing," Andrea said looking around, "You picked good."

"Actually it was Kyle who picked this place," he said.

She turned to me and smiled "Good job Kyle. How did you find out about it? Been here before?"

"Uh, thanks. I've been here a lot, came here with mom and dad all the time."

Those words came out of my mouth before I caught them. This was the first time he's heard me refer to another man as my dad. Andrea seemed to ignore it or didn't catch it and kept looking around the place in awe. But Anthony heard and was clearly uncomfortable with my statement. I understand how uncomfortable and maybe even hurtful it could be, but I wasn't going to stop calling Eli dad, he was that to me after all.

We made light conversation as we waited for our food. Andrea asked a ton of questions. She seemed more interested in my life than Anthony was. Maybe it was just her being a mom, I don't know.

"You know your brother Aaron plays basketball too," Andrea shared.

"He does?" I was intrigued. It was weird saying that I had a brother, but it was pretty cool knowing that we at least had one thing in common.

"Yeah," Anthony answered, "He's looking forward to being scouted his senior year next year."

"Maybe when you guys meet you can give him some pointers," she added.

"I would love to do that," I answered.

"Speaking of meeting," she said, looking at her husband and then back at me. "We would love for you to come up to Maine and meet the rest of the family."

"Babe, I don't know if he's ready for all that right now," he said before turning to me. "It's ok if that's too much, you don't have to meet the rest of the family so quickly."

He was right, this was a lot to ask, but I couldn't ignore the curiosity that existed about what the other side of my family was like.

"I know that's a lot to ask, but I do think it would be very beneficial to all of us if you got to meet the whole family and we got to spend more time together," she said. "You'll love everyone, and you'll love Maine."

I looked at both of them. Andrea was leaning forward, eager for an answer. Anthony leaned back in his chair, showing that there was no pressure on his part for me to say yes.

"Can I think about it?" I asked. "There's just a lot of things that I need to consider."

Andrea frowned, but her husband nodded in understanding.

The food finally came and we all ate and continued talking. But the question wasn't far from my mind. I had a lot to think about. 

Sorry again for taking forever to update. Med school is kicking my behind. From now on, I'm going to try to update this book every 2 - 3 weeks. I know that seems like way too much time in between updates, but that is all I can manage right now. I hope you guys understand. And don't hesitate to send me reminders if I'm slippin'! 

PS: Since I'm having trouble finding a bookclub, I'm thinking of making my own. So if you guys are black authors or know any black authors who would love to be apart of a bookclub to read each other's work and give pointers and tips, let me know!